7 Signs a Girlfriend (or Wife) Is Checking Out of Your Relationship | Girls Chase

7 Signs a Girlfriend (or Wife) Is Checking Out of Your Relationship

Chase Amante

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girlfriend is losing interest
How do you know your girlfriend is losing interest and checking out? There are 7 signs of this, from makeovers to disagreeableness to new Sex in the City gal pals.

Picture this: you get into a relationship with a girl, and at first everything is pretty good. Not perfect, but good. Things coast along for a year or two, consistently pretty good: she’s fun to be with, she cooks you nice meals, you have nice sex. It’s good.

Then at some point, things start to feel ‘different’. It’s hard to put your finger on what. But it feels like your girlfriend is losing interest. Your gut tells you she is checking out... but when you confront her on it, she tells you not to be ridiculous. It’s not that she’s checking out, she says; she just wants to [whatever it is she’s doing]. You grumble a bit and try to ignore your misgivings. Maybe she’s right and it’s all in your head.

A few months go by and the relationship quality is now definitely not what it used to be. When you try to talk to her about it though, she dismisses the thought. More and more, she seems checked out of the relationship.

Eventually she tells you she wants to “take a break” for a while and maybe get back together again later. You knew it was coming; but you couldn’t put your finger on exactly why. And you knew of no way to stop it.

Today’s article looks at the 7 most common signs a girlfriend is ‘checking out’ of your relationship. These are the signs she isn’t out yet – but might be on her way there. Forewarned is forearmed; if you don’t want to be broadsided by a surprise breakup (or a surprise affair), these signs are your fair warning. Note that these signs serve equally well for wives as they do for girlfriends; any serious relationship is subject to the same potential signs.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Robinhood's picture

Hey chase. Thank you for the article. I think if a girl is checking out and you want to end it too, better to end it abruptly and on your own terms instead of dragging it oit further which benefits the girl as she moves on quicker, maybe even cheats towards the end and you are left hurting and taking a long time to recover. What do you think?

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, absolutely, in general and in principle I agree.

Where a lot of folks have trouble of course is that while part of them realizes this, another part has difficulty letting go. That's the challenge with this sort of thing - can you override the desire to cling, and let go a relationship that's run its course?


Ray's picture

Dear Chase, this is an excellent article that highlighted some of the issues that I faced in a previous relationship. My biggest problem is this one in your article “Maybe my guy isn’t as strong as I’d like.” you list this as a solution "she thinks you are too weak and boring, you may be able to win her back if you upgrade your frame control and build a little preselection." Is there anything else you can do to remain strong in the relationship. I have read your other articles and ebook and I sort of understand how to be strong, but its still difficult to really feel it. Also How do you remain strong all the time to prevent her from checking out due to weakness. Thanks so much man. I look forward to hearing from you

Chase Amante's picture


What strength in a relationship comes down to, at the end of it, is "I don't need her."

You might not need her because you'd like to (or perhaps do) shag other girls. You might not need her because you have a mission in life that takes precedence over a distracting, dramatic woman. Or both.

But those are the two primary core reasons: either you'd be perfectly happy to (or do) shag other women, or you've got something you're working on that is bigger than a woman.

If you the idea of sleeping with women other than your woman is terrible to you (even if it's just "You know what, if this relationship ended, and I got to be single and shag some hot new girls again... I could do that, yeah"), and you also do not have a mission you're engaged with (where you are able to say "If this relationship becomes too much of a distraction, I'd rather sacrifice the relationship to focus on my mission, rather than sacrifice my mission to focus on the relationship"), you need to get one of those in play. If you can't, your woman will still be comparing you anyway against men who are one or both of those things, and she will find your strength lacking in comparison.

Need to have one of these. There's a guide to missions here.


Platinum's picture

Hi Chase,

I find this clarification to be greatly insightful, but it also leaves me confused. I was under the impression that we should care about our girlfriends. Specifically, she is our girlfriend precisely because we like her more than other girls for whatever reason.

How would we reconcile this with the belief that we don't need her and would be perfectly happy with other girls? If we would be happy with another girl, then why are we dating her in the first place?

I'm just under the impression that your comment implies strength and compassion are mutually exclusive, which I hope is not the case. Could you clarify this please?



SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

Just replying to your last comment.

