Female Mind

Many people believe that it doesn’t matter much what you say to a girl when you chat her up… that 93% of all communication is nonverbal anyway, and that the words are just filler. Thus, any sexual frame you employ should be more focused on your body language and less so on your words… they just aren’t as important, goes the thinking.

This is a misunderstanding of Mehrabian’s study, which showed that somebody’s body language and tone of voice account for 93% of our LIKING for that person… it does not, however, mean that the spoken word only convey 7% of the meaning of any communication.

“Liking” is also largely irrelevant when it comes to seduction – girls will often sleep with and even get into relationship with guys that they don’t particularly like… attraction beats liking, hand over fist, every time.

And if it was true that words only conveyed 7% of what’s being communicated, it should be perfectly possible to watch a movie in a foreign language and still understand 93% of what is being said…

Try that some time. :)

If it was true, it should also be possible to tell a girl to bugger off… and get a 93% similar response as when telling her that she’s pretty.

There is, however, a more subtle reason why words matter… and that reason is frames, and the implications of what is being said.

So what are frames and frame control now?

Well, let’s look at some examples.

In the previous article, we answered the question "What do girls look for?" as it relates to picking up girls – how you can become a man of higher value, how you can be perceived as having higher value and how you can leverage supply and demand in several ways to get an almost unfair advantage over other guys.

This week we’ll have a look at the value equation again, but from a different angle… this time, we’ll look at value under the lense of dating and relationships.

Read the other article first (linked to above) if you haven’t yet, just to make yourself familiar with all the fundamentals of what women value in a man, and then come back here and we’ll get started.

Read it already?

I take it you’re back… all right.

Let’s dive right in.

It has often been said that both sexual attraction and romantic love are “value based”… but is that really true and what exactly does that even mean? What do girls look for in a man?

And if it’s true that value and attraction are linked and women are attracted to men based on their value… would it be useful to know what exactly that value constitutes?

Would it help to know how you can increase your value in the dating market place… both in reality and in her perception?

Absolutely. Absolutely it would.

And we're going to go into exactly what it is that women look for in men and value in them, and what you can do to raise yours.

Now, before we get into the meat of how to attract women by being THEIR (the women's) most high-value option, let’s cover some background…

A few days back, in the Tactics Tuesdays post on how to get approached by women, we talked about some of the ways you can tell a girl likes you. Learning how girls show interest helps you out in a variety of ways: it lets you zero in on the girls who already like you; it lets you discriminate between women who will be receptive to you and women who will take your time but not give much back; it lets you move faster and get results faster. There are tons of benefits to being able to read the signs she likes you.

But what are those signs? If you read that second article linked to above, I outline a bunch of them. You need to get in the habit of recognizing them when you see them - and acting on them when you do.

In today's excerpt from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams, I give you some of the most common of those signs she likes you that you'll see. Look for these when you're out - and capitalize on them when you get them.

Yesterday evening I was out walking home, when I noticed a tall, thin girl with long hair and a good body in front of me, walking very carefree in heels, tight jean shorts cut off just below the butt, and a tank top, swinging her hips very sexy as she went. She turned around and looked back in my direction, then started singing in a very sweet voice. She turned around to look back a few more times - I was walking faster than her, so gaining on her and closing the distance. I thought about approaching, but then thought about what it takes to get approached by women.

Here was a girl throwing off tons of the things you'll see when girls show interest:

• She was blatantly looking back at me (she probably knew I was there before I knew she was; even when you're very socially aware, girls are still often going to be the first to spot you before you spot them)

• She kept looking back at me, which means there was something that was very interesting to her... or, she was trying to get my attention

• She started singing, which you might not realize, but women will often start to sing or talk on their phones to attract male attention (you can use this same tactic yourself; we'll see that in a moment)

I didn't particularly feel like approaching - I was tired and worn out from a long day, and I wasn't dressed the best. So instead, I wanted to see if I could get approached.

And that's what I'm going to talk with you about today: how can you get women to approach you instead of you having to always approach them?

Here's a post that's sure to raise some ire.

Ricardus and I were discussing men's tendency to want to sleep with sexually open women, but to date or settle down with or marry sexually conservative women - and how difficult it is actually figuring out how many partners women have actually had because of this. You see, women are acutely aware of this male bias against sexually experienced women when it comes to getting into serious relationships - and they do everything in their power to avoid getting pinned as such a woman.

"Everything in their power" here including, sometimes (okay, oftentimes), stretching the truth, leaving things out about their forgotten pasts, and, well, lying.

Of course, women don't think of it as lying. It's more like, "Well, I slept with that guy on vacation, so he doesn't count," or, "That guy was totally gross, I should never have hooked up with him... as far as I'm concerned, that didn't really happened."

It's a form of selective memory used by a woman to preserve her idea about herself as fitting perfectly into society's recommended mold: that of the "good girl" who doesn't give it up too often to men. Women who do part with their bodies too easily, society tells women, aren't valued as highly, so it's a big no-no.

But, well, women are people, and people like and want sex, and sometimes it... just happens. Of course, a woman doesn't want other people to know it just happened... at least, not as much as it actually has just happened... because that impacts her perceived social and reproductive value.

So, she stretches the truth, leaves things out, and, where necessary, tells a lie or two.

Any women reading this site may not especially like this article, but if you're a man who's seriously considering a relationship with a girl, and you want to know what you're actually getting instead of what you're being told you're getting... how do you tell who's whom?

In a fascinating study by Kristina M. Durante of the University of Texas, Austin's Department of Psychology et al., entitled "Changes in Women's Choice of Dress Across the Ovulatory Cycle: Naturalistic and Laboratory Task-Based Evidence," researchers identified a finding that's at once something you probably already guessed was the case, but never saw hard evidence for before: that when women want sex, they dress for it.

Here're the findings of the research:

“Although each data source supported the prediction, the authors found the most dramatic changes in clothing choice in the illustrations [of what each woman would wear out that night]. Ovulatory shifts in clothing choice were moderated by sociosexuality, attractiveness, relationship status, and relationship satisfaction. Sexually unrestricted women, for example, showed greater shifts in preference for revealing clothing worn to the laboratory near ovulation. The authors suggest that clothing preference shifts could reflect an increase in female—female competition near ovulation.”

In other words, when women want sex as they approach the time of the month when they're fertile, they dress more provocatively to attract more male attention and out-compete other females.

When it comes to ways to tell if a girl is horny though, this is just the tip of the iceberg.