How to Not be the Creepy Guy

I've posted a few articles recently that deal with casual relations. "Do Women Only Want Sex?" cuts to the core of what, specifically, women want from men; "Sexiness is Critical to Casual Relations" discusses some research highlighting how important being sexy is to netting rapid intimacy with women.

A reader sent me an email the other day after reading some of the posts on rapid intimacy, asking if I can help identify what it is he might be doing wrong. An excerpt from his message:

I just can't figure out how any guy can sleep around without misleading girls about his intentions. With a lot of girls, I feel like I'm in a weird zone where they think I only want casual sex, but that they aren't attracted to me enough, so they don't like me at all (and I don't know whether I'm not attractive enough for them or whether they just don't want casual sex.) In this zone, they don't really want me around cuz they see me just as a roving dick on the hunt. That's what honesty gets you... But maybe I need to be more honest about the side of me that wants to get to know them? How do I even do that? Currently I just try to have fun with people, which is how I got over the creepy vibe, but I still feel like I have this worthless-player vibe.

creepy guy

Okay, so I have a pretty good feeling for where this gent is. He is, it seems to me, at the point where he's relying on being fun and entertaining to keep women's interest and get them to like him, but it isn't translating well to intimacy, and he feels that without being fun and entertaining, he doesn't have much else to offer and people dub him "creepy."

Kind of a Catch-22: being fun and entertaining means women don't see you as all that sexual, but dropping the fun and entertaining vibe means people don't want to hang around and that certainly isn't terribly conducive to bedding new girls either.

Now, there's a post on this site up about how to be a sexy man, and that's the first place I'll point anyone who wants to know how to start instilling the right kinds of emotions in a woman: interest, curiosity, intrigue, and arousal. And we talk a lot about the drawbacks of being the entertainer guy in "Reactions from Women, or Results with Women? So those are a couple of great places to start if you're looking to get out of the habit of being entertaining and into the habit of being sexy.

But if you drop the fun and entertaining slant, and you end up seeming creepy… what causes that? That's the main thing I'd like to address in this post; basically, how not to be the creepy guy.

How "Creepiness" Works

"Creepy" is kind of a catch-all term for feelings of nagging fear and uncertainty that certain people instill in others, most commonly when we intuit that those others are trying to hide their real motivations. When someone wants something from us but is lying about it, we call him a "creepy guy."

Creepiness is something many newer guys run into, because they find themselves in the situation of wanting something from people but lacking the social wherewithal to honestly express their wants without being too forward or awkward – so they try to conceal them.

To people they might be threatening to in the wrong light, this comes off as "creepy." Some common faux pas that someone described as creepy might make:

  • A conversation is dying, but he stands there and keeps trying very hard to keep it alive.

  • A woman has given signals she isn't interested, but he continues trying to talk about very mundane stuff like the weather or the city or his job.

  • The level of interest he's showing does not align with his purported intentions.

The first two are tied to being a social burden, which we'll talk more about a little below. What that last one stems from is that say a guy is trying to be indirect and not show any interest in a girl, but his body language and behavior is communicating he's very interested, there's going to be a big mismatch between what he's saying he wants (friendly, polite conversation) and what he actually wants (to take this girl to bed right now). That "concealing of the obvious" tends to put other people on edge a bit.

It's not really the "coming on too strong" that's a problem. It's the coming on too strong with a lack of social calibration.

It really all ties back to how socially calibrated a guy is. The more comfortable he is with people, the more he knows both how to act with people to get what he wants, and how to present himself in a way that others find pleasing and compelling but not overbearing.

Being creepy ultimately is about wanting something from people without offering anything in return. Creepy guys do not try to get to know who women really are and give them good emotions. They don't try to sweep women off their feet and make them feel romanced and excited. They just stand there and keep trying to talk to women hoping that somehow by saying enough words women will decide they want them. They offer no value and do nothing positive to interest or intrigue or attract a girl, and instead only want and pursue whatever it is they want (a phone number, a kiss, to take a girl home, etc.).

People don't like people who want to take from them but give nothing in return. When someone picks up that another person is like this, that other person tends to get labeled "creepy."

Things Creepy Guys Do and How to Fix Them

There are some specific behavioral traits creepy guys possess that you'll notice more socially calibrated men do not. I'll list them out here and explain.

  • Scanning and Staring. Creepy guys tend to scan around a lot, "hunting" and looking for the next woman they'll talk to. This is very obvious to everyone else in the venue, especially women, who have eagle eyes for which guys are staring at them and get creeped out by men who are scanning around and staring them down. More socially calibrated men instead flow naturally into conversation and use their peripheral vision, identifying women they want to talk to without ever looking directly at them.

