Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women | Page 2 | Girls Chase

Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

Chase Amante's picture
keeping your cool

The other day, a reader wrote in with a question about keeping your cool when women are being flighty or slow to respond, in reference to the post on what to do when girls flake:

In your article on girls not returning texts, I was wondering what your idea of a socially savvy way to deal with it was. I've found it hard not to take this personal, especially when it's from girls I've known longer that still do it. I understand it's quite common, but to me there's really no excuse. I'd much rather hear "I'm not interested" than waste my night waiting around, especially when considering how girls get when guys don't call them back.

You know, a long, long time ago -- it almost seems like another life -- I made it a point to respond to every single person who texted or called me, no matter what. I looked at it as a matter of honor, and took it as a point of pride -- I was reliable.

And it annoyed me to no end when people didn't respond. Like the reader above, I couldn't understand people who didn't respond -- I thought it rude, and I considered it inexcusable.

Of course you can take 10 seconds to text a reply, or 10 minutes to return a phone call, I'd think to myself.

I considered it a personal slight, those people who didn't respond.

I see things a lot differently nowadays. Often, I don't even notice when one person or another -- when one girl or another -- hasn't responded, until maybe much later -- and perhaps never at all. And, for all my earlier "principles" on being 100% reliable in responding to those who contacted me, I'm now sitting at somewhere decidedly below a 100% response rate -- maybe 85%, maybe 90%. I still try to respond most times, but it's no longer an unbreakable rule.

The reason why I changed -- both in how I saw it when others didn't respond, and in why I don't chase women with texting or phone calls anymore and why I don't always respond when people chase me anymore -- is what I want to share with you here.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Here's my story to chime in. Keep in mind, this is how I reacted before I read this article.

A week ago I went on a date. She was 40 and gorgeous...gorgeous, and her personality seemed beautiful as well. Above all, I was most attracted to her age of 40, I am 33. This gave myself the presumption of more outright and honest behavior.

We met for a drink. The whole time she's talking, being honest, answered every question I had immediately and I'm very straightforward. Nothing about us, but very direct questions about thoughts, etc. Then she starts talking futuristic ally (gave me a yellow flag, not Defcon 5 alarms though). Bartender swings by and she declines a second drink, my heart sank, she was going to leave.

As I get the tab, she asks if I'd like to grab some coffee, BANG! I was in. we were on our date for about four hours. All seemed well from then on.

One day goes by, then 48 hours later I receive a text, pretty late in the night asking what I thought about the date. Said I thought it went well, etc. I fell asleep with open texts on my phone. The next morning I asked if I had answered all her Qs. She said "kind've." then I replied that I would like to meet again. She said "great! Text you later."

I didn't hear from her in about a week. I posted a status update and she replied. I thought about it, again, and again, and again. For one, don't get an ego boost late at night, two, common courtesy is ignore the person or say you want to be friends, and three, im not playing the wishy washy check every account, phone, log into FB game. I deleted her number, texts, FB, everything. Overreaction? Absolutely not according to this article. :)

Anonymous's picture

So I met a conservative virgin Muslim girl who doesn't drink or anything. I've been flirting with her over text and I know she's into me. I've only seen her a couple of times briefly so I think the attraction window is still open. It's been a while since I texted her and when I contact her again I will ask her out. When I do, do I still push to bed her on date #1? Just making out and wait until date #2? What if she refuses all together on every date?

Anonymous's picture

Beware, there will be an extremely conservative virgin guy she is betrothed to and will kill you for not being like him.

Nick's picture

There's a girl I have recently come to like and who's also in my social circle. I've known her for about 8 months. We've hung out at the same places together with a large group of mutual friends. We talked casually, but never really went past that. Is it still possible to apply these techniques and get her seeing as we've barely communicated but known (or known of) each other for a decent amount of time? Could I start things up with some flirting or should I just drop it because that "mystery" factor is gone (well some of it, i still don't really know her)?

Thanks great post. Very thought provoking.

What about me?'s picture

I don't have problems with getting laid. My actual problem is getting a relationship. Many guys tell me they want my life but I seriously do just want a relationship, but it has to be "right" and not just any chick.

Most girls I go on dates with give it up the first or second night. If a girl does this my interest is 100% GONE. It doesn't matter how hot she is. I will never talk to them ever again.

So here I met a girl who caught my interest and I thought I'd try a different approach and intentionally stopped myself going too fast. Not because I'm nervous or "trying to make the right move", I just always lose interest so quickly. And what did it get me? I think it got me friend zoned, haha. I don't even really want her either but now it's like "what's the point? why are we still talking?"

Anyway maybe overall you're right with moving quickly, and maybe the problem isn't as much "me" as it is I just haven't met the right girl yet.

Iv's picture

Hi there, I'm a girl and here is my response to the para I've cited all the way below: it's just not right. You can't encourage a guy chasing after you when you know you don't want them. It's just not done. You can characterize me as one of those girls that enters a bar and has all her eyes on her. And I've made it a conscious choice not to -- under any circumstances -- encourage a guy if I am not interested because it's just inhumane. I wouldn't give him my number; I wouldn't go out with him if I don't want him and I wouldn't chat to him endlessly if I'm not interested.

I find it very immature and inconsiderate to do otherwise -- only to boost your own ego and to be able to giggle with your friends how many guys are actually after you you risk hurting someone. Also why would someone need many people chasing them? That's only for people who need external validation and don't have a strong deep-seated confidence. Experience shows that if a woman or a man has lots of people chasing them the man or woman in question is creating that themselves with the things they do and say to encourage and lead on the other person. Not because they are so amazing -- but because they are sending all the wrong and misleading signals to other people.

