The Easiest Way to Get a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend | Girls Chase

The Easiest Way to Get a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend

Chase Amante

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how to get a girl to be your girlfriend
You may think you have to ask a girl to be your girlfriend. But there’s an easier way to get a girl to be your girlfriend than this. It centers on behavior over words.

You’ve got a girl you’re into, and you’d like to get her to be your girlfriend. The time you spend together is great. You think about her all the time when you’re not with her. And you know she likes you too. But... does she like you enough to be your girlfriend?

You’d like to know how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend in a way that minimizes the chance she rejects you. You don’t want her to say “no” or “let’s keep this casual for now.” So what do you do?

Most of the advice you’ll see out there will tell you to ask her outright at some point. “Just ask!” or “Just pop the question!” But this advice misunderstands a simple fact about the way girls work: the emotions and behavior must come first... the words come later.

This article works within that framework – one where you get the emotions and behavior right first, and add the words (and official boyfriend-girlfriend status) in after.

Follow the simple steps below, and you stand a very good chance to turn the girl you’d like to be your girlfriend into a girl who is your girlfriend.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Ezequias's picture

Hey Chase!

I was wondering if sometime you could make an article focused on self pity? How to regonize this behaviour in yourself and how it's detrimetal for success. In my head, self pity is different from victim mentality. I really liked your article on victim mentality, but i think self pity is somewhat different in that it consists of projecting your feelings on other people hoping that they will empathize with you (correct me if i'm wrong?).

I believe that i do that subconsciously sometimes. Thank you!

Chase Amante's picture


I've added it to the topics queue!

I don't want to write the whole article out in advance, but I will say it'll probably be mostly about self talk. Being conscious of what yours is and correcting it.

If I think back, I can remember negative self talk, like "I always [something negative]" or "I'll never be able to [something I wanted to be able to do]." Once I started to notice myself doing this, I would then immediately correct myself and say something outlandishly positive about myself in that regard instead.

This seems to have become an automatic mental process for me, like what I discussed in the depression article. Best is if your corrected response cites proof as well.

e.g., if you are going to tennis class, and you're not doing well, and you tell yourself "Man, I suck so bad at tennis. I will never learn this", should you notice that thought, immediately then tell yourself "Dude, what are you talking about? You're brand flippin' new to tennis! You're already way better than 95% of beginners. Keep this up and you'll be a goddamn tennis star."

Sounds silly, but silly is kind of the point - when it gets you smiling and feeling good, the self pity is gone.


Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Isn't this what I asked before months ago about how to make the "transition" and about how most guys ask "Can you be my girlfriend"? I also raise the possibility of that might be why guys pay for dates in a way to saying "ok, we are a couple now".

Cool! Thanks for this, I'll come back to it soon

Re: Insight from rereading your articles...

SO remember how 2 years ago (wow has it been 2 already?) when I became active on your site, I asked you to write a more comprehensive article on "How to flirt"?

Back then, it felt so logical to ask that. And your reply was "That's pretty much what I have to say for flirting."
Staring at a vague article, I sighed in frustration!

Now though, rereading the article, for whatever reason, everything clicked.
Strange...very strange (did you edit the article? ;))
But it makes much more sense now

Nonetheless, I thank you for your patience with me and all your teachings.
I value them wholeheartedly!

But why so slow for me?
I think its cuz I'm dumb and I develop way too slowly in terms of intelligence.
Now I have the reference points to actually make out what articles truly mean...

Either way... which comes to my second question

Re: Thinking speed
I notice how slow I think.
It's not shallow though.

I am a deep thinker, and come up with interesting ideas and connections.
But it's a matter of time.
Which is why I banter great over text, because I can take all the time I need to think of a witty reply.
As opposed to in person when a girl throws banter out of nowhere.

I usually pause for abit before coming up with a reply and usually it's not that good.
But after going home, and thinking about it more, usually I'll be "AHA! I could have said that. Thats way more playful and flirty and fun too in a sexual way!"

