Secrets to Getting Girls: Chase Framing
Alright gentlemen, if you feel like fishing with dynamite, I’m going to show you how in this post on Chase Framing. This is how to get girls to chase you. If your goal is women pursuing you, women chasing after you, women trying to sleep with you… chase framing is the closest thing to a magic bullet you can come. Mix in investment and always moving things forward, and you’ll have the recipe for a lot of fast sex and strong relationships with women who want you with a passion.
First, something in the way of a definition.
Chase Framing is what we call the way a man positions himself as the object of a woman’s desires and efforts to seduce, by two key subtle strategies: investment and humor. We’re going to look at both of those here, but in particular I want to focus on the power of humor and how it can be used to set an ironclad chase frame.
A little note on the way the brain processes suggestions. The human mind is a powerful tool, adept at taking in thoughts and ideas from all over its environment. And when people suggest things, the mind captures those suggestions, imagines them, and considers them. And once the mind has imagined something, it is almost a kind of memory, albeit one that typically lacks the kind of strong emotional punch and immediacy of a true memory.
When we talk about using humor to set a chase frame, one of the main reasons why this is so effective is because every time you joke about a woman chasing after you, fantasizing about you, or doing something with you, you are painting that picture in her head.
Sexual Humor
The humor side of chase framing takes advantage of another way the brain reacts to stimuli in its environment, by using a technique called “anchoring”. Ever have a negative person in your life? Maybe a friend, maybe a coworker, maybe a family member, maybe an ex-girlfriend. And every time you spoke with this person, he or she made you feel bad? Eventually, just thinking of that person makes you feel bad.
Now, ever have a teacher, or a supervisor, or a friend, who just inspired you, and made you feel good, and made you feel like you could do anything you set your mind to? Just thinking about this person makes you feel good, doesn’t it? And you want to spend as much time with him or her as possible. Because you’ve anchored positive emotions to the thought of this individual.
Sexy humor combines these two elements – it gets girls imagining the two of you together, and it gets them doing so in a way that’s fun and enjoyable and pleasurable – they’re laughing and having a good time. These kinds of imaginings are really the next best thing to actual memories – sure, you’ve never met this woman before, never dated her, never slept with her, never had a relationship with her before. But through sexy humor, you can help her imagine what that might be like, and open her to the possibility of the two of you getting together.
To make this work, you’ll first need a sense of humor. The good news is, your sense of humor is something learned – so if you don’t have one, you can learn one; and if you have one but it needs some brushing up, you can brush it up. It just takes a little time, is all. I may get around to writing a primer on humor in general, but it’s a bit of an ephemeral subject. For now, let’s just say that if you are short on humor and want to develop your sense of it, start by picking out some comedians whose style you admire and would like to emulate, and start working to incorporate that style into your own conversations and interactions on a day-to-day basis.
As for sexy humor… I’ll start with a few examples. Basically, the idea is to just integrate this style of humor into your regular conversation. It can range from the subtle to the sophomoric – use your judgment, and realize that it depends greatly on the girl. In general though, even the relatively crude stuff most women find funny and attractive. Good rule of thumb: if she’s laughing, she likes it.
Girl: What do you want to eat? I’m kind of craving hot dogs.
Guy: Craving MY hot dog, probably. Why do you want to eat hot dogs?
Girl: What do you think we should do?
Guy: You probably don’t want to know. I don’t know if you’re ready for that yet.
Girl: What’s your favorite band?
Guy: The rubber kind. I use them to tie women up and do naughty things to them.
Girl: I hate when you go to a restaurant and service is slow and lazy.
Guy: Are you telling me you like it fast and hard?
The above are some very basic examples of sexy humor. They use reinterpretation and suggestions to plant the thought of you and a girl doing things together, or at the very least get her thinking about sex around you.
There are a few rules when it comes to sexy humor. Some of them include:
• Avoid being blatantly overt. Usually you won’t want to use blatant sex words like “sex” “cock” “pussy” “vagina” etc. When you make a sexy humorous comment, quite often it’s the implied meaning that makes it so fun
• Decide whether to let it hang, or keep moving. Sometimes it’s better to drop a sexy joke and let it hang and sink in, and give a girl a chance to respond. Other times – especially if it’s something that’s almost overt and you think she’ll most likely object to it – you want to keep moving in the conversation immediately after you make the remark, and get back to normal conversation (see the hot dog response for an example of this)
• Make sure to use appropriate facial expressions so she knows you’re kidding! A sly, mischievous smile, and looking at her out of the corners of your eyes are great ways to show her it’s all in good fun
Actually, as I’m writing this, I’m talking to a very cute girl I know via chat. Here’s some actual dialog from our conversation to give you an idea what this might look like in context:
Chase: Job Requirements: A man of principle and integrity
Chase: lol
Chase: damn it, there goes that opportunity!
