3 Ways Human Males Compete for Women | Girls Chase

3 Ways Human Males Compete for Women

Chase Amante

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In "How to Talk About Yourself on Dates," a reader writes in to ask about dealing with male competition:

Hi Chase,

Awesome site and truly amazing articles. There was one particular topic I was searching for but couldn’t find it. It's dealing with experience. Since the days before I came across this site I was pretty bad with girls, I have had problems dealing with competition. As soon as there is competition from guys with slightly better game I am rather clueless what to do. It's like I lose all the energy and confidence and hand it over to the other guy. Since in a normal scenario (college or university pretty girls are mostly hounded with tons of guys) this is most likely to happen everywhere and you'll keep losing girls if you don't sort it out. I know the obvious choice would be to ignore the guy and just follow the ways explained on the site. But if there’s a guy with naturally good game aiming of the same girl in front of you I find it impossible to ignore the same. There has to be a way to get around it!!Would be great if you could help me with the same...

male competition

Dealing with other men competing with you in the dating arena can be a big headache. I certainly went through it during my learning curve - it's no fun to lose, but it's a whole lot less fun when not only do you lose, but some girl you liked clearly picks another man over you. In fact, it can be one of the most painful events you’ll experience.

So how do you deal with male competition - especially with men more experienced with women than you are? That's a tough nut to crack... and it's going to depend as much on your calm and your baseline fundamentals as it will on your "game."

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Kurdo's picture

Awesome post Chase. I've been a long time reader, I don't comment much though, cause I tend to take the info from your products and site and give things a shot myself, then learn from experience and troubleshoot mistakes. But this time I need some advice.

After tons of rejections and dating numerous women. I'm finally dating a top caliber girl. This chick is 2 years older and has a kid, but my god she's fully loaded. The problem is, we've been together for 2 months now, and she's really invaded my life. Shes so attached to me. And says she loves me and all. (She's willing to settle for good) But that's the thing. I don't believe love even exists and I don't believe in marriage! To me its just emotions that have an expiry date. Sooner or later those emotions, we call "love" towards a certain person fades away.

I want to keep this short. I like her a lot, like spending time with her and having her around. But I still want to work on my game. I don't want to lose her, but I also want to be able to see other girls on the side, and still have her as my official girl. I want my game to improve more. I know I should have been straight forward with her from the beginning that I don't want a relationship, but I kinda got dragged in and blame myself for that. (probably was so mesmerized by her looks and the sex, never seen a girl squirt so much) I might have to be blunt with her and tell her that I don't love her and that I just like her around and all, but I really don't want to hurt her feelings cause she's such a nice person and has had such a dark past with her former relationships. I value your advice Chase, since with out your posts, I wouldn't be where I am today. As a complainer that converted to a fixer, I need your insight on this man.

Awesome improvement with the site by the way. Hope everything turns out well on the business side of things :)

Kurdo

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kurdo-

Great to hear you found yourself a girl you really like. I'm the same way with learning styles... never really have been one to ask for help, but I'll hear things or see things and then just go do them.

The problem with trying to roll back precedent in relationships is that it's sort of like trying to back up a car after you've driven over one of those one-way spike strips... you're going to blow out your tires trying. This gal sounds like a sharp cookie, and she probably realizes that getting things serious as fast as possible is a good way to lock a guy in... of course, sometimes this ends up locking the wrong guy in, turning him panicky / resentful, and eventually the guy rebels and leaves. But, it screens out the men who aren't serious. All my female friends and ex-girlfriends who are very experienced with men, and even some of the ones who aren't but are keen students of human nature, ramp relationships up as quickly as they possibly can - it screens in men who want what they want, and screens out men who don't.

