Female Mind

I recently addressed a thread on our discussion boards where a member reported on a couple of women who seemed to initially like him, and then backed off in a big way, telling him things like, “I’m just not looking for this right now.”

He’d suspected the issue was he just wasn’t doing all that well at targeting women who were going to be receptive to him, but in this case, the actual issue was he was jumping the gun and expressing too much interest without her giving him a reason to yet.

And what happened next was the girl started feeling like something was “off”.

As soon as that feeling comes up, you’re in bad shape.

And it isn’t always caused by missing a step here or there, either.

A reader named Will makes the following comment on our discussion boards about the “secret society”:

“I really don’t understand this concept of a secret society. One that all women and successful seducers belong to. Any society that over 50% of the world’s population belongs to is not a secret. And I’ve been with younger, slightly (or more than) crazy girls who in no way seemed to understand much about social interactions before, during or after sex – you can find that a little too often with internet dating, but I think it kind of disproves this secret society idea.”

I myself don’t use the “secret society” term for the same reason; it’s an older pickup term a lot of guys do like, but for many guys outside the pickup world, it can confuse... and makes the whole concept sound planned-out (when it’s actually more an emergent phenomenon).

Personally, “secret society” was one turn-of-the-phrase that always makes my brain have to pause a minute. For whatever reason, at least for me, the term makes the concept it describes pretty unintuitive.

Alek has already explained the “secret society” concept in-depth in a 2013 article here: “Social Order, Sexual Restriction, and the Secret Society.”

Today, I’d like to talk a bit more about what’s going on in women’s heads when they meet a guy who “gets it” versus a guy who does not... and how they figure out who’s who.

Women are vexing creatures, aren’t they?

Men often find aspects of basic female nature completely perplexing. Women, for their part, often find many aspects of basic male nature an utter bore.

I talked about the multi-layered aspects of what women want before; today I’m going to talk about why exactly they make it so indecipherable what they want in any one moment for men (and frequently themselves).

Have you ever watched a man who is good with women? You’ll notice women do all kinds of womanly things around him that would make most men boil, while he just laughs.

How can such a man be so nonplussed around the madness that is woman?

We see men commenting on Girls Chase about this often. A guy comes on and rages about how women don’t make any sense and men shouldn’t have to change one lick for them. Shades of the good old fashioned “just be yourself and everything will work out fine” argument which took over popular thought sometime in the 20th century with its ineffectual pseudo-intellectual quips.

There is one element you see again and again that drives men to tear their hair out in patches though, and that’s this: women change their minds like monsoon season weather. One minute it’s pounding sheets of rain, and the next minute the sun’s out bright with nary a cloud in sight.

Most men do not understand this... while the men who are good with women just smile and laugh. “Girls are silly and cute,” such men say.

You may know this mentality is better intellectually, but perhaps you still find yourself bugged by women’s behavior emotionally. Happens to lots of guys.

With regard to the man irritated by women’s behavior, and the man at peace with it:

How can these two men have such totally different views on women – and what’s really going on in women’s heads that make them so darn flakey?

This is the first article in a two-part series about the importance of Target Selection. This first article talks about Target Selection as it relates to sleeping with new women; the second, Target Selection when it comes to relationship potential, as well as which type of relationship a girl is a fit for with you (FB, FWB, MLTR, LTR, OLTR).

As you'll discover in the next article, not all women are built equal and some are simply poor candidates for certain roles in your life.

Today we will discuss why it's important to choose targets wisely when hunting for new sex partners. The reason for this is simple: it is a giant waste of time to pursue women who are not interested or available. It will never "work", and even if you end up sleeping with such a woman, it will come at great expense to you and will not work out the way you want it to.

First, let's define the terms "interested", "available", and "interested and available".

I have never written an article like this before, so bear with me. It is going to be half Field Report from Tinder and half explanation. I will be quoting the conversation I had with “Sarah” in full, as well as detailing parts of her Tinder profile because the contrast you will soon see is what I truly wish to highlight today.

This article is aimed at the guys who are still learning the true nature of female humans, which is as simple as the true nature of all other female primates. This may be a bit of a red pill article for you – and I