How to Have Threesomes with Your Girlfriend

Ah, threesomes! For many men, having sex with two women at once is the pinnacle of manliness. Ask any man about his sexual fantasies, and if he's man enough to admit he has some, you will almost certainly hear "two chicks at once."

Unfortunately, many men write this off as a possibility, relegating it to the fantasy lands of pornography and science-fiction.

However, I can tell you that not only is it highly realistic, but how to begin having threesomes yourself.

We have a few articles on this site on threesomes already, focusing on meeting two women at once and taking them both home:

• How to Get a Threesome by Cody Lyans

• Threesome How-To: Step-by-Step to Get Two Girls by Alek Rolstad
  

What I want to talk about today is something a little different - today's article is on taking a girl you're already seeing, and having a threesome with her and someone else.

One key thing to understand for this or any threesome is that women have highly intricate, detailed sexual fantasies. They will only discuss them with certain types of men, but when you become that type of man, you will hear several common themes that are repeated over and over again.

One of them is group sex. It is my opinion that nearly every woman on Earth has fantasies that involve two girls and a guy, or a girl and two guys. So that's already in your favor, before we even begin: she's already thought about it.

Further, many women have already experienced threesomes or foursomes. Brave women will act on their fantasies when they feel safe and excited to do so, and that is the purpose of this article: to help her feel safe and exciting to indulge in some of her wildest fantasies.

There are three main factors that will come in to play if you desire to engage in group sex with your partner:

1. The relationship you have with her,
2. Your attitude towards women who engage in "experimental" sex, and
3. How she's going to feel about the whole thing

Threesome Factor 1: Your Relationship

To begin with, if you're in a monogamous relationship, there is going to be more work necessary (and it will take longer to achieve) than if you are in an open relationship. Many monogamous relationships involve necessarily hiding your attraction for other people, and assuring your partner that you have eyes "only for them."

So your first hurdle, in a monogamous relationship, is going to be asserting that you are still attracted to other women. Though all women know their men still look at other girls, it may sting a bit for her to actually hear if you've spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince her that it's not the case with you.

If you are in an open relationship, the options are many: you can tandem hunt together, you can sleep with a friend with benefits from either of your outside activities, etc. - and I'll cover those options in a moment. I have had success with both of those paths, so I know they are workable.

Threesome Factor 2: Your Attitude Towards Women

Let's assume that, at some point in your relationship, the two of you have discussed sex and different dynamics that occur when people are dating. You've probably talked about hooking up with people, told stories of friends, and so on and so forth.

Now, if you've ever shown a judgmental attitude towards girls who sleep around or get to sex quickly, you have probably judged yourself right out of some of the most fun activities that a man can have in life.

By that I mean, that if you've used words like "slut," "freak" or "deviant" to label girls who are willing to have fun, fast, no-strings attached sex, you can kiss your threesome potential goodbye. In truth, even if you think that way but never said it, your attitude has probably come across via sub communication.

Why is that?

Well firstly, if your girl knows that you look down on women who engage in kinky sex, she will be absolutely sure that you will think less of her if she even admits to having fantasized about such things - much less desires to actually partake in them.

As I will cover in the next section, that is one surefire way to turn "a girl who's open to group sex" into "a girl who would never do that." She will deny it because she values your opinion and wants you to think well of her, not wanting to risk being judged by you were she to be honest with you about her sexual fantasies and desires.

Instead, throughout your discussions with her, you maximize your chances of having her remain open to such possibilities by complimenting women who engage in such activities. If you think about it, in our culture, it really does take a brave, independent woman to go against the grain and indulge in her deepest desires… does it not?

When you begin to think about it in this way, and truly appreciate strong-minded women who feel free to participate in whatever they want to do--regardless of the opinions of those around her--you may find your world of potential beginning to open up.

Let's consider an example.

You and your girlfriend are on a date, and she's telling you about some gossip she heard from her group of friends. Maybe she says something like, "You won't believe what Jenny did last night! She went out to a club, brought some guy home, had sex with him… then went back to the club and did it again, with some other guy!"

Now, she is telling you this story not only because of women's innate need to gossip about their friends, but also because she is listening for your reaction. What you say to her, after she tells you such a story, speaks volumes about your attitude towards women in general.

There are two paths you can take, and let's consider the outcome of each path.

Path One

You respond, "Wow, she's such a slut! She probably got an STD from the first guy and gave it to the second guy! You know, girls like that do that kind of thing because they have really low self-esteem and they're trying to be validated by as many men as possible. It's pathetic and gross."

While your girlfriend may laugh and agree with you, just know that her heart probably sank a bit too - because now she's wondering how you think about her, if you're so willing to diss sex-positive women like that. My friend, you just talked yourself right out of a threesome, not only because of your crappy attitude, but because she will be extremely hesitant to tell her girlfriends that you have threesome potential.

Regardless of what she thinks of you, her alliance to her girlfriends is more important. She is not going to subject her friends to a guy who will talk down to them, spread rumors about them, or anything to that affect. So let's consider the alternative:

Path Two

You respond, "Damn, you go girl! I think that's so cool that she feels free to do whatever she wants, and doesn't care if other people judge her for it. In our world, it's so easy to let the opinions of others shape our character; it really takes a brave, strong person to go after what they want like that."

