How to Meet Girls at Gay Bars, Part 4: Picking Her Up | Girls Chase

How to Meet Girls at Gay Bars, Part 4: Picking Her Up

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

gay bar pick up
Once you’ve hit it off with a girl in a gay bar, how do you pick her up? By showing you’re straight, beating her tests – and turning her on.

Welcome to Part 4 of my series on meeting girls in gay venues. Here are links to the other articles:

Alek RolstadAbout the Author: Alek Rolstad

Alek Rolstad launched his pickup career at age 14, an early starter and seduction savant. His unique style of game focuses on “sex talk”: a way to make sex the primary topic of conversation. Sex talk lets the user excite girls rapidly, and filter for girls open to fast, raunchy, kinky one-night stands and sex. You can learn from Alek, the master and originator of sex talk himself, by booking a 1-hour phone consultation with him.



BMontana's picture

...I am surprised you put so much effort in writing on such a subject seperated in 4 parts. The truth is don't know any man who goes to gay bars unless he is gay. So many men who would have to go on their own because I doubt they would have their friends convinced to get them there as well. And I also think a man must be kind of desperate by trying to get laid by a woman in a guy bar. It's like as if you go to a butcher to ask for fish, intead of going to a fish store somehow. And there is also another aspect: as a man, I not only want to get laid but I also want a woman to chose me over other straight guys, it's an ego thing I guess. Now I wouldn't mind picking up a girl in a gay bar if I was 100% sure I would succeed but still knowing that I am one of the few non gay guys won't give me the satisfaction that I would have gotten when picking up a woman in a regular bar.

Chase Amante's picture



The truth is don't know any man who goes to gay bars unless he is gay. So many men who would have to go on their own because I doubt they would have their friends convinced to get them there as well.

If we suggest you to do what most men do, you will also get most men's results. The objective of this site is to give you avenues to improve your results, rather than limit yourself to the average man's.

And I also think a man must be kind of desperate by trying to get laid by a woman in a guy bar.

I have heard many a woman call men desperate for going to any kind of bar at all, in the first place. It is an empty slur, used to guess at another's state of mind, when one lacks the empathy to accurately intuit it.

A man who goes to a gay bar hoping to get laid may be desperate. It could be that nowhere else has worked for him. This is his last shot. I so hope I get laid here, he says. That man is desperate.

Alek is not remotely desperate. I've picked up plenty of girls in what Alek calls 'gay friendly' bars, and I can tell you I am not desperate. I assume the majority of the men who use the advice in this article series are not desperate.

And there is also another aspect: as a man, I not only want to get laid but I also want a woman to chose me over other straight guys, it's an ego thing I guess.

Interesting. I have heard a few men mention this mindset before.

Worth understanding that not every man is after the same thing you are, however. Anecdotally, I would posit most men are not. Other men:

  • Just want to bang hot girls, easily

  • Don't want to deal with male competition that night

  • Want to hone their sexual vibes in a sex positive-friendly environment

  • Want to build up lots of positive reference points with women in a low competition environment

The competition mindset is an interesting one. It essentially views women as a prize to win. The main focus of the competitive man is on 'beating' other men. The goal is not the girl herself; she's just the success metric. The goal for the man is victory over other men.

I imagine this can be helpful if it motivates you to improve with women, or motivates you to get out there and enjoy more women. Not everyone thinks this way though... I've never thought this way, for instance. Seems funny to me that other men would even be relevant when you go out to meet girls. The only role other men play in your seduction is if a girl uses one of them as a tool to test you or make you move faster. In this paradigm, the seduction is between you and the girl, with other men merely obstacles or tools she may use (just as you may use other women to test or challenge her). In your paradigm, seduction is about you vs. some other guy, with the woman the prize/metric.

You might find it helpful to study prize mentality; or Alek's related concept of sexual prizing. There are different paradigms of approaching than what you do.

I haven't encountered too many men who view seduction as a male-competitive endeavor. So I'm not sure how easy or hard it is to change paradigms. And I suppose if you are satisfied with it as a competitive exercise and you're happy that way, then maybe no need to change.

