Sex with Friends: 3 Kinds of Girl You'll Get

Sex with friends.

It's something that we've all thought about and that can be relatively easy if one manages it correctly.

It does come with it's own little challenges though.

Today I'm going to introduce you to three (3) of the main flavours of girl you'll run into when you're hooking up with friends, and give you some insights into how to spot them and how to deal with them post hook-up, or beforehand if you are thinking about a hook-up.

It's important to view the demarcations between the archetypes as blurred lines rather than concrete ones. Girls aren't static in terms of their archetype and they can move from one to the other depending on circumstance.

Now, when I use the term 'friends' I don't mean your best friend (if she's a girl) or somebody you've known for 10 years, talk to everyday and who you are in the friend zone with.

Any girl that you know on a deep level as a friend and have for a long time isn't a ready candidate for a friends hook-up as there is going to be a lot of extra baggage.

There may be some extraneous cases where you have a really good friend who is the 'Cool Girl' I'll describe below, but those are in the minority, as the further a relationship gets into friend territory, the less likely it is that a hook-up will happen within it.

Your ideal candidates are girls who are in your friendship group that you don't have a strong level of friendship with, but see quite frequently. Perhaps you have a mutual friend who organises gatherings you attend.

I've gone through how you can escalate in social circle to minimise objections (in "How to Escalate with Girls in Social Circle"). I've also gone through how you can awaken the attraction of girls within your social circle (see: "Killer Reputation Management for Your Social Circle") and how you can get access to more girl friends like the ones I mention above (see: "Tapping Your Social Circle to Meet Loads More Girls").

Obviously the biggest obstacle to hooking up with a friend is her not seeing you in a romantic light, which the above three articles show you how to circumvent.

This article will give you a run down of the type of girls you're likely to encounter in friends hook-ups... and give you the skills to navigate hooking up with friends even more deftly.

The Cool Girl is the easiest to have a drama-free sex-with-friends romp. She's usually done it quite a few times before and will go back to being friends with you afterwards straight away. You won't really get any awkwardness on her behalf so any that is injected into the situation will usually be your own.

In fact, mirroring her attitude is a good way to go about all of your with friends hook-ups... as she is usually very good at them.

How to Spot: The Cool Girl

Usually more sexually experienced – sex is less of a big deal for the cool girl. The following traits set her apart:

1. More sexually experienced – she'll usually have had more partners and thus attaches a lower level of importance to sex.

2. More sexually casual – she's more likely to engage in casual sex and is relatively good at managing her jealousy levels.

3. More comfortable with the situation – she's probably been in the "post-sex-with-a-friend situation" quite a few times before so she'll know exactly how to deal with it. She may have even slept with a number of guys in your social circles alone.

4. More relaxed about sex – the way she will talk about sex will usually be more relaxed than the other two archetypes.

5. She has lots of guy friends – the cool girl often gets along better with guys and doesn't deal as well with the drama of an all-girl friendship group. This means she's usually relatively straight-forward and will tell you what she thinks straight up. This honesty and penchant to be unfiltered means she will often feel more comfortable hanging out with guys than girls.

6. Knows "guy speak" – given the fact she has a lot of guys as friends she's very familiar with 'guy-speak'. She won't easily offend and is the type of girl you can laugh about relatively crass things with. You can tell her candidly of your other dalliances and she'll probably enjoy the stories and probably share some of her own. Basically, you can speak how you speak with your male friends with her, which is what makes her able to hang out in all-guy groups: because she makes men feel comfortable.

How to Treat the Cool Girl

The techniques I outlined in 'How to Escalate in Social Circle' will garner the attraction of this girl just like any other, though there are some other considerations that are worth mentioning.

She is usually a lot better at flirting (and can be a lot fun because of this) and a lot of guys will mistake her flirtations as her liking them when really she is just doing the same thing that we are doing: flirting around with lots of people. This can mire you in jealousy, just as you seek to mire girls in jealousy with the same technique so be aware of this and if you find yourself getting jealous over her actions (pre- or post-sex) then check yourself.