Girl: what don’t you have?
Girl: integrity?
Girl: or principle?
Chase: neither
Chase: i just got skill, baby
Girl: haha
Girl: what kinda skill my dear?
Chase: i don’t know if that’s appropriate for me to say
Chase: there are cats in the room here with me
Perfect example of what’s outlined above: notice how the sexual content is implied, but even when she attempts to get me to lay it out plainly, I don’t. I could possibly have laid it out plainly in a humorous way (“the kinda skill that makes women scream things like the opposite of NO!”), but it’s vaguely self-qualifying, so does a little damage to my value. Better (and funnier) to further imply the way I did (saying it isn’t appropriate for me to say).
One other example from the same conversation, when I mentioned that I had some software program she wants and she busted my balls on it:
Girl: you have one?
Girl: where?
Girl: your ass?
Girl: why, can you give it to me now???
Girl: lol
Chase: hey, you don’t get to use my ass for free
Girl: haha
Girl: I will let you use my puppy’s for free
Girl: oh
Girl: so when are you going to sell your car again?
Chase: yes, that’s just what i want
Chase: to use your puppy’s ass
Chase: ew
Girl: He is a great licker
Girl: trust me
Girl: haha
Chase: lmao
Chase: like how you throw that “trust me” in there
Chase: not sure what you trained him to lick…
Chase: ;)
Girl: all sick stuff
Girl: haha
Chase: gonna try to sell it asap
Chase: was supposed to sell it today, but this old chinese guy went crazy when i didn’t reply to his email in like 5 hours
Notice how you can press the sexual humor even as she tries to change the topic with the car question (in this case, because I felt I could get a little more enjoyment out of the exchange), but then once we’ve had enough of it, you just switch back to neutral topics – here, answering her earlier question about selling my car.
Sexual humor is great. Once you get halfway decent at it, and develop a real instinct for it, you’re able to use it, pump girls up with sexual joking, and right when they start feeling like it’s almost too much, you… immediately change course and go to something totally neutral.
You take it to the edge, but don’t go over.
That’s one big part of setting yourself up as a sexual guy, and implying that she is chasing after you. There are all kinds of ways that you can joke around with her in a way that says, “Hey, I know you want me.”
Investment
Another big part of how to get girls chasing you is getting them to invest. Still planning to write a comprehensive investment / compliance post, but for all intents and purposes let’s put it like this:
“Get girls putting in work for you, with you, and around you, and they will begin to see you as someone they are pursuing.”
Here’s a quick primer on compliance – once I get a complete post on it finished, I’ll try to remember to throw a link in this post over to that post. For now, a little bit on the basics:
1. Girls should be investing around you from the moment you meet them.
This means physical investment – you have them give you their hand so you can look at a piece of jewelry or show them something. This means verbal investment – they try to impress you, or they mention something you like and you tell them to tell you about that and they do. It means emotional investment – they get excited, curious, intrigued by you, and feel a range of emotions toward you.
2. You should be accepting and rewarding all investment you get – even if it’s for something you aren’t all that interested in.
When a woman you like offers you investment of any kind – whether it’s something you actually care about, or not (say, she offers to give you some small item that you don’t really want), it is FAR better to accept, and thus give her your approval and appreciation, than it is to decline (and thus show her disinterest / lack of appreciation).
3. Learn to be aware of investment.
Everything is investment – even small things like whether she is leaning in to talk to you, whether she is focused intensely on you, whether any part of her body is touching you. Be aware of how much work she is putting in to be with you, and seek to increase the amount – even small things add up. As she invests more, she’ll begin to feel that she is pursuing more. If you are accepting her investment and rewarding her for it properly, you will create a dynamic of her chasing after you, you making her feel good for doing so, and her continuing to do so.
That’s how to get girls to chase you. That’s what a chase frame is – implying that she’s chasing after you, with words and humor, and ACTUALLY getting her chasing after you, with compliance and investment. Combine those things, and you’re off to the races.
Yours,
Chase Amante
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does this work the other way around?