But I would realize you are in a minority of men who view it this way! Most men don't care about other men when they go out, and just want to get their penises into the vaginas of attractive girls.

Anyway, it's an interesting topic. I might explore these different paradigms further in an article.


Chase Amante's picture

UPDATE: here's the article on paradigms, BMontana:

7 Girl-Getting Paradigms (Which One is Yours?)

Realized when writing this your paradigm was not "I must vanquish other men" but rather "she must pick me", which is a different paradigm than I initially thought you operated from. Further explanation in the post.


BMontana's picture

Hey Chase,

I wrote you a reply 2 or 3 days ago but for some reason it doesn't show here.

However thank you and Alek for commenting. My major point was not that I thought you were desperate for going to gay bars, my thought was more like women might think of men being desperate when looking there for a hook up. I usually go to regular bars on my own and I always meet people and women, they basically come to me and involve me in their groups or chats.

I will read your new article now

Alek Rolstad's picture

I believe Chase gave you a pretty good response to your comment, but I still felt the need to elaborate my decision for writing such a piece.

In general - the reason why I wrote a 4 piece is because GirlsChase is a website that wants to offer in depth knowledge regarding different subjects within dating and seduction. The whole gay environment topic has not yet been covered here, and since we want to be a website that basically wants to cover everything we decided to give it a go and go in great details.

Now that being said, I agree with this whole thing being a bit of a niche thing. I doubt this is like the number one reason for men checking out this website - "damn i gotta find out how to meet girls in a gay club". I was hesitant to write about this subject for a bit for this exact reason, however, after receiving multiple requests in the comment sections, I was convinced to share some insights.

It is still a niche thing, but Girlschase has a LOT of articles and we got a lot covered. This can allow us to occasionally go more niche. Obviously, when we do so, the writer may not be able to satisfy the demand of all readers (perhaps only a small portion!). However those who are interested in the subject at hand will be left very happy. So the sad part here is, yeah those niche posts may not always be your cup of tea, but perhaps in the near future (or perhaps it has already happened) I or any other writer will write a niche post that just happens to be your thing. And yes in that case too there will be readers who may not like it. From what you mentioned in this reply, you as a man has certain values, goals and desires that drives. We are all different, and girlschase has many readers indeed with different bakgrounds. Based on these differences between the readers, we are forced to write different stuff who may satisfy different reader groups. Next time it may be your turn. In the meantime you may enjoy some other articles on the website and if you want to, you are more than welcome to share a suggestion for a future article.

Just like for this series, I take every suggestion into consideration.

About your actual remarks regarding picking up girls in a gay bar, I can only say that we all have different desires and things driving us. I do not see myself as desperate for occasionally going to a gay bar, as I genuinely have many gay friends and enjoy the atmosphere of the lgbt venues. If we want to judge whether X or Y regarding getting laid can be seen as desperate, one may notice that many things are in fact more "desperate" than going to a gay bar to meet girls. Additionally, I do not see going to a gaybar as an always easier way to meet women. As mentioned in this and other posts, there are some cons to it.

You say you enjoy the sense of competition with other men, and that is all cool, but not every man may think that way. I personally do not care much about that. My drives are very different. Truth is, (with the exception of when I am with other seducers), I rarely talk about my exploits in front of other men. They do their thing, and I do mine.

My drives when it comes to seduction and picking up girls are very straightforward: to have amazing sex with amazing women. I want to enjoy the physical pleasure from it, but also enjoy the psychological aspect of connecting with an amazing girl and feel like transcending to a new world with her - by exploring each others sexuality. This is what motivates me.

My point is not to say that some drives are necessarily better than others. My point is that we have different goals and desires - even here at GC between the writers, I can tell you that there are big differences in this regard. It is not necessarily a bad thing as we can still learn a ton from each other.

Either way, there is one more article about the lgbt community coming up from me to conclude this series. After that, I will wrote about other subjects - perhaps you will like them.


Add new comment

The Latest from