Of course, I expect the same standard of considerate treatment from guys. That girl in the example below -- I hate girls like that. And guys who act like her.

"Yet here this poor guy is, chasing after the same girl he's been chasing for a year with no luck, not realizing that she's been in a relationship half of that time and she's just keeping him on the backburner, because 1) she feels bad not responding to him, and 2) she feels better knowing that she has some guys out there who are chasing after her. "I think everyone likes that feeling -- the feeling that people are chasing after you," she said to me. And this isn't a manipulative girl -- she really cares about people, and doesn't want to hurt anyone. She's just very candid. And she's right. Everybody does want to feel like someone is chasing after them. It feels good."

ODB's picture

Awesome article... I was chasing a girl for 3 years (initiated by her being attracted to me). We moved to different states and I stopped calling/texting. She kept me in the loop by sending friendship emails along with other people on the email list. I ignored them, then she started texting and we started talking.

She sucked me back in... then pushed me back out because she was seeing a guy. We live in the same city now, but haven't seen her in months. Glad she's out of my life... wasted money and time on her. I could've/should've f***ed her when visiting her one night but played the stupid nice guy routine. Live and Learn.

tt's picture

I am not one of the girls who lead men on. They chase me, but if I want to be friends with them only, I ll find a way to let them know. Afterwards, it is up to them to decide. But, if I meet a guy who drops me after the 2nd date just because I cannot become intimate with them, I will forget about him in one second and will not give him another chance.

If I go out with someone on a one-on-one basis, I am interested. Or else, why would I go out with that person in the first place? But, if a guy has no patience putting time into getting to know me and intentionally not wanting to talk to me to allow me to get to know him better as a person, it is a red flag. I don't think the relationship can evolve into something more fulfilling and happy.

Sharing and getting to know each other better comes before becoming lovers. I don't see how two people can become lovers without spending time together doing activities and talking to each other to get to know each other better. Physical intimacy definitely comes afterwards, if two people feel naturally.

So, good luck finding woman who will be your lover after the 2nd date. To me, it is irresponsible, both of her own life, her own affection, her own body, as well as your relationship. I am not say "playing hard to get". I am talking about being responsible for your own choice. Give it some time and thoughts instead of jumping into something you don't even know about. Just my 2cents.

Anonymous's picture

Here is my question to you:
If you don't reciprocate through sex, or a making out, or some form of physical intimacy, how do you let the guy know you are still interested in seeing him? Specifically.

Do you let him know you aren't going to disappear from his life and one day just stop responding by text or email, or telephone? Because thats what 99% of girls do with guys they are no longer interested in.

It's hard to tell if this is because 1) they were never attracted in the first place, or 2) never developed the emotional connection that comes with sex because they were adamant on not allowing it to happen.

I'm curious because I personally do not care one way or another if I sleep with a girl on the first date, or the sixth. . .but I have noticed, its rare for a guy to make it that far without having slept with a girl.

I think the bigger point of the article is that from one male's perspective (the writer), girls who do not become lovers sooner or later either disappear from his life, or alternatively, they eventually just friendzone him or remain in his life without reciprocating what he is interested in - a relationship.

I know girls who do insist on holding out for 3 months or more, and I personally have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with, is girls saying that, and in no way shape or form, reciprocate a man's attention in a non-sexual way to let HIM know its not being held against him - i.e.e planning out dates where you pay, sending flattering text messages, RETURNING calls or at least opening the line up of communication knowing you are sticking around.

If a girl doesn't sleep with me, hold hands, kiss, or anything physical, and I take her out on dates, pay for all of them, plan them out, that's me investing a lot of time and emotion with very little in return. You can call that chivalrous if you want, but I have yet to see a girl swoon over a guy who she does not sleep with sooner than later. I am sure it happens. I've taken out a girl to expensive dinners, been nice, had no interest in sleeping with them on the first night, I was genuinely interested in getting to know the girl for her personality, and I didn't even get a call back after I contacted a girl, not once, but twice after our first date.

You can say its because she never liked me to begin with, but who is to say that I didn't act in a way that was escalating things quickly towards us being more physically intimate, so she would emotionally feel like she wants to see me after our first date again? I think its just as fair an assessment.

I'm always surprised women write that sex is something THEY hold the key too and THEY give it up to guys, without considering the perspective that sometimes they don't want to be around guys they don't want to sleep with.

If you view it from the perspective that its something you give up and once you have and he disappears, then yes, I can see why a girl doesn't want to sleep with a guy on a first date.

But what if she likes him sexually and would views sex as something two people enjoy together? What if a girl makes a guy wait for 3 months and then discovers after sleeping with him that she doesn't like him in bed but now is in a relationship and does not want to drop him for that reason, as opposed to sleeping with him before the relationship and decides to fade out because she didn't enjoy it as much as he did? A girl is just as an entitled as a guy to drop him after sex - and I know many, many guys this happened to, who did want a relationship. We just don't write books about not sleeping with girls too soon as a result of it happening.

carlos 's picture

This article is really good. I met this girl a few weeks ago, and at first i felt someconnection betwenn us. She is that rare find that u comr across from time to time. She even managed to get my number before i asked hers. And while we were speaking in public she always backed up my points of view in every conversation, she laugh when i made stupid jokes. She sat across me and gave me all the signs that we men naturally recognize as signs of atracction. But now it feels as if she isnt unto me anymore. I have texted her the las couple times she doesnt text me, and sometimes she takes a bit to taxt back. She is a devotious chatolic and she actively participates in her church so i asume she wants to take it slow and she is being cautious she has been single for over a year now, and she invited me to go to church this comming sunday. What do you recomend me to do men :) please email me if u have the time to spare iam a rookie and u are a really experinced professional. Thanks men for your time
My email is: csanchez871118@yahoo.com
Thanks ;)

Sam's picture

"And they still all respond to exactly the same stuff. They still all want a man who's going to man up and make stuff happen..."

