(1) Beginner

The answers to life’s questions are found in the best self-help books. Want your brain to work better all-around? Want to be more interesting? Start with these.

It’s time for a list of my favorite and best self-help books for men. Because when’s the last time you read a book?

The average American reads 2.5 books per year, and 25% don’t read any. So if you’re like me and read 20 or more books a year, you’re basically a genius-level Renaissance man.

When people ask what I attribute my success to (with women and life), I tell them “BOOKS.”

Books taught me how to think, talk, and pay my way around the world. If I had a choice between a lifetime of books or easy sex – I’d choose books.

“I don’t know, Tony. I get tired when I read. I fall asleep. I prefer podcasts and audiobooks.”

I hear that a lot; men get “tired” when reading. It’s because their brains are flabby. Reading a proper book is like the fat, lazy dude going to the gym, pushing weights for five minutes then going home to “rest” because he’s “tired.”

There’s an intellectual joy from reading long-form books. I just don’t get the same feeling from audiobooks, podcasts, or YouTube. There’s nothing wrong with those mediums; they’re great, too. But something magical happens to your brain when you read books (click here for science).

You can also read at your own speed to ensure comprehension and retention.

For guys who love to read but only read non-fiction, studies have shown fiction helps with intellect, empathy, and imagination. So reading fiction will help with your game, too, as fiction lets you see (imagine) from another’s perspective.

This list of books is subjective, by the way. They’re not really the best self-help books ever. After all, there’s no such thing, really, as it depends on what you're looking to help yourself with.

After you've thoroughly violated your little sex kitten, why not give her a cuddle? Cuddling creates a bond, makes her feel safe and desired, and so much more.

Let's go over some great cuddling positions and why they're ideal for general chillin' and post-coital relaxation.

Some guys in their early 20s who are out of college find it harder to meet girls, so they hit a sexual limbo and get frustrated. But fear not, you have many options!

I’m often asked by some of the younger folks who’ve met me and who have coached with me – how do you meet women when you are a younger guy after college?

It’s a great question that’s especially relevant if you’re in the lower 20s age range. This is an odd time for many men as it’s right after the conclusion of college and right at the start of independent adulthood.

Unlike women, whose sex appeal and sexual market value peak at around age 21-23 (then decline steadily afterward), mens’ options with women tend to increase with age and skill. And since women tend to look to date men who are older than them , more successful, and more sexually capable, this leaves some less-experienced men at this age feeling lost when it comes to having options.

Some guys may think they’re out of options after they’ve left college and that social scene. They even lament not being cool enough then or not being able to learn how to be cool later.

These are all incorrect ways of thinking. It’s never too early nor too late to learn game, and there’s no right age to game, date, and have sex with attractive women.

The truth is that the guys who start young and get good can stay good, grow more, and get even better as they get older. And guys who think they missed their opportunity to learn game and have success with women for the remainder of their lives – well, they just have it wrong, and their mentality is the only thing standing in their way.

If you want something from someone, whether it’s a raise or to let you play with their boobs, a good way to get it is through building rapport. Here’s how.

Want to get laid? Land a raise at work? Sell your car? For so many things in life, learning how to build rapport like a boss is one of the most useful skills you can develop.

In a way, that’s all “game” is – building up rapport to the point where women want you inside them, men want to be your best friend, and bosses want to give you more responsibility (and money).

There’s also something to be said about the power of “breaking rapport.” But that’s a topic for another article (like this one).

Most pickup advice is based on state-pumping flash game, which is meant to arouse sexual feelings and get a girl in bed quickly. The downside – this style tends to leave women with buyer’s remorse. After sex, they’ll feel a bit cheap and may not become a repeat customer. They’ll feel like you aroused them, but they don’t really “know” you – nor will you know them.

If you become an expert at building rapport, she’ll be more invested and addicted to your personality rather than just your sexual talents.

Some guys slowly circle, other guys charge in. But if you want the most consistent results with girls, you'll do neither such thing…

It'd be nice if you could approach a girl, do a few things, and she just goes right to being your girl right after that, right?

Most women you'll meet aren't ready to go the moment you meet them, however.

Instead, you have to take them through a process.

You have to get them comfortable with you. You have to get them to follow your lead. You have to awaken their lusts. You have to create situations where they are alone with you and can slip into a more intimate interaction. You have to invite, and you have to lead.

The approach an ordinary man takes with women typically falls to one of two extremes:

1. He takes baby steps, but too few and too slowly. These men are the hesitant men, who don't want to blow it with a girl, so they go slow and walk soft. They stay well within the bounds of acceptability, but end up so tentative girls don't realize they like them, or if they do realize it, they find the guys too tame and aren't interested.

2. The other type of guy takes big steps, but rushes. These men are the aggressive men, who don't want to waste time on uninterested women, so they go fast and make bold moves. They cross the bounds of acceptability with many women, since these bounds are different for every girl and if you're trying to move bold and move fast (and aren't using much finesse as you do it) you don't have time to figure out where each individual girl's boundaries are. The result is men like this succeed with the women who were open to what they wanted and whose bounds matched their moves (a minority of women), while they blow themselves out or scare off the women for whom they make too many bold moves, too fast, or go too far out of bounds (the majority of women they meet).

It's better to be Guy B than it is to be Guy A, generally. Guy B at least will get some decent success with girls, even if he blows it with most of them. But you have to be a bit of an asshole to pull off the Guy B approach.

Guy A spends too much of his time pining away after girls who may not even realize he likes them, or do realize it but don't feel anything for him (and never will, since he never really does anything with them).

Both men are extremes though.

One moves too slowly and softly, like a seduction sloth.

The other moves too brazenly and rushed, like a seduction rhinoceros.

The way the most adept seducers move is neither like the slow-moving, soft sloth, nor the brazen, rushed rhino.

The best seducers move like a cat: lots of little steps, made quickly, before they pounce.

Welcome back to Dating Mechanics, our podcast here on Girls Chase! Today I feature a special guest who was recommended to me by Chase. Joshua Spodek is an expert in leadership, training, and taking initiative. He has a PhD and an MBA, writes a column for Inc., and has five Ivy league degrees.

In this podcast, we’re here to talk about his new book Initiative, in which Josh shares how anyone can start taking initiative to create extraordinary results in all aspects of life.

Most entrepreneurial resources require you to start with an idea and a team – big hurdles that increase the challenge. Initiative is for the other 94% of us who aren’t in fields that naturally generate ideas.

In fact, many people shy away from starting a business out of fear of having no ideas, or too many ideas – both symptoms of ineffective prioritizing. This applies to dating and social skills, too.

Everywhere you look, when we want to get good at something, we have to start somewhere.

Here’s Joshua...

This one’s for the MILF lovers! They’re fun, experienced, and know what they want. But a date with an older woman can be a bit different. Here’s what you can expect.

Age gaps in dating can make for an interesting and exciting dynamic for both you and her. If you’ve never done it before, you may not know what to expect on a date with an older woman.

That’s what we’ll be covering in today’s article. We’ll get into this in detail soon, but in a nutshell, older women tend to be a little more demanding and upfront. As the younger guy, that means you can benefit from some preparation.

The better prepared you can be for this experience, the more likely she’ll see you as a datable and shaggable guy.

Just so we know who we’re talking about in this article, we generally think of an “older woman” as being 35-50 years of age, as the mid-to-late 30s is when most women experience a priority shift and take on the traits discussed in this article.

Here’s what you need to know before you go on a date with an older woman!