I guess this is a born trait? I want to improve it though.
What matters is "what's happening NOW! as opposed to what ideas I COULD HAVE done" and if my wheels can turn fast enough to make the moments then and there matter.

What are your thoughts?

Best regards and much obliged,

p.s. how do we maintain a short little beard (like a tiny goatee on our chin) and how to trim it evenly? Many friends are saying it looks like a dirty stash, and yet I have girls looking (could be staring at the ridiculous stash for sure, but they open warmer, so...

Sad to say, I can't grow thick enough facial hair to get a stubble, and only my chin and moustache has hair, not around the jaw...

Chase Amante's picture


Did you? Well, glad I answered it for you then!

I did not edit How to Flirt. It is as it has been for years. I guess you are just in a better place to make use of it now :)

I reread the article. I think the part I did not spell out well enough for an absolute socially raw beginner is the "do not" examples of flirtation are naked attempts by the man to get what he wants, which women have seen a million times before and just look boring, repetitive, and somewhat clueless or needy. Explaining the "do" part (why is this humor engaging to women?) I did somewhat in that article... going further would be tough.

I guess it's a case of the more basic the behavior you are trying to explain, the harder it gets to explain it. e.g., explain to someone why we use certain ways to greet other people, but not other ways. Or explain to someone how to engage in small talk. Eventually you reach a point where the behavior is so basic it's very hard to explain, and most people understand it well enough they don't really need you to go to the trouble to try and figure out how to explain it.

That said, very good to hear it now clicks for you!

Don't worry about being slow on banter. That's how it is when you learn wit. You will think up clever replies later.

What happens though, over time, is you build a bank of go-to responses. And whenever you encounter similar interactions in the future, you just reach into your bank and pull out one of your responses.

You'll also get better at coming up with witty repartee on the spot.

But the biggest way you win is by building that response bank, over time, that you are increasingly able to draw from in interactions.

Goatee: get a beard trimmer to keep the length even. Use your normal razor to define its edges.

Don't worry about no stubble - a goatee or goatee and mustache can both be good options.


C's picture

Hi Chase!

Your articles completely transformed my interactions and success with women over the last few years! I know how busy you must be on girlschase and was wondering if you can please take a couple minutes to read my comment and provide feedback.

I started seeing this girl a few weeks ago. I took her to bed on the first date and when I texted her the next day she responded enthusiastically and then later initiated a second text conversation. I scheduled the next date at my place and she texted me quite heavily in between dates (which I scheduled to be about 2 per week as you suggest). She asked me questions like "what's your astrology sign" and "Can I be corny with you for a minute? I can't wait to see you on Sunday" and "I'm so stressed at work, gonna need a warm bubble bath later" and "If I can't pronounce your name, so I'll probably just call you babe" She also sent selfies, even a video of her dancing in dance class. I really like her though the texts were overwhelming me, so when she asked if she can text me a lot when she gets bored, I said "I love when you text but it can get overwhelming for me sometimes, maybe finding a happy medium is best." She was ok with that.

I saw her the third time at her place and stayed over night. We made love twice and once more in the morning. Everything was dandy when I left her place in the morning, till later that evening I realized she never initiated like she always did. I shot her a text and we texted a bit. The next day: nothing. The day after I text her to meet up again and I get "I lost my apt" I said let me know if there's anything I can do to help and she said she needs to wrap her head around everything. The next day she said "maybe Friday" I persisted: "I can do after 7 let me know what time is best" she said "she might need to go home and relax after a long day." I said "if you need a break this weekend from all that is going on let me know, I'm here for you" she said "thanks babe". That last text was a week ago and I've heard nothing since. (I never found out what is going on with her apartment.)

Has this plane taken off or do I still have a chance?

Thank you, Chase!


Chase Amante's picture


Have you tried phone calls?