Yeah, I understand about being the prize to get those type of women. The reason why I keep worrying is because all of the time I haven't gotten anywhere financially, and I'm not even talking a career, I'm just talking about a full-time job to not have any debt.

Because of this I'm now in debt and I'm broke, I lost years of income because of this and that adds to the fact of my worry of getting women in the future. It has brought my confidence down a lot, and makes me worry about being successful in the future.

I want to put in the work, I don't expect it to come easy, not having money has really set me back a whole lot; I wouldn't have to worry about debt, a car, apartment, credit, etc. Everything would have been paid off and I can be calm and do what I want to do. Now, I have to do everything all at once.

I agree with you I haven't improved in the last 4-5 years, it's fuckin pathetic, I'm not even talking about girls tho, I'm talking jobs and money. Not having an income stopped me from going to clubs, stopped me from getting a gym membership, stopped me having any confidence in myself. And that's been happening for years, even when I did have a job it was part time for nothing basically.

During the last 4-5 years, the first 2 years of that I was having girl problems, instead of now having problems of getting girls. I mostly talked about the situations I was dealing with with girls more than anything, but the last 3 is when I lost my job, and lost my streak of getting women.

With women, I always treated it as a real hobby, always told money mattered more, so I would go out pretty much every weekend to clubs, and get girls through work. I didn't really attempt day game or online game because I felt I wasn't ready.

In my mind I thought that I would be good enough at club game to be at a good number of lays now, then I could focus on other avenues of getting women. Thing is I didn't go as hard as I should have with club game without realizing. I didn't go alone to get snl, I didn't try hard enough to get snl and would always get flaked on. Then I just gave up.

I really want to be the prize and get all the women I want, I don't care about putting in work, I don't mind, but when you can't even get a full time job just to pay bills for years, it makes you feel hopeless for anything in the future. I gotta find a way to win.

1. When you say catch up to elite men, what am I catching up to exactly? Wome? Money ? Or everything ?

2. I'm still in the mindframe that life is over after 30, when you gave the example of a 30 year old Going hard for 5-6 years to reach elite status, I'm thinking to myself "mid 30s? Shouldn't that guy just give up and settle down? Too late for him"

But you make it seem you can keep improving no matter what at any age, so that helps my thinking.

3. When you say grand prize younger women, what would be that ? Are these girls with good careers, models, etc? If that's what you're referring to, then I'm not worried about that. I was thinking just attractive young women in general. I don't like career women like that, I like women with little ambition, I don't want to compete with them.

And I do understand that of course I should be the grand prize male to get grand prize women, but I was thinking that you meant all attractive younger women couldn't be got, not the grand prize young women.

4 I also kept harping on not being what you described as a prize older guy just in case someone didn't have those things by that age, was mostly asking is he just shit out of luck with attractive women until he gets those things. I thought his getting girl career was finished.

5. I'm trying to fund the solution here, if I can't even get a basic job for years, how the hell can I even have the success an older man should have by the ages you recommend?

How would it be possible I couldn't get something simple as a job, but I could get my own business, be retired, be reasonably high up?

In my mind it makes no sense to me and discourages me. If you have any tips for me to forge on ahead to achieve these goals despite my job woes, please let me know.

I want to be in that position for myself more than women, I want to have my own business, retired, etc, by that age anyway.

6. You mentioned having fire under you for 5-6 years to catch up, or surpass. I lose motivation a lot and give up, I can't even keep the fire for a week.

What would you recommend to keep the fire going 5 or more years? What should I be thinking, etc?

Thanks for all the help Chase

SZ's picture

It just dawned on me, the younger girl must be a damn prize if I have to be one. She would have to be a model or something, I don't care how cute she is, if that's all she's got and I have to have a business, athletic body with abs, a lot of money in the bank, and give her good sex just because she's young and cute, she's gotta be crazy. If she's a higher status younger girl I understand, but just cute, no way.

I had a couple questions about dating younger women in college.

1. So I went to the mall, and I'm guessing opening up to a girl with "how old are you doesn't sound sexy". It's just I don't know how to find out her age, where I'm at you can be under 18 and drive so that doesn't help if she's alone. Any way to find out? Or if she looks young to stay away ?

Actually it would help if I could somehow be able to tell if a girl us above 18 or not because there's some girls that look young and are over 18 and vice versa, having them drive under 18 makes it a whole lot harder.

