Why Do Women Have Sex? The 10 Most Common Reasons

Lately I'm noticing more comments from readers who seem to conclude women have sex mainly because they're hoping for a long-term relationship.

One recent comment seemed to suggest a woman wouldn't have sex at all unless she thought it would lead to a relationship. Any sexual encounter not leading to one, this reader seemed to suggest, was a zero-sum loss on the woman's side of things.

Long-time readers here will know women have a variety of reasons for engaging in sex, and a woman angling for a relationship with a man is only one of them.

I've spooled off women's various reasons for going to bed with men numerous times on Girls Chase before.

Today, however, I figured I'd put some numbers to them.

So, I dug up a 1999 study that examined women's motives for engaging in short-term sexual encounters, including:

• One-night stands (sex on one occasion)

• Flings (sex more than once with the same individual)

• Casual sexual relationships like friends with benefits

I ranked the top 10 most common reasons women say they slept with a new man, and also pulled out a few interesting bonus reasons and looked at how they compare to the top 10.

Put your seatbelt on, because we're diving into the sultry world of female desire.

 

#1: To Raise the Odds a Man Commits

Well, no surprise here that the #1 reason women say they had a one-night stand, fling, or casual relationship with a guy was to try to make it more likely he'd commit to them long-term.

43.9% of women cited this as a motivation for them engaging in short-term sex.

About 2 out of 5 times a woman hooks up with a guy in a short-term context, it's because she's hoping by sleeping with him she might make him more willing to see her long-term.

Does it work?

A 2010 study found that hookups, friends with benefits, and casual dating relationships can lead to long-term relationships, and that so long as the people engaging them were being selective about their partners when doing so, the relationship quality that follows is actually no different from relationships that start much slower and take a lot longer to get to sex.

An article in Glamour that interviewed Dr. Helen Fisher, Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute (we seem to covering a lot of Kinsey Institute research fellows on here recently) had this to say:

I’m on my seventh year of an annual study to see if people fall in love after one-night stands. I’ve probably got data on 20,000 people. I ask, ‘Have you ever gone into a one-night stand expecting it to just be a one-night stand, but ended up making a long-term commitment?’ And every year, 25% to 35% say yes. A huge percentage of people have sex that leads to commitment. Sex is not casual because things happen in the brain.

While I don't have any data on how often short-term sex leads to out-and-out long-term relationships, it obviously does happen.

Women pursuing this as their reason for sex are rolling the dice on a guy a bit, hoping it locks him down.

Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't.

 

#2: Alcohol/Drug Use

This is essentially a non-answer, since as we've examined repeatedly before, women will tend to drink or use drugs in order to give themselves permission to engage in sex (and are more likely to drink/use drugs when already horny or ovulating).

Nevertheless, 34.1% of women cite "alcohol/drug use" as one of their reasons for engaging in short-term sex.

 

#3: Sexual Desire

Women would never just have sex just because they're horny, right?

READ MORE: How to Tell if a Girl is Horny Without Her Having to Tell You

As a matter of fact, this is the third highest reason women give for why they had a short-term sexual encounter, with 29.3% of women citing this as a reason in at least some of their liaisons.

1 out of 3 short-term encounters having 'sexual desire' as one of the motivations might sound like not that much.

But as we'll see, fully half the top 10 reasons ultimately resolve to something along the lines of desire -- and that's not including the alcohol/drugs reason (which probably really comes down to desire a lot of the time as well).

 

#4: Pleasure

26.8% of women claim "Pleasure" as one of the reasons they chose to engage in short-term sex.

If you're not sexually prizing yourself, you are leaving a lot of pleasure-seeking women on the table.

These girls are out there looking for guys who can show them they'll probably have a good time!

One girl said this to the authors of the study:

I have been sexually active since I was 15, so sex isn’t that emotional to me (at least, it’s easier to say ‘‘yes’’ without feeling guilty). I would have to say that for me casual sex happens mostly out of feelings of just wanting someone, because he’s hot and I’m attracted to him. And for the enjoyment of the act. Sometimes there is a need for that kind of release. Whether it’s orgasmic or not, being physically active by having sex is relaxing and pleasurable. Because it’s casual (and as long as it’s protected) it can be a good destressor. So I have sex to fulfill my desires and for the pleasure and release. Maybe sex with love would be better, but I’ve enjoyed the casual encounters that I’ve had. I don’t need the added stress of a complex relationship at such a young age. [female, age 19]

You can see all the reasons she cites there:

• Sexual desire
• Attraction to the sex partner
• Desire for pleasure
• Desire for release/relaxation/destressing

 

#5 (tie): Sexual Experimentation/Exploration

Again, another desire-related reason, this one cited by 24.4% of women as a reason for short-term sex.

