“Do You Have a Girlfriend?” Here’s How to Answer This | Girls Chase

“Do You Have a Girlfriend?” Here’s How to Answer This

Chase Amante

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In "Girl Changes Her Mind Too Much? Try This," Maxz asks this:

Speaking of indecision, I had a question for you. I recently had two girls who I was trying to bed ask me if I had a Girlfriend? I told each girl "I was not exclusive to any one woman".

One of the Girls who had agreed to come over to my place flaked the next day saying she could not make it because she had suddenly got sick though I am certain she was not. Do you think her flaking was a response to my answer? As I think this girl was trying to put me in the BF category and my answer I thought put me out of that label.

He's right here that you don't want to simply up and answer "Do you have a girlfriend?" in the normal yes/no way that most men do. A straight "yes" or "no" robs you of any intrigue, puts the control of the interaction clearly into the asker's hands, and just generally makes things a lot less interesting.

do you have a girlfriend

Plus, whether you say "yes" or "no," it's easy for either one to say something bad about you:

  • If "yes," that you're 'off the market' and not available (or some sleazy guy who sneaks around behind his girlfriend's back if you try anything)

  • If "no," that you're not preselected by other women and there must be something wrong with you (why don't other women want you?)

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. But if you tell her "I'm not exclusive," well, that has problems too - now you're seen as some freewheeling wild man who's either immature or "not what she's looking for" much of the time.

How on Earth do you answer this?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Vaughn 's picture

Chase I was just wondering how I would answer this one day if a girl asked me. I had no idea before how to do it without me being off the market trying to cheat on my girl and me not having one and trying to make a good reason why not, thanks.

I just want to ask a few questions though.
1. I act exactly how you want us guys to act and it has payed off. But a girl said I'm a typical guy I never heard that one before. How can I not be a typical guy?

2. Another girl called me needy, which is another thing I never get called. I asked her a couple of questions and she said it out of nowhere, which probably was the problem, but how do I not act needy or be needy. What do I have to avoid so I won't be needy?

3. I had a girl over but she was half asleep and I knew she was telling the truth because she told me she was before I asked her to come over. Anyway we chilled and I got some kino in and kissed on her,she was accepting it but left because she was too tired. I was in control and smooth the whole time. She even was trying to set up another day to come over.

My question is if you have a first date with a girl at your house and you don't sleep with her how bad does that mess you up?

4. How the hell do you respond to "what are you doing?" when making moves on a girl? How do I make moves without being "creepy"? And how do I get past non verbal objections? Like them saying they are sleepy, acting nervous, of body turned away? How do I get the confidence to push through the non verbal objections?

Thank you!!!

Luke 1's picture

Hey Vughn,

In no way will my advice pass chases... but to simply knock out 3 and 4 then look at these articles

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-not-be-creepy-guy
http://www.girlschase.com/content/3-second-date-strategies-make-her-flir...
http://www.girlschase.com/content/are-you-trying-too-hard-stop-trying-st...
http://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-dont-let-her-go
http://www.girlschase.com/content/never-give-one-key-success-women

there may be another one for 3 and 4 but I can't think about it at this time.

For 1 where I think you meant to say "I'm not a typical guy" you shouldn't take that as an insult but as a compliment. Either you did something that separated you from everyone else (leading to an easy "Us vs The World") and she finds you different and attractive or she thinks she sees you differently then others do, leading to deep connection building and nearly instant attraction/interest.

For 2 I'd recommend using chase frames so that you put her in the light of chasing you and her being needy;neatly woven in between light banter of course.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-chase-framing
http://www.girlschase.com/content/keeping-your-cool-dont-chase-women

Also, disregard anything I say if it comes into conflict with chases advice. Good luck!

With best intentions,

Luke

Author
Chase Amante's picture

I'm in full agreement, Luke.