The absolute best thing you can do for a relationship reset is to go away for a while or take some time off, then come back and start things again a lot more slowly. If you can't do that or aren't willing to take the risk you take time off and she's just gone after that, you can sit down and have a chat and tell her, "Look, you're an amazing gal, but this is going way too fast and getting way too serious for me... and I'm not at that point. I'm afraid you're going to get too attached to me and end up getting hurt if we keep spending this much time together - we need to relax a little bit here so I don't break your heart by accident." You'll face some hard questions and drama and she might back out or cool off... you need to be prepared for that (and, prepared to not start chasing if she begins reducing her investment... can't tell you how many men I've seen try to dial things back with women, then as the woman cools off and dials down, the man starts pursuing a little bit, then a little bit more, then a little bit more, and before you know it the dynamic is completely flipped and the guy is needy and chasing and the gal is unsure).

Ultimately, this one comes down to how willing you are to walk away from her if she won't give you what you want weighed against how willing she is to walk away from you if you won't give her what she wants. If both of you are equally willing to walk away, there's a good chance things fail when you try to take back something you've already given her (lots of your time and attention). If you're more willing and she's less so, there's a good chance you can take it back, though she'll likely harbor some ongoing resentment and see this as a relationship "not going anywhere," which means she'll be looking for the next chance to jump ship - this one's probably the best you can hope to get when you're trying to roll back precedent that's already been set. If she's more willing and you're less so, you'll try to dial things back down, but she'll threaten to leave and you won't be able to. So, really comes to that.

The biggest takeaway, though - if you don't want things to get too serious too quick, and don't want to deal with the fallout and resentment that comes from taking away what's already been given, be mindful of precedent in future relationships and make things start off as slow as slow can be. Just think of each notch things get dialed up as a notch that can only go more extreme, not less, because dialing things down, unfortunately, usually means breaking them.

Chase

Estate's picture

Hi Chase,
The piece of this article that stood out to me as a situation I've been in many times was the "strong silent type" when a friend tries to dominate a group.

I had a friend who would do this, he'd insist on being the center of attention in any social situation. He'd open groups, he'd take over groups you alredy engaged with and he's very obviously have to dive in and try to win a girl over if he saw you getting on well with her.

So in the group situation, that was just him, my other friends agreed but we just let him do him so competing with him would just cause him to get more agressive and the whole group would look bad. This guy was outgoing but not very smooth.

So I often hung back and waited for him to just dig his own hole and the girls attention may fall on me or one of the others in the group. But more often then not, when he said something stupid it just made the whole group of women turn away, not engage me instead.

In principal, I agree with the part you wrote, but in practice, it doesn't happen very often... we'd all like to think that a woman would be just so blown away with us that she just HAS to find out WHO this guy is and why he's not talking to her but the reality is... it doesn't happen often. It relies on her being so overwhelmingly attracted to you without even opening your mouth and she just can't control herself anymore which we'd all LOVE... but in reality is rarely the case.

That's where this breaks down a little for me. What is that extra factor? If I am to get a girl THAT interested in me, it takes a lot of work on my part, not being the "strong silent" type, which is sort of my natural personality but was getting me nowhere, hence how I originally ended up here.

Could you elaborate on this a little?
Cheers!
Estate.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Estate-

Good point. If I had to hazard a guess, it'd be that the one thing you're missing is the exaggeratedness of your boredom. e.g., if you sit there like a stoic while the guy talks, women won't notice you. You should actually be moving around a fair bit, turning your head, tilting it at semi-weird angles, moving your eyes around, dramatically staring off somewhere, sighing curtly, and basically getting noticed with your "boredom," the way a somewhat relaxed but somewhat impatient girl will when you're leaving her out of the group. Not an irritated girl... just imagine Ryan Reynolds as Van Wilder, or Jim Carey as Ace Ventura dealing with being ignored or marginalized. They're going to very expressively be sitting there bored. I demonstrated this for a student once who asked me how you get their attention when you're not saying anything, and he said it looked like I was "fake bored." Maybe that's what you'd call it... whatever it is, it gets you opened and it gets attraction. Just don't go overboard and be so exaggerated you end up looking like a cartoon, and you should be fine.

