The Uncomfortable Truth About Meeting Girls on Instagram

One of the requests we see periodically from guys ‘round these parts is for a system to meet girls on Instagram. It makes sense at first blush, because pretty much anywhere else you can find girls, there’s typically a way to pick them up – even if most guys will never really bother to learn to do it:

• There’s stripper game you can use to pick up strippers at strip clubs.

• There’s waitress game for picking up waitresses at restaurants, cafés, and bars.

• There’s hired gun game for picking up female hired guns in general.

And as any guy who’s carved out a large-enough online presence for himself has found out, you can use the Internet to attract, date, and lay women – from adoring female fans to fellow influencers you actively seek out.

So there should be a way to meet girls on Instagram, you’d suspect.

After all, SOME guy is meeting them. These girls are dating guys SOMEHOW or other! Maybe even some guys who slid into their DMs?

Anyway, how can you make that guy those girls are dating be YOU?

The truth is, there are ways to meet girls on Instagram, sleep with them, and take them as girlfriends – but none of them are (as we shall see) quite what most guys asking for a way to meet hot Instagram girls hope…

 

How Do Guys WANT to Meet Girls on Instagram?

I know what most guys want me to tell them to meet girls on Instagram.

What they WANT is something akin to “Just add these 20 photo poses to your Instagram profile; next DM this copy + paste message to the girl you want; then when she messages you back do THIS, then this – and she’ll be coming out onto a date, legs spread in the air for you, mere hours later.”

This misunderstands how women use Instagram and what their experience is like on the app, however. Thirsty guys who are surfing around Instagram, ogling various Instagram thirst traps, are not thinking about how women are thinking on the app. They’re just thinking about “I see X girl. I want X girl. Try ABC approach!”

But the psychology of the woman is super key here. Women on Instagram are thinking very, very differently from how men are, and they are using the platform very, very differently.

You have in essence two kinds of girls on Instagram:

1. Influencers, who are using the platform for PROMOTION. These are the girls most guys want to get when they talk about wanting to know how to meet girls on Instagram.

2. Regular chicks, who are using the platform just as regular social media. The add people they know and use the platform to snoop on guys they’re interested in and see if those guys look worth getting to know further.

These two kinds of women have totally different objectives on the platform; they use it in drastically different ways; and they view the men they speak to on it in starkly different ways as well.

 

How Influencer Girls Use Instagram

If she’s an influencer, she is using Instagram for marketing.

These are your gals with 10,000+ followers on the app. Anything less than 10K and she’s maybe an aspirational influencer, or maybe just a very sociable regular girl. Over about 10K followers and she’s on the grind influencing (or trying to).

As an influencer, every image she posts is designed to elicit thirst in men. You know that feeling you get of, “Oh my God, she is SO hot – I need to know how to meet her”? Well, thousands, tens of thousands, or even hundreds of thousands of other men get that exact same feeling when she posts images like that, and they try the exact same tactics you are likely trying or have tried to get her to recognize them and want them.

She likes these reactions. She likes thirsty men simping on her profile. They are her audience. They are her marketing team. They are, further, confirmation that what she’s doing works.

Some influencer girls are SUBTLE about this. These are the girls you see on Instagram with tons of followers but their booty shots are tasteful and they only shot just a bit of cleavage, always with some kind of plausible deniability in there that makes it seem like the reason they’re posting those tit and booty shots is because they had something else to show you and the tits or booty just happened to sneak into the picture totally accidentally. It’s not quite tasteful, but if you’re deep in the Instagram rabbit hole and you’re used to staring at girls putting it all on display it will seem tasteful by comparison.

Other girls are not subtle about this at all. These are the girls posting blatant modeling photos that leave little to the imagination, and often no justification for the photo other than “Just wanted to update you guys on what I’ve been up to!”

Regardless which type of influencer she is (‘subtle’, blatant, or somewhere in between), she isn’t thinking about dating any of the guys liking or following her profile or sending her DMs. She doesn’t want to bang such men – i.e., her FANS. These guys are just more anonymous male followers in a sea of anonymous male followers washing up against her on the app. The only resource she wants from them is their ATTENTION.