What kind of experimentation and exploration do women engage in sexually?

It's not covered in this study, but I can just tell you off the top of my head you will find women doing things like:

• Experimenting with a guy because he's an artist
• Experimenting with a guy because he's rich
• Experimenting with a guy because he's an athlete
• Experimenting with a guy because he's muscular
• Experimenting with a guy because he's supposedly great in bed
• Experimenting with a guy because he supposedly has a big dick
• Experimenting with a guy of a different nationality
• Experimenting with a guy of a different race
• Experimenting with a guy who's a bad boy
• Experimenting with a novel sex act
• Experimenting with sex in a new/unusual setting (public sex, etc.)
• Experiencing her first one-night stand or fling

This is where identity comes in. If you have a sexy male identity, one that women tend to be sexually curious about, it makes it much easier for you to get these sexperimentation lays -- the ones all the bland guys who don't fit any of her curiosity boxes won't often get.

If you devise a way to make sex happen with women in novel settings, or to offer novel sexual experiences to women, this, too, can help you get experimentation lays.

One girl who engaged in an experimentation lay fresh out of a relationship had this to say to the study authors:

I am not all that proud about my experience since I didn’t really like the guy all that much, but I was attracted to him. One night we had both been drinking and we got carried away and had sex. I didn’t enjoy the actual act very much (the wanting, and then the kissing and so on was great, but not the sex itself), but it did make me feel free and liberated from the long-term relationship I was previously in. I never wanted to have sex with him again–and I never did–much to his dismay. I just needed to feel like I could explore sexually, without any ties or obligations, and I wanted to see what sex was like with another person. [female, age 22]

 

#5 (tie): To Feel Attractive/Desirable

This is a reason I've harped on repeatedly over the years, but a lot of women will go to bed with men just to feel attractive and good about themselves.

How many women? A full 24.4% (the same number as the exploratory gals) give this reason as one of the reasons they've engaged in short-term sex.

If you can make a woman feel good about herself, much of the time she will want to go to bed with you simply to cement that feeling -- that she really is an attractive, desirable woman.

Why would a woman need this?

She may be feeling beaten down by life... she may have just come out of a tough relationship and be on the rebound... she may work in a career with nerdy guys or sleazy guys and finally meeting a cool guy who treats her well and makes her feel genuinely attractive is a breath of fresh air.

 

#5 (tie): The Guy was Attractive

Rounding out our three-way tie is this reason: the guy was just attractive.

24.4% of women stated that one of the reasons they went to bed with a guy for short-term sex was that the man in question was attractive.

Though you'd kind of think most women are attracted to most of the guys they get with, right?

Perhaps they just meant "he was objectively physically good-looking."

 

#8: Spontaneous Urge

22% of women cite a "spontaneous urge" being one of the reasons they engaged in short-term sex.

That is, they didn't go out looking for it. They didn't even intend to have it. But all of a sudden, something triggered it in them, and they had sex.

What triggers these sorts of spontaneous urges in women?

Well, good game, for one thing. If you can create arousal in women and escalate things properly with them, you can be the creator of these spontaneous urges.

Here's how one girl talked about it during the study:

Drinking alcohol had an influence. I could tell that the guy had the IQ of a dog, but he was fine! It was a heat of the moment thing, basically I gave in to my desires. A lot of flirting had gone on prior to the incident so my feelings were very intense. I just wanted to do it–to have sex, a one night stand, with this guy. I had no romantic intentions, and I really didn’t plan on this happening. My decision to have sex with him was very spontaneous. Desire, his looks, alcohol all played a role. Personally, I think that this type of sex can be fun and exciting. I can’t say I won’t do it all again! [female, age 26]

Look at what she says there:

• "A heat of the moment thing"
• "Basically I gave in to my desires"
• "A lot of flirting had gone on"
• "My feelings were very intense"
• "I just wanted to do it-to have sex, a one night stand"
• "I had no romantic intentions"
• "I really didn't plan on this happening"
• "My decision to have sex with him was very spontaneous"

In other words, he flirted with her heavily, creating a lot of sexual tension with her, spiking her buying temperature, and then he took her to bed.

 

#9: No Long-Term Obligations

Now here's a fun one.

19.5% of women said one of the reasons they had short-term sex was because they "had no long-term obligations."

In other words, they just did it to do it, because they had no reason NOT to (i.e., no obligation that would cause them to think twice about doing it).

This is one of the things we tell guys, that I think newer guys may not always get:

There are women out there who will go to bed with you without liking you or desiring you all that much -- see that second quote I shared above: "I didn’t really like the guy all that much, but I was attracted to him." Remember the article I wrote about this phenomenon years ago? Where I talked about women sleeping with you despite not even liking you?