  • Giving too much of their body. Creepy guys come on very strong and give full body attention most of the time. That is, they point both their feet, their torso, and their head and eyes directly at the person they're talking to. This is like what many salespeople do when you walk into a store, and it makes you feel cornered when they do that to you, right?

    Well, a guy turning his body on full blast to some girl he's just met makes that girl feel exactly the same. Learn to talk to women over your shoulder and open them with the side of your body facing toward them, rather than giving them a full frontal.

  • Being overly serious. Sexy men typically have either an extremely steamy, sultry vibe about them, or they have a puckish playfulness mixed in with sexual undertones. Women react very well to this. Creepy guys, on the other hand, usually don't smile at all, and seem dead serious.

    When a man approaches a new woman, she has no idea what his intentions are, and men are generally bigger and stronger than women and thus potentially dangerous to them. Smiles disarm; but creepy guys often forget to smile and instead barrel in with a serious expression on their faces and alarm women. You mustn't forget to smile.

  • Being a social burden. The concept of the social burden is a pretty interesting one, and one I'll probably do a post on at some point. Basically, when you've just met someone there's often a fear that you're going to stick around and not leave and be a burden on them socially, even if you seem like a really cool guy. Socially calibrated men are very good at defusing the fear of the social burden, and thus move past this quite quickly. Less experienced men are often not, and hang around giving full, unflinching attention to a new woman and hanging onto her like a bulldog.

    There are ways to adroitly hang onto a woman while simultaneously defusing the fear of the social burdens, which I'll cover more in-depth when I get a post on this up, but for now, suffice it to say that speaking slowly and with lots of pauses is a very good place to start. It allows women to relax and know that they'll be able to get a word in and end the conversation if they need to, which is freeing for them to know and alleviates much of the fear.

  • Being truly indirect verbally, while communicating interest nonverbally. Most new guys prefer using indirect – not coming out and stating their interest in a woman – because they haven't figured out how to do direct yet without coming on too strong, and indirect feels a lot safer and less intimidating. And indirect is certainly fine, so long as at some point you start communicating your interest.

    The stronger your interest comes across via behavior and body language, the sooner you must verbally communicate or at least imply interest. If you continue beating around the bush and trying to act uninterested while your behavior and body language implies otherwise, you'll be deemed "creepy." Circumvent this by verbally or implicitly confirming to women that yes, you admit you're interested.

creepy guy

  • Being afraid. There's a psychological term called "emotional contagion" that discusses the absorption and internalization of the emotions of those around us, and the one thing that many creepy guys have when they're talking to strangers and new women is fear. And when a man is feeling fear, he communicates it; the expressions on his face a are a little tighter; his voice trembles a bit more; he thinks about conversation more slowly and his conversation comes with more hesitation; and he puts out plumes of pheromones filled with fear chemicals that women pick up on.

    If you start communicating fear, women pick up on it – and become fearful themselves. Compound that with standing there trying to force a conversation with a woman you're afraid of – ack, no good; the girl feels like something is very off. Unfortunately, not much you can do about this one aside from bite the bullet and go talk to the girls you find most intimidating, until you reach the point where they frighten you no more.

Moving Beyond Creepy

The best way to get over creepiness, of course, is to develop a high degree of social calibration and social intuition. I strongly recommend dropping routines and fun and entertaining stuff if you're doing that and focusing instead on becoming a talented conversationalist.

It will be a bit harder for a while if you've been doing that other stuff, and you'll get fewer extreme reactions from women and might see a drop in your results for a while if you've been getting some with some other stuff, because the learning curve's a bit steeper. But you'll quickly advance as a conversationalist once you start trying and, man, let me tell you, once you're good with conversation, you will blow away all the guys trying to entertain.

You must also seek to romance women. Provide them great emotions and a great experience! That's what you need to be looking to do. You're not there to take; you're there to give. Quick, casual intimacy happens when a man creates the proper emotions in a woman to make it happen. Even the women who are desperately looking for a man to go to bed with will not go to bed with just any man most of the time; usually they're looking for a man who knows how to push the buttons they need to have pushed in order to accompany him home and become his lover.

So, if you ever feel like you're giving off a "worthless player" vibe, take a second and ask yourself what value you're providing to women. If the answer is not much, start zeroing in on how you can provide value to them. You should target things like excitement, connection building, and sexual intrigue. See the article on "How to be a Sexy Man" for more on this.

Once you're providing value to women, and being honest about your intentions, the risk of being dubbed a "creepy guy" becomes less and less, until eventually it disappears altogether, never to be seen again. Then you'll the one women come to to point out a guy and say, "Ah, that guy's creepy!"


Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from


Lau'Ren'Tay's picture

Haha i'll definitely been doing "the creep" like the
song by "The Lonely Island" if you've have heard it.
Another great article by the way, since I've been doing
cold approaching on daily basis now. Traveling 50 to 60 miles
to get to the bigger cities of Oklahoma. I approached 4 girls
today not a lot, but better than nothing. The first one, I
could tell she wasn't interested. So I left and approached
three Asian girls, and each one told me they don't talk to
strangers. I Directly stated my intentions saying they were cute.
So I guess I unintentionally gave off the Mr.Creepsta vibe, after
I turned and gave a full frontal. Anyway smashing article.

Lau'Ren'Tay Walker

Chase Amante's picture

Nice, good work, Lau'Ren'Tay. That's a heck of a journey, but awesome that you've got such resolve. Yes, if you come in too hard and direct (body language-wise) it can be overly forward and intimidating. So even when you open directly (with something like telling a girl she's cute), far better to use body positioning that is indirect and a bit aloof, then give her more of your body later as she wins you over.

Great job on the approaches, hombre!


Davis's picture


I recently stumbled upon this website and it has been golden. I've read 20 posts and I am confident for the next time I go out at the bar but I can't help but wonder if the advice you write could help me specifically in my situation.

I recently just moved to Houston from the Oregon, I am 25 and it is my first time living in a big city and trying to date and meet women. I was the warm approach king in college, and it was very easy to build relationships instead of cold approaching like you suggest. So for 4 years I never had to meet any new girls who didn't know me, my college was small like the social circle you described above.
I am normally outgoing, in sales I have no problem cold calling and walking into business and convincing them to buy. When it comes to women,, in Houston where I am a small fish in a big pond..I drown.
I am a black male who is attracted to white females, which makes everything in your articles that much harder, because not only do I have to separate the 93% who are annoyed by my approach i have to find the 7% who even like my kind, so maybe that 7% is reduced a bit.
I feel inadequate at times because I am a smooth handsome guy with moderate success in dating outside my race, but my warm approach comfort zone is gone. With every rejection it's not only a diss of my character but of my race, something I can't help.

How do i overcome this?

Anonymous's picture

Women do not generally care about race. It's the US, you'll find more women here than anywhere else in the world that like black males. Drop the chip on your shoulder and just be congruent with women.

Anonymous's picture

There have been numerous research and data to show that race is a major factor in dating.



Sasha's picture

I feel you on the other race thing, I am opposite to you, I am a white girl and like black guys, but it can be a bit tricky knowing if they will be into me.

I will share my experience being on the other end of this;

Case in point, I am shy and awkward, so I think that had a lot to do with why it did not work for me, I basically played musical chairs with this guy in one of my classes, tried to sit next to him, hoping we might get to talk, well he got a bit weird, twitchy, and so so I asked my friends about what happened and they told me to try again, maybe he was having a bad day, so I tried sitting next to him again, and he was sort of turning away from me in his seat, edging off it, and then he got up and moved to another seat away from me, and stretched out in it like he was glad to be away. It was quite embarrassing, it was if I was repulsive or had the plague or something.

I have never encountered or seen any guy act the way he did, he does seem a bit aloof in class, seems to sit in a corner, sort of away from others. It was a bit of a blow to my ego, hurt my feelings a bit, but I know it happens to everybody at some point, but this was my first time approaching a guy, as I hear a lot of men say they wish women would take the initiative sometimes, so I thought I would try.

So I was a bit puzzled, I admit my approach was probably wrong, but it took a lot for me to go up to him, I am normally very shy, and do not approach guys.

So is it best if a white girl sees a black man she finds attractive to just keep it to herself, and maybe smile at him, and wait for him to approach?

through this, I have made myself a little vulnerable, so if anybody responds to this, go a little easy, I am socially awkward, and know I need to work on my social skills.

I like to think or hope I am not creepy or repulsive, most people I encounter are either indifferent, do not react to me at all or are friendly when they meet me, and many say that I am sweet upon knowing me.

Sasha's picture

sorry for the duplicate if this is already here.

I feel you on the other race thing, I am opposite to you, I am a white girl and like black guys, but it can be a bit tricky knowing if they will be into me.

I will share my experience being on the other end of this;

Case in point, I am shy and awkward, so I think that had a lot to do with why it did not work for me, I basically played musical chairs with this guy in one of my classes, tried to sit next to him, hoping we might get to talk, well he got a bit weird, twitchy, and so so I asked my friends about what happened and they told me to try again, maybe he was having a bad day, so I tried sitting next to him again, and he was sort of turning away from me in his seat, edging off it, and then he got up and moved to another seat away from me, and stretched out in it like he was glad to be away. It was quite embarrassing, it was if I was repulsive or had the plague or something.

I have never encountered or seen any guy act the way he did, he does seem a bit aloof in class, seems to sit in a corner, sort of away from others. It was a bit of a blow to my ego, hurt my feelings a bit, but I know it happens to everybody at some point, but this was my first time approaching a guy, as I hear a lot of men say they wish women would take the initiative sometimes, so I thought I would try.

