When a girl is laughing a lot but also blocking you from moving forward, what do you do? Simple enough: you tell her she’s blowing it – and WAKE her up!Here’s a tidy little kit of banter lines you can use to enliven the dynamic with a girl.
Sometimes you’ll get a girl where there’s a good playful/flirtatious vibe with, who is also testing you a lot or being resistant to your moves. There are different reasons this may be:
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She likes you but is treating it too much like “a game.”
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She likes you but is self-conscious due to people around.
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She likes you but not enough to go past flirtation.
You can get stuck in a loop here, continuing the playful banter, going nowhere. But then you aren’t moving forward, the banter gets stale, and the girl gets bored and leaves.
You can eject and go talk to other girls. If you’re somewhere social or it’s social circle, perhaps you’ll run into this girl again. If you’re texting her or it’s online dating, maybe she’ll be easier to crack the next time you talk to her.
Or, perhaps if you eject now, that’ll be all she wrote – you won’t get another real shot with her again.
What you can do INSTEAD – to get yourself unstuck from that loop, flip the frame on her, and avoid having to hit ‘eject’ – is to tell the girl she’s blowing it with you, and put the pressure on HER to get things moving.
“You’re Blowing It with Me Right Now”
The first time I had a girl tell me I was blowing it with her, it froze me right in my tracks and totally disrupted my frame. At the time I was joking around with this girl and being playful, probably busting on her too much (I’ve always been a tease… and when I was green with girls, I sometimes/often teased girls to excess).
Then from out of nowhere the girl I was with turned her head toward me (we were on a date and walking) and said, “You’re blowing it with me right now.”
A bunch of things went through my mind all at once:
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“Am I busting on her too hard? Is that what she means?”
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“But if I’m blowing it with her, that means she WAS into me… right?”
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“But then again, she’s also framing herself as the screener & approver. It’s pretty much already unrecoverable at this point anyway if she’s doing that, no?”
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“Anyway… does she mean I missed an escalation window with her? Or does she just mean I’m saying something that’s pissing her off?”
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“What can I do now? If I change things up I’ll look reactive. If I don’t… well… I’m blowing it, right??”
It was a mixed signal bonanza. My brain just about exploded.
The memory’s too fuzzy now (it was a long time ago, and not a particularly significant interaction for me), and I don’t any longer remember what came next – my default when challenged + made aware of something I’m doing wrong is generally to play it cool while at the same time mentally figuring out the right time for a hard recalibration, so I probably did that.
But the reason I tell the story is to illustrate how much this one little line fried me in the head and made me have to completely rethink my whole strategy with the girl – and also refocus on trying to move the courtship forward.
Example Lines You Can Use
In the years since, I have used this line and variations of it liberally with girls.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, after all.
Here are some examples of ways I’ll phrase this with women:
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“You realize you’re blowing it with me right now.”
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“You’re at risk of blowing it with me.”
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“You’re on thin ice, woman.”
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“I don’t know if I should give you another chance.”
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“Are you trying to get me to reject you? What are you doing here?”
Depending on the context and the situation, I may make the delivery more humorous, or I may make it more serious. Certain scenarios call for different twists.
But the communication is all the same: whether delivered partly in jest or more seriously, you are telling her that she is getting close to losing you.
Which, just like when that girl used it on me all those years ago, tells her a few things:
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She HAS you, right now… at least to some degree.
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HOWEVER, she is close to LOSING you with her present behavior.
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IF she wants to keep you, she must CHANGE her behavior.
The result of this is very often some very useful changes in the women you use it with.
How Girls Respond to “You’re Blowing It”
She THOUGHT it was all fun and games… but now she must reconsider some…When you tell a girl she’s blowing it, even if she acts cool on the outside, generally a few things will be occurring in her mind:
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She suddenly realizes the interaction is a bit more ‘serious’ than she consciously realized. i.e., she realizes that you do actually like her… and as she thinks about it, she realizes that she likes you too.