Remember: women are attracted to men they view as higher status than them, or at least who need and want them less than they need or want those men.

So here’s the million dollar question: how can you take a girl, who has gotten your attention because she is good at capturing men’s attention (otherwise how did you find this girl and why do you want her?), and capture HER attention when you are already contacting her by responding to her attention-seeking shenanigans – already framing yourself as “a follower?”

It’s a bit of a trick question; one we’ll return to later on.

But keep this in mind: if she is on the platform ‘mining attention’, her attention is on getting more and more attention from more and more men – not on seeking men on the platform to give some of her attention to (attention that is limited, and that is also dulled thanks to the bombardment of many tens of thousands of men competing for it).

 

How Regular Girls Use Instagram

Regular girls, from that totally ordinary chick you know who’s barely on the app, all the way up to super-connector-type chicks who are quasi-influencers but actually use the app more for staying in touch and coordinating things with people in real life, use Instagram a different way from the way influencers who are mining digital attention do.

Regular girls use Instagram a few different ways:

1. As a means of staying in touch with people they already know.

2. As a tool to check up on men they BARELY know and see if those guys are cool (or not).

3. As a way of advertising events they participate in or accessing events they want to get into.

Regular girls may sometimes fall prey to male thirst traps, but it’s a bit rare, and they don’t fall into it nearly as deep as men do for female thirst traps. For them it’s more of a silly fun thing… they aren’t awake at night lusting over some male thirst trap trying to concoct some scheme to make him theirs, the way millions of men on the platform do over female thirst traps.

While an influencer is mining Instagram for attention resources, a regular girl is just using it as a check-up and check-in tool. She isn’t on there obsessing over men like how men use it to obsess over women.

 

Why Don’t Girls Obsess Over Guys on Instagram?

So why DON’T women get obsessive over guys on Instagram? Why do SO many guys get SO obsessive over women on Instagram… yet women do NOT do the same for MEN there?

It’s not because women can’t become obsessive over men. It’s not because women don’t chase men. Rather, it is because women’s fixation/obsession triggers are BEHAVIORAL and INTERACTIVE whereas men’s are largely VISUAL and ASSUMPTIVE.

For instance, if you think about the kinds of girls you’ve started obsessing about in real life, they’ve probably been girls who:

1. You found physically attractive.

2. Display signs to you that they were available to you.

That pretty girl in school or at work who starts signaling her availability to you, for instance, or the cute clerk at that convenience store you go to who always seems especially happy to see you. She looks good and she’s signaling availability.

What do girls do on Instagram? They make themselves look good and they post pictures posed to make it look like they are signaling availability. Flirtatious poses, lordotic posture (i.e., an arched back with their breasts pushed out), parted lips, sexy eye contact, subtle hand positionings that call attention to their pert breasts or narrow waists or pretty faces – all these things are things that women do in real life when they want to signal availability to men. Men have evolved to recognize these as signals a woman is receptive; these signals activate the ‘pursue’ response in men.

Thus, guys surfing the Internet get sucked in by pretty girls posting their “I’m available” images, and the more a guy stalks a girl’s Instagram profile, the more such images from her he sees. His primitive brain can’t fully tell the difference between “pretty real life girl who is signaling availability TO ME” and “digital model who is posing online to get attention from hundreds of thousands of men” (he of course knows – well, unless he’s nuts – that he doesn’t have a relationship with her just by looking at her. But he will FEEL LIKE she’s a girl he just “has to get”). As a result his obsession triggers get flipped, he starts to really want her, and he starts to chase.

But women fall in love with guys and start chasing due to behavior they observe the man engaged in plus the interaction they have with the man. For instance, as far as observed behavior is concerned, they may start to grow infatuated with him…

• If they see him being a leader / others treating him as a leader.

• If they see him behaving in generous, altruistic, prosocial ways.

• If they see him displaying competence in some skill or activity.

• If they see him preselected by attractive, desirable women.

Seeing a man display these attractive behaviors (or in these attractive situations) triggers INTRIGUE in women. But that intrigue doesn’t turn into outright attraction until she interacts with him.