Dear Chase,

After reading meticulously all your articles I decided to share with you my slight frustration about this issue. Above you assume that women like men who dare to initiate things and lead. The phrase I attached is indicative of this assumption.

I am a highly-educated, socially inteligent, bold, and eloquent guy who loves meeting women and who enjoys the process. Women often tell me within minutes of my approach things like "you are very self-confident", "you are so good with words", "I am hanged from your lips when you talk" and more. However, not all of these women have responded to my initial text or call when I tried to meet them. Only one out of three women actually moves on with me, despite my strong and unusually bold approach. Why is this happening?

I get the feeling that most women are afraid when they are charmed and they end up doing nothing with me.

So, if men are slow these days, then let me tell you that women are no adventure-seekers EVEN when they meet a bold, fast-moving, sexually interesting guy. I would expect to be more successful with women exactly because I am NOT slow...but...this is not the case. Two out of three women choose not to move on with me and they do not even bother to say it clearly. They just flake. So, in the end of the day, what is the benefit of being this type of man?

Any thoughts on your part would be welcome.

Sam

Anonymous's picture

my issue is this how to respond or should i just leave it and move on....

girl. hey sorry i didn't reply i was out with the girls ... in all honesty im not looking for anything serious at the moment especially with uni and work but id love to keep being friends

what should i text back ???

Lee's picture

I would not reply just let her be, its clear all she would ever consider you as is a "Friend" , I was once in the same boat. Stop talking to her all together , might sound easier said than done but in the end emotionally its worth it..

Anonymous's picture

i recently have started having a "thing" with this guy. weve been texting for ages, he has told me he likes me and that hes keen to pursue something, however he lives in another state (only for a couple more months then he comes back home to this state). he comes back most weekends and holidays, and i recently just saw him on the weekend. he came over to watch a movie, we chatted for ages, laughed and even ended up kissing,. however, a week has almost gone by and i still havent heard from him. what does this mean? should i text him?

caran's picture

i guess i have never ever found any article more usefull and real then this on the internet...thumbs up....
i wish i has read it 2 months ago, i would not have lost atleast 4 opputunities...i am damn low on confidence man..but i was not like this, i was that bad jerk who got girls easily on his side and more or less used to do the same things you have written...it was just that after i broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, i got realy emotionaly weak and was being this nice guy, but i got nothing being this nice gentle guy...
in my last encounter i lost this girl who once literaly jumped on me and kissed and pushed for bed once...she was coming over to my city and messaged me that she wants to see me,we met up after long time and she was damn into it in first two dates and since i didnt pushed anything and was pretty confident that i will get her , she then lost interest in me, after that when i pushed in she just completely blowed me off saying you are not my type..i was completely frustrated and broken, but have not collected myself and wont let it repeat...will surely subscribe you...but you think i can get this girl back into me, i dont have much time since she will be going back in 10days from now, i realy need to do this do get my self going again

Anonymous's picture

Chase I have total respect for you and I have learnt a few things over the years. And I totally agree, this what I do when all have gone wrong, the thing about women when they like really like you they don't give a shit how you messed up. The thing is realizing she was never that into you, also men need to know a woman rejects men I different ways and for different reasons.Its either she didn't like you from the start or maybe you didn't have enough game. One of the main reasons she is into someone else. Rejection is rejection when in which order it came is not the point. This is not going to be easy but this is what I actually do. Create some space it's not going to do anything for you seeing the girl and you would only look lame, you would also feel awful which would take you longer to bounce back. Break all contacts with the girl you are not ever going to be place in a friend zone. Start working on your game make it better,date other women leave her behind. Delete her off of Facebook appear gone just go, leave her to wonder even if she was not into you she will still wonder what ever happen to that guy that used to chase me. When people tell you that breaking all contacts with a girl is wrong and you will never have a second chance at this girl,total bull. I was told by a guy one day she'll be back and it happen to me many times and I finally got what he meant. The girl used you as an ego boost she flirted and was gone. Never say anything to this girl when you run into her even if she says hi say nothing sound rude I know. Ignore all the time shut her out. You have to let your self and her know you don't need her. Don't try to fix anything that's her job, try to be gone to give your self time to heal and work on that game. Then reappear when you have gotten over this girl if she tries to get your attention in any way your back in the drivers seat just play hard, don't be easy let her work damn hard for your attention and keep looking like you hit the lotto. Sounds crazy but it works.

Invoker's picture

dude, how about if the girl is a virgin?

Anonymous's picture

Been reading a few of the articles on your site and you might be right about the attraction levels fading...but there are still chances that attraction levels go up again...what if the man becomes popular?...gets alot of money?...women loooove the monies and you dont even need one date to get a women in bed if you are rich...It still seems a waste of time to even try to set a date with someone...and the only reason you want one date is for sex...