A surprising amount of women (19.5% of short-term hookups, the study claims) will have sex with you if you simply show up, move things forward, and aren't disagreeable enough that they decide to bail.

If you can trigger attraction in her -- whether with your fundamentals, your game, or (ideally) both -- you can take her to bed for the simple reason that she has no real objection not to.

 

#10: Mutual Trust and Friendship

I suppose this is where the friend zone pays off?

17.1% of women cite this as one of the reasons they had short-term sex: there was trust and friendship between them and the guy, so why the heck not?

I can't comment much on this, except to say that this is where some social circle guys reap their lays from.

 

Bonus Reasons from the Study

There are a couple of cheating-on-a-partner reasons that came up in the study.

"Absence of a long-term partner" was a reason in 12.2% of women's short-term sexual encounters.

What have I told you about long-distance relationships? They're terrible relationship setups in general... men in long-distance relationships have really low testosterone levels, while their women's testosterone levels stay high -- basically, the woman retains a nearly-single hormonal profile, which is quite different from what the hormones of a woman who lives in the same city as her man look like.

Now add onto that in addition that "my long-term partner is just not around" is a factor in 1 out of 8 short-term encounters by women.

Don't leave her alone too long, fellas!

Revenge cheating makes an appearance here, with 9.8% of women citing "hurt/anger toward a long-term partner" as a reason for having a short-term sexual encounter.

It's unclear whether this includes already-broken-up-with partners, and the woman is just rebounding, or if it's solely talking about anger/pain toward a current partner. My guess is both are rolled into this response, but the study authors don't expand on it in the paper.

"Implied love and commitment" also comes in as a reason 9.8% of the time. These are your sexually inexperienced girls for whom sex = love, and they're going to bed with a man to show him they're in-love with him and ready to commit to him. Or they may be girls who'd been crushing on a guy for a long time, and finally got to make love to the man they'd been dreaming about.

(this is one of those moral case areas where if you know a girl is going to feel this way toward you, and you also know you aren't interested in anything ongoing with her, I recommend you to not sleep with her. Just find some other girl who won't end up with a broken heart because her expectations are so out-of-whack with your intentions)

Finally, we have loneliness, which was something I discussed in yesterday's article about being afraid to talk to hot girls, where we looked at how hot girls are just as likely to be lonely -- even extremely lonely -- as girls of all other categories of looks are.

How often does loneliness factor into a woman's decision to go to bed with a man for a short-term hookup or fling?

7.3% of the time, the study authors found.

So a little bit more than 1 out of 14 of the women who are out there hooking up are doing it because, well, they're just lonely.

 

Conclusion

I think we blew the roof off a lot of the theories men have that "women only have sex for X reason."

Whether that reason is "to get a relationship" or "because the guy is good-looking" or "they're just drunk", today we saw there are all kinds of different reasons women have for short-term sex with men aside from these. Half the reasons we looked at were desire/pleasure/experimentation-based!

One interesting thing we do see here is that 2 out of 5 women engages in short-term sex hoping to raise the odds a guy sticks around and commits. Why would they hope for that with obviously short-term sex? Well, part of the explanation lies with the fact that women tend to be much more selective about their short-term sex partners: they're more likely to choose to go to bed with men they wouldn't mind dating.

That doesn't mean they're really pulling hard for sex to lead to commitment; generally a woman doesn't know altogether what she wants when she goes to bed with you, and even after the first encounter she is still making up her mind. Even if she thinks maybe she might like something longer-term with you, a lot of that is still going to depend on how things play out, and if you turn needy or weird after the first encounter (for instance), she may completely change her mind.

The other thing I think is clear from this study is that, as we've been saying all along, women love sex; they really, really like it!

They engage in it for all sorts of pleasure-based or desire-focused reasons.

If you're not the type of guy who knows how to present himself as a pleasure-giving, experience-creating lover -- to really present himself in a convincing way -- you might never know this, because the girls who are looking for that won't choose you, and most women aren't going to come out and tell a guy who isn't like this that they look for it sometimes.

However, if we wanted to wrap up all these reasons nicely, and tell you how best to maximize your odds of netting some short-term sex, it'd be:

• Make yourself attractive

• Adopt a unique, sexy identity

• Go somewhere with alcohol

• Flirt with women you find there

• Present yourself as a good lover

• Make the girl you're with feel special

• Don't just flat-out rule out a relationship with her (you can help her conclude you aren't a fit for that herself though!)

• Offer her a novel, exciting sexual encounter unlike one she's had before

You don't have to do all those things, and the truth is you'll almost always skip some of them.

But the more of those you include in your seductions, the more likely you are to check the boxes for a girl to go to bed with you for something quick, unplanned, and spontaneous -- and get exactly what she hoped for from it, too.

Chase