There's another thing I picked up on in your comment, and that's that there's this guy, plus you, plus other people. It's a very different dynamic when it's more than two people... when there's one loud guy, and one guy who's sitting off looking bored but powerful, girls will be drawn to the second guy. But when there's one loud guy, and then a group of guys, women aren't going to start opening different members of the group. It's too intimidating. If you're with more than one other person, the best thing to do to engage with one of the other girls is simply get close enough that you can tap her on the arm and gesture to her with body language and facial expressions... and get some you-her communication going on.

And of course, there's also the most obvious solution: stop rolling with this guy for chicks, and just save him as a drinking buddy at best...!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Dear Estate,

Hate to break it to you man, but maybe you need new friends? If something that this douche is saying to these women is turning them off entirely, than that means that you're guilty by association. I don't know what this dude is saying that turns a whole group of women off, but he definitely gets this year's award for biggest cock-block. The point of being the "Strong Silent Type" is to surround yourself with genuinely decent and cool dudes. They are all outgoing and friendly and all the ladies come over. Now, one of those girls MAY single you out BECAUSE you're the "Strong Silent Type." The reason why this MAY happen is because all the outgoing guys are cool and fun and make these women comfortable. The whole reason they want you though is because it gets the girls thinking. "All these guys are so great and outgoing. The quiet guy is probably really cool too because he's with them but he's not talking." THAT'S what makes you mysterious and alluring. Basically, all the other guys do your work for you. They feel that you've just GOT to be great too because the whole "guilty by association" thing works both ways. They already know all the juicy stuff about the outgoing guys but you're the cool one that they want to get to know. Of course it doesn't hurt to be well-groomed and to pull back but still be friendly enough to reveal information without too much convincing on her part. If you're too resistant, she may think that maybe you're not interested or want to be left alone entirely. This is a pretty specific scenario though. It definitely isn't fool proof but if the right chick is in that group, she'll notice you. If not, then it's not the type of girl you're looking for. Keep in mind this advice is for honest monogamous relationships. Not necessarily to pull chicks for a one night stand. I would think that most girls wouldn't want to work that hard for a one night stand. Hope I helped bro.

Good Luck,

Clark Baxter

Zac's picture

Chase,

Given your success on dating, i would like to share abit of topic, called Law of Attraction. There's a particular teacher named Esther Hicks, and what she teaches are what i would say core principles of understanding how the mind really works. and it revolves around Einstein's E=mc2.

Been digging a lot about it, I thought i share some things that is relative, i feel it all comes together. and i hope you won't be asleep by this, but with this learning and some of your thoughts, i can bridge an understanding.

You written that Process = Results. You recommend always push things forward because you want the girl to be yours (and her wanting to have sex with you), while also doing it in the smoothest way possible. Because being sexy is closer to sex than it is to fun, because women love sex, and the articles you write here.

An example like you written, where a guy can be successful because he learn by a mental model that is "Do not be bitter" and he be likely, forever successful than a guy who keeps his bitterness because he's in the past, and his thoughts are still active with that. Another example, one would be a guy who operates from lack and one who is abundant, will be receive totally different from girls, even jobs, like you mention in article "Social Cunning". I think Eric wrote that maybe. hehs.

Another example, where you replied a comment that if i want absolute abundance really badly, i just got to go and look for it. Here on, I feel that past success and past failures are only reference points. You know when you hit a plateau and you thought that you do things correctly? Actually you aren't, and you needed to tweak a little, or change tools? Kind of like using a wrong screwdriver. An another example will be a light switch in a dark room where you taught the light switch was slightly lower?

Life has always been revolve around Process = Results, which means (Energy = Mass Equivalence) (Constant). By the word "Constant" here, i mean, that no matter what your success and failures in the past, it is all relative, and you can fail and fall like an a$$ even if you know how to walk properly. Just like success too. It can be miraculous, but it's actually not. It is just practicing of the principles, E=mc2

Anyway, Deliberate practice of Process = Results is important, Chase. Because i can say a lot of people have hardwork, my parents, your parents, cleaners on the street even work harder than most people, but most of us even myself are shooting everywhere. and guys in dating, they get excited by reactions, that's their end result, Maybe they get caught by events and and wanting to show people. But This is where the principle, the "end goal" comes in, moving forward towards sex. Like now, You can say i am too excited by my findings, and it's correct, and i need to go out there and use this, to see if it's true. and i did, and i hope to dig in more.