I still remember the days of myspace and msn messenger...those were the days...hundreds of women on my chat talking to at least 10 a day...2 dates in a day...it was info/energy overload...trying to talk to EVERYONE...it became a game in and unto itself...then i was set free of them and the games and i can now sleep soundly every night without having to put energy into anyone...very happy and at peace now...it was just an experience and im sad but very glad its over...life is moving so fast now that our fantasies will soon be holographic in nature...sooo long story short...

I dont chase women anymore...total waste of time/energy...after you have sex with them the fantasy is over and there is no need to talk to them anymore...i never really wanted sex in the first place since i didnt want to get them pregnant or get a disease...the fantasy is much stronger than the real thing...and the real thing can be done by going to get a happy ending someplace...where there are no strings attached and you are happy and the money you spent on that is cheaper than a few dates...;)

Just like women want sugar daddies...its a business deal now adays...too much energy wasted in talking/texting/emailing...just get it done in the red light district...much like fast food that defines sex.

Now lets talk about love...the thing that doesnt really exist except chemically in our human brains...which is also attraction...and you say the attraction fades...well then so does the love...unless your a dog with unconditional love that humans have not attained yet in our evolution...then what is the point?...there is no point...just get yourself off without the hassle of trying to get it done on a date. XD

Big Arc's picture

This article really hit home. I reconnected with a girl I knew years ago. She told me from jump straight that she wasn't ready for a relationship. She just had a baby 8 months ago and broke up with baby's daddy 2 months later. Well, I was cool with slow at 1st, but things just never sped up. We went out a few times and even made out and she slept at my house. I continued to chase and text and call. Her responses were always way later and sometimes she would give me an excuse and other times she just ignored them. Well, I brought her to a concert, bought her a facial treatment, and even got her kid a birthday gift(wasn't invited to the bday party). Well, when I finally had enough, I drank some wine and confronted her through text of course. Well, she told me again she wasn't ready for a relationship and this was too much and I should move on! Oh Damn! I totally messed up! Or maybe she just wasn't that into me in the 1st place. I am going to hopefully learn from this experience and NEVER CHASE A GIRL AGAIN!!!!!

crazet's picture

Really great article, I really wish I had read this sooner. I was seeing a girl for a couple of months this summer and completely mucked it up doing everything you've advised not to in this article - texting too much, being too supportive of family issues whilst it was early, not bedding her when I had the chance on date 2, taking her out on expensive dates before I had bedded her, then becoming a bit too interested / obsessed in her etc.

I have now learnt the hard way after being put into the friendzone and her going off with someone, - who she initially had been on a date with before me and did not like - but who obviously came off as more of a man!

Thanks so much for this, it's wierd because I know if we had got into a relationship we would have been brilliant together, but it's almost a case of conditioning her correctly beforehand and not coming off as such a wuss.

Anyway I will not make the same mistakes again I just really hope I can find another girl as good as that!

This bump in the road has taught me alot though!

Thanks

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase

known this girl (she is around 34 years) and we got being friends. We talked almost every week, even texed and after a couple of months I told her that I would like to date her. she responded by saying she does not 'love me'....after some time she would not pick up my phone and one point texted me 'I like to talk to you but not everytime'. when I asked her why, she texted "if you think you can make me like you - DONT. You Love me I DONT'

Since then I did not call or text her.
After 2 weeks she texts me 'Still not ready to talk you - Busy?'
I took 3 days to reply her text 'yes was busy with some work' and she texts back ' it took you so long to respond' I gave the excuse i was out of town to which she texted 'ok - take rest, will SMS you tommorrow'

Not sure what to make of it. Maybe you could throw a bit of advice

Kami's picture

Wow. What ... umm... interesting advice. I assume this site is for guys NOT looking for a happily-married-with-kids goal. Your desired outcome affects your strategy.

I went on dates when I was single, but I am religious and believe that sex belongs inside a committed marriage and making out should come after a certain level of commitment. My goal was to find a husband for life (and beyond) who had the same belief.

That being said, I went on one date with my husband-to-be, not interested, totally chasing this other boy. He was clever and I was honest and told him about my crush. He DIDN'T WRITE ME OFF but was totally respectful and humorous about it (and still interested in me). He impressed me so much by how he handled an awkward situation. It gave me an excuse to confront my crush, who was also cool about it and chatted for a while but explained he wasn't ready for a girlfriend at the time. So I went on a second date with husband-to-be and a few hours later I had landed my first (and last) boyfriend.

My advice is that if he/she is totally awesome, and you are chasing them, take the risk and be honest and forward. So you can move on, with them or without them, instead of wondering "what if." Also ... timing is key. I found the right guy at the right time (when I wasn't expecting it).

Anonymous's picture

So I have a situation with a girl thats just getting started. Been on 3 dates so far kissed on date one and asked to her to come home on date 2, she said no but txted me asking if it was bad that she wanted to on he way home. We made breakfast together the next morning. Note these 3 dates were back to back wed-fri. But she works 4 jobs and now I havnt seen her for 10 days. I dont contact her often ever 2 -3 days when I do her response is positive and she seems very engaging and interested. yet the other day when I asked her if she was availab le the next days she said she needs to get her schedule in order and she will get back to me about another day during the week. Well now its wed and still nothing. SO im wondering if breaking the rule of not chasing and just saying hey are you available tonight drinks etc, am I gonna be burying myself or what? Should I literally wait as long as it takes for her to get back to me even if its not at all this week?