The mall doesn't seem like such a good place to pick up, all the girls seem so young.

2. With metoo, fra, you say be careful with college girls, what do you mean exactly? Should I avoid going to their dorms? Should I only mess with girls 21 and up? I know you said to me before I should do that, but if a chick is 18-20 and she wants to fuck I wouldn't say no if she's attractive enough. Please let me know all the details with this because I plan to go very hard in uni.

3. In your article dating younger women, you mentioned that she expects older guys to be busy, so hang out days wouldn't work because it makes you look like you have nothing to do like college kids. Well I'm in college right now, so would that still apply to me? Do I still have to appear super busy? Or could I just do the hang out dates like regular ? Would there be a limit or not?

I wanna Netflix n chill.

4. I know for sure I don't want to pay for a date for a girl at any age. So I don't even wanna try with younger chicks or older. So could you give me an example of how you would have her pay for her own food (pizza, taco, ice cream) comedy club, or tokens if we go to an arcade, and I'm the older gentleman?

I never been on a date with a girl a lot younger than me, but in my mind if she knows I'm years older than her she will probably use the, "I'm a broke college student, and you're a grown man, you should pay" type thing. I don't know if that's true, but it's what I think her attitude would be.

For some reason I feel she would look at me as some father figure or provider, or trick just because I'm older, and I'm not any of those things, so I don't want it to look like that.

I remember you saying that if I don't want to pay don't, and I don't want to. If you could give examples of cool ways I could have us split the bill, please let me know.

Chase Amante's picture


When I talked about catching up, I talked about catching up with the results you wanted to achieve.

Settling is always an option. It's a perfectly rational decision path for many people. Sometimes there's a disconnect between the results a man wants and his willingness to put in the work required to get them. Settling is essentially when he says "Screw it, I don't want to put that work in. Let me lower my sights a bit and go for something less grueling."

I defined "grand prize younger women" as beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, educated, demanding, etc. If you're going for "I just want her to be cute, but she doesn't have to have all these other things", then it's easier, yeah.

if I can't even get a basic job for years, how the hell can I even have the success an older man should have by the ages you recommend?

How would it be possible I couldn't get something simple as a job, but I could get my own business, be retired, be reasonably high up?

Read Millionaire Fastlane by MJ DeMarco.

What would you recommend to keep the fire going 5 or more years? What should I be thinking, etc?

See these articles:


Agent's picture

Hey Chase,
What do you think of Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2?
He comes off as very sexy in my opinion.


SZ's picture

1. So I was reading your article about purpose, and I Think I get what you're saying, but I'll ask.

Basically you're saying to have a kid early to get it out the way, so we don't let it stop our purpose as we get older?

I'm not in a position to do that, with my money situation and goals.

And with everything taking long for me once I get money and start getting super good with women, I don't plan on slowing down at all until maybe late 30s, early 40s.

There's no way I can put a halt to my goals for that. I don't know if that's what you meant, but I'd like to know.

2. Is there a age you recommend to have children and get married or not really ? I don't want to get married at all; I feel it gives women too much, then you add in a kid too. I just don't want to be too old if you know what I mean to start a family.

3. What would the signs that a girl would not put you on child support? Are there any characteristics In women that we could find out before, to see if she would do that or not ?

4. Think you said colt's tinder system still works in today's age right? Think he could give me a discount of some sorts ;)

5. Do you think there's a certain age where a man is supposed to stop having approach anxiety, and stop fearing rejection? I know you can't get rid of it like that, but just lessen it a lot as you age.

I remember someone said you can't be a grown man having approach anxiety or fearing rejection by like age 25.

I know this isn't a fact, but I do agree with it somewhat.

It's funny to think of a grown man worrying about stuff like that, it's like he should be good to go right now.

It's like as a guy gets older it should be easier for him to approach. Let me know your thoughts.

SZ's picture

Hey Chase, I was trying to find your book "finding your niche" I had it on my phone, but it won't open. So I try to download it off your site, but it keeps saying download failed.

Is it too outdated or something ? Did you pull it?

Also is that you on the cover of your first ebook? I ask because you look very different on the book cover.

Chase Amante's picture


The book opens fine for me in Firefox and Chrome on desktop.