Hey Chase,
I find this post very interesting to me because I am currently involved in my first hook up buddy relationship and it highlighted the reasons I feel sexually attracted to him. However, ever since we slept together for the first time he has backed away a lot and I'm ALWAYS the one asking him to come over and hook up. I feel like the fact that there is no longer a chase for him, that he knows he could get with me no problem, it is causing him to be less attracted to me. So I guess I'm wondering a) does what you described above work if women do this to men also? and b) is all i need to do to fix this give him the chase that he wants, or is it a whole other game at this point? He and I are both home from college for the summer and I only have a couple more weeks before I have to go back to school again... I'd like to get some good use out of my time! haha
Re: does this work the other way around?
Hey Anon,
Well, first, I'll throw in a disclaimer: I can give you some theoretical advice, and what I think would work on me and other men, but as a guy my experiences are going to be quite different from what a woman using something like this on a man would have. So chances are, an experienced female player is probably going to be able to give you much tighter advice than I am.
That said, yeah, normally bad dynamic for a girl to be the one inviting the guy to come over and hook up. On the other hand, I've dated some pretty dynamic women, and I know from talking to them about their pasts that they tend to date a lot of passive men, and they (the women) quite often end up being the initiators of damn near everything. So I guess I'd say:
* If you're in-charge and calling the shots in the relationship, you're still okay.
* If he's in-charge but you're chasing after him, you need to course-correct.
Guys backing away after you've slept together are tough to control for. The old adage is "men chase for sex and women chase for relationships;" once he's already taken you to bed a few times, it's going to be a tough task to keep him around if he doesn't want to stick around.
Your best option is probably to make him want you more. Talk to him about his previous girlfriends, find out what he fantasizes about, and then work to position yourself as that. Spend time with him, be sexy and coy and tease him a bit... get him excited about it before you go to bed. What's a lost art with both men and women these days is creating the whole experience of sensuality and desire outside of the bedroom -- perhaps study some sultry, sexy vixens in the movies and see if you can adapt some of what they do to your own style.
Chase framing like this might be okay, but I'd be a little wary of it. Most men don't take as well to witty / wordy women as women do to men of that style. Men get turned on far more by women being flirty and sexual without having to say anything about getting physical.
e.g., picture a girl teasing a guy about intimacy... versus a girl sucking on a strawberry while looking at her guy out of the corner of her eyes. Yum, right?
As a woman, you probably have a pretty good feeling for what's sexy in other women and what isn't when you see it. So whatever you feel like doing, I'd say imagine another girl doing it, and ask yourself if it's sexy -- or if she ought to take things back to the drawing board.
Cheers -- and hope you enjoy the rest of the summer ;)
Chase
Another great article
Another great article Chase.Compliance is powerful in pick-up.
A player without knowing it
Hey chase, you seem to be an expert here
I've read a lot of your posts on topics about understanding girls and how to better position myself. The one problem I think I have is that even though I do all these things on a semi regular basis with a lot of women I know. Once I find one that I like and realized that I like her and that she has some feelings for me too, but is still kinda testing me, I seem to freeze up and just turn weak.
Is there any particular reason for this? I haven't had many real relationships, and to be honest, nothing longer than a month so maybe that's why I freeze up and start acting weak and strange and unreliable once I've found someone I'm interested in back.
I just start to fail at the tests, because the girls seem to make me feel weak. Right now, I think its happening again, but thankfully came across all this information to prep myself. I hope i stopped this problem in its tracks, Im sure i've only made one mistake so far, and I'm hoping to remedy that tomorrow. I've talked with a few friends and I'm following what they've suggested and what I naturally feel is right: let it slide and dont let the test bother me. However, this feeling though, of something unpleasent in your chest, still bothers me and I guess only experience makes it go away?
Re: A player without knowing it
Hi Anon,
What you're going through is a totally normal phase. I went through it, everybody reading and commenting on this site has gone through it or is going through it now... if not with every girl, at least with ones he likes a lot.
It's basic psychological programming: we get nervous around the things we want very much, and start taking it to cautiously and rationally and making mistakes in our efforts to "not mess up." Basically, you mess yourself up trying to not mess up... ironically enough.
I've got a post on this here:
When Women Test Men
which should help out.
You're right, predominantly only experience will make it go away. Once you start realizing that women testing you are often doing it to be a little funny or because they're skeptical and need to be reassured, and once you know how to deftly sidestep these tests with ease and panache, you stop even noticing them altogether.