If she interacts with him, and he showcases a variety of attractive qualities, such as holding his frame around her, flirting with her, and building similarity with her, she can start to fall for this guy – and even obsess over him.

Do men on Instagram showcase behavior? Not usually. Usually they showcase the same stuff women do: travel, luxury, their bodies.

Do men on Instagram interact with women in ways that hook them in? Not usually. They may try DM’ing girls something to hook them in, but most of the time the girl’s too distracted (thanks to tons of other DMs) and too tuned out (due to not having witnessed any highly attractive behavior from the man) to get much into an interaction with him online.

So, while Instagram is a TERRIFICALLY designed platform for getting men to obsess over women, it is horribly, horribly designed for getting WOMEN to obsess over MEN.

 

The Uncomfortable Truth About Meeting Girls on Instagram

Here is the uncomfortable truth about meeting girls on Instagram:

The only effective, consistent ways to meet girls on Instagram are

1. To meet Instagram girls OFF of Instagram, or

2. To become a high status influencer YOURSELF.

One of these takes an enormous amount of time, energy, discipline, and usually money (becoming a high status influencer yourself).

The other of these requires you to learn to meet women elsewhere, instead of on Instagram.

Neither of these is the answer most guys want when they try to figure out how to meet girls on Instagram.

 

The Customer Frame

One of the issues guys have going into domains where the girl has status is breaking out of the ‘customer frame’. For instance, if you want to pick up strippers inside their strip clubs, you must be very good at breaking out of the customer frame. You need to get the strippers to approach you, then you need to display (in a smooth way) that you are both an attractive guy and also not a customer. If you want to meet a waitress in a restaurant, same deal – you have to break the customer frame. And so on and so forth.

For girls who are influencers on Instagram, Instagram is their job. It’s how they make their money. When you’re going into their place of work (Instagram) and liking or commenting on their pictures or sliding into their DMs, what you are really doing is behaving the same way all the other ‘customers’ (i.e., followers and fans) they have on there do.

For this reason, simply hitting up girls on Instagram without knowing what you are doing is doomed to failure 99.99891231% of the time – it’s just impossible to break the customer frame…

SO, you have to either meet them outside of Instagram (where you will not be in that ‘customer frame’ with them) OR you have to be higher status than them ON the platform (where, rather than a customer, you will seem more like a boss).

Also, if you are a fan of hers and do manage to break the customer frame, like this chick talks about a guy doing to her after being a fan of hers then figuring out how to meet her offline without her realizing he was actually a fan (i.e., ‘a customer’) from online, don’t be so foolish as to tell her you drooled over her then hunted her down until, like, maybe your 30th anniversary or something:

 

Meeting Instagram Girls Off Instagram

If you’ve seen Hector’s Meet Girls Everywhere sales page, you’ve probably watched the video testimonial from Jon. Jon’s an overweight middle aged guy who learned to chat up girls in public, and one day approached a hot young girl seated by herself in a food court at a mall. He used attractive BEHAVIOR and attractive INTERACTION to get her into him, and they ended up becoming lovers and friends with benefits. The girl was an Instagram influencer with a million followers; Jon didn’t have an Instagram account at all, and shrugged when she told him.

I know lots of guys like Jon who’ve slept with and dated girls with HUGE online followings – but they met them offline, not on. One friend of mine is married to a huge influencer with her own fashion brand who earns $500,000/year modeling her own clothes to her massive audience. My friend didn’t meet her online though; he was out running day game and approached her on the street. (funny story: he was out approaching girls with another friend of ours, who saw her first and commented on how hot she was. This mutual friend couldn’t muster the courage to go approach her though… and so the first friend told him, “Well, if you’re not going to go talk to her, I will.” Now they have a kid and homes in Germany and Bali. The second friend still regrets not approaching her himself!)

Pablo Garcia, one of our erstwhile contributors, even specializes in sleeping with the super-hot plastic surgery “Barbie-doll” type Instagram influencers with tens of millions of thirsty men following them – he just doesn’t meet them on Instagram, is all.

READ MORE: How to Sleep with Hot Instagram Girls

All the guys I know who are having THE most success with girls on Instagram are focused on meeting girls like this offline.