To be honest, there's a lot of success story that break past barriers, today. Mainly i feel this is because they know the principles and deliberately practice the principles, E=mc2. Also realizing that, it will be easier to inspire yourself than to motivate yourself, It's easier to pull by your desire to live your dreams, than to push towards your dreams. Relative information i would write here, is also the 80/20 rule, Anthony Robbins quote "People major in the minor things".

Anyway i hope you won't get retarded by this. :) I am sure that i hope to use my learning i have discovered, and open doorways. I can't believe this thing myself, and what Esther Hicks, and you teaches are core principles, and not exactly marketing like other Law of Attraction or other dating "gurus". Not saying they are bad people but I am sure everyone has their best interest for their customers to be successful. and for Girlschase, i am sure you are the same, too.

Thanks,
Zac

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Zac–

I’m not familiar with Esther Hicks, though Law of Attraction I know very well. It was recently brought to the fore again recently by The Secret, but Napoleon Hill was there first, with books like Think and Grow Rich. And I’m sure there were people discussing this in antiquity; it’s not a new concept. There’s some truth to the law of attraction, though the jury’s still out for me on whether it’s down to some kind of fundamental property of the universe, or whether it’s just because we start working harder and seeing and pursuing more opportunities to get and achieve things once we’re focused on them. Sort of like when you buy a new Honda and suddenly you start noticing Hondas everywhere.

I agree that pure hard work alone is not enough. I’ve met plenty of people putting in 14 hour days as taxi drivers or serial entrepreneurs who were perpetually broke… simply putting the hours in is not enough. You do need to put the hours in to get somewhere, but if you decide you want to go to New York City and you’re in Washington, D.C., and then you put 20 hours into driving due south, you’re not going to end up in New York City (but you will end up a lot closer to Miami).

Wasn’t sure if you had a question here I missed, or if you just wanted to share some of the things that’ve been on your mind, but for sure, you want to be mixing some measure of focusing / meditating / visualizing on the things you want to bring into your life on a daily basis with your action-taking. It’s easy to do lots of mindless action and end up farther from your goal instead of closer to it; taking some time to clear out your mind and ask yourself if you’re really headed where you want to be headed is crucial to making sure you get there.

Chase

thedesignertom's picture

Hey Chase,

This girl has a boyfriend but they don't take each other seriously and she has often told me that he bugs her too much, also people say that they are never seen around each other so I think they don't communicate correctly in their relationship.

I asked this same girl out on a date to grab some food by following your "How to Ask a Girl Out" article and I've got the date, thanks to you. How do I get this girl to take me seriously and leave him to be with me? Also we are going out with some friends to a theme park later this week which I think is going to go great and we flirt a lot over text messaging and social networks.

Any help is appreciated, thanks man.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Tom-

When it's social circle like this, it's rather difficult, mainly because the girl has so much to lose, potentially. The guys you'll see girls getting together with outside their current relationships in social circle situations are:

  • Men on their periphery, like what we talked about in "The Secret to Hooking Up with Friends" - basically, men who don't really know most of their friends, don't spend time with them or their friends, and present effectively zero risk of people finding out and making things much more difficult for them; or

  • Replacement boyfriends - men they've taken for a test drive, so to speak, by spending time together with, letting the guy listen to their emotional stuff, and who seem superior to their current boyfriends in all counts - attractiveness, sexiness, manliness, emotional connection, security, and ability to provide. These can be social circle men, and essentially are men who've proved themselves worthy replacements for the partner she has now. She'll typically take things slow with these guys and make them wait for sex until she's broken up with her current, to avoid having her new beau think she's an infidelity risk, though she may throw caution to the wind and start sleeping with the new guy anyway before she's broken up with the old if she wants to test out that part of their relationship too (or she wants revenge on the old)

It sounds like you're well within her social circle, which means you're probably stuck in #2 - no shortcuts then, you're effectively competing for the replacement boyfriend role. Which means, you're not just competing to BE a boyfriend - like you would be with a single girl. And neither are you competing to be the secret lover of a girl whose friends you don't really know and reputation you stand no chance of impacting.