One suggestion: if you've got specific tests that are troubling you, spend a little time thinking about why, and about how to better avoid them in a concise, comfortable way the next time you encounter them.
Hope this helps.
Cheers,
Chase
i dont know if im getting the order of your stuff right...
okay, so ive read a bunch of stuff on here and im wondering, what is the order that is common/you recommend/you look out for? like, should making someone feel special in an understanding conversative way happen in conjuncture with sexual humor? or should you have at least a base understanding of them, move on to normal humor, escalate by touching or making them feel positively isolated/chosen by you by giving standards, and when you give standards that sets the chase frame, then build on the previous to spin it to be SEXUALLY isolated/chosen by you (in addition to non sexual choosing)? this all seems like pretty good info, but im having trouble piecing everything together.
also, just as a compliment, im glad you are telling people to actually care about the other person/people instead of telling them to appear like they care. thats one thing i feel like people (not just women) can easily sort out after a little bit. just having a genuine interest in people. also another thing I liked, how being courteous without being demanding. i dislike both extremes, where for instance a guy will hold a door open for a girl even if shes in another time zone, and sits there almost waiting to burst out "youre welcome!". and the other one, where the guy seems to pull the door as soon as he walks through it, being like "i worked hard for these door opening muscles, respect it". but if there's no reason not to, then why not? i also liked your reactions vs results thing. i think the same thing applies for comedy in a sense. its 10x worse when someone tells a bad joke and actively looks and tries to force a laugh out of someone ( trying to amplify the impact it was supposed to have), rather than just being cool and saying it and not really caring about what happens because of it. weird example, but you probably get it.
also, something else im curious about. are you single [no winky face here]? because though you talk a lot about ending up in bed and stuff, you also go a bit into dating, and you dabble in other things to improve on (im curious as to your advice on voice or if you have something i can read about). you sometimes talk about the number of high quality women youve had, or how many women youve had in X time or whatnot, and yet you talk about how rewarding it is to relate to someone and get to know a multidimensional side to them. have you just not met the right person? have you just got bored? obviously sex with more women is in a hard wired sense more enjoyable than one, but perhaps there's a reason you like this more?
im a total newbie to this whole thing though. i at least know how to converse and get to personal topics (maybe not core personal but at least personal) because im actually interested in people and, i have a decent skill in words (maybe not so much in grammar, at least in online posts) though nowhere near expert level of course, im pretty funny and good at implications, im just not good at attraction. and although I usually do press topics until i am asked, maybe i could say less about what i was asked about (this is what is supposed to happen, right? even if asked something, i stay just as mysterious in a way to have her think? what if i am asked something specific where i'd have to give a thoughtful answer, couldnt it convey me being weird if i cant speak long about it). does this only happen in the meeting portion or do you stay vague but inviting forever or what?
where should a newbie like me start? id say im pretty good at expressing through body language/facial expression. i just cant 'control' the situation through body language like people better at this can. im not even really sure i totally get what a compliance test is (is it like hey do this thing for me, thanks for doing this thing for me?). im not sure what to project my standards as and what they'd be (sexual? non sexual? deeply personal? shallow personal? tying shallow personal tastes to deep personal preferences? all the above? etc) and im not sure how to reward a girl for those standards. i could definitely start becoming more powerful in body posture, eye contact, etc. i know my physique is out of shape but im working on it with great consistency and results (for more reasons than this).
thats all for now. keep up the activity; theres some interesting stuff on this site and i feel its at least getting me closer to the right view, even though i dont have much experience. i also like the stuff that talks about just improving different habits. although the stuff parallels Mystery/Style kind of stuff, i feel kind of weird reading about canned openers and dhv stories and stuff.
Re: i dont know if im getting the order of your stuff right...
Hey PG,
I don't think of things as all that orderly myself, but for someone just starting out I'd say work on connecting first, and adding a sexual vibe later. Primarily that's because connecting is what you'll use to get women to stick around; a sexual vibe in and of itself lends itself to a lot of flakiness from women. Connections and conversations keep them around; sexiness and edginess excites them and makes them want more.
Once you've developed both skills though, you'll need to feel a girl out to a certain extent, but yes, you should be sprinkling chase framing / other light sexual humor in with your conversation and connection. It keeps things from getting too heavy (see "Spell Broken"), and makes your intentions clear.