Vaughn, getting called a "typical guy" is often flirting when girls do it. Responding with something like, "I resent that. I'm actually a really sensitive person on the inside," said as if you're trying not to laugh, is usually all that's needed to move on from this one.

You can always ask for clarification on anything that isn't clear: "What's that mean, exactly?"

On neediness, also see this article:

Non-Supplication: Why Working to Impress Women Doesn't Work

Chase

Anonymous's picture

hey Chase,

Love your site, been reading it since July. I was wondering if you could do a post on meeting girls on Valentines Day?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

Glad to hear it! I can do one on that, sure... we've got a little time before the big day.

I'll add it to my list.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

hey chase great advise.. though this seems the obvious thing to do , it is very difficult to come up with spontaneous answer at the instant the question strikes.
But what do to when you have never had a girlfriend or you've never been in a relationship. Being honest would certainly throw her off wondering ' something is wrong with this guy'. Is there a way to get around this?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

You can still use this same tack to answer questions, of course. But I think you mean how about with women you're getting into deeper conversation with?

For this, your best bet is to tell girls you've never had a "serious relationship." And you can tell them that it's not that you aren't open to that sort of thing... it's rather just that you haven't met a girl you'd like to stick it out with long term yet, and relationships haven't been a big priority for you. You can tell them that because relationship impact your life in so many different ways, you simply don't want to be involved in one that's not the right fit for the things you're trying to do with your life (and, this is quite true, actually; at least so far as the impact is concerned, and probably also with what you're trying to do if you have any major goals or objectives for yourself).

You're right that if you're a guy who really, really WANTS a relationship and hasn't had one, girls will think there must be some problem. But if you're a guy who DOESN'T really want one and has had other things more important to him than it, they can understand... and often, this makes you more of a challenge ("Wait... this is a guy that NO other woman has been able to rope into a relationship? I'll bet *I* can do it!").

So, it doesn't need to be a handicap - you can use it to simply make yourself sound all the more untamable and bad boy - and, thus, all the more scintillating and appealing to girls.

Chase

Funman's picture

Hi Chase,

This is a great answer and explanation. This website is amazing.

1) What are your responses to other questions like "how many women have you slept with" ? Do you do this all time ?

2) Any hobbies which a guy who is in the lover category would have? such as dancing, boxing, cross fit etc

3) I know you tell your readers about the importance of moving fast. However, there are online profiles of girls which says something along the lines of this, "If you are looking to get laid/ sex on the first date/ one night stand, skip this profile".
What is your opinion about this and have you been on dates with girls who said this in their profile?

4) There are girls who do not go out to bars and nightclubs. Would you move fast with them? Most guys would label them "shes not that kind of a girl", what are your views on this?

5) When you go out on dates do you always wear a jacket/ blazer , a vest? where is the line you draw with fashion and law of least effort?

6) For online game people are posting pictures of their travelling, hobbies, dining out and at parties to display their personality. Isn't this against the law of least effort? Why not just post best pictures/ multiple pictures taken by a professional, this way there is more intrigue?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Funman,

Glad you like the article.

Long list of questions here, and I'm just breezing through the comments right now and can't really give all these questions the time they deserve.

If you sign up for the forum over at www.girlschase.com/boards, it's free, and there are a lot of capable guys on there who can answer these questions just as well as I can (I'm on there plenty too).

I'd recommend starting threads on these topics in the appropriate forums (e.g., the online forum for the online question, etc.), and you'll likely get some great answers pretty promptly.

Cheers,
Chase

Penguin's picture

I will try this out next time. Now you tell me how to address the objection "I have a boyfriend" / "I'm in a relationship" / "I'm kind of seeing someone at the moment". An article on this would be awesome.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Penguin,

Yeah, that's an interesting one. It's typically a brush-off comment, though not always.

