In a comment on my article about unclear value to a long-term girlfriend,
a reader named Xander remarked as follows:
“Can
you believe that because of this I can never get a girl. I’m good
looking guy, and I’ve been successful on college. I don’t write this
because I think look and post bachelor title will get me girls, but
because I try to seduce them, and because of this qualities they don’t
like me. I’m not arrogant and have a lot of male friends. But girls
don’t like me, and wouldn’t go on date with me to save their lives.
Problem is that girls with lower ambitions wouldn’t go with be because
of attainability, and girls who are a bit ambitious also don’t want,
because they want someone less ambitious who they control and feel
dominant around him. The biggest problem is my success at college, and
my normal ambition to be good at my job and further education. So I
can’t be their boyfriend because I equally want to provide me and them,
or their lover because girls here clever guys treat like they don’t
have a cock. Global crisis hit us and a lot of girls are in found
provider mode, and they are too picky and only wants to date man who is
completely same as they in all possible things. And as you know it’s
impossible, they find one provider and eventually marry him. I realized
that being good at science is one way ticket to auto-rejection.
Reading your article I realized that in all world women want
compatible man, but here it is more than dramatic. Those are modern
times and I think that women should be more flexible.
My problem is because I tried everything I could and did’t get
results because of their ego. I know I shouldn’t but I started to
really hate women because of their ego who is bigger than Mount Everest.
At one point I gave up from seduction, but this article tells me
that maybe there is a chance. Please tell me Chase are there more
things I can do or change so I could get better results? If you know
some psychological books that treat problems about ego please tell me.
Is there something in seduction I should focus more? I focused on
social calibration and got a lot of male friends, but women still don’t
like me because maybe I’m not calibrated enough, and for sure because
they don’t like anyone who has evan a little bit value than they. Every
answers, comments and critics are welcome.”
While long-term value is definitely an important part of whether a
woman is willing to stick around in a long-term relationship with you,
its effect on actually lining up dates with women and getting them
into bed is... murkier. That’s because it’s quite hard to sniff out
your real, actual long-term value from a mere five or ten minutes of
conversation.
So, while it might sound like Xander’s problem is the opposite that
discussed in this article, where we talked
about men who say women don’t want them because they aren’t valuable
enough, in many ways it is in fact the same problem:
The man is focused on himself, the
man... instead of on her, the
woman.