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She realizes that she is at risk of losing you due to her behavior. People don’t losing things they’ve ‘got’, and women in particular hate losing guys they like and feeling like it’s their fault. Women always want to be ‘blameless’ (inasmuch as they can be). They do their best to avoid situations where they can be blamed for causing something they did not want to occur – like losing a guy they like. (if it has to happen, they would MUCH prefer to be able to say “It’s his fault because he’s the one who X”; they can’t do that though if they are the ones who “blew it”)
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She is forced to examine her behavior and look for a way to stop obstructing the courtship. Assuming she likes you and prefers not to lose you, she now has to ‘get out of the way’ of the seduction. She probably wasn’t conscious of the fact that she was obstructing things before… but now she will be. The net effect is that she changes her behavior in a way that makes forward progress easier.
These are really GOOD effects to have upon a woman you’re seducing, for obvious reasons.
Furthermore: when you frame things this way (that she is blowing it with you), and she accepts it by changing her behavior, she has accepted your frame that you are the prize, the one doing the screening, and that she is chasing and trying to please you.
All excellent frames to set.
When to Use This
When should you tell a girl she’s blowing it with you?
Here are some of the scenarios I’ll use a line like this in, and how I deliver it.
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The girl who won’t leave the banter stage. If we’ve been stuck in banter so long that I’m beginning to get bored or annoyed, after she makes yet another banter line at me while refusing to get serious or allow me to escalate with her, I will tell her, in a roughly 75% serious, 25% amused way, that she is blowing it with me.
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The provocateur girl who deliberately fails your screens. If she’s repeatedly and clearly deliberately failed my screens, because she’s just a provocative type who likes to test the limits, I’ll tell her she’s blowing it. With these types, it’s generally about 50/50 serious/amused. (example: you ask her if she cooks and she says she doesn’t. You ask her if she’s outdoorsy and she laughs and says she never goes out. You ask her if she does anything creative and she laughs more and says no, never. So you, half-amused, half-serious, tell her, “You realize you’re blowing it with me right now, right?”)
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The attracted girl who keeps resisting your escalations. This can occur at any stage of the interaction. But as an example, let’s say a girl at your place who continually pushes you off her after just 3 seconds of kissing each kiss, laughing as she does it. Now you’re 5 kisses in and she’s still doing it. Half-amused, half-serious you tell her, as she laughs just after pushing you off yet again: “Are you trying to lose me here? ‘Cause it seems like you’re kind of trying!”
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The witty girl who uses callback humor on you. I’m a huge fan of callback humor, although it’s usually better in my opinion if I’m the one using it on the girl. Some girls, though, are just too clever for their own good; what can I say. Should I happen upon one of these girls, and she latches onto some sort of callback humor she brings up repeatedly to tease me with, laughing as she does it, at some point after she does it yet again I am going to look at her and tell her, “You’re on thin ice, woman.” (I’m not actually annoyed; but I am pretending to be annoyed by her repeated ribbing of me)
So you can see how it is generally being used: it’s some sort of playful scenario, where she is laughing, spirits are high, but she is either being difficult or being a little bit annoying.
What can you do with silly, cute girls in situations like this?
You can put them on notice that they’re on thin ice and at risk of blowing it with you – and send them scrambling to get back into your good graces, that’s what!
Wrap Up
For use in light-hearted scenarios.In case it isn’t clear from the sections above, this isn’t a line or frame to use when things are serious. If she’s giving you legitimate and serious resistance, it’s not the time for this line. Or if you are legitimately pissed off and not at all playful, it’s not time for this line either.
The reason for that is that nobody (man or woman) is good at handling a SERIOUS “you’re blowing it” comment in a seduction. It puts a LOT of pressure on the other person and frames the one saying it as someone in a bad mood who must be catered to.
If it’s fun, though – if it’s used when she is laughing, and she can tell you’re kind of amused, but also kind of mean it – it carries a different connotation.
In that case, it’s a little bit of a tease… but it also packs a warning too:
Change up what you’re doing here, girl, or this cute guy is going to leave!
The next time you have a girl with a good dynamic who is, however, failing to let you proceed where you think she should, break this line out.
It won’t often let you down!
Chase
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