The Cool Girl will usually be turned off by sensitive guys. She'll have them as friends but she won't sleep with them. She knows sensitive guys mean drama - they get attached (even if they think they won't), and then they get needy, possessive, and cause problems for her in her life.

She usually likes guys who carry themselves in a more manly manner in terms of their conduct with girls and other guys. This is not to say you can't have fun with the Cool Girl; on the contrary, she is usually very fun.

But if she gets a sniff of weakness, such as jealousy or insecurity, there is a much lower chance that she will consider having sex with you.

Potential Snags

Her combination of sex skills, flirtatiousness and fun can be quite charismatic and drawing. Some guys will end up attached to her and thus will put themselves in a poor position emotionally if they're not ready for it.

If you do want to start dating (they can be a hell of a lot of fun as they don't provide a lot of the drama the other two archetypes will) or find yourself getting attached to a Cool Girl then set your expectations accordingly (expect that she's going to be flirtatious with other guys and if she's cheated before don't get into a monogamous relationship with her) and give her the space she needs.

However, for a guy who isn't secure in himself and doesn't have a strong ability to meet women, dating a Cool Girl is not advisable. You'll quickly get overrun just as you overrun girls who aren't ready to date you if you're secure and have the ability to attract many women.

Multiple hook-ups with this girl is possible before it starts getting serious, but bring bad skills to the bedroom and you're less likely to end up hooking up again.

Most girls you'll sleep with as friends will fall somewhere in between the Cool Girl category and the Needy Girl category. This means that you'll most often run into the awkward or slightly awkward girl after you've had a sex-with-friends hook-up where the onus is upon you to drain the awkwardness from the situation.

While this archetype is not the worst type of girl to have friends-sex with, she can sometimes be a little difficult to manage after the fact.

How to Spot: The Awkward Girl

Your dead give aways for a girl liable to turn awkward after sex:

1. Less sexually experienced – she is usually less sexually experienced than the Cool Girl but still has enough sexual experience that she won't attach gargantuan levels of importance to sex. She may have had a few one-night stands and hooked up with friends a couple of times, but she won't be as good at dealing with the aftermath. This also means that she won't be as comfortable in her flirtations as the Cool Girl will be.

2. Mostly girl friends – the awkward girl isn't as good at dealing with boys as the Cool Girl. She'll have guy friends but all her closest friends will usually be female.

3. Not as comfortable with sex talk or talking about hook-ups – she'll usually have a few sex stories of her own, but she's not the type to speak of them with guys. That kind of stuff is discussed almost exclusively with girl friends.

How to Treat the Awkward Girl

Again, everything I mentioned in on social circle escalation will work to attract this girl, just as it will the Cool Girl and the Needy Girl.

In regards to her awkwardness post hook-up: don't buy into it.

What you want to do is to set the mood of the situation by being stronger than her in setting a frame that it's no big deal. She may take a little while to step into it, but after the hook-up just treat her normally, chat with her like you did before and she'll eventually come around.

I went into how best to frame yourself and the situation in the article on reputation management, so to hone your frame-setting skills look it up.

Potential Snags

The awkwardness is probably the biggest unique snag with this one although there is another big consideration.

Multiple hook-ups with this girl will usually lead to her becoming attached much more quickly than the Cool Girl, so you have to watch out that you aren't courting a girlfriend if you don't want one.

She doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you from the outset and is capable of doing the single hook-up thing, but if you begin to interact with her more frequently in a romantic manner she'll begin to see the situation differently.

That's why you have to make sure that you're very clear with your 'sex with friends is no big deal' framing and you're promiscuity framing (outlined in the reputation management piece) so that you set her expectations accordingly.

