Female Mind

Numerous times we’ve covered the fact that women love sex. You’ll hear us on Girls Chase frequently tell you that they like sex as much as men, and if you’re experienced with women, you already know this quite well yourself.

Yet for many men (and even for myself back in the day), this concept doesn’t seem to make much sense. After all, we men are chasing women, or at least constantly trying to figure out ways to meet and get women into bed. It sure doesn’t seem like the opposite is true anyway... at least not when you’re a beginner.

We might ask ourselves the following question: if women liked sex as much as men like sex, wouldn’t they be chasing after men the same as men are chasing after women? Wouldn’t women start approaching men and start trying to get those men over to their places for some hanky-panky?

Wouldn’t women just jump you, begging you to pleasure them?

In this post we’ll cover the many reasons why that is not the case, while still continuing to show you that, in fact, women truly love sex.

Some of the perspectives presented below might already be known to many of you, but I am sure that you will find some nuggets in this posts.

You meet a cute girl; you hit it off; you grab her number; and she gives you a warm hug or a kiss with those gleaming eyes that say “I can’t wait to see you again.” And then you don’t see her for weeks… or maybe ever again.

When you text her to schedule a date… she says she’s busy. When she agrees to meet up with you… she bails out at the last second and leaves you feeling stupid. If you run into her in person, she greets you like you’re the last man on Earth… and then continues to play games when you try to meet up with her!

Have you ever been in this situation? It’s so frustrating! Why do girls play these games? Why can’t they just meet up with you when they say they will? Why do they take 12 hours to text you back?

Today I’m going to use science to explain why women act the way they do in terms of playing coy and stringing you along.

And more importantly: I’m going to show you what you can do to stop it. Onward.

Almost one year ago, a commenter named Jo asked a question in "What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask Her" about stomach butterflies.

Here's what he had to say:

“I've heard many women say they get 'butterflies' around certain men, and that they feel 'nervous' around these guys. Somehow the thought of these guys makes these women's hearts 'flutter' and this seems to be something that (at least some) women want. I don't know if you've ever touched on this or not, but it'd be great to see an article that goes in to the social dynamics and psychology of the 'butterflies' phenomenon.

I haven't thought about this topic very deeply but off the top of my head and without any research I think the occurrence of 'butterflies' is a manifestation of one's anticipation of more good things to come. You don't know exactly what it will be but all you know (subconsciously) is...you want more! It occurs when you really like someone, and because they're unpredictable, you don't know exactly what's coming next. But you do know that usually whatever this person says or does is something that you find delightful and because of that you anticipate more good feelings...

So in the moments between good feelings you subconsciously anticipate experiencing more of them but you don't know exactly how they will manifest themselves, due to the unpredictability of the individual providing the good feelings. This seems to be something that drives some women crazy and they love it when it happens... It's all subconscious of course so they may not be able to tell you exactly WHY they like it so much.

So my question to you is, have you ever encountered this phenomenon of women getting butterflies around you? If so, how do you provide this feeling at will (i.e. what sorts of things a man can do to get women feeling butterflies and anticipation... and how can a man sense that what he's doing in this regard actually working?) It's one thing to try and pick up a girl, it's another thing to make them want to come back for more and more...and be out-of-control when around you...

Look forward to hearing from you...

Thanks.”

The "butterflies in her stomach" (or yours) phenomenon is a pretty common one to love, romance, seduction, and sex. It's a turn of phrase that's used to indicate the feeling of clenched anticipation for something desired one feels deep in one's gut; when she feels it, she's feeling nervous in all the right ways.

Giving girls exactly this feeling is one of the things I recommend you aim to do as much as you possibly can - that is, to give as many butterflies as you can, to as many of the women you meet as you can.

Of course, before you can do that, you've got to know what these butterflies are - and how they come about invading cute girls' stomachs in the first place.

Ah, empathy. At its most basic level, “empathy” simply means “understanding where another person is coming from.” I worked in the counseling field for a couple years, so I have been pretty well-trained in how to have empathy for others, and even how to make them feel understood even when you can’t fully grasp what’s going on for them.

That’s the good news: you don’t actually have to understand what someone’s experiencing in order to empathize with her. Men will appreciate this, as women so often talk about issues that we simply cannot grasp, to which we simply want to offer easy suggestions.

Let’s begin with a basic distinction, “fixing vs. understanding.” If you have female friends — which I surely hope you do — you will be familiar with a common complaint women have about their men:

“I don’t want him to fix it, I want him to understand.”