So I was a bit puzzled, I admit my approach was probably wrong, but it took a lot for me to go up to him, I am normally very shy, and do not approach guys.

So is it best if a white girl sees a black man she finds attractive to just keep it to herself, and maybe smile at him, and wait for him to approach?

through this, I have made myself a little vulnerable, so if anybody responds to this, go a little easy, I am socially awkward, and know I need to work on my social skills.

I like to think or hope I am not creepy or repulsive, most people I encounter are either indifferent, do not react to me at all or are friendly when they meet me, and many say that I am sweet upon knowing me.

Demoriae's picture

Ok white girl i will tell you what happened hes was not interested in you or he finds people that get too close to him smother him and make him nervous he could be shy like you and the twitching could be a sign of attraction but he didnt wanna tell you how he feels dont go after him hes not confident

Anonymous's picture

There is nothing I can do about my creepyness.
I have given up on women. I even loose those that show strong and clear signals and always end up calling them bitches.
Women made me but were not made for me.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

I came from a similar mindset to your "women were not made for me;" mine was "there's something about women other men get that I just don't." Makes you feel pretty hopeless.

I think it's important to keep in mind that women weren't made for anyone; they just are the way they are, and there are some things they respond to and some things they don't. So, if you want success with them, you learn what they respond to and start doing it.

The fact that girls show strong and clear signs of interest to you should tell you you're on the right track. Yes, it sucks when you get interest and it ends up not leading anywhere, but you're part of the way there. You just need to get better at helping that interest turn into something tangible, and you're in business.

Check out "Move Faster" and "Don't Let Her Go;" you might find those a good starting point for closing things out faster and more persistently with the girls you meet who show interest. Waiting too long and letting the interest die out is a common problem men tend to run into, so I'd probably suggest starting there.

Cheers bro,

John's picture

I read on Yahoo questions on this subject that a lot of Caucasian women find dark eyes creepy. So, if you look like Matt Damon, Matthew McConaghey, etc. its ok to stare. Women are so full of BS. Got to call them on it.

Chase Amante's picture

Hmm, don't know about that one, although I wouldn't be too surprised. When you grow up surrounded by other white folks, it's something you don't see a whole lot.

If you do have dark circles around your eyes and some women seem startled by this, try going for a more "shy" look to take some of the edge off any initial reaction. Shy can actually be very sexy when properly executed and combined with other elements of being a sexy man.


Anonymous's picture

Im a freshman in college and I'm really excited because there are so many new opportunities to meet girls and I've been trying to be that guy that women want to come to and be around. unfortunately already among some girls I've been labeled as creepy. this has been plaguing me since forever. Im awful at talking to girls and I've tried very hard to improve at it. i believe that part of it is my physical appearance as I'm quite tall but not very fit. from what I've come to understand based on experience, it's that when someone physically attractive flirts with a girl its fine but when an unattractive guy flirts with a girl its creepy. I've read this article and the ones about not being bitter and depressed and i don't want to be either of them but in my current situation it's really hard not to be. i figured that a new beginning would shed the old labels but clearly I'm going to have the same issues in college. Chase what the hell do i do?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

No good getting called creepy, but okay, first off, being tall's a great advantage if you use it right. What happens with a lot of tall guys is they get to hunching down just because they get used to doing that to talk to people, but that right there can make them seem creepy off the bat.

So, if you're like most tall guys, and you're hunching your shoulders and leaning in, first order of business is: stop. Stand up STRAIGHT, shoulders back, look tall and proud, and make people look up to talk to you. You'll have to mind your body language for a month or two to make this automatic, and it might be hard at first, but it's one of the most powerful things you can do to correct your appearance right away.

Other than that, work on fundamentals. "Creepy" usually has to do with posture, voice tone, eye contact, and things like that. Focus on getting very powerful, charismatic fundamentals, and you'll be shedding the "creepy" mantle before you know it.


Anonymous's picture

Dear Anonymous,

Chase is absolutely right about how being creepy has to do with eye contact, stance, etc. My best advice would be to practice approaching girls in general. If it's less intimidating, then start with just a stranger. Not necessarily your dream girl that gets you all clammy. Your goal is to work on your social skills with women, not to date them or to pick them up in anyway. You're not getting a phone number here, you're starting a conversation. Stand up straight, stomach sucked in, chest out, and shoulders relaxed. Your chin should be parallel with the ground. Take a few slow, deep breaths through your nose and release slowly through your mouth to calm yourself if you're nervous. The point is to look confident, yet natural. Approach a girl and compliment something about her. For example, you could walk up to a girl and compliment her outfit, shoes, hair, etc. and then smile. Don't go for the "I can't wait to see you naked smile" but the friendly smile that shows your teeth. This is very important: STOP THERE. No more compliments after that. If you feel comfortable starting a conversation then go for it. If not, then gauge her reaction as you look and/or walk away. Does she LOOK creeped out? Or does she look flattered that a stranger complimented her and didn't try to pick her up? If all you can do is give a compliment, then do it. Baby steps. Step outside of your comfort zone but don't totally overdo it. That's how you end up looking creepy. It's gonna take some time bro. The whole point of this exercise is to get comfortable talking to girls and having them not be creeped out. ALL of my past girlfriends know the creepy guy who says, "Heey" staring through them and hunched over like Quasimodo. I hope I helped man.