I'd strongly suggest having a look through this article: "Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do and 7 Things NOT to," and making sure this girl doesn't fall into any of the categories to avoid.

If you decide she's a girl you should move full steam ahead with, then make sure that sexiness is at the fore of what you're doing - you need to blow her current boyfriend out of the water there - and you may or may not need to mix in some security / provider-like traits as well, if she's looking for someone safe.

Essentially, if her boyfriend's a dick, you'll do better being the stabler reliable guy she has a great connection with (but still very sexy). If her boyfriend's a boring nice guy, you just want to be sexy as hell.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

If she is so easily persuaded to leave her current bf, it kind of makes you wonder just how long it will take her to trade up for a new model once she has you. I think you should openly communicate with her and figure out what it is she wants. If you really care for her, then be careful. Most relationships that begin untrustworthy will fall apart in a similar way only you won't be the cool new guy. Hope I helped bro.

Good luck,

Clark B.

The Lone Planet's picture

If my "competition" wants her, then he can have her. On to the next one.

Anonymous's picture

I'm coming at this whole getting girls thing from a guy that was SHY and socially anxious. I've been working thru my issues for about a year now and I still have a far way to go. But anyway, I noticed some very interesting things.

So I live in Washington, DC and I was in a nameless nightclub on U St. And so anyway I'm dancing with a chick one nite last week...she was very beautiful, nice body, nice conversation, nice sexual vibe that I started (years ago I was afraid to even try and dance with a woman and much less initiate any sexual vibe, now I'm starting sexual vibes automatically without thought!). And I'm flirting heavy, suggesting that sex would be something I give and not get and really exciting this girl right...and other dudes are looking at me like who is this guy?? So what was funny was when I stopped dancing with her for a little bit and this other dude cut in and I laughed to myself like look at this fool trying to get my girl... and she danced with him for a little bit (I guess she thought it was me and him behind her)... all the while I'm just looking around the venue all bored and shit, then when she turned around and noticed it was a different guy she freaked out! And you should seen the look on dude's face, you could tell he was hurt. He said what's wrong?? And she pointed to me and said...I thought you were him! She handled the competition for me!! And then I pulled her out of there and I turned back at the guy and stuck my tongue out (a lil jester move yea). But it was hilarious that this guy tried to outcompete me and lost in such spectacular fashion, and the thing is I wasn't even trying to compete for this girl and was perfectly fine with him winning. Which leads to my first point that the more women I meet the less impressed and inspired I am by any one girl...has that happened to you? I guess my emotions are not wildly swirling as much as they used to.

And so now when I read this article that's when I knew right away that my fundamentals are getting tighter! Women handling the competition for me! But I still need work on my game and vibe and presentation outside nightclubs like in coffee shops and bookstores... albeit in those venues guys there aren't usually competing for anything so my issue isn't other men, it's ME! So I'm working on that part of my game (being sexy outside a nite time venue).

What I also wanted to ask about tho was a very interesting phenomenon about challenge. You've written articles on here about how women LOVE challenge and I want to understand WHY! I've seen this phenomenon myself in my encounters, they just respond more strongly to a man that passes their shit tests (alot of times they're just being sarcastic and so when you tease them while being unfazed at the shit they say -- and trust me some of these girls say some really crazy shit that used to hurt my feelings). But I am wondering WHY do women love challenge so much [e.g. being made to invest, or teased back while they talk shit, or out-framing their belief system, etc]? Is it because they've been on so many dates with uninspiring boring men that they've been hardened by the dating vibe and so if you're boring, you get pigeon holed and never contacted again? And on the flip side when an exciting and challenging man finally comes along they take NOTE of it?? I find myself able to better RESPOND to challenge instead being just as good as INITIATING challenge. Any clues on how to better INITIATE and challenge a girl without having much material to RESPOND to?

