Female Mind

In “The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back”, Danny writes:

“This really rings true right now, I have been flirting with a girl for a few months, getting to know her and building quite a bit of chemistry. She works at a coffee shop I go to work on my computer. She had a boyfriend at the time, we met, who was shitty, manipulative and distant. We talked a lot and as soon as they broke up we said we should hang out, texted and flirted a lot more than previously, but she was always aloof about hanging out. In an attempt to show here I was not the kind of shitty guy she had been dating, I told her outright how I feel, that Im not the kind of guy to play games, or try and play the field, and she has been pulling back more. It seems like I came on to strong, and now she feels either disinterested or like she can have fun and Ill just sit there and wait.

In our last conversation, which did not go great (she didnt get mad, just wasnt as forward as normal) we actually talked frankly, said we were both interested in each other, but then she brought up just getting out of a relationship, always hanging out with friends etc. so, expressing both interest and disinterest at the same time

would be interested to hear thoughts.”

That’s a crummy place to be in. Really no fun.

However, the scenario is amazingly common: you see a girl dating a guy that you know is just all wrong for her.

She complains about him, she hates him, she despises him. She breaks up with him, gets back together with him, then breaks back up with him again.

And a light bulb goes off: if you can just show her you’re different from him, she’ll be yours.

As soon as she realizes that you’re nicer, or cooler, or more considerate, or even sexier, this girl will jump from his branch to your branch.

Then you try it, and... it doesn’t work. She doesn’t get together with you.

You tear your hair out in frustration, but it doesn’t help. In the end, she starts dating another guy just like her ex, and your mind is blown. Doesn’t she realize he’s EXACTLY like that guy she just left whom she hates so much?

The reason this occurs is simpler than you might think, though: it isn’t because some mysterious force intervened, or the “timing wasn’t right”, or any of the myriad other reasons a girl will give you herself.

The simple fact is that she has a type... and you aren’t it.

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from Sarah Williams of Wingman Magazine. In this article, Sarah shares the features in gay men that women find so alluring, and why women keep gay men in their lives and around them. If you haven’t spent much time in gay bars, you might be surprised how cute and sexually available the women who hang around gay men can be; if you’d like a peephole into why this is, this article’s a solid primer on the subject. Take it away, Sarah.

Imagine the scene: a bar, a pretty girl or even a group of good looking girls, all hanging out with just one guy in their circle. He doesn’t seem to be a Dan Bilzerian playboy type either. He’s just their friend, laughing and having a great time with all of them. This lucky guy is simply surrounded by hot females, who all get along very well with him, instead of hanging out with a bunch of dudes talking about football. He doesn’t seem to be doing anything special, but the most beautiful chicks stick to him like bees to a honeycomb... They all have so much fun together!  He treats the presence of beautiful girls around him as a naturally comfortable situation. Why couldn’t that be you who so easily enters and enjoys a group of beautiful girls without being completely awkward?

There is one major different between you and him – you’re not gay.

You’ve probably seen at least one pretty girl or even a group of pretty girls laughing and having fun with a gay guy. I personally love to hang out with gay guys even though I’m looking for straight men. As a single woman who lives in a big city, I have quite a bit of choice with whom I hang out with. I love going out with my girlfriends, and I’m friends with guys both at work and outside of work, but most of my very best male friends are gay!  And I’m definitely not the only female who appreciates their company…

What makes gay guys so special that women love to hang out with them?  What makes so many females choose gay guys as their best friends?

The answer is more complex than just sexual orientation. It touches on certain common characteristics and typical behaviors gay guys display towards women. When it comes to conquering women’s hearts, straight guys could learn a lot from gay guys.

We’ve discussed why if the aim is to sleep with or even get into relationships with women, you’re normally better off cultivating the image of “great potential lover” rather than the image of “great potential boyfriend” that the majority of men compete on (or, even worse, “great potential friend”) a number of times here already.

If you’re just tuning in and could use a recap, these articles are the primary pieces on the subject:

• Telling Women You’re NOT Boyfriend Material

• The Early Boyfriend: Why It’s a Bad Idea

• How to Get Girls: The Last Post You’ll Ever Need

• Does She Want You as a Boyfriend... or Something Else?

What I want to discuss with you today is one of the key mentalities women have regarding men that you must take pains to steer clear of falling victim to: women’s “back pocket” mentality.

This is the habit of women to “collect” men and keep them in reserve – or, in their back pockets – until such time as they might need them.

It isn’t malicious. It’s not a conscious effort to be manipulative or use others (usually).