Good luck,

Clark B.

Josh's picture

Hey Chase,
I've got a similar problem like Anon above. Apparently I'm known as "Creepy Josh" and I'm not quite show how I got this moniker.

A friend who happens to be a girl suggested its because I'm different (in interests) and they just don't know me but I don't know...this is something that has plauged me since middle school.

My room mate says that when he tells people who my room mate is, they say, "Oh, that one." and today I was at a frat party and a socially popular guy who does very well with women was like "so your creepy josh" and he wasn't sure where he heard that from.

I'm not tall like anon and I have a large nose. Perhaps I don't smile enough when I'm just walking to class...I felt like I was making progress with this but I just don't know.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Josh,

All right, that sucks if people are calling you "Creepy Josh." Definitely not a moniker you want to have pinned to the back of your head.

Creepy usually comes down to body language, voice, and conversation. For anyone getting the "creepy" label regularly, I'd really, really recommend targeting the following things for immediate improvement:

  • Posture (straight back, shoulders back, chest puffed out -- stand tall and proud)
  • Eye contact -- practice making and holding eye contact with everyone you see
  • Smiling -- practice a warm, slow smile with everyone you make eye contact with
  • Movement -- focus on slowing down your movements and being deliberate
  • Tics -- pay attention if you have any of these. If you do, weed them out

Once you start coming across as a powerful, impressive, confident guy in your body language, that's going to erase 95% of anything remotely "creepy" anyone could think or say about you.

Next steps are working on your voice (see "Get a Sexy Voice") and working on your conversation (see "The Conversationalist" and "Get to Know a Girl").

Finally, one last thing that can get people regarding people as "creepy" is if they're overinvesting effort for little or no return. Check out these:

for a better handle on that concept.

If you systematically go through and check off everything in this post, you'll be so far from creepy before you know it that people will be like, "Oh yeah, didn't people used to call you 'Creepy Josh?' Why the heck did they call you that...?!"

Cheers brother,

Anonymous's picture

Sounds like serious limiting belief that will stop guys from making progress.

Anonymous's picture

Please, I am searching for: How to Never Fear Woman Again. please I really need it.. :(

Zachariah's picture

"Being truly indirect verbally, while communicating interest nonverbally."

Funny enough, my problem is the reverse - I am direct in my words but my nonverbal cues tend to be off a bit. I wish they made directions like this for people with nonverbal learning disability like me. I don't experience nonverbal stuff like other people do. The portion of my brain, the right hemisphere, has a lesion that makes it so recognizing subtle expressions and producing them is an active, frontal cortex thing I have to activate - not automatic and natural.

Tiring as hell. I have yet to ever make it through a date and get a second date. I can fake it for awhile (long enough to have a few first dates under my belt) but balancing conversation with willing every muscle in my face to respond in a more human way is more exhausting than anyone who doesn't suffer from NLD could imagine. Still, even I see the value in this stuff and will pass it on to my shy, neruotypical and nerdier friends. Good stuff.

DKMTR (Dark Matter)'s picture

it's about that balance you can't be solely indirect verbally and communicate interest nonverbally and at the same time, you can't be solely direct verbally and be aloof or interested with your nonverbal cues and body language. You gotta give a girl the right amount of attention that will make her feel comfortable. For every girl that right amount is different and it takes practice to be able to calibrate and adjust depending on the girl. But attraction flourishes best, once a girl is comfortable with your level of interest in her. Practice makes perfect. get on that numbers game flow there's an article for talking to alot of girls to gain experience

DKMTR (Dark Matter)'s picture

So the other saturday at a party I met this girl. Initially I met her friends and engaged them in a group casually then later in the party i happened to sit near them when I saw this beautiful blonde I immediately dove in an engaged her in a conversation.

It went from her standing in front of me to sitting next to me, to sitting in front of me to us making out. I deep doved got her to think we were on a team. I basically incorporated a lot of these articles on this site. Gotta say it was an easy feeling interaction.

