Female Mind

Lately, the team and I have found ourselves moderating a lot more negative comments on the site than usual. Some of these are from people who believe that seduction is wrong, but a growing number are from people who believe that it's impossible for men to learn how to get women because all women are bitter women who simply aren't interested in men.

It's kind of a strange but interesting viewpoint. On the one hand, clearly SOME women are interested in men, since there're a little over 7 billion of us human beings on the planet. If you look around at the sheer volume of human beings around you - all products of a man picking up a woman at some point in his life, having sex with her, and impregnating her - you start getting the feeling that at least some women somewhere are open to meeting men. At least a couple billion of them, anyway.

On the other hand, I realize that there are some jaded women out there. I see the terms "bitches" and "feminazis" thrown around a good bit as examples of terrible people who make men feel bad about themselves. But, honestly, I have a really hard time meeting any women like this in real life - for the life of me, I don't know where all these "bitches and feminazis" who hate men actually are.

And even if they really exist... I only have one question for the guys who are so upset about them: who said you had to date those girls?

Yesterday's article about when you should have sex mentioned part of a female reader's comment on the article "I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em." The comment, though, was actually a fair bit longer than that, and touched on another subject too:

“While I agree that the 'replace' mentality is efficient for picking up large quantities of women in a short time, I think it limits the quality of the women. I can categorically say, that there is a strong correlation between a woman's desirability status and the extent to which she will require a man to chase or demonstrate interest/value.”

Our commenter here has a very valid point - however, the nuance to that point is what interests us most.

Because, as you will see, how resistant to sex a woman is depends upon:

• The quality and quantity of her choice with men, and
• How this man in particular stacks up against her other options
  

... and that even among resistances, there are very different kinds of resistance to sex, and these are based far more on the woman's level of sexual experience with men, and her level of experience with a man who makes her feel the way this particular man does.

(if you're looking for an article on how to overcome this resistance, we've already got a great post up on it here - "How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours" - this piece is really about identifying the different kinds of resistance, understanding what each sort says about the girl you're getting it from, and understanding what you need to do and who you need to be not to get it)

Let's dive in.

One of our female readers commented the other day on the article "I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em," about not waiting around for women who aren't interested / are pushing things off indefinitely, saying:

“Matt's letter suggested that you cut a woman off if she won't sleep with you on the first date... that cuts out a lot of good women, including me! If all guys thought like this, I'd never get a boyfriend (or laid) again!
(also, it should be noted, many men claim they 'won't date' a girl who will have sex on the first date, so you can't blame us for taking it slow)”

The topic is one that's been brought up a number of times by male and female commenters here, and done so in a variety of ways. Because the general advice for men on Girls Chase is contrary to conventional advice (i.e., take women to bed as lovers fast, not slow), it tends to provoke excitement in some, but confusion, questioning, or ire in others.

So - when should you have sex?

We've discussed the process of women's attraction expiring for men who fail to move things forward fast enough, but are there other reasons a man ought to take things fast with women he likes, and not slow, as the advice from the mainstream instructs?

And what about for women - is it better for women to make men wait, and if so, how long?

Today, I'm exploring both sides - so buckle up.

This is part of a two-part series on Valentine's Day I'm releasing this year since we haven't really gone into the subject in any great depth before. Today's is "What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day," for all the attached beaus out there, and, early Thursday morning, I'll release, "How to Pick Up a Girl on Valentine's Day," for the gents who are single and looking.

I want to start this series with what Valentine's Day is in the West these days, and what it means to women, and why you should care about that.

After we cover that aspect of it, we'll have a look at how to treat the holiday if you're already in a relationship (or relationships!), and how to tackle it if you aren't.

Here we go.

Ever find yourself out somewhere, talking to a girl you've just met, and suddenly, inexplicably, have her begin to act superior? As though she knows exactly what you want, sees you through and through, and holds it within her power to give it to you... or not?

Or, every find yourself alone with a woman who earlier acted very interested in you, touching you, flirting with you, only to have her begin to behave rudely and aloof once the two of you were alone, telling you things outright like you couldn't have her or that she only wanted you as a friend?

Why do girls do this?

That is, why do girls show interest, lead a guy on... and then suddenly turn the tables, run what seems to be a power play like this, and throw the guy's interest back in his face?

Is it to feel juiced up and powerful?

Is it that they really don't know what they want?

Actually, for most women, their intent is far less nefarious than it may at first seem. They aren't trying to trick you, toy with your emotions, or take you for a ride... usually.

But if you want to have this stop happening, and you want to avoid having women suddenly act superior, rude, and aloof where they'd formerly been warm, friendly, and flirty, you need to know a little about what brings this on, what you can do to avoid it, and how to deal with it when it shows up.

Something I've noticed that a number of individuals untrained in relationship management theory tend to engage in is arbitrary (that is, seemingly random) punishment and reward inside of relationships. These sort of variable reward and punishment structures inside relationships generally lead to a host of negative outcomes for the person who's subject to arbitrary treatment, including:

• Emotional dependency
• Addiction and attachment
• Wild mood swings
  
• Submission
• Resentment
• Rebellion

Basically, the opposite of what you'd expect to see in a healthy, rewarding, productive relationship.

It's occurred to me that most of the people who use controlling, coercive, and more or less arbitrary relationship management tactics probably are not very familiar with operant conditioning - the system of punishment and reward established by B.F. Skinner for the purposes of behavior modification.

So today, I want to equip you with a very effective means of communicating your likes and dislikes to a romantic partner without ruffling feathers, being seen as an oppressor, or, conversely, a pushover.

I'm going to show you how to use operant conditioning in your relationships.

In "How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs," we had a look in passing at why dance clubs and dance floor game are so difficult to get real results with women in, aside from make outs and rapid escalations that usually don't ever lead to anything much more.

There we called it "emotional spiking," but this spiking is actually the result of a far broader and more common phenomenon seen everywhere in life and love, dance clubs being only among the more extreme examples. The phenomenon is one I've dubbed emotional cresting, and it creates some interesting wrinkles in how your interactions with people - women and men alike - play out.

Emotional cresting is about taking emotions to their extremes - those emotional spikes we mentioned before. It follows the process of emotional escalation that we mentioned as so crucial to the process of preparing a woman for intimacy in How to Make Girls Chase, except that it's an intrinsic part of everything.

There's great power in emotional cresting, but there's also significant danger to your interactions in it as well - because the higher you crest, the bigger the crash is if you can't maintain that emotional momentum.