I noticed that I now want to gravitate toward challenging women (not too unattainable tho). First time in my life I noticed this. So I met a girl from New York...a spicy woman, bullet proof frame control, real mean and very quick thinking, doling out insults, just hot hot hot hot spice. And to tell you the truth I got a little nervous around her, but I actually liked it. And I stilled managed to pull her and get her to submit. Was Hard hard hard -- biggest challenge of my dating career thus far, but I persisted and dealt with heavy shit testing and insults and my ego was barely even bruised. Years ago, she would have damaged my psychological system. I guess the big thing that helped me was that I somehow could tell she wasn't being serious since most women just don't act that outspoken and debonair. So I didn't take her shit tests seriously. But after dealing with this woman and winning (winner effect) now when I meet other women who aren't as challenging, I feel slightly bored frankly. I say to myself it shouldn't be this easy to get a girl. It's kind of weird because unless a girl was really drop-dead and go home boring I never felt very bored on a date. I guess I was excited to even be on a date in the first place! So back to my point of why women LOVE CHALLENGE, I wonder how women feel when they go on dates with boring guys... like they want to pull their hair out or ask how could someone be this EASY and like me so easily instead of making me work?? Especially if these women encountered a magical, charming, debonair, and challenging and exciting seducer in their pasts...they learned what a REAL man can BE like, and until they get a similar flutter in their hearts they aren't interested??? It's really hard to empathize until you yourself have been subject to the emotions that other people feel! So if you have any insights my man I'd love to hear from ya!

Great article as always.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Fun anecdote on the dancing girl's reaction to finding out some other guy had cut in. Does sound like you're getting your fundamentals handled well, yeah.

I discussed testing behaviors and why women are constantly testing for strong men here: "When Women Test Men." The gist of it is, testing rules out weak men, because weak men are dangerous; another reason is that men who know how to challenge women properly and maintain that challenge while still moving things forward (most guys drop the challenge at some point, disappointing women mightily, while other guys keep the challenge up but never move things forward, frustrating women into auto-rejection) communicate to women that they have a lot of success and experience with women, which means this guy knows how to give her exactly what she wants and make her love every minute of it (unlike 999 out of 1000 of men out there). It also means that they are heavily preselected and must thus be guys that "every woman wants," and every woman wants to land the man that every woman wants for herself.

On initiating challenges, it's best to start off with some light banter at the outset of any new interaction to set the tone. If you're on the dance floor, that could be something like, "You know, dancing like that is illegal in 9 neighboring counties;" in a café, it could be something like [to a girl who's reading], "I thought you were only supposed to read thousand-page novels in cafés... you know, to give people that intellectual vibe and all."
 And you can use chase framing with just about anything she says or does.

Your experience with the New York gal is one that a lot of women share. When a girl meets a very experienced man who knows how to bust her stones just right while continuing to move things forward to intimacy just right, it's exceptionally exciting... and other men after that seem a lot less interesting. As you get good at challenging, you learn to modulate this depending on the woman's experience levels - inexperienced women get blown out by you being too much of a challenge (like you would've in the past had you met that New York gal then), so you have to be nicer and sweeter. Experienced women get bored by you being too nice and sweet (like you do now by normal gals), so you have to be biting and sharp and on-point.

If you gear your challenge level to whatever is just challenging enough for the girl you're with, and you'll have it just right.

Chase

josh's picture

In your article about not being a creepy guy you introduced the idea of being a a social burden. This basically implies a guy who has nothing to offer or maybe only tries to "take" from an interaction meaning that he is being a value or energy suck. This seems to me similar to what you prescibing in certain parts of the article above. Yes you may be providing something in the form of a sexy vibe or presence but I am interested to hear your response because I seems that to suggesting guys should act to cool for school, and while that are doing that even some guy with zero game could steal a chick right out from under his nose, and the guy is left wonder what happened.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Josh-

A social burden is someone who latches onto someone else and won't let go, by talking incessantly, failing to recognize or respond to signals that he should leave, or following a girl around.