Not every hot girl has a huge Instagram following. But if you learn cold approach, and you are out there approaching really hot girls, who are made up, looking extra fashionable – i.e., the girls who clearly really care about their appearances – well, hot, made-up fashion girls are a lot more likely than average to also be using their appearances to mine for attention online, so you might be surprised how often you can stumble into picking up and sleeping with girls that millions of other men are busily pulling their hair out trying to find the perfect message to DM or the perfect pic to get her to like and failing.

 

Becoming a High Status Influencer YOURSELF

The other route to meeting girls on Instagram, of course, is to become an influencer yourself.

Not just any old influencer, however – you need to be at least in the ballpark of the girls you want… and preferably far above it.

The gist is: the fewer followers you have compared to her (i.e., the less influence power you have), the better your game must be to get her. The more you exceed her in follower count, the easier it is to get her (or girls like her).

I’ll give you two examples:

• Gerald only has 50,000 followers, but he meets Hailey (2M followers) at a special event for Instagram influencers. Because Gerald has REALLY good game (i.e., he is super sexy, super interesting, and extremely charismatic), he is able to attract Hailey and get her to consider him as a man without worrying about the fact that she is higher status than he is on the platform. Of course, bear in mind: he is meeting her off the platform (albeit at an event he gained access to thanks to his status on the platform), and gets to leverage behavior and interaction to win her over.

• Thomas has 5M followers on Instagram, and receives a like and a message from Nina (20,000 followers). He responds to her, and she excitedly replies back, ecstatic to have heard back from such a huge, popular, and sexy influencer like him. He pulls her into a back-and-forth, then eventually arranges a time for the two of them to meet.

Those are the two basic models to leverage an Instagram influencer account of your own to meet girls off the app. These are the ones I have seen guys who built up influencer profiles use time and again:

• Men with SMALL (i.e., sub-100,000) follower counts either focus on DM’ing women with even smaller follower counts than their own, or differentiating themselves in some MAJOR way (i.e., perhaps they make woodcraft busts of people, and are going to reach out to major female influencers offering to carve their busts), or getting themselves into influencer events where they can meet larger influencers – BUT the greater the advantage in follower count the girl has over the guy, the TIGHTER must the guy’s game be to land the girl.

• Men with LARGE (i.e., 1M+) follower counts can pretty much do whatever they want, so long as they’re doing it with women whose follower counts are less than theirs. To get the girls with bigger follower counts than theirs, they need to still follow the strategies that men with smaller follower counts do – since, to a girl with many more followers than them, particularly if interacting ON the platform (where they are distinctly lower status than the girls they reach out to) they still are small potatoes!

I can’t stress enough how difficult it is and how tight everything has to be when you are trying to ‘date up’ on Instagram in terms of follower count. You may be 1000x cooler, more interesting, richer, and better-looking than her in real life, with actual cool friends, when in real life her life is a mess and everyone around her is constantly trying to use her or backstab her, but if you only have 500 followers on Instagram and she has 500,000, at least on that platform, she is FAR higher status than you. If the two of you met in real life, you’d be out of her league; but on that platform, she is out of yours. So long as your interactions are conducted via a platform where she is much higher status than you are, you will continue to be operating at a severe, likely lethal (for your odds here) disadvantage.

Aside from the two avenues we mentioned above for on-Instagram game, it's also possible to do a quasi-influencer Instagram and use that to convert girls you meet in-person or on dating apps. Some guys I have talked to about this will have follower counts ranging from 1K to 10K but they post lots of cool and interesting shots of themselves (focused in particular on some of those BEHAVIORS we talked about earlier!), and use Instagram to shore up things with girls they met via cold approach, social circle, or on other apps. The girls reach their Instagrams, stalk their profiles a bit, discover the guy is pretty cool and has a decent follower count, and the guy messages them over Instagram to set up the date.

Note that if the girl has a much higher follower count than you, this strategy will backfire. She’ll connect with your Instagram, discover you’re a lot lower level than she is (on the platform), and dismiss you. So only do it if you know her follower count is within range of yours.