I didnt sleep with her that night but we exchanged info. We started exchanging txt convos briefly for a couple of days nothing light and then like that she stops txting me. She invited me to a party she was throwing the following saturday...that never happened. I'm puzzled as to why after a good first encounter it gradually turned into her not responding when i contact her

if you have any ideas i'd love to get into an email conversation. If its ok with you, i'd prefer you email a response to me at

Ryan R's picture

I know this is an older article but I found it very useful. I remember once having a conversation with a friend of mine that happened to be a girl and she told me one of the reasons I was doing so poorly with girls in college was that I was seen as not giving a crap about anything.

I said "I thought women liked guys that weren't needy and displayed rugged independence." Her response was that they do but I took it to a dark extreme.

"You don't give a crap in a bad way," she intimated. "Like, you're the kind of guy that if you were on a date and a fire broke out at the restaurant, you'd just sit there and continue to eat. Or if you and a date were walking in a public area and I guy pulled a gun and demanded your money, you'd just shove past him and keep walking, until he shot you."

I couldn't understand why that was bad. That sounded bad ass to me.

"It shows how little regard you have for anything. There's a big difference in not being needy with women and flat out not needing anything from them. You care so little you wouldn't protect them, make them feel wanted or romance them because nothing is important to you. That's not rugged independence, that's psychotic apathy."

I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

attempting a crash landing. 's picture

I felt I was ok'ish... in that I could create attraction sometimes... even had some cold approaches done on me by girls... nice ones at that. Been on a date, where I wasnt interested, and it ended with the girl asking me back... but sadly I wasnt interested. My last work place had an ok number of girls in it and I had some very mixed results there. Some of them seemed interested. I found one girl in particular would stare straight at me when I would talk to someone else... looking me right in the eyes, with her head turned towards me. I would try to look like I was ignoring it, but I must admit she was very attractive to me... is this not what you would describe as creapy, though, on her part?? Maybe she knows she can get away with it, because she is physically attractive? Or is it not just possible that some people just use that method to show they're interested?

Right, thats the positive stuff out of the way........ now for the darn right negative!! I recently started a new job and the women there, so far, are as cold as the coldest ice dredged from the depths of beneath the north pole towards me!! I looked around, scanned for attractive women on my first days there, when I started... there was only a few. I checked out a girl opposite me just a few times, and she didnt react favourably... so I sort of reduced interest... then I heard she had a boy friend, so I thought "forget it" and just tried to get to know her... but she blocked me, and eventually must have talked to my coworkers about me, because they began to start being hostile towards me. Eventually I got really angry with them, but managed to patch it up... sort of! She began to open up to me a bit again, but she's still a bit funny with me. I guess I did the wrong apparoach then?? I guess I screwed up, big time? I quickly changed tac and wasnt interested in going after her in that way, but she thought I was and saw every attempt to get to know her/ talk to her as an attempt to sleep with her. Doh!

And as for the few other girls, they are pretty cold also. Normally, if I'm in a new envirment, I think I can usually spot atleast some girls looking and checking me out... not here! No, it is as if I'm a ghost... they dont even react to my presence... very strange indeed! Its not as if they've been chatting to each other either... I'm sure of that.

Bottom line is I need to seriously evaluate how I show interest to women I like. I've always relied on checking them out (I consider that if i do that I have a small window to start talking to them before they consider me creapo)... seeing how they react... if they start checking me out, then that might mean they like me.... but the rules have been so different here. Its like someone has changed the game... and it seems to closely reflect this article. I need to be canny and better. I'm extremely socially awkward around new people too... which sucks for first impressions, even though I'm fine and dandy with people I do know. I do heavily tend to rely on the being entertaining approach... but that's not working... I mean, it makes them like me a lot... but the date that ended in an invite, I wasnt doing that on.

I'm not just nervy with girls I meet for the first time, I'm like that with everyone... even guys. Its just the way I am.

Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase,
just one short question for you: do you think it mandatory to state (directly or not) your interest in an interaction? I mean, isn't talking to the girl about deeper stuff (ie 'deep diving') enough? Or saying things that validate her, being playful, etc.

Anonymous's picture

you should open direct at the first place.

Anonymous's picture

You mentioned two different vibes, one puckish and playful and one sultry and steamy, both sexual. I think I have the puckish one down but I am interested in the sultry one. Can you elaborate on these or perhaps write an article on them?

Anonymous's picture

Lately, I’ve been thinking about all of the misandry in our modern culture that seems to be so ubiquitous and yet completely accepted and unquestioned. Girl Writes What brings up a lot of excellent points regarding these issues, which is why I thought I would make my first video under this account as a response to her.

Anyway, there are two frequently used words that I feel essentially express misandry, a hatred of men, and I wanted to talk about both of them.

The first of these is the word creepy. Now, if you’re a woman like me, you have probably said this word numerous times and never gave it a second thought, you have probably encountered guys that just seemed off in some regard or that repulsed you on some level and thought of them or even referred to them, at least behind their backs, as being creepy. I know that I have called guys creepy or at least thought of them in that way, without really analyzing why.