What's prescribed in the article here is rather hanging back, looking sexy and powerful and letting your fundamentals do the talking, and letting women come to you. Because the women are coming to you of their own accord, this is in fact the polar opposite of being a social burden.

When you're hanging back and letting your fundamentals do the talking, you're not taking. What you're doing is saying, "Here's what I have to offer. Would you like any of this?" and letting the girl decide if she would.

Guys newer to meeting women who don't have their vibes down yet often think that the way to start getting girls is to talk up a storm and not let go, but that's based on a flawed assumption: that women do not choose, and simply go with whatever guy is able to talk them into submission. In fact, women do a LOT of choosing, and it's pretty amazing how deftly most girls are able to neutralize the non-stop talker, push him aside, and get to talking to the truly sexy man who's signaling to them that he's available to get to know them.

(Worth noting that you need to at least have either talked to her enough to build up a connection, or be part of a group that she's meeting, of course; this doesn't work if she doesn't feel comfortable enough to engage with you - say, if you're positioned near a girl you haven't spoken to, and some entirely other man with no relation with you is talking to her. In that case, you need to take a more active stance and go in, box the guy out, and get her talking to you)

Chase

Anonymous's picture

You keep mentioning vibe and in the how to be a challenge to women article you mentioned bad boy vibe. What exactly do you mean? Is it the stuff in How to be a Sexy Man, or the stuff in Ricardus's The success factor series or in How to have a sexy vibe. It seems most likely it is the last one but that article seemed incomplete. So what exactly is a killer vibe?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon–

You can read more about bad boys and aspects of vibe here:

For probably the most complete and comprehensive stuff on vibe on the site though, check out Ricardus's 5-part X-Factor series... it's impressive material, and all the feedback I've had on it has been "wow."

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase. Been following your articles for a long time now. I have a dilemma I need some advice on. Your articles "How to trounce Male competition" and "How to deal with Disruptive guys" are great and your advice has worked wonders on taking care of other guys and getting them out of the picture. But what about "female competition" and "disruptive females"? This has happened to me a few times so far in a couple different social circles usually over the course of a few months, and I'm seeing a pattern: I come in, I'll be friendly with the other girls but not interested, I'll focus on one girl and after we are in a relationship in a given time frame, her friends or a couple other jealous alpha females in the group will systematically try and tear things apart between me and the girl I'm dating, and are often quite successful. These other women are extremely friendly at first towards me and I ignore them as to not lead them on, but after they figure out I'm not interested in them and I'm exclusive with one woman, things go downhill fast. I'm used to dealing with disruptive guys and disarming them in these settings, but how do you deal with women who do the same thing? Disruptive men are direct and challenge you in front of the girl and are easy to get rid of, women will do it indirectly and behind your back and I have no idea what's going on until it's too late. Could really use your advice here.

Anonymous's picture

it means you arent sexy, if you had good fundamentals and game the other friends wouldn't try to save her away from you

Anonymous's picture

I don't think that's it because I do have good fundamentals and game. It seems to be more a matter of jealousy, because her girl friends try to get me interested in them afterwards. Either way I found a solution to the problem with dealing with female competition.

lucifer's picture

.. I haven't read the article yet, but it's definitely a topic I'm interested to broach into as for years my stock reaction has always been "don't partake in the fight".

Expressly remember a night a friend of mine pushing me to join his efforts in "getting back" two girls that were swinging away to two other guys.
But those two guys were paying for drinks and spending lots of efforts and I just wasn't going to join a high effort and financial battle.

Though the two guys in the end got the girls -or so it seemed-.

That was one of the few times I doubted the strategy :).

Anonymous's picture

How do you compete with a better looking more alpha guy trying to steal your wife ?