Barring that, when you get girls who aren't responding, also try this:

And if they still give you nothing, do this:

Never a guarantee a tactic will work of course... but sometimes you may be surprised :)


SZ's picture

1. So I was reading the comments today and read that women are harder to sleep with in their 30s, but I also heard they're easier when they're older because they don't play games, idk so confusing. Anyway, this isn't about that.

I wanted to know what the hell is an older beginner supposed to do when facing these odds?

He is older now, so women he goes for 30 n up will make it hard for him to get laid, unless he gives them commitment or has a lot of money, he also cant be the boy toy becasue he is older and older women expect more from him. Then with younger women he has to be exceptional to get them, but isnt there yet, and he deals with the problem of not having a lot of money or business that he is dealing with the older women. Seems like it sucks to be an older beginner and it seems impossible with the two scenarios .

What would he do to overcome both of these problems?

2. Can you still be an exceptional man to younger women, and sleep and date them if you don't have a lot of money, a good position at a job, or your own business?

3. I was just thinking, does race matter when dating younger women as an older man? I speaking for black men of course. Because you have to be exceptional to get younger women, then you are a different race as well.

Come to think of it, I never heard or seen an older black man with a younger Latina, Asian, or white girl, only celebrities of course.

How do you feel about older black men dating younger women from different races? Think it doesn't matter?

4. I was thinking of doing a trade and college because I want to have stuff to fall back on. Basically, if I picked a major and had a hard time finding a job or the major just sucked, I was going to go to trade school, if I went to trade school instead, I was going to finish college somewhere down the lie just to have a degree just to have one or maybe to use it if I don't want to do labor anymore. How do you feel about that?

5. I see that you also said that I should do skills on the side as well, you meant the same skills you mentioned in your "by 35" article ? Or did you mean I could go to college and learn a trade on the side?

6. If I did pick a major that I couldn't get a job or make a lot of money in, would you recommend to learn the skills you told us too rather than going to trade school? Learning skills seem way more time efficient than going to trade school for 2 years.

7. Just saw the picture of the dive bar, how the hell am I supposed to pick up in that? Lol it looks like the bars in the movies where the guy just sits at the bar and orders drink after drink, "lemme get another one". It looks extremely small and it reminds me of a sports bar or something I can see family do together, like a family hang out spot.

It looks like those hole in the wall bars, with only whites, I don't know how I would pick up in there, let alone be there for an extended period of time.

If I walked in there I would have no idea what to do to be honest.

I would probably go to the bar and pull the move scene and get drink after drink hoping a cute girl sits next to me.

That's all I can think, what would be my plan of attack when stepping in there? Because I literally have no clue and would probably walk right out because I feel so out of place.

Thanks Chase!

Chase Amante's picture


Think about it like this: the more she considers you as a potential boyfriend, the harder for you she'll make it ("Gotta make sure he's actually boyfriend material" / "Gotta make sure he doesn't think I'm too easy"). In general, women are more likely to consider men closer to their age as 'potential boyfriend material'.

If you're an older guy without much to offer women yet, then stick with women your age. Odds are if you truly have as little on offer as you think, these girls won't see much boyfriend potential in you either ;D

#2 - yes.

#3 - depends on the girl, and depends how good everything else about you is. The more exceptional you are, the less race matters. The less exceptional you are, the bigger a role it'll play. Also some girls care a lot about race; some only a little.

#4 - trade school as a backup if you can't get a job out of college seems good. Trade school first then college sometime later seems fine too. You may find you make enough from your trade that when you think about college you say "There is no reason for me to do that at this point." Or maybe you reach a point where you say "I want to switch to [college major]" and sign up.

#5 - monetizeable skill. That could be a trade, but it'd have to be one you can self-teach (copywriting, programming). You're not going to learn woodworking while you get your communications degree.

#6 - if you can do it, then yes.

#7 - go, be social, talk to people, move around a bit, play pool, play darts, see what happens ;)


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