Anyway, there's the post up on girls who ACTUALLY have boyfriends specifically:

Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do, and 7 Things NOT to

... but I'll see what I can do on the "offhand remark" version of this. I'll add it to the pending post list.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

As you've recently been writing articles on social 'game' what's your answer to this if someone who isn't a sexual interest (e.g. guys, workmates, even family) asks you this question?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

For a social response here, that depends on what you want to accomplish. If you just want them minding their own business and not yours, you can say something like, "I'm not really focused on dating right now," or, "I'm on break from the whole 'serious relationship' thing for 2013."

Typically that's all that's needed to stop those conversations before they get started.

Chase

Maxz's picture

Hey Chase, love the advise. Now I know the line to drop when the next girl ask me this question. Yeah, I had a sense my answer was not all tight after the reaction from the last girl.

Love this site, keep it rocking!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Glad the article hit the spot, Maxz!

Chase

Balla's picture

How does "I just can't find the right one" sound? I also see on a comment about black girls and how you should get them. I would like to know how does a black guy get white girls?

I think it would be cool if you made an article or series about picking up different races of women. Tell me how would that sound?

Peace,
Balla

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Balla,

"Can't find the right one" you'll usually want to stay away from (unless you say it with pitch perfect tone and expressions - e.g., as a not-so-subtle invitation, steeped in sexual tension), simply because said anything other than perfectly it sounds like you WANT to, you just can't get the quality woman you want... basically, that you're not in control of that aspect of your life. When you tell girls you're simply too busy and it wouldn't be fair to them, you communicate rather that you probably have a LOT of girlfriend candidates, and simply choose not to have a girlfriend.

Black guys and white girls... I feel like I wrote something about this before, but anyway, every black guy I've known who was good with white women had a very disarming air about him; in some ways he was childishly playful, with a very easy laugh and an exceedingly warm smile, while still sexy and well-dressed with tightly-trimmed hair and facial hair. What you're essentially trying to do is disarm some of the intimidation factor that a lot of white women get with black men (because of mainstream media, or not meeting a lot of them, or whatever the cause). You've got more "manliness" and "sexiness" by default in white women's eyes by being black; now you've just got to remove some of the "intimidating" aspect that's greater in black guys than white guys in white women's eyes. You can do that with more charm, and by being a bit more disarming than, say, a white guy would want to be with her.

The article series on picking up different kinds of girls sounds interesting, yeah. It'd be a little complicated to write - obviously, it's different picking up, say, a Latina for a white guys, black guys, Asian guys, and Latin guys each - but probably would be a pretty fun series. I'll make a note on it.

Chase

Zac's picture

Hi Chase,

The thought of dating passive women seems to varies among everyone. I thought that only 18 to 21 demographics will just need leadership, leading and done. But rather some women are passive and totally havent been dating for years aside the flings, evEN late 20s.

I find they take time to warm up. They are often thinking if they make a wrong move and they are caught in their own world. You have any date insights on this kind of girls?

Zac

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Zac,

You'll find that "passive" women come in two flavors:

  • Compliant, and
  • Non-compliant

Compliant women will follow when you lead. So these girls are relatively simple to pick up, seduce, start a relationship with, and date, so long as you're competent and comfortable giving women commands.

Non-compliant women can be real frustraters, simply because they don't DO anything, and they WON'T do anything, even when you ask them to. Typically I advise against spending much time on these girls, as they're frequently time sinks with little returns, but if you're inclined to really dive in with a girl like this, you can try to wear her down by simply being flirty every time you see her.

e.g., you see her, talk to her, flirt with her, try to move her, and she's non-compliant. You go off, meet some other women, then run into her later, talk to her some more, flirt with her some more, try to get her invested again, and she's still non-compliant. Go off, meet some other women, then come back to her and try again.

If you're pushing just a little bit, and not TOO hard, most girls will find this rather endearing, and it's a great way to warm them up. You can do this with a girl you've met out socially (party, bar, nightclub) all over the stretch of an hour or two, or you can do this with a girl you see regularly (work, class, a shop you frequent, the gym, etc.) over a longer stretch of time.