Note from Chase: this is a very thoughtful - and pretty deep - article by Alek exploring the cultural mechanics underlying social controls placed on individual sexual expression in modern Western societies. This isn't a "how-to" article; it's more a "here's how things work a few levels down" type piece. It's somewhat heavy stuff, but a rewarding read if you don't mind letting your brain work a bit. Here's Alek.

After having produced a number of practical articles recently, I wanted to write a more theory-heavy post on sexual ethics.

Before I begin, I would like to deliver a disclaimer. It should be noted that this piece is purely theoretical and an abstraction of how the mating game works. The world is a complex place, and it is impossible to describe every aspect of a social phenomenon.

Further, I would also point out that even though this essay might have anthropological elements, it remains a work in political/social theory.

This means that this text is not only descriptive in its nature (i.e., explaining “what is the case”) but also has a normative essence with the means of explaining “for what reasons things should be the way they are” or “what should be the case”.

On this website, my usual advice is that men do everything in their power to not paint themselves as overly wealthy, in order to avoid coming across as a boyfriend candidate. Certainly, dress well; but don't let on too obviously that you have wealth, a prestigious job, etc., if you do. In fact, if you're unemployed or not regularly employed (e.g., a business owner, an artist, etc.), talk about not having a job.

(this is a little different for men in the 40+ demographic, where you can be written off without some measure of accomplishment; for more on walking that fine line, see "Attracting and Dating Younger Women")

The objective is to prevent her from wanting you as a boyfriend in any way... so that you can focus on ramping up sexual tension and seize the role of the lover instead.

There is, however, one exception to this rule, which really isn't much of an exception at all - and that one exception is conspicuous consumption.

Conspicuous consumption is every bit the attraction trigger in women that things like:

• Preselection
• Good looks
• Perceived physical dominance

... all are.

And it doesn't violate the rule of "don't be stable", either, because men who consume conspicuously very often are not the picture of safety and security.

In fact, they tend to live quite wildly, and very often the most conspicuous spenders are the same men likely to bankrupt themselves at some point.

It's one of those triggers that cuts right to the most primal core of a woman's gut; when she sees it, a powerful, visceral, deep-seated attraction sets in that compels her to want a man, both by showing him to be among the cream of the crop mating-wise, and by advertising his total lack of viability as a long-term candidate.

How this works - and how you can use it, if you have even just a little bit of money to throw around (or how you can really blow it up if you have a lot) - is what this article is all about.

C. Wong posed a question on the article about social value several weeks back, trying to tease out what exactly is the difference between a lover and a loser:

“Dear Chase,

This is another enlightening post, it clarify a lot of misconceptions that confuse men. I am currently digesting the first 200 pages of your ebook (Prob would take me some time to digest everything...those 400+ pgs have too much concepts and details). Anyway, I have a question on your ebook (and your previous article) regarding to the Lover's Value: http://www.girlschase.com/content/does-she-want-you-boyfriend-or-someth...

I understand your pt that the girl would slow things down with us if she noticed we men have lots of achievements, advance degree, and an admirable career etc because it shows we can be a long term husband candidate.

HOWEVER, what is the difference between "a man who offer lots of Lover's Value" and "a man who is plain loser" ? I am confuse, really confuse! Because somewhere in your ebook and your previous articles, u mentioned that u will only tell your woman that you are a writer/author who travel a lot instead of someone who run a business etc...BUT, THE MOST CRAZY PART is that u will even tell the girl that u are currently unemployed (Or unemployed for a very long time) in order for u to get out of the Provider Category. I think THIS IS INSANE!!

Wouldn't the girl think we are a loser if we say that we are unemployed or have been unemployed for a while? I mean, as a lover, your job is to provide romantic experience to the woman. Your job is to be a good "gene donor" who provide great genes.<--[Please tell me is this sentence and my understanding of your thinking is correct, Chase]

Wouldn't the girl think your genes are in low and bad quality if u tell them that you are unemployed in order to get out of the Lover Category? Wouldn't it make more sense if u tell them that you are a senior level engineer, accountant, doctor, lawyer, or business man BUT u will not stay in one location, you are going back to your home state etc? So she would think that u have good genes to gain resource (thus attractive to u), but too bad, u are not local etc?

Thank you very much Chase! Your ebook definitely worth my time and my money.

Warm Regards”

It's an necessary distinction to make, and reaching the point where you HAVE to make this decision is something the average man daren't even try to do... when you haven't raised up your value as a lover high enough, dropping your value as a boyfriend candidate can very quickly leave you with a whole lot of nothing in the dating circuit.

So what is the difference between being a lover... or just being an out-and-out loser?