Try a different browser - it should work on mobile too.


anonymous 's picture

So I just checked out of a relationship Chase, it was a few years and it was long overdue. Thing is during that time I became the worse version of myself; I got fat, lazy, and comfortable.

So I'm back in the dating field, but I feel like a shell of myself, me being comfortable in a relationship made me not achieve anything at all, and I worked a low wage job, and I never worried about it because I already had my girl, but now after I few years it feels like I can't offer a woman anything.

So now I'm fat, broke, older, and I'm out here looking lost lol. I've been looking around the site to see how could you bounce back after a breakup or what you should do, but I didn't see it.

I'm guessing there doesn't need to be an article because this site teaches you how to get girls, but what if you're a worse version of yourself ? What if you're out of shape, horrible finances, no game, etc? You're basically starting dating again, but you're actually starting off worse than you did before you got into a relationship.

What would be done then? I'll admit I don't feel comfortable being back on the scene like this at this state. If you have any tips on how I could bounce back with my situation I'd like to know.

Chase Amante's picture

what if you're a worse version of yourself ? What if you're out of shape, horrible finances, no game, etc? You're basically starting dating again, but you're actually starting off worse than you did before you got into a relationship.

Happens to lots of guys. One of our more prolific forum members, NarrowJ (who posted dozens of lay reports... now he's in an LTR with a swell girl), was in the same place when he was fresh out of his marriage.

What you do is get back to the gym, get your diet handled, get your money handled, and start socializing again to get your social gears oiled.

It'll take some time, but so long as you're putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there.


Anonymous 's picture

I finally got out of a toxic relationship and this dirty bitch gave me warts. That bitch never showed a sign of any symptoms and I trusted her dirty ass, foolish of me. I'm losing my mind and sense of worth, I was getting my life on track with every single thing, then this happens, I was so happy to be free, but little did I know. I used my best judgment and thought she wasn't a hoe, let alone a hoe that would give me something that I have to wait for it to go away.

It could have been something I could just take antibiotics for, but no, it's some shit that I have to hope goes away now. I did nothing to deserve this, I didn't do anything wrong. I want revenge on her.

I finally dumped the bitch and was very ready to embark on a new adventure to actually taking this dating stuff seriously, It was just me; I would have been doing everything solo, at first I felt bad for not having a girl to sleep with if I didn't get a chick, and I didn't have friends to go out with, it would have been just me taking over the world, it was either that or stay at home. I was excited to finally use what I read on here like a skill full-time.

I've read a couple of things on here about it, and it doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it is, I have no idea when this will go away, and now I have to worry about having this whole thing while trying to pursue women and sleep with them.

It's like I'm not a normal human and I'm some freak of nature now; worthless. I don't even feel like trying anything in life anymore, what's the point ?

Enough with the rant I had to get this off my chest, now for solutions.

I read your std article and I don't know if you slept with different women during this time when you said you thought you had hpv, or if you stayed with the same girl.

I say this because I'll be honest, I'm not telling anyone this; I don't need girls getting freaked out or making rumors of me destroying my name. I'm just wondering if you went around telling different women you slept with about this or not.

I don't know what you did during this time, but I'd like to know what I could do until this clears up because I'm extra horny and going crazy. I'm not trying to find any type of relationship, I just want to sleep with many women and get experience up, I can't wait one to two years until this thing is gone, I might as well just give up on everything.

I also have 2 years left of college and that would mean I would have to miss out on sleeping with girls from there. I can't do that.

You think maybe I should just fall back from women for a while and work on myself or something, like a monk? I don't know what to do at all.

This thing makes me want to give up on life.

I also read about the hpv vaccination and that it caused some children to die and be paralyzed. Think that was because of them being too young or just side effects ? I worry about getting that and don't even know if I should since I already got this thing.

I honestly don't want to quit, I want to get better with women, I love women, it's just now I lost all motivation in life, I feel like a freak.

It made me think, what's the point of getting your body right, making a lot of money, getting better with women, when you could potentially have a wart virus for life? What's the point ? I see no point in self improvement if this doesn't go away soon.

I figured I ask you about this because you're a pro with women and I'm sure you would give me the best advice for my love life than a doctor, I don't give a fuck what a doctor says. So hopefully you can give me some advice on what I should do in this situation (be a monk or still practice my game)

There's no right or wrong answer just want your personal opinion, thank you.

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