However, if you aren’t careful about it, you can let this tendency of women’s, coupled with the tendency most men have to “prove their salt as a boyfriend by making themselves totally available”, sabotage any chances you might’ve had with those women.

If you want a shortcut for understanding women instead of ripping your hair out at the roots because women don’t make any sense, think about a woman this way: she wants to submit.

Men know this, of course. But most men are not thinking about it correctly, as evidenced by the various complaints by men about women’s behavior on my old article “When Women Test Men.”

See, most guys are thinking about things like men do, which is in a rational problem-solving type way.

They look about themselves and see lonely women. And they see themselves – also lonely. Well, why don’t women just submit to them? Then both of their problems would be solved! The man would have the woman, and the woman would have the man.

The fact that women don’t do this is, to them, proof that women’s reasoning is flawed.

I mean, ask a woman to explain this, and really nail her down on it, and she can’t.

There, see? Irrational. Doesn’t make sense.

But it does make sense when you realize she cannot submit completely willingly to a man; she is not programmed that way. Even if she rationally wanted to submit to you because you have such well-reasoned qualities and stats, she cannot.

Why not, you ask?

Because women do not want to and cannot submit fully willingly under their own power.

You must make them submit.

When approaching women, sometimes you will encounter a bratty attitude, where girls act like they don’t want to be approached even if they actually do.

Throughout this article, I will be referring to these “bitchy girls” as having “approach walls” (also called “bitch shields” in the pickup community, but let’s use a nicer sounding term!).

Today we will look at why women sometimes become this way when we approach them, and then we’ll talk about how to handle that behavior. After reading this post, you will never again have to wonder why women are being bitchy to you when you approach them. And, believe it or not, rarely is it about them not being attracted to you…

This one is not so much for beginners as it is for guys who are intermediate+. If you score “Journeyman” or higher on the diagnostic quiz, read on – otherwise, you can still read this one if you like to get a taste of what lies ahead, but after that you’ll probably want to file it away for later... it won’t apply to you just yet (but will a little later on).

No doubt you remember when you first started out with girls... it seemed like everyone around you was light years beyond you social calibration-wise.

And that was especially true of women.

At all times, they were 3 or 4 chess moves ahead: thinking ahead, planning ahead, and half the time you’d fall into weird social situations of others’ design that took you places you never intended or wanted to go. Ugh... irksome, bothersome, and really just kind of annoying.

When’s the last time that’s happened to you recently, though? If your answer – despite plenty of active socializing – is “it’s been a while”, you may have started realizing something else – that no longer are you playing social skills catch-up with the rest of the world, but they are playing it with you.

You’re a major league player to their little leagues by comparison.

What’s more, you’re beginning to realize that a lot of what you used to write off as “rudeness” and “aloofness” and girls “being bitchy” or “giving you the cold shoulder” in your earlier days were just plain old fashioned social awkwardness from women who didn’t know how to respond to you otherwise in a way that would both accomplish their objectives and not open them up to unnecessary social risk.

And if you really want to take your results and run with them, doing the same old stuff you did back when you were just starting out isn’t really going to fly anymore.

Commenting on “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”, TR asks the following about girls who appear to like you, yet ultimately sabotage their interactions with you due to hang-ups:

“I've noticed that even though I can have an outstanding interaction with a woman that clearly likes me, when it comes to closing she may still sabotage herself. This usually happens with women much taller than I am, and though I have no doubt that she really likes me, I'm also pretty certain that the height thing makes her a bit insecure. These women consistently fall over hard for me afterwards (lack of control + attraction is dynamite) but they have that mental block that sabotages them more often than not.

Do you think you could post up a follow-up article on how to handle things like this? Perhaps it has to do with setting the right frames, or maybe it's just a matter of letting go and looking for the right girls instead.”

This is a great topic, and it's something you'll run into repeatedly if you're out meeting women fairly often: those girls who clearly like you, are into you, are attracted to you... yet who just won't let themselves do anything with you.

It's a disconcerting affair the first couple of times you run into it. "I can tell she likes me," you say to youself. "Why the heck is she rejecting me?"

Ultimately, the problem always comes down to the same thing: attainability.

And no matter how swell a guy you are, how friendly, likeable, or attractive, for one reason or the other, she just doesn't view you as all that attainable... and ends up auto-rejecting.

While you can't always prevent this, once you understand why it's happening you can avoid it sometimes - either by preventing the problem from occurring in the first place, or by recognizing when it is occurring, and nipping it in the bud before it becomes something more dooming.