Your girlfriend was probably not expecting to hear anything like that. Most men have Madonna/Whore complex, and shame women who sleep with men whenever they feel like it and without commitment. Such a response not only indicates your incredibly open and nonjudgmental attitude, but this makes your girl far more likely to tell her friends about what a cool, unusual and refreshing attitude you have towards sex and women in general.

And that goes a long way, since "her friends" are in the pool of potential threesome candidates. I know girls who have had sex with multiple guys together, almost like some kind of bonding activity. One of them gets a boyfriend, she brings the other over and they have sex with him together. The other gets a boyfriend, she returns the favor. This kind of thing is more common than a lot of guys realize, so just keep in mind… her friends are part of the potential pool, so show that you have an awesome attitude and she'll definitely notice.

Threesome Factor 3: Her Fears and Feelings

Before the threesome, she is going to go through a typical whirlwind of feminine emotion. She's going to feel excited. And scared. And nervous. And horny. And so on and so forth. It's to be expected, so you'd do well to have an understanding of exactly what's going through her mind. I have compiled here a brief list of things that will be going through her head.

I am not saying they are all true for all women, and some women will feel some but not others. Some may be relevant, or not, depending on how secure she is and the strength of your relationship. However, here are some that are good to keep in mind regardless of your situation:

Worry A: What If She's Prettier Than Me?

This fear only becomes important if she does not know the other girl. For example, if you two are together and you call up a friend-with-benefits to come join the party. Your girl may or may not verbalize this fear, but it's probably occurring to her. In that case, go out of your way to make her feel really good in the hours before the threesome happens:

• Appreciate her
• Compliment her
• Tell her she's so incredibly sexy in whatever she's wearing (or naked, if she's wearing nothing) that you cannot take your eyes off her

If you truly make her feel desired, she will believe in the strength of your attraction to her, and this will somewhat dull the fear of "what if she's prettier than me."

Of course, if the other girl actually is prettier than her, you will have to go to more effort during the threesome and afterwards to boost your girls' self-image. Because that can be a lot of work, it is one of the reasons I recommend only dating women with a healthy self-esteem.

One way to assuage and eradicate this fear is to let her choose the other partner - but of course, this comes with the risk that she'll choose a woman you're not attracted to. In this instance, I have found it useful to have a discussion about which people you both know are attractive to you, then giving her the choice of picking one that is suitable for her as well.

This is how I got my last threesome actually, when my awesome primary brought me a hottie for my birthday that we had sex with together. It was a girl I was highly attracted to, told my primary as much, and then she surprised me with her after a week of letting me try to guess which girl she was bringing over.

So that's one option and one method: boost up her self-esteem, or give her a pool of options you find attractive to choose from. That way, she will most likely pick the girl who she personally perceives as equally or slightly less attractive than herself.

Worry B: What If You Leave Her for the Other Partner?

Again, this is something you pretty much only have to deal with if your girlfriend struggles with self-esteem and doesn't feel assured of your relationship with her.

In this case, it can be good to sit her down and discuss with her before that it's going to be a one-time thing, and that your relationship will not change afterward. If anything, it will bring you closer together, since you are being vulnerable and opening up the dynamic. Afterwards, your relationship will be stronger because it will be clear you each have other options but choose to be together anyway.

Tell her that, and it will make sense to her.

Worry C: Will He Think I'm a Slut?

I covered this already, but it's important to mention again. This may be something going through her mind, and again, you can minimize this particular fear by being the kind of guy who does not judge women for their choice of sexual activities. If she brings it up, go back to the diatribe against judgment I typed out earlier on how you don't view women that way, but rather think it's a sign of strength and independence to go after what you want without fear, or in the face of, judgment from others.

How to Have a Threesome with Your Girlfriend

So those are the fundamentals - your relationship, you, and her. Now, how to actually make it happen?

Well, I've been on the Internet for a while, and I've seen all manner of "tricks" and "tactics." Something about dual-induction massages was popular for awhile, as well as other "indirect" means of slowly moving things forward without actually stating it.

And I do believe that can work.

However, as always, I advocate being direct, honest, and upfront about what you want. I have found that when you begin to assert your needs, you will automatically begin to attract into your life the kinds of people who are on the same wavelength, while those you're not compatible with weed themselves out.

So in that vein, what has always worked best for me is to simply state that I am interested in a threesome, ask whether she's thought about it, then find another girl and simply invite her over. With everybody on the same page, knowing full well what they're signing up for.

In one case, I brought a girl I was dating out to a bar specifically to hunt for a threesome partner. Upon finding a suitable candidate and flirting with her for a few minutes, I simply pointed to my date and said, "See that girl over there? I want to take you from behind while you go down on her." The girl giggled and said, "Okay, that sounds like fun!" and we left together shortly thereafter.

In another instance, I simply sent a text to one of my friends-with-benefits: "Hey, I want to hook up with you and another girl tonight. Into it?" she was, and the three of us had sex later that night.

Because of reference experiences like these, I believe that directness truly is the best policy.

So there's your game plan: Have a great relationship, be an awesome guy, show empathy for and support her feelings, and then state what you want and see what kind of awesome things come into your life as a result.

Drexel

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UPDATE: part two of this series on having threesomes with girlfriends is now live here: "Tandem Hunting: Picking Up Girls for Threesomes with Your Girlfriend."