Female Mind

Women contradict themselves a lot. But they don’t always do so for the same reasons... They have 5 different ones, in fact.

She tells you she’s past her hookup phase and doesn’t just hook up with guys anymore. An hour later she’s fumbling with your belt buckle to pull down your pants and give you a blow job.

She tells you she’s done dating bad boys. But after your best bad boy performance, she’s already texting you a few days later to see when you want to do it again.

She tells you at the ordering window she doesn’t want anything to drink. Five minutes later she’s gulped down most of your cola and left you with an almost-empty cup.

She texts you she doesn’t want to be around a guy with friends like yours. Then she shows up at your door that night anyway, a big grin on her face... even after you told her you’re not dropping your friends for her.

She tells you she doesn’t want anything serious with you. A few months later she picks a big blow-up fight because she feels like it isn’t going anywhere.

She tells you she hates people who contradict themselves all the time. Then she contradicts herself again.

Spend any time around women and you’ve no doubt seen this. Most of these contradictions you get used to once you’ve seen them enough. But even if you’re a grizzled romantic veteran, women will still pull out contradictions that make your mental gears grind to a halt. And the only thing you can do is stare, jaw agape, and ask yourself, “What on Earth...? How can both of these sentiments come from the same person?”

Today we’re going to explore this feminine conundrum. We’re going to resolve all the contradictions around the female tendency to contradict.

To men, women can seem disloyal… Or at least, not nearly as loyal as men. What’s it take to find a loyal lady anyway?

One of the most discombobulating romantic statements I hear from men goes like this:

“I just want to find a girl that’s loyal.”

It’s not discombobulating because women can’t be loyal. Plenty of men throughout history, down through to today, have had women deeply loyal to them.

The statement discombobulates, rather, because you cannot ‘find’ loyal women. Any more than you can dig deep into a diamond mine in search of engagement rings, or wander into the African savanna on the lookout for trained circus lions. You may find diamonds in the diamond mine, but you won’t find rings; you might find lions in the savanna, but they won’t be trained. So it is with women.

Some women are more inclined toward loyalty than others, it’s true. But women by nature are opportunistic. They are romantic guns-for-hire, ready to serve whoever makes the best offer... and eminently practical when the lord they’d hoped to sign on with is unable or unwilling to give them the agreement they need.

“I want to find a loyal woman” is a foundational misunderstanding of female psychology. It projects male values onto female prospects.

But women aren’t men. And the way they think about loyalty, treat it, and uphold or enforce it is very, very different.

Girls bring up feminism sometimes at the bar or on dates. But address this wrong, and you either look weak, or get into a fight. What do you do?

It is not uncommon these days to read about feminism and gender related issues in mainstream and social media. It is indeed a hot subject; many politicians focus on gender issues, schools and universities have been affected by feminism, and society as a whole experiences both the benefits and the consequences of these ideals.

Regarding men’s websites, we often see critics of feminism – especially on websites related to the “men’s rights movement” (MRM) – who usually post about the negative effects feminism has on society and how it impacts men’s lives.

These MRM posts are usually normative and take a political stance regarding the subject. This is not the purpose of this post.

I want to analyze how feminism – and the subject of feminism – can affect some of your interactions with women. In other words, what do you do if a girl starts giving you the feminist talk when you are trying to escalate the vibe? I want to discuss the direct, practical implications this has on the interaction while treating the normative status of the subject as irrelevant. In other words, I will leave the discussion regarding whether or not feminism per se is good or bad to somebody else (for now), and instead share a more descriptive and practical perspective on the subject.

The idea of this post is to cover why and how to deal with women bringing the gender debate into interactions. The perspective of this post is based on the basic assumption that you want to get her naked.

If you are like me and go out a lot, you will encounter women bringing this subject up, especially in the light of important political events, which tend to stir up such controversial subjects. Note that this post is focused on feminism and gender related questions because these tend to be the most commonly brought up political topics when interacting with women. However, each of the techniques covered here are valid for any controversial or loaded political, philosophical (only if it is normatively loaded), religious, or ethical subject. I believe all of these are topics to be avoided in seduction. You will see in this post that my focus is mostly geared toward changing or avoiding the subject, as these topics are simply not fruitful for seduction.

Also note that when I am referring to feminism, I am not just referring to the topic of “gender equality” (which is only one of the many topics of feminism – one that I tend to agree with); I’m speaking of the whole ideology behind the feminist world view.