As for my relationship status... well, I discuss my personal life somewhat on this site, but I aim for this to be more educational and informative than straight-up personal. Most of the readership on here is normal guys living normal lives who want to do better with girls, so that's what I write to help guys do. Discussing my own lifestyle and views, which, simply due to my own experiences and abilities, are very far outside the mainstream, ends up being outside the scope of the site.
But, yes and no to your questions: I haven't been single since 2006, really... intermittent bursts, but never for long even then not entirely single, and women are a very abundant resource. I have indeed found the right girl, and quite a few of them: beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, accomplished, ambitious girls with great personalities and wonderful homemaking skills. I don't really get bored; I've extensively remapped my brain through practice and meditation, and boredom and excitement are largely gone for me. Sex I find somewhat enjoyable, but I'm fine without it; I choose to pursue it for my own reasons, which aren't especially relatable to most guys out there (I'm purpose-driven rather than pleasure-driven; most people are pleasure / happiness-driven: their goal in life is to be happy, which is a goal I understand but don't share).
As to your questions on relating, yes, saying less is a choice option and highly recommended. Be intriguing and give some information but not all. Make women wonder what else lies behind the curtain.
Ultimately, you do want her to feel like you have things for her to discover forever. The moment a woman feels she knows you completely is the moment you stop being intriguing, interesting, and exciting, and become yesterday's news.
Compliance test -- yes, you've got it. Ask for investment, see how she responds.
Standards -- whatever you like, though I recommend having standards of looking for interesting people (and then learning to be good at drawing out what's interesting about everyone you meet) and being an edgy, sexual guy who moves fast.
Props on working out; it's not impossible to get girls when you're out of shape, but being in shape gives you like a 15% edge or so, depending on how big you started out at, and that can be quite significant.
Anyway, hope this helps, PG. If you keep at it, you'll make strides and see improvements.
Best,
Chase
I dont know how to handle this right. I need advice please help!
Hey Chase,
I've been reading your stuff and its pretty interesting to say the least and i'm trying to fit it into how i should be treating this girl i'm dealing with. To give you some background I've known her for about a year and just a few months ago we started reaching a new level. We arent dating but both of us have talked about working towards it. She just got out of a long dysfunctional relationship and was looking towards being with me. But the worst part is she just went off to college so now its a long distance relationship for the time being. It has caused me to fight with her here and there but we have always made up and she was always the one who after a few days of the silent treatment would cave in first and contact me to try to fix things. It usually takes her a few days to realize she was wrong because shes that kind of girl who never thinks she is. Although, right now were in good standing but its starting to look like were talking more like friends than people trying to be in a relationship..
This girls perfecttt personality trait would be "stuck up". She fits almost every aspect of it. And to give you an idea of how the relationship is running, i'm putting in all the effort while she barely puts in any. I've opened up to her and told her how i felt on a lot of different aspects of our relationship while she rarely opens up and when she does its not very detailed. I feel clingy and needy :/..She seems to have her guard up and i want to know how to break through that. Ignoring her has worked effectively by her being the one who starts chasing me but it does scare me to keep doing that because i feel one of these times i might lose her all together. I'm sick of investing so much in her but i'm also afraid that if i stop investing in her then she will not bother to invest in me and give up. I do like this girl a lot and do want to be with her but want her to start being more affectionate towards me because its driving me crazy that she wont be like that. I've fought with her over that asking why she cant be like that which im starting to realize might have been a bad idea. I just dont know how i can restore it to me being the chased when i have been so open to her. I really hope its fixable..
So hears the thing i want to know if you can help me figure out how i can get this stuck up low profiled girl to open up to me and let her guard down. What are the best ways to get her investing in me without me coming off as clingy or needy to get it out from her? Thank you for reading and i hope you can help me out! :)
Re: Long distance girl
Hey Anon-
Okay, first, check this post out:
"Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women"
Second, I know it feels like you're getting somewhere, but you need to read that. Crappy position to be in, I know.
Best advice for now is to marginalize this girl and start meeting new women, upping your skills with girls, and finding replacements. She may come back into your circle; she may not. But trust me, whether she does or not is going to matter very, very little to you once you start getting success with girls in your town -- instead of one who's far away and not trying to be together with you!
Cheers and good luck, man-
Chase
Hey Chase or whomever, I
Hey Chase or whomever,
I really enjoy your articles, and I've even purchased your book. It's a good read and I recommend it to those who want to have more success in the dating arena. Anywho, I had one question that keeps poppin up in my head. This whole rewarding women when they invest in you. Im not sure I fully understand how to reward them. How should I go about doing this exactly?
Thank you again.
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