How to Build a Harem, Pt 5: Phases of Non-Monogamous Relationships | Girls Chase

How to Build a Harem, Pt 5: Phases of Non-Monogamous Relationships

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non-monogamous mltr relationship phases
Every relationship has its phases, but non-monogamous setups are often more challenging. Handle each phase well to help things go smoothly and make it last.

Welcome back to the Harem series. In this article, I will continue discussing how to date and manage relationships with many women in an implicitly non-monogamous arrangement. In Parts 3 and 4, we discussed how to compartmentalize your many relationships and structure your lifestyle to balance the number of girls you desire with what’s possible within the system. 

Let’s move on to discuss the life cycle of these relationships, as understanding how they evolve is key to affecting their outcome and longevity. After all, every relationship (even outside this system) has a specific life path. As a man, the dominant force in the relationship, you are in control of where it goes, based on the type of relationship you desire. It’s up to the girl to accept it, or reject it and find another man who wants what she wants.

As the leader in this dating structure, through the whole process, you’ll be guiding the path of these relationships, to protect the woman and create the best outcome for both of you. Ideally, you will structure the relationship so that she understands precisely what it is, how non-monogamy works, and whether it’s something she wants or not.

It’s also important to structure this in a way that makes it easy for her to say yes or no and increases the likelihood of her accepting the implicit non-monogamy model, regardless of her own previous experiences and desires. 

To set up the right path for this system, you must set the correct frames very early, so she understands exactly what it is you do and what she’s getting into. You’ll be conveying most of the information about the relationship through your behavior, not through words, although they will come into play. The life cycle of this relationship type is split into six different parts, and the woman needs to cross all the thresholds to ensure its longevity.

If your girl makes it through all these stages within the first six months or so, you can bet that she’ll be in your life for many years – for as long as you want her to be.

Varoon RajahAbout the Author: Varoon Rajah

A New York City native, Varoon’s studied under many of the seduction industry’s leading instructors. His specialty is direct day game, where he meets girls on the street, on the subway, and in coffee shops. Varoon is the host for the Girls Chase Podcast, available on iTunes or via SoundCloud.



El Gallo's picture

I know you've said not to celebrate Valentine's Day, but I honestly enjoy it. My plan right now is to just do it on different days near THE day with different mLTRs, maybe telling one I can't celebrate the day of and delaying to the weekend and then celebrating it the day of with another. I think it is especially unavoidable if you are only in the attachment phase with one of them. I think telling her you don't celebrate it is either going to potentially prematurely initiate The Talk or raise red flags for her in attainability. And, like I said, I actually enjoy it, even with multiple women.

Varoon Rajah's picture

Hey El Gallo,

V-Day is a tough one to deal with, always... but your idea is more or less on point, actually. What I meant was actually to not celebrate V-Day on the day itself, but you can definitely do this outside of V-Day proper.

And yes, you cannot not celebrate V-Day - it's inevitable. You cannot say you don't do V-Day, because yes that will kill your attainability and raise lots of red flags.

The challenge here is that you're dating multiple women, and they're all going to want to see you on V-Day. If you choose one over the others for V-Day itself, then you're not being fair and the other girls will feel very insecure (even if you don't tell them you're seeing someone else on V-Day, they will figure it out based on your demeanor).

What I do, and what seems to work best in my experience, is to book V-Day itself with something completely unrelated to women/dating:
- Book a legitimate business trip in a different city
- Go see family that night, ideally far enough away from where you live (i.e. the suburbs if you're in the city), and have it planned from weeks before.
- Go out of town for an event (wedding, etc).
- Some other non-changeable but legitimate, non-woman event. Especially true if it's a weekend.

You have to create this, because you're going to tell every woman you're dating that you're not available on V-Day itself, but you still need to see them before or after that date.

I would suggest that you handle all your most insecure women before V-Day, and the more secure ones after V-Day. The main problem with V-Day is that it's the day that EVERY girl that you're dating in any capacity is going to compare herself and her dating situation with every other girl that she sees on social media, etc. And, she's going to be comparing herself to all the Beta guys who are doting out flowers, expensive dinners, chocolates, romantic facebook posts and marriage proposals (He put a ring on it!)....and she's going to compare herself and you to all these guys. It's going to create a bunch of questions for her, so you're going to have to mitigate those carefully in advance.

Guys tend to lose FBs/MLTRs right after V-Day because girls suddenly realize they want something else in their life, but the best way to mitigate this is to see the girl the night or two nights before V-Day and give her (or those two women) the most intense night of sexual pleasure that you've ever had together. Make the focus be on giving her as many orgasms as possible that night, so that when she faces all her other feelings from social media and the world in V-Day mode, she'll still remember that you're the guy who gives her insane orgasmic sex, and no amount of chocolates, expensive dinners and flowers can beat that....


Varoon Rajah's picture

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