Won't always work, as these girls aren't just ACTING passive, but it's typically your best shot for making some headway.

Chase

Flash's picture

Hey Chase. I've noticed that you and Richardus have different styles, especially when it comes to texting. You seem to give off a more warm and friendly vibe while he is more serious, less gamey. He seems to attribute much of his style to the "Law of Least Effort."

I've read the post on How to Be Warm but is it really that necessary to be warm both in person and on text? It seems to me that it's more feminine and demonstrates that you are expending a lot more effort. Can you by pass the friendly guy and just be the sexy, strong silent type from the beginning--- or are girls really just more open to the friendly guy to start with? Wouldn't "average guy" be friendly and send gimmicky texts? It seems the Girls are Cute and Sexy concept contrasts with being an edgy, bad boy guy.

It will be fascinating to know what you think about this. Happy new year too.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Flash,

Good observations here.

Personally, I tend to sandwich warmer, friendlier texting in between more sexual, edgy interactions in person. So, I'd be edgier when I meet her, friendly over text, and then edgy again in person.

I've experimented pretty heavily with texting, and I've simply found that texting friendly gets women out the highest percentage chance of the time, at least for me. Usually seems to be the case for most of the guys I work with, too. I just checked Ricardus's texting article, and you're right, his are very direct... when I've gone the super direct route personally, I've had lower turnouts on dates (more declines, more flakes).

It may be something as simple as I'm following up with more girls who aren't as certain they absolutely want to see me again yet, while Ricardus is keeping his texting just to the women he knows are warm and isn't worrying about the rest of them.

The main point of texting is to get her in person again, so use whichever method's best suited to the particular girl / situation. If you're certain she wants to meet with you, stripping it down to barebones and being very direct (the style Ricardus talks about) is going to set a stronger frame for the date when she comes out, and you'll have less work to do. If you think she might be on the fence, adding a little flowery prose around the ask does up the odds she says "yes," although you take a slight sexy / edgy hit; but you can very quickly build that back up again in person.

Chase

Firefighter 's picture

Hi chase,

First off I have to say this article is genius, you raise the bar each time! I've got a question for you I've pondered for a while im wondering if you had any insight on. There are girls who are really into me but then reject me indirectly. For example, one time everything was going well according to plan but after i asked her to out she told me she was too busy with school and that we could meet next semester. This was about 1 month ago but now wants to meet as she has gotten back to school. How should I approach women who rejected you before and how would you tailor your blog/ insights in that manner? In other words, a lot of these women trying to reinitiate contact may just very well want attention, how would you respond, would u just move on? Thanks!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Firefighter,

Check this article out - it's probably what's happening here:

Attraction Has an Expiration Date

Once attraction's largely expired, it gets a LOT more difficult to make something happen. You have a window once you've first met a girl / first moved out of the periphery (by getting into a real conversation with her, or by getting contact info from her), and once the window shuts, it usually doesn't reopen.

When they're trying to meet up again after being flakey, make it be on terms very favorable to you - have them come to somewhere close by to where you are (you should really be doing this with ANY date), or even over to hang out in your apartment / room if you're in school. If they won't do that, politely beg off the date ("Okay, it's cool; catch you another time then!") and don't worry about it too much, unless you have time to burn and it's worth the learning experience to you (usually these won't amount to much).

Chase

Jack Schitz's picture

Chase,

My response to this in the past has been a little chuckle followed by the question "Why? [Are you auditioning]/[Do you want to audition] for the job?" followed by a sly grin. It's worked, but your critique is certainly appreciated.

Cheers.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jack,

That one's pretty good, and it was my default for a long while too.

I eventually moved away from it just because I didn't want us spending any time at all on the concept of having a girlfriend, or get her thinking about filling that role. Just to avoid any hint of suggestion that the role might be fillable.

