Tactics Tuesdays: Turning Questions Into Statements

One of the most common rookie mistakes men make in conversation is to ask too many questions.

When you’re talking to a girl you’ve just met and you BOMBARD her with questions, it makes her feel like she’s in an interview. That’s bad for a multitude of reasons:

• Interview-style is not how she talks with close friends. When you hit her with question after question, she gets the feeling that, “This man and I aren’t close.”

• Interview-style displays a lack of connection. When there’s connection, you and her just vibe, with minimal questions. If you have to keep asking each other questions, the connection isn’t there.

• Interview-style is more effortful. You are in ‘topical search mode’, looking for something to connect with her on. If you need to explore topic, after topic, after topic, that is a lot of work. You are in violation of the Law of Least Effort, and look socially weak.

You definitely do not want to overdo it with the questions.

So what CAN you do? Turn some of those questions into statements!

 

A Few Questions Are Okay

There’s a guy on X.com who claims that “ALPHA MALES DON’T ASK QUESTIONS. STATEMENTS ONLY!”

It’s a bit funny to imagine how it would go if he met an acolyte of his in a bar somewhere and they had a conversation:

ALPHA 1: Man I sure do love kickin’ brewskis!

ALPHA 2: Yup, nothin’ better than kickin’ a brewski!

ALPHA 1: Nice to meet a fellow brewski enjoyer. I’ll bet you come here all the time.

ALPHA 2: Actually have never been here before. You seem like a regular though.

ALPHA 1: Believe it or not, it’s my first time here too! I like exploring new places.

ALPHA 2: New places are the best. Especially if they have HOT WOMEN!

ALPHA 1: If I had to hazard a guess I’d say you probably aren’t into these FAT women though.

ALPHA 2: Definitely not. A lot of the women in this bar need to lose some weight. I think you’d agree to that.

ALPHA 1: Oh yeah. I’ll drink to that! [clink brewskis]

I could keep going, but as you can see – conversations that include ZERO QUESTIONS tend to feel pretty stilted. It’s a fun exercise to try on occasion: how long can you go talking to a girl without asking her any questions? But pragmatically it’s not a good approach. Too rigid, too inflexible, and just socially off.

It’s normal to ask some boring questions at the start of a conversation before you start vibing.

It’s normal to sprinkle questions into your later conversation, even when the vibe is good and you’re both connecting and trading statements back and forth.

It’s normal to ask, “Do you ever XYZ?” or “When’s the last time you ABC?”

Questions offer a form of engagement that statements simply do not. A man who uses nothing but statements conveys very strong self-focus, and essentially no other-focus.

So, the goal of our ‘questions into statements’ process is not to transform ALL your questions into statements.

That’s just weird.

Instead, we are going to aim to keep our ‘question load’ lower, to have a stronger, more vibe-oriented feel to the conversation.

 

How Many Questions Are Okay?

After you approach and open a girl, you will probably ask her about five to six questions.

That’s totally okay; you need to get some information from her to go off of. Questions can serve this purpose.

However, if you’re asking more than five or six questions in the first minute or two, it’s too much. Maybe she isn’t hooking; maybe you’re not an adept conversationalist enough to know what to do with what answers she does give you. Regardless, this is too many questions, which is going to reinforce for her that the vibe isn’t there, you’re trying too hard, and you are not someone close to her.

For example, this is okay:

YOU: [opener] [give your name]

HER: [gives her name]

YOU: Do you always carry such a huge bag when you go out? [point at purse]

HER: Oh, well I have to return some library books today.

YOU: A reader, huh?

HER: Yep!

YOU: Anything good?

HER: Uhhh, not really. Just some romance novels.

YOU: Boyfriend’s not getting it done, huh?

HER: [laughs] I’m single.

YOU: Now it all makes sense. But anyway, if you’ve got five paperback boyfriends in that bag, are you still technically single?

HER: [laughs] Oh my God.

YOU: You know I tried reading 50 Shades of Grey a while back. Once they get to the sex scenes I think it must feel for men the same way a woman feels watching hardcore pornography. You’re just like “Huh?” and then you keep going waiting for something more to happen, but it’s just the same stuff, over and over, for like 30 minutes.

HER: [laughs] Well what do you read?

That is fine. That was five questions, and we ended up in a pretty fun conversation.

However, this is NOT okay:

YOU: [opener] [give your name]

HER: [gives her name]

YOU: Do you always carry such a huge bag when you go out? [point at purse]

HER: Oh, well I have to return some library books today.

YOU: Which library are you headed to?

HER: Westwood Mill Library. It’s two blocks that way. [points]

YOU: Do you live around here?

HER: Uh, yeah, pretty close.

YOU: [nod] What do you do for fun?

HER: I mean, reading… [awkward laughter] hanging with friends…

YOU: Cool. I like reading too. Have you lived here long?

HER: I was born here.