This girl is basically the opposite of 'The Cool Girl'. She is the hardest to have a no-drama friends hook-up with. Casual (in your mind) hook-ups with this girl should usually be avoided as if you're into casual hook-ups you're probably not the right guy for her.

If you know you're going to hurt a girl from the out-set it's usually better to try and avoid doing so for karmic reasons.

Having said that, if you do hook up with her, the drama she gives you can be risen above quite easily as her penchant for being needy doesn't exactly spike your attraction... so you probably won't get that emotionally invested in this girl.

It'll be water off a duck's back, so to speak.

How to Spot: The Needy Girl

You'll know she's a Needy Girl if she's:

1. Sexually inexperienced – the Needy Girl is usually sexually inexperienced. This means she attaches a greater significance to sex and if you are to sleep with her she will immediately begin thinking of you in terms of a potential boyfriend no matter how you frame it before sex.

   Another version of the Needy Girl is one who may be a little more sexually experienced but will have a boyfriend complex. What I mean by that is she needs someone to constantly emotionally validate her existence. You probably know a girl who will jump from boyfriend to boyfriend; she can't be alone in a romantic sense. She rarely has sex outside of a relationship. Girls like this have self-esteem issues so should be treated carefully and avoided if possible.

2. Usually all girl friends – if she does have guy friends they'll usually be the type guys who will hide their sexuality from her, so she's not accustomed to hearing about crass, boyish topics of conversation.

3. Gets uncomfortable when sex is mentioned – due to her inexperience, the Needy Girl gets uncomfortable when sex is brought up, and won't have anything to contribute if a conversation turns to sex.

How to Treat the Needy Girl

If she's good looking it can be very hard to resist hooking up with her. If you do hook up with her then be gently assertive when she begins getting needy that you only see her as a friend and that you aren't going to hook up with her again.

While the potential to hook-up with this girl multiple times can be alluring (as it'll be easy after the first time), it is something that should be avoided as it will amplify the investment she places into you, and she'll begin thinking of you in boyfriend terms even more. Don't string her along.

Potential Snags

Hooking up with this type of girl is laden with snags. She's not what you're looking for for sex with friends... trust me on that one. She doesn't really believe in random hook-ups and if you manage to have one with her, any of the frames you set about sex not being a big deal or promiscuity frames (like I outlined in the reputation management article) will not be bought into by her. She'll still see you as a potential boyfriend.

There is also the issue that once she becomes needy your attraction for her will wane substantially. This means that as she becomes more attached, you become less attracted/attached, which is a recipe for her getting hurt. And while we can probably say that it's better than ourselves getting hurt, it's still a bad feeling (hurting someone else) that is nice to avoid as much as possible.

Sex with Friends Recap

Okie dokie.

Here's a quick re-cap:

• The further you get into the realm of friendship with a girl, the less likely a hook-up is to happen

• Given that, the best girls to have a friends hook-up with are ones who you don't know on a super deep level

• There are three main archetypes you'll come across when hooking up with friends; the Cool Girl, the Awkward Girl and the Needy Girl

• The Cool Girl is the easiest to hook up with as friends and is identified by her sexual experience and her comfort with guys and guy-speak

• She'll be more flirtatious and thus can more easily mire guys in jealousy, getting them attached more easily – this needs to be watched out for

• The Awkward Girl will be some level of awkward after your hook-up and is identified by her slightly uncomfortable nature around guys (in a romantic sense), her relative sexual inexperience and her inability to discuss her own sexual exploits with as greater conviction as the Cool Girl

• The Needy girl is one that will become attached to you no matter the frames you set and can be identified by her sexual inexperience and her strong inability to of sex and guy-speak.

• Alternatively, she'll be a girl with extremely low self-esteem who seeks to make every guy she sleeps with her boyfriend

That's a wrap for this article – hopefully you've gotten a clearer idea of the girls you might come across during a sex with friends hook-up and how to deal with them... and do (responsibly) enjoy these different flavours of friend!

'Til next time.

Pete