But even still, it's a strong reply, and you can do a lot worse than using that one.

Chase

che's picture

And I just wanna hook up with this girl anyway?
I've successfully managed to skirt the issue in the past, but probably non too smoothly. I've also been open and direct about it, which really didn't seem to do too much harm. But I feel there's a better way.

Thanks

doji's picture

Chase,

What would you advise for older men regarding this question. If your 35+ and your dating women 27+ its harder to sell the semi-player role. "My life is simply too busy for a girlfriend right now" will blow you out of the majority of women. Your only 30 and you are dealing with very young girls. Even when you get the older women, they still view you through the "lover" filter. But when you are older they won't view you that way. If you are a 40+ year old man trying to seduce a 33+ woman, I have found that it is much harder than if a 20 something was trying to seduce that same woman. She'll have sex with the 20 something who uses your line but she won't have sex with the older man.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Pyngwyn's picture

I accidentally gave the proper answer to this question about six or seven weeks ago. I say "accidentally" because I answered without considering how effective the answer was in building attraction; I just had a lot going on, and looking for women wasn't part of it at the time (the question she asked was first "are you married?" which apparently means something else?). I think it would be safe to attribute a good portion of the initial attraction on my answer, considering how much I blundered elsewhere: I had crummy fundamentals, and didn't compliment or use touch, yet there were still many painfully obvious signals that I failed to act on, like her inviting herself over (especially when she found out my roommate was absent for several days at a time), buying me dinner on a whim, offering to drive me just about anywhere, those dewy eyes every time she looked at me, and even once spending the night in my bed... I still kick myself about that one; I didn't even kiss her until the day *after* that. I discovered this website about a month-and-a-half too late :-(

I found myself chasing her long after the attraction window closed, so I had to delete her phone number, twice, to stop myself. Needless to say, nothing ever has or will happen with this girl, and I'll have to mark it off as a learning experience.

Dustinsteinc's picture

When asked this question, I usually (in a slow low, sexy tone) blink and say, "sometimes". Pause and barely wet my bottom lip with the very tip of my tongue. I then ask with a very faint sexy grin, "what about you, (slight pause) do you have a girlfriend"? I then return to normal conversation as if the topic never came up. This has been golden for me. I am excited to try other ways though.

Thanks so much for what you do,
Dustin

Mike's picture

Hello,

I get asked this question a lot by girls and guys alike. Most of my friends think it's the end of the world for you if you are single and if you answer with anything to show you're not interested in these matters, it automatically means you're gay.

I'm not looking for any relationships and I'd rather stay single, so how can I respond and declare my disinterest without having them think "Is he gay or what?" I'd welcome any serious replies from anyone.

I'm asexual by the way.

B's picture

Had a girl that was testing the heck out of me.. I guess she didn't take me to seriously... Funny enough, it was the first girl I ever used any GC techniques on... We had a fling for a month and a half until she started treating me like sh*t at work... It was a very hard situation to deal with at the time, fortunately I no longer work there and really lost respect for her (she did for me too lol... Obviously) but it was intense. I'm sure you remember the first time a girl acted that way, you actually do feel inferior, at least I did!

What is the mentality to have when being tested? In your 'when to react vs when to stay unreactive', you wrote a "yes that is what I do, this is why I do it/how do you do it?"

Is there a similar model with tests? I find having a model like the aforementioned really engrains it in my head.

Much to learn!

Thanks,

B

Anaya 's picture

I did exactly like you told about answering the question of not dating anyone...... Her exact response after saying that was ( what was it that I was so busy with in life that I had no time to date or have a girlfriend) I told her I was basically busy with finding out answers that bothered me about life. I told her it was more of philosophycal answer I was finding
What should I have replied according to you

Cheers
Anaya

SG's picture

ugh, just saying "yes" or "no" is enough, long answers like these ironically seems to be "guideline" answers. The next her question would be "did you read guide to answer like this?"

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