Lee's picture

My best advice is just want and have her contact you. I've been in a similar situation..just do stuff to take your mind off her. And she would come running back

Anonymous's picture

Honestly, at first, reading through your article I thought you were pretty chauvinistic and probably resembling that of someone right off Jersey Shore. But, as I do, I kept reading and then realized that most everything you've pointed our has resulted in every single girlfriend I've ever had. Strange I never once tried making the connection.

Where I don't think I need help on getting dates I would like to know what your thoughts are on THE girl. For whatever reason, I have attracted some pretty high caliber girls - doctors, lawyers, chefs, etc. - both intellectually stimulating and physically. But after a while I start to doubt my choice in them as partners (marriage *shudder) and when the next step of the relationship doesn't happen and we break up, I look back and regret not having put in the effort for something more. Green-grass syndrome if you will but, nonetheless, painful.

Jordan's picture

OK, so here's the situation in a nutshell. At the beginning of summer, I met a girl and we hit it off. The first night we hung out, I kissed her. The second night we became lovers, but I told her after I wasn't looking for a relationship because of personal issues so we should just have fun. She agreed and we spent the summer having sex. Great right?

It wasn't all sex, we did go out on a few dates but it always ended with us hooking up. Well, I decided by late August that I liked her. So I said, you know you're only going to school an hour away. We should try to move this relationship forward. (I know right away, relationship was a bad word to use)

She told me she liked me, but: My timing was terrible (should have tried a relationship when it had time to grow), that I told her at the start that I just wanted to have fun, she wasn't ready for something serious because of a breakup she had 3 months prior, and off to State she went. Oh and there was the fact that she had also been making out with other guys, and I'm almost positive, even though she said she didn't, that she was sleeping with them. I mean she didn't tell me any of this until the week before she left. So yeah, that sucked to here.

Here's a side event. When she left, my sister died and I was pretty broken up. I turned to her and it didn't go well because I got upset that she was just not what I thought she was and what were we doing anyways. "You said you didn't want anything", "it was all for the experience", "Some girl is going to be so happy to have such a passionate guy like you". Yeah honestly, all this stuff made me sick to here. So I opted out fast. Besides a few txts that regretfully I send, we don't talk much.

I avoided talking to her for a month or so and here's what happened. I had txted her trying to txt someone else, my phone has issues sometimes, and she said, "wrong person silly, =) have fun". I didn't know who it was so I said, "yep, you too, I'm sorry to ask but who is this? I thought I was txting a friend."

Here's what she replies with, "Well I'm happy to see that you deleted my number. We can just leave it that way jordan." I said, "I'm sorry I offended you" and explained the phone issue. I called to see if I'd reach who it was or get a voicemail and I heard her voice so I left a message saying, "Sorry Erica, I didn't delete your number, don't be mad, hope all is well"

Shockingly, she sends a txt within a minute saying, "Ha Jordan I was any but mad or offended. You should know that. Hope all is well with you too.."

Now I'm admitting I got excited thinking, ok we're talking and I think she likes me still based on how upset she was thinking I deleted her number." So I said, "Your number is one of the last I would delete and tried asking how things were going at school." (*BAM* that's me smacking my head, because as I'm writing you, I realize the mistake I made) I didn't get a response, of course, so I panicked and sent her a txt saying I had to go, that I was meeting someone later and tried to fade out that way. (The implication I sent was that I was meeting my gf's dad. I didn't say it, but that is actually what's happening tonight, however this other girl is not my girlfriend)

And that's it so far. How do I get this girl, or at least have a shot? She comes home for the holidays, and we work at the same store, however, I don't think it wise to pursue her then. But how do I keep her interest in me so that when she comes home next summer, we can actually start something. I really don't want to screw this up. I am also a very busy guy with school and work, so I'm not going to obsess about her while I wait for summer. But how do I play it cool??? Do I txt or not? What kind of communication should I or should I not have? How can I keep her attention on me? Any answers would help. You seem to know your shit about women. Thanks for reading this, and keep up the good tips. I could already see all the places I went wrong. But I really hope I can turn it around.

Anonymous's picture

This is really an amazing article. i read it from the beginning to the end.Most of the stories are relevant to my past situation.i learn a lot out of it.

thank you.

tk Mike 86's picture

So I have a question for you Chase,

My situation has me totally confused. I picked up a girl at a bar Saturday...she kept telling me how adorable and charming I was...gives me her number. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - I recieve good moring texts and texts all day long about how handsome, sweet, and adorable I am. She tells we that when we hang out we are cudding and kissing. Calls me sweetie constantly. It felt like she was coming on way strong....felt too good to be true.

So I kind of played along with everything telling her here and there how she was acting cute and that it was sweet how she complimented me...because honestly I felt that way. We hang out Thursday, great dinner, come directly back to my place and make out and cuddle and just have fun....no sex and no clothes come off. I figured I would wait for sex because she seemed so into me - constantly telling me how I was so amazing and sort of constantly putting herself down. It was odd. She tells me she wants to see me in in two days.

The next morning I hear nothing from her, so I text just to say hi as she had been doing all week, and we talk a little. Next day - the day of our planned hang out, she doesn't text again. So I hit her up and she says she is exhausted from work and can't find a babysitter for her kid. We don't hang out.

I give it a few days and text her...again she tells me I am adorable and that she misses me and we make plans for the weekend. However it feels odd because she still has not texted me up since our hangout...it was I who intitiated.