YOU: Never wanted to live somewhere else?

HER: Maybe someday…

YOU: What do you do for work?

HER: I’m sorry, but I have to go return these now. [gestures toward books]

YOU: Oh okay. Have a nice day!

Seven questions there, but what’s worse is they’re all on the most superficial subjects. They also jump from topic to topic without ever picking one to connect over. At no point do you drill down into having her tell you anything interesting about herself; you don’t latch onto any topic; you don’t take the conversation anywhere.

You do not build a vibe.

You just ask her for a bunch of useless things, bouncing around directionless, requesting boring facts about herself which you then do precisely nothing with.

As you can see, the problem is not just “too many questions” but “too many unrelated and uninteresting questions.”

A few boring questions is okay. But you’d better use them to build something – some back-and-forth, some flirtation, some connection, some vibe.

Turning questions into statements can help you with this.

 

How to Turn Questions Into Statements

All right, let’s talk about escaping the ‘Questions Zone’.

We have a variety of tactics we can use to transform a question into a statement.

Once again, you do not need to turn every question into a statement. Also, unless a girl is being very closed/indifferent to you on approach, I recommend you ask at least a few questions before going ‘statement crazy’ just so that she feels some interest from you.

We don’t just want to be valuable, after all. We also need to be attainable.

That said, here are some of the ways we can turn questions into statements:

1. Assumptions / cold reads. Instead of “Are you a student? Which school do you attend?” you tell her “Let me guess: you go to SDU.” Instead of “Are you single?” you tell her “You strike me as a woman who’s single and on the prowl.” Take the question you want to ask, add your best guess what her answer would be, and instead of ask her a question, state your assumption about her. Even if you’re wrong, it’ll be okay.

2. Stating preferences. Rather than ask her “What do you like to do for fun?” tell her what YOU like to do for fun. E.g., “You know the best thing about living here is there are so many fun things to do. Surfing, hiking, jet skis, bonfires, or even just hanging on the beach.” Many girls will volunteer their own preferences back: “I LOVE sunning myself on the beach” or “I just went hiking last week!” Or, instead of asking her what food she’s in the mood for, state your own preference: “You know, I could kinda go for something spicy.” She’ll either suggest a place or offer her own preference in return.

3. Using commands. Rather than, “Have any hobbies?” say, “Tell me about your hobbies.” Rather than, “What’s one interesting thing about you few people know?” say, “Tell me one interesting thing about you few people know.” Whatever the question is, just slap “Tell me” in front of it, and you’ll turn that question into a statement.

4. “Don’t know.” You can easily turn questions into statements but sticking a “don’t know” up front. “I don’t know about you, but I LOVE Ethiopian food.” “Don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but Italy has some of the world’s most beautiful architecture.” “I don’t know whether you’re this way, but I can’t see a cute bunny or kitten without needing to go and cuddle it.” If she relates to what you’re saying, she’ll agree and tell you about herself.

5. “Hope.” Like “Tell me” and “Don’t know”, you can use “Hope” as a question-to-statement transformer. Rather than, “Are you going to do some talking here?” tell her, “I hope I don’t have to do all the talking here!” Rather than, “Do you plan on sharing any of that dessert with me or no?” say, “I keep hoping you’re going to share some of that dessert with me. It looks scrumptious.”

6. Storytelling. Lastly, we have storytelling. You can tell women quick stories aimed at getting them to contribute themselves. e.g., “Seems to be cat mating season at my apartment building recently. They’re waking me up every night with these lusty yowls. I’m not sure who does the yowling though, whether it’s the males or the females. Or maybe they both yowl while they’re getting it on. Good for them but it’s making it hard to sleep.” There’s plenty for her to comment on there: she can talk about her love of cats, she can talk about animals mating, she can talk about problems sleeping. Whatever she relates to, she’ll take hold of it and relate back to you on it.

You can construct an entire conversation off nothing but questions if you’re adept (and don’t stick with just one of these methods, but rotate among them).

Of course, you will still run into that stiff guy-is-obviously-trying-not-to-ask-questions feeling sooner or later (or she will just think you’re a prick who isn’t interested in her at all).

But as a test, you may want to see if you can do this – for instance, “I’m not allowed to ask her any questions for three minutes.”

 

Wrap Up

It’s easier to get out of interview-style conversations than you might’ve thought, huh?

Just turn your questions into statements and you’re well on your way.

Of course, merely making statements does not ensure your conversation will be interesting. There are plenty of boring statements a man can make. This isn’t a miracle cure; if you tend to jump from superficial topic to superficial topic, like in that ‘bad questions’ example I gave you, you’ll have a harder time doing that with statements (and thus may be forced to be more interesting), but you can still fall into that trap.

Yet, at least for firefighting the problem of, “I am asking too many questions; what do I do?” you now have a solution: take those questions you were thinking of asking her and turn them into statements!

Ciao,
Chase Amante