The main rule to take away here – and this applies to every possible place you might interact with her – is that you want to interact with women in arenas where YOU are higher status, or at least status ambiguous, compared to her. If you are the average low-follower-count Instagram guy trying to holler at tens or hundreds of thousands or millions of followers Instagram girls, you are lower status and lower level and will not be attractive.. IN THAT ARENA.

You need to either get higher status than her than the arena (and if we are talking Instagram, that means “a lot more followers than she has”), then meet her there… or else you need to figure out a way to meet her OUTSIDE the arena.

 

What About Other Strategies?

Can’t you just slide in her DMs?

What if you use a really clever first message?

How about advertising for girls on Instagram? Sounds like a good idea if you know how to make ads, right? A buddy of mine found a product on this and went through the product. Then he talked to the guys who created it. It turned out they hadn’t really met any girls by doing it. Buddy still tried it out himself and got some girls to reply, but none of the girls would meet up. He’s a good-looking cool dude who’s no slouch with women, and had a decent Instagram profile, so he certainly wasn’t some clueless dude trying it out – but it still didn’t work.

The uncomfortable truth about meeting girls on Instagram is that because it is a platform designed to thirst-trap men, that does not contain the features necessary to TRULY thirst-trap women, it is a shockingly POOR medium to try to use to get girls.

And no, getting girls to follow you and like or comment on your photos does not qualify as “meeting girls on Instagram.” Not for our purposes.

If girls don’t meet up with you IN-PERSON and let you put peepee in vagina, anything else you are managing to ‘accomplish’ on Instagram is all just digital attention mining and mental masturbation.

 

Conclusion

This article is really more about helping guys to not waste time than it is to give them hardcore strategies to meet girls on Instagram. That’s why it’s called “the uncomfortable truth” and not “the how-to guide.”

I’ve spent a good while combing through the different strategies I’ve heard various guys proposing for meeting girls off Instagram. I have looked through the results these guys are getting with a fine-toothed comb. I have encountered many CLAIMS that, when closely examined, do not hold up: the guy isn’t actually laying girls at all (just getting digital attention) or he’s laying so few girls for so much work that it’s patently ridiculous (and all the girls he’s laying are just regular girls with small follower accounts who you could WAY more easily meet offline, with lots, LOTS less work).

For a while I really hoped we could sniff out some kind of “master method” for easily laying girls on Instagram, where you could have some tiny follower count and somehow still land these Instagram influencers with millions of followers, because man, it would make a really awesome product! We’re talking about the Holy Grail for so many guys… how do you take those hot IG girls you’re drooling over and get them to drool over you? The simple fact though is that the platform is designed in such a way that UNLESS you are employing one of the strategies I laid out above (where you are either higher status ON the platform OR you are meeting them OFF the platform) you can’t.

You’re not going to stand out in her inbox as a nobody with a low follower count she doesn’t know in person by sending her some clever first message and then having such mind-blowing photos on your profile that she just falls in love. It doesn’t work. If she has a respectable follower count, she has already heard ALL the clever opening lines… and if your profile is THAT incredible, you will be an influencer (she’s not the only one who’s going to like it if it is that damn good; everybody will!), and in that case you will be following the “high status influencer” strategy I talked about above.

If you’re not willing to spend the next several years of your life studying what it takes to become a high status influencer, developing your aesthetic sense so you know how to take the perfect pictures (and just which ones to take), and making influencing your career (that said, if you get GOOD at it, there is some potential there to make bank… the key word there being ‘good’), then you should be focused on meeting girls OFF of Instagram (via cold approach, social circle, online dating, etc.).

For most guys, for the most part, Instagram is only ever going to be a “look, don’t touch” type of platform.

But those girls on there CAN be touched when you meet them other ways that are not Instagram!

You just need to break yourself out of the spell, let go of your delusions, forget about certain specific girls with names and images who’ve tricked you into thinking they want you and are available by posting photos designed to elicit exactly that response, and go meet girls somewhere where you’ve actually got a shot with them.

You’ll be a lot happier once you make that switch.

Then instead of “look, but don’t touch” you’ll be in the world of “look, and yes, please – touch!”

Chase