Tactics Tuesdays: Calibrating the Opener to Your State

Different openers get (very) different receptions from girls depending on YOUR internal state. Calibrate the opener you choose to your state & open better.

There’s an important factor in the way that you open conversations with new women that few men seem to consider:

Namely, the way your state affects the delivery – and thus reception – of your opener.

Imagine two otherwise identical men:

MAN A: approaches a beautiful girl in a red dress, and somewhat timidly tells her, “Hi… I just have to say you look really beautiful.” It’s clear from his behavior that he is waiting and hoping for a good reception from her. She is going to feel like he is kissing up to her, paying her a compliment in the hopes of her throwing a bone to him.

MAN B: approaches a beautiful girl in a yellow dress, and confidently/authoritatively tells her, “Hey. That dress looks amazing on you. Good choice.” It’s clear from his vibe that he is simply commenting on something he likes, and doesn’t really care how she will react. She is going to feel like he is passing manly judgment on her, and is going to feel a need to reciprocate or find another way to gracefully share power with him because he just positioned himself as the approver over her.

While these two men might look the same, and the women they approach look similar, and their openers have very similar words, the change in the delivery of the opener creates a completely different frame at the open.

It is very hard to consciously switch from a timid, approach anxious state (like Man A’s) to a confident, authoritative state (like Man B’s). Few men are capable of doing it on command. I can do it; but I’ve also spent years meditating and consciously state changing, and have enough reference points dealing with women authoritatively that I know exactly what it feels like and how to make myself switch to that from a different state.

For practical purposes, I am going to assume that (like most guys) this is not something you can simply do.

So what CAN you do?

Simple: rather than try to force openers that are not going to work in your current state, you are going to choose openers based upon the state you’re in right now.