Anonymous's picture

(this angry rant is a result of my frustration and probably won't make any sense)
What ever happened to genuinely wanting to get to know someone? I find it ridiculous and insulting that have to read hundreds of articles just to become a candidate for some self-centered chick. I understand the importance of gender roles, however I don't think that should mean that men should have to tirelessly work just to get a woman to consider him. They say women are more emotional but yet if a man doesn't do a, b, and c a woman will dismiss a man as some less than desirable creepy subhuman. I have an idea for you ladies: when you are surrounded by men who are constantly hitting you up how about you actually get to know them and then make a decision instead of forcing them to destroy their self-esteem as they constantly try to figure out the anomaly that is your brain. Women have hundreds of men that are always showing them that they are interested while us men receive next to no attention. Even if ladies do like us boys we are forced to sit at home wondering why girls simply just ignore us. Ive been told I'm attractive, people tell me they like my personality, people tell me I'm mysterious, people tell me I'm talented, yet none of them take the initiative to just talk to me. Feel free to call me a pussy, but Im tired of having to initiate every friendship and relationship. People wonder why Im quiet yet they never consider the idea that Im quiet because no one seems to take any interest in getting to know me. Im sick of this disgusting dating system. If you want some shallow dude who's only desire is to work at some dry job and has no actual interest in life but has the ability to win you over with petty tricks then you deserve what you are getting,

RonSwansonIsTheKıng's picture

This article is great!
A couple of days ago, I was in a similar situation. I was visiting a girl who I approached and pulled a number years ago.
We spend the whole day together and I was gonna crash in her apartment so I didn't make any overt moves (such as kissing) just stuck with deep diving and sexual framing.
That evening her friend came who was fitter and better looking than me and they started to gossip about their mutual friends. She was also flirting with him rather overtly (playful touchess, laughing).
I was disappointed at first but quickly got myself together and acted like I couldn't care less. I was very friendly to both of them and generally enjoyed the night.
That night her friend left for his home. Then we had sex and she was suprised that I bedded her the same day I actually met her and she wasn't even drunk. :)

It's all because of the work you've done.

Thank you and great job!

Jimbo's picture

Good pointers on ho to deal with disruptive males. I'm keeping those.

Though I've never really thought that much of competition from other guys. All I ever cared about was to be good at this and in my ability to attract a girl to bed or a relation. If you're attractive and have good game, you will bag an attractive girl at the end of the night as long as the sex ratio isn't too heavily skewed towards males even if there are other sexy and savvy guys around, they almost always go home with only one girl and can't take them all, and so all you have to do is be another hot guy yourself and take another chick.

About fundamentals, the one I usually have a problem with is posture. I mean I can stand/sit straight, but that's usually not my "default position", that is I have to consciously straighten myself up when I realize I'm slouching. Did you do something to keep your posture straight "by default" or unconsciously or was it something you always had?

Casey Burnet's picture

This girl I'm into right now is trying real hard to make me jealous by going after other men and flirting with them in my face. We've had something going for a long time but she is just really pissing me off with all this competition. What do I do?

Stephen 's picture

I’m not sure how much of this applies to us older men, 60+, being testosterone drivin doesn’t really look right on us, and I’ve read countless articles that there is an abundance of available women at our age and the competition has dwindled, but I don’t really see that, do you have any insight on that?

MT's picture

After some practice I'm still having great trouble not breaking circle.

It is a ADD-/PTSD-/anxiety-driven reflex of mine to turn my face to the nearest mihi-directional auditory stimulus.
I'm also the type who scares easily by loud noises and turn into a CIA-agent when I hear something new or out of place.

Visually it's a bit easier but auditory my brain will totally override the girl and there seems little I can do about it.
It happens so darn fast.

I'm scared that it's a monster that will eat me if I ignore them.
Tried that with a cluster-B once: I wouldn't recommend it.

How do I train my ADD-brain not to have ADD in this situation?
And add to that: how does one recover from a bursted bubble?

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