So I hit her up one last time the next day asking her how her day was (probably should have waited till the day of our hangout instead)....I get no response. It's been a week and a half and I've heard nothing.

Maybe I didn't build enough rapport or emotional connection? Maybe I should have pushed for sex the first night? Maybe I should have not texted her until she texted me and let her come to me? Or maybe no attraction after the meet even though we made out in my bed?

Any idea where I went wrong or what I should do?

SP's picture

Wow what an impact.

So I met this girl at work, shes a new employee, she decided to come in bowling one day with her friends, (cause i work at a bowling alley)and i told her she looks good tnight. she gave me her number at the end of the night, next day I went to her place she cooked me dinner shared very common life experiences together. after dinner she went to work, after work i grabbed her and we went to my place we had a few drinks, we hooked up. and now shes barely txting me.. and now not replying. i waited 3 days and still nothing. any ideas what to do? i dont wanna chase her

Anonymous's picture

Thank you ver much for this amazing article. You describe it perfectly.

drjay's picture

i totally identify with this. i've been pretty good with women myself, some of my mates even ask me to write a little book on "catching babes" LOL
but me honestly i dont think i'm that good, maybe its just me undervaluing myself.. i"ve been with 40-50 girls, i'm 29, and moderately good-looking..quite intelligent as well, if i might add.
The thing is i believe in the law of numbers, after my first heartbreak, i changed..i was so into the girl, and then she started sleeping with another clASSMATE..it was a harrowing experience, i was in my second year in college..i eventually dated the girl back,for 2years, and "got her outta my system,i cheated some, while with her, and proceded to become as promiscuous as med school would allow..i discovered that even the best of guys screw these methods up..after i had my revenge on my first crush, and the ,many other sexcapades, i figured, i had nothing else to prove, i wasnt hurt anymore, so i decided to take it slow, i stopped trying to bed a girl on the first date, take things slow..it has increased my bedding time, reduced my number of conquests per time, and occasionally makes me doubt myself.. Hence finding myself on this webpage. my law of numbers goes thus ''if the first one got botched, move on to the next one , if that gets botched, then the next.....keep on moving, till ure right, and note how it worked for you.."chase' has done a pretty good job.. keep scoring, but remember, no one wants to be lonely

Anonymous's picture

Hey so here is my deal. I have talking to some girl for a month we went on a first date that went good. She offered to cook dinner for me at her place on the second date. The dinner went ok I was nervous haven't been dating for a year. So after dinner we went to her room and we had sex twice we cuddle and slept together. In the morning we fooled around again and I left because I had to go to work. I sent her a text a few hours later thanking her for dinner and for a great time. Is there something I am missing because she won't text or call its been 3 days.

Bryan's picture

Hi, Before i start asking my question, i just want to say all this information that you have posted is great! It helps out a lot.

But im kinda stuck at what to do next.
This girl messaged me last year when we were in school and we ending up txting over facebook and cell. We got to know each other some and are still getting to know each other but we really dont have time to talk in person.
I think I lost her at one point because she dated someone i knew for about a week and I told her something about him *Which was true* and they broke up, (He was cheating on her with his ex)
So we are talking now and i want to talk to her in person more but im stuck because usually shes with her friends. But ill slip in a few comments when shes by herself and i think she does this on purpose so i will talk to her. Girls are confusing lol
But i dont want to lose her again and i know this would be my chance, ive already asked her out to the movies twice now and the first she said maybe basically and the 2nd time she said sure but she was grounded so she couldent
I talked with her for like a split second because i had to go and she giggled a lil and smiled so i was happy lol and it just happened today.

If you can give me any advice please help :) thx

Hplscs's picture

Hey Chase,

Can you explain some "Red Flags", meaning when she is no longer interested in you and you have to let her go. What to pay attention to? I had several women with very high level of attraction for me, but with time the level just dropped. Thanks to you I now underestand the 'Attraction has an expiration day', but again, not every time you want to get her to bed as fast as possible, maybe you just want to keep her around (e.g. co-worker) for when the right time comes. Simply, when is the time to cut her loose and move on, not necessary because you want to but because she reached the point of no return and now she is giving you all the "gentle signals" to F-off, this time for real....

Also, is there a way to recognize that you are no longer being viewed (in her eyes) as persistant but rather she views you as you began chasing her, perhaps even being 'creepy'? I thought I had a really good connection with this one girl, so I became overly confident. Then she started to back off... I thought that it is only temporal thing and that she will come back, so in my mind I was being persistant. But then I realized I most likely pushed too much. I looked online for some answers, and I came up to list of 'creepy' behaviors. Man, some of my hair must have turn gray as I recognized that some of my behavior could have easily be called 'creepy'. I can't even imagine that she could call me that, definitely not a good thing...

Thanks!

Zak's picture

I'm having a situation quite resembling Chase's after relationship. I'm a bit stuck on this other girl I'm really into.. not going into starlike proportions on getting her though.

But a simple question.. I'm wondering which fading out would have more powerful effect.. simply fading out of her life. OR fading out of her life with a statement to her similar to "I had a little different thoughts about us and I'm moving on now as I apparenlty understood us wrong?".

That seems a bit dramatic to me..or would it be the best?

Perhaps just fading could do a trick. The problem here is that she has a man, but we had a sexual thing going on for a while and she has a great time with me. But now it's like moving a bit more friend-stuff like.. which I really don't want.