Theosophy is the study of divine wisdom. And what can be more divine than the coupling of male with female?

Theology is the study of God or gods. The primary question in Theology is the nature of God.

Theosophy, on the other hand, is the study of divine wisdom and actions with the intent to reveal deep truths about ourselves, our divine nature, and our behavior. This is an article born of my fascination with the subject; it explores how our masculine divinity works in contrast and in cahoots with feminine divinity. I hope you enjoy the read, and I hope that perhaps these conceits might ring true and light a few bulbs in your mind that haven’t occurred to you before.

Sometimes all it takes is a good story to illustrate something poetically that is difficult to tackle logically. I will be speaking poetically a lot and will occasionally put my metaphors into the context of this website in order to keep it practical with respect to women, dating, sex, and relationships.

If you happen upon a few paradoxes as we go, that’s a good sign. That’s how these things work.

Girls have guys read too much into things sometimes. Or even chase them around. The result? Women can become oversensitive to “creepy” behavior.

In my first post regarding the lessons I have learned from gaming in the gay environment, a user named Agent asked the following question:

“Hey Alek,

Could you elaborate more on the creepy approaches vs. the good ones? It’s actually very interesting you were in a situation where you could examine the scene from a woman’s point of view. By the way, thank you for your reply in your previous post about approaching in day game! You mentioned very subtle approach signals from girls. I don’t seem to notice any except the very obvious ones. Could you expand here, on the subtle signs? ... Generally, I feel confident to approach when the girl is giving me strong eye contact and/or smiling. This does not happen that much often though.”

To give you some context, this question was posted in a thread in which I covered some dating and seduction lessons I learned from spending time picking up women in LGBT venues. In that post, I briefly mentioned how being approached by gay men in those venues gave me some perspective on how to better calibrate my own approaches to women.

I will start this post by sharing a story of mine, then I’ll discuss a number of things that make an approach good or bad. At the end of this post, I will sum up what makes a good approach.

Early 20s women are different from women in their late 20s. How they differ makes a big impact on how you date them (and which age you prefer).

When I first started reading and eventually writing for Girls Chase, one of the things that always surprised me was when writers gave their perspective on dating women who were in their late 20s and 30s, and how different it was from dating women who were in their early 20s.

I was in my early 20s at the time – just a student of the game – and I always thought that older guys were exaggerating the differences just a few years can make. But now that I am older and have dated a few women in their late 20s and 30s, I’ve found that perhaps the men who have written about this phenomenon in the past have actually underestimated how stark these differences can get.

So that’s what I’m here to explore today.

But first, let me add a disclaimer: everything that I’m going to discuss with respect to mindset versus age is just a set of general guidelines designed to be a useful framework.

I know there will be exceptions, and I just want to say that I hear you. I have definitely been with girls who fall outside of the norm. I’ve dated younger girls who have had the dispositions of 45 year olds. And I’ve dated women in their mid thirties who have been nowhere close to having their acts together. But out of the thousands of dates that I’ve been on, these trends are definitely what I’ve seen in the majority of cases.

A woman’s rules are never absolute. Often they aren’t even guidelines. Once a man understands this, his entire way of interacting with women changes.

Ever have a girl tell you about some rule of hers?

Maybe she says she never has sex on the first date. Or perhaps a man needs to pay for meals with her to have any chance with her. Or she might tell you she never ever cheats on a boyfriend and will under no circumstances date one man until she’s broken up with the other.

If you’re new to dating, there’s a high chance you hear things like this from women and just accept it. “Okay, that’s her rule. I guess I can’t date this girl. Or I need to work within her rules.” You might give up on girls who offer you incompatible rules. Or you may slow way down on them because of this (“Guess I’d better take her on 20 dates first”).

But I’ll tell you a secret: once you’ve been around girls for a bit, you cease to pay much attention to women’s rules.

Then once you’ve been women for a while, you often start to get excited when women tell you their rules. A woman’s rules are an excellent chance to make her do the opposite of whatever it is she said she won’t do, and love every second of it.

Is this immoral though? Won’t it cause a crisis of self in the girl, if you make her bend or break her own rules? Shouldn’t you respect women’s rules?

No, and for one reason: women aren’t men. And what constitutes a ‘rule’ for her is very different from what constitutes a ‘rule’ for you.