Once I took the time to reflect a bit on the kind of guys who get called creepy and the kind who don’t, I decided that I would refrain from thinking of men as creepy and try to assess them on a more conscious level. Ultimately, I realized that being “CREEPY” has more to do with women’s emotional reactions to a man than anything wrong about his character.

Guys get called creepy not because the merit of their character on any kind of objective level. The reason a man is typically called a creep is because certain women find him unattractive, while the supposed creep finds those women attractive. Which is why the term is misandrist by its nature, because it projects danger, aggression, or nefarious motives onto a man for the sole reason of being found unattractive to women.

Some of you may be thinking that there is more to it than that, that creepy guys say scary things, act in weird ways, act in inappropriate ways. Sometimes certain inappropriate behaviors get labelled as creepy, but it usually has more to do with the guy who is saying or doing those things than the actions or words themselves. It you think back on the men you have encountered in you life, you can probably recall men who have been flirtatious or have even acted downright crudely, and because they were attractive or charismatic men, they didn’t seem creepy at all, but rather charming and sexy. You may also recall other men who were called creepy for far more benign behavior because they were socially inept or physically unattractive.

Women simply can’t concede that they find a man unattractive for shallow reasons, reasons which if your examined them, are no more enlightened than a man’s attraction towards big boobs or a shapely butt. So women elevate their own desires into some profound character judgement: they just know that this unsexy guy is really a serial killer, while this handsome charmer must have a heart of gold.

It relegates a man’s character to nothing more than what women think of him, of how pleasing he is to women, which is why the idea of creepiness, at least how it’s usually used, is so derogatory against men.

It also ties into all of the fury that feminists express about men propositioning women and the controversies over women dressing or acting provocatively. I mean, it is no secret to anyone with a bit of common sense that women have many things to gain by acting provocatively, by wearing sexy clothing, by flirting, by making sexual jokes or by making themselves seem available. They can gain not only a potential mate, but gain the positive attention and ego boost that this attention provides. In our modern culture where many taboos against that kind of behavior in women have disappeared, or at least heavily declined, there are fewer drawbacks for women acting in an overtly sexual way. Modern women can have their cake and eat it too.

This is where the “CREEPS” come in. There is one downside of flirtatiousness that has not been eliminated, the fact that a woman making a spectacle of herself in public doesn’t just gain the attention of hot guys, but also of men who she doesn’t find attractive. When an unattractive guy starts to express a romantic interest, that is when he becomes creepy in her eyes. That is when she turns her own shallow desires into a judgement of a man’s character, where she perceives his attraction toward her as creepy, and she interprets his expression of that attraction as hostility.

That is why Rebecca Watson became so offended when she was asked to go on a coffee date. You see, Rebecca Watson gives lectures at skeptics’ conferences. She has acted provocatively at conferences before this one–during one conference, there are pictures of her laughing with dollar bills stuffed down the front of her tank top.

But when a guy asked Rebecca Watson to have coffee with him at a conference, she became outraged. She announced, “it creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me.”

She went on to say that she felt “THREATENED” by his advances and warned other men that this is not how you should treat women. If you want to learn more about Rebecca Watson’s hypocrisy, you should check out Thunderfoot’s video that I’ll link below.

So, because this poor guy creeps her out, he obviously must be dangerous, he must have bad intentions. Why is he creepy? Well, because she finds him unattractive. When a sexy guy flirts with her, it isn’t sexual harassment, it is empowering. Go ahead and stuff some more dollar bills down her bra. It is only when the unattractive or socially inept guys don’t behave like eunuchs that it becomes an unsafe space for women.

Now, there’s another word, in addition to creepy, that has become little more than an attack on men in our society. That word is objectification. I will discuss that term in my next video, so stay tuned.

Girl Writes What –

Thunderf00t –

Gil's picture

Indubitably, womens' "creep" radar doesn't have the ability to seek out genuine creeps hence a woman can find herself in an abusive relationship ("but he was is charming when we first met"). Even worse a woman will find the charming guy is an outright serial rapist/killer too little too late. Even worse again is that if the man handsome, charming and yet a dangerous criminal then women still have no problems actively seeking him out as well abetting him in his crimes. Womens' "creep" radar is only a case of weeding genetically-poor men regardless of the content of their character.

Anonymous's picture

Thank you for such an insightful, honest comment. It really gives me hope when I see smart women like yourself being objective about this whole subject. God Bless You.

Anonymous's picture

Rebecca Watson wasn't "asked on a coffee date," a guy followed her into an elevator late at night, after the conference had ended, and invited her up to his hotel room for coffee. There's a world of difference between that and "hey, want to go to Starbucks?" in the middle of the afternoon with other people around. I'd be creeped out by that no matter how attractive the person doing the asking was.