ExpectTheBest's picture

Hey man! First I wanted to say that this an AWESOME site. The advice and information presented here is certainly above any advice i've seen from any other source. I like how you also handle the 'Fundamentals' instead of listing off pages of "one-liners-that-are-sure-to-get-you-the-girl".

Now I have a question, I'm not sure how many other guys have been in this situation but here 'goes:

I'm in college and recently asked this GORGEOUS girl in my history class out on a date (to grab a bite to eat after class). I haven't really talked to her much, other than during a class-group project on the first day, but I have been making eye contact with her and thought I'd better make a move before she just thinks I'm a weirdo or something.

Anyway, last week I asked if she wanted to go out this past Tuesday and she said "yeah, sure." with what seemed to be a genuine smile. Well, Tuesday came and when class was over she pretty much sped out the door (lol). Well, I took my time packing up my textbooks and then headed out in the general direction she went and asked “are we still on for today?” when I saw her. She said something about being busy (she was abt to head into class) and that she’d talk to me “Thursday”. Well, after class today (Thursday) AGAIN she just walked straight out the door, though not as fast, and again I got up and left the classroom. I honestly had NO CLUE whether the fact that she was walking slower meant that I should go after her and be assertive, or if she’s been telling me this whole time that she’s not interested.

-you can imagine how extra confusing this could be after making, what I thought was, a good first conversation, and successful “eye convos” with her.

When I came home, (I chose not to go after her) I was feeling so confused about it all that I searched for “advice for dating in college” on Google and found your site…and bought your book.

I would really appreciate some advice for my situation, I’m not really sure what else to do.
JC

(i also sent this in an email bc I'm not sure where you'd rather have me post it :p)

Msquared's picture

Looking for advice. My girlfriend is fading away. I like a lot of Chase's suggestions, but am confused because the way our relationship started Chase said would probably not happen. I dated her for a few months. Did a lot of things to help her get her life together and then we became lovers for about two months. Now, she is withdrawing. I did make the mistake of getting too serious, impatient and expectant after she told me she was my girlfriend. She is russian...very beautiful. Very recently divorced from a total asshole russian guy. They have been in the US for 8 years. This week, when I ask her out for Sat night, she texts back. "Thank you. Sorry, but I have other plans already." She has never done that before. And she has become very slow in returning other texts. So, while she is mot gone yet, she is fading fast. Any advice for me?

Dman's picture

Chase, you are a legend.
I was reading this, and... everything you said basically explained everything I had been experiencing with a girl.

You sir, are amazing.
Thank you so much

*Salute*

Dino's picture

Let me tell you my story.

This was my first time I actually interacted a lot with a girl. I am that kind of guy who prefers to keep a few close friends(guys) over a large group of friends so this really sets my social life back (I'm still young so I have time though)

I met this girl we started talking. She gave me blatant signals (she said she was free, nothing to do etc), and I ignored them. I actually never saw them coming. And now as I read this post, I feel worse. Now she is ignores me. And I feel bad.

I have 2 options :

1. Chase
2. Scout for other women.

Problem with chasing is that if I do it after reading this post, I will feel like an idiot. But sometimes you can't help yourself and just do it.

Option 2 is what most guys would do. But since this was my first time, I have a mental block. I don't really know how to start (this girl was not a problem cause we had alot of classes together).

Any help ?

PS : Pretty sure I wont chase anymore, but then how do I go about option 2.

zellousreport's picture

Women have become bombarded by unwanted male attention and with likes of facebook and social media in general ~uggh~ is not helping the cause.. I''m still willing to pursue women but only when i feel like it not.

Anonymous's picture

Interesting article. Well articulated. I think the dividing line is this: if you want to see what chances you have with a women really fast, bed her as fast as possible. I suppose the general fear for men is losing that woman you really want to be with. The bed her fast approach seeks to seal the deal, so another man won't steal her away. The reality is, though, as has been stated many times, is that women have options. Women will exploit those options to the fullest.

Just because you boned her well, doesn't mean she doesn't have another man she knows who can also bone her well. From my experience and I am sure from a majority of other mens' experiences, that if you bone a woman well she will come back for more. Yes, it works, but I ask you one thing.....why is the divorce rate over 50%? The answer is simple my friends......sex cannot sustain a relationship outright. Only a real relationship that includes emotional as well as physical intimacy will sustain.

This article is perfect for guys who want to have sex and get recurring sex. It is not at all meant for long term/marriage relationships, because sex cannot and will not sustain anything long term. There has to be more. Kudos to the writer though, because, for the short term, you are dead on.

Anonymous's picture

Lets take this article one step further......

Men, make yourselves so desirable that women chase you outright. If you can do that, than you will never again have to ask a women on a date. That is the ultimate challenge.

Anonymous's picture

Ok,

I have a question or two:

question 1:

A guy is hanging out with two girls.

Girl A had already slept with him, but she is a sweetheart and treats him well.

Girl B is also a sweetheart, but continues to hang out with him without having sex with him until she gets commitment.

Which girl should the guy make girlfriend material since both of them likes him, are hot, and a sweetheart.

Cezar's picture

Im going to give you honest answer. I would apsolutly see as a girlfriend materieal the girl who slept with me. Becouse that shes investing herself.
About the girl that dont want to sleep with me I think she doesnt realy loves me, and just using me to increase her social popularity, so I wouldnt consider her as a girlfriend material, maybe just as a friend to sometimes go to a coffe shop with. Hope this helped you.
Cheers!

Uniquesyndrome's picture

Chase, you have got to help me out here.
I will keep this short and simple. There was this girl. I kinda liked her, I know she liked me. But I played it slow and nothing happened. One day I called her, and she never picked up. She messaged me that "she would call me back later." She hasn't. And I have never even tried calling her after that because of my ego (because she said she would call).

What should I do ? Its been a month.

PS : Read the how to get a girl back article. Still don't know how to go about it. What excuse will I tell her etc etc ?

Rahul's picture

When I read your comment I could easily relate because I have also done such things due to my big EGO.So you are still waiting for her call, News Flash she will never call!!
Why I am saying this sometimes girls dont want to make the first move because they are so used to the attention they get all the time. I suppose this girl is hot and has lots of friends vying for her attention, so y will she call you unless you are Brad Pitt
What shud you do now? Go and call her, it will be a welcome change for her and just remember dont ask, "Why did she not call'?? , because she has her own life and she can call whom she wants to call. When we accuse girls of not calling it only makes us look desperate and a person who doesnt have any life. So now you must be thinking if I call her will she call me again? Dude this is not any game where each one of you waiting for the other to call, it sounds so stupid. If she does not call, you can call her again and keep doing so but note dont call her all the time, give her some space because thts what the difference between chasing and being persistent. Chasers dont give space but guys who are persistent never let go but gives their crushes space too. When you give space , you dont waste time thinking about her.At the same time you can date other girls too this will help you not to think too much about her.
The key is you have to come close to her, dont think that you will be relegated to friend zone if you do this, that will happen only if you start shopping for her chores or you never flirt with her. Try to flirt with her and keep the conversation interesting, make her laugh and be funny , sooner or later she will be in bed with you trust me. You will find several articles where they say if girl doesnt texts you back just forget her, in such a case you will be forgetting every hot girl that passes by. So All the Best and be persistent but not desperate, I hope you got the difference

Anonymous's picture

yea i remember my ex, my roommates girlfriend came over with her friend, had sex with her in 1hour and she was my girlfriend for 1 year haha~ , QUICK AND FAST ON THE DOT.

Max's picture

Hey chase!!

I'm too late to read your article. I goofed up in every single thing that you posted on your article. I was going around with an Asian girl(Indian). I know she is a liar but still wanted to make a move and bed her. It so happened, I kissed her once, initially she pretended to be conservative and innocent. She said she saw me as a friend and didn't like my move of kissing her.However, we decided to be friends which ended up in messaging whole night and sexting. One fine day I tried to bed her but but she stopped when I was close to the doors. We still pretended to be friends. Asian girls will not lose their virginity until they are married or they are in an honest relationship. Finally, we ended up in a relationship. I tried to bed her, again we ended up just with kisses and foreplay. We talked about dreams,promises and commitments even before we had any sexual intercourse. It's been close to six months now, she started ignoring me and had frequent fights for stupid reasons. I feel she is changed because of the social circle or she just used me as a back up. Now she started speaking about being alone which I agreed to and I left her for three days after which she came back and says that she can't be without me. Neither she let's me go nor be with me happily. I feel she is just playing around with my emotions thinking that she got me. .

Though it was an attraction for me in the beginning, it eventually turned out that I was chasing to get settled own with her. I was very good, honest and loyal to her but I feel she doesn't have anything for me now. I guess she is looking out for options with in her social circle and started ignoring me day by day. I feel I'm betrayed now.

All I want from her now is one good ****

How do I do that when things are so messed up.

Thanks
Max

DD's picture

I know this is an old one but Im pretty new to the site. This, and many other articles here, are just plain genius; and I don't use that word lightly. It's a perspective and reasoning I have never read or heard spoken before. Most of all it makes sense and so far worked very well for me. Just want to say a big "Thanks" to Chase and gang for everything you do here....it makes a big difference for a lot of us...

Cheers.

Anonymous's picture

I once met this girl which i really liked. We had to talk over the telephone and texting eachother over two month because her lack of time. Being a single mon and so. Once i got thé opportunity go take her out i kissed her. This was a good idea considering the time it took me to meet her. During this time i used the opportunity to LISTEN to her and hearing what she was saying.nevertheless we got to a point where i was late responding and she was all over me. Texting on Facebook, Messenger and other media. Well i did the mistake to apologize to OFTEN suddenly she started to think i was to easy. Anyway she wanted to break things off and was saying all kinds of stuff, but since i LISTEND before i used her words against herself. She was telling me over and over again she wanted to delete my number. I NEVER said once, please don't. I stood my ground. I realized that continueing would be difficult. So i took the initiative and ended it by texting and telling her i don't want to talk to her, but did let her know that i would hate not texting her. Thé next day she keept texting me and i stopped her again. After 10 days of NOT talking or texting i showed her that i was not chasing her. That were 10 days of hell, but it had to be done.She was about to miss her shotwith thé greatest guy. Thé point is NOT CHASING A GIRL makes her respect you. If you have her respect you still have a shot. I always was open with my feelings towards her , but i always keept a cool head. I was telling her that i would stand by her side at all times,but i told her i am not a sure thing. She has to work too in this relationship.good luck to all of you.

Leave a Comment

One Date girl next to the number one

Get The Girl In Just One Date

It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get… and girls love it.

Inside One Date, You'll Learn

  • How to build instant chemistry
  • Ways to easily create arousal
  • How to get girls to do what you want
  • The secret to a devoted girlfriend

…and more great Girls Chase Tech