Anonymous's picture

Yes, and even though Rebecca Watson's reaction to the situation is commonly held up as "misandry" it's actually perfectly in line with what the author said about the third thing, ie, "The level of interest he's showing does not align with his purported intentions."

That man's purported intentions were drinking coffee and talking, but in Western culture at least, when you invite someone to your hotel room late at night, that indicates that your level of interest is that you'd like to have sex with that person.

And the whole "says one thing but seems to want another" concept is something that puts almost every human on alert, regardless of situation: For example, if someone says they want to help up make money/become famous/etc, but their plan involves you paying them some kind of "fee" or "down payment", we instantly start to suspect a scam. If someone is sneaking behind some bushes next to a building in the dark, and says they're just looking for a lost dog, that's going to raise some red flags for us. And so on.

Anonymous's picture

For the first time in my life, I have had to work with a guy MY age that is creepy. I felt bad for thinking this way at first until pretty much every girl we both mutually knew confirmed they ALSO thought he was creepy.

The author of this article is right when he says creepy is more about tone, body language, eye contact and smiling. Yes, this guy is not attractive to me but so what? I've worked with other guys I had no physical attraction to and did not consider them creepy.

When you are complaining about STILL being a virgin at near 30, complaining about how women should want to date you because you'd never cheat on them ,aiming for women way out of your league consistently, and giving an over abundance of compliments and making it clear you prefer the shirts that hint at cleavage, that is creepy. What is sad is the guy has two friends that I'd be really interested in, but I don't want this guy in my life. You know when giving a compliment, saying, "Cute shirt" is enough. It doesn't have to be, "I really, really like ths shirt on you. Out of all the shirts you have worn so far, that is my favorite." Four hours later, "Did I tell you I really like your shirt?" And in a weird, announcer voice. It is just odd. I do not wear shirts for anyone but myself, certainly not for a guy I work with to tell me which he likes best repeatedly. It's okay to check me out, but don't give me a PSA about it daily.

It is frustrating! You wanna be nice to him, but the nicer you are, the more compliments you get and the weirder it gets. Ugh!!

Anonymous's picture

I had a female coworker like that once; I thought she was unattractive, but that didn't affect my professional opinion of her until she started... loudly complaining about her nonexistent sex life in the office and going out of her way to sit near me during meetings.

She got wasted at a company happy hour; she walked over to me and started pawing at my abdomen and tugging at my tie (seriously.) even though I was looking at her with a why-is-this-cat-bringing-me-a-dead-bird expression. Ugh. I could have possibly grown to enjoy her company if she didn't reek of desperation, entitlement, and neediness; I'm now glad that I got a better job and will never encounter her again.

Jimbo's picture

"I've worked with other guys I had no physical attraction to and did not consider them creepy."

That's because the other unattractive guys aren't interested in you romantically. A guy becomes creepy when: 1) he is unattractive (physically, because he's not smooth enough, he's too bland, weak, poor social skills, whatever), and 2) show romantic interest in you.

Anonymousgirl's picture

Right I am not the intended audience for this post but ever since some of my female friends were victims of extreme pick up artist techniques that either worked well or gave off the serious argument with the creepy dude situation we have been wary of guys coming up with unpleasant intentions using various psychological hacks to grab chicks and thus we trawl the internet to be informed of them.

This must be something like the first article which I have come across which points out that women do not need to be tricked/hacked into anything to make sex coins come out and that actually if you give us a good time (have something to offer us) we will be extremely happy to boink your brains out and that this is what we genuinely want! Thank you for restoring my faith in men. xx

Anonymous's picture

This is why prostitution should be legal. GOT DAMN why does this shit have to be so complicatated??? If a man just wants some pussy, why not just pay for it and be done with it?? She has her bills paid, He got laid, What's not to like??????

Anonymous's picture

I was wondering where I went wrong until i saw your post! Yes I have become creepy.
I was recovering from this feeling, trying to be happy, and suddenly, a new friend started ignoring me, and i realize that I am falling in this category and i am full of guilt. What a shame! I have my past to blame for this, but, I was planning to change my present. Still, it hurts, when you fear that you have been acknowledged a creep, and I just do not know how to let this feeling go. Happiness is dying!

Anonymous's picture

Ok, so how do you approach women that you're not interested in because they're sluts? And it may have something to do with religion.

Anonymousw's picture

thanks so much. You are a Godsend.

Keep up the amazing work!!

Roman Sverdlov's picture

Has anyone noticed that this article doesn't mention a single word regarding ACTUAL DEFINITION of creepy, which is being obsessed with sex, at best, and being downright rapist at worst? All it talks about is poor social skills. So the implication is that people with poor social skills are more prone to rape! Well that is totally false. So why accuse people of something that simply isn't true JUST because they are a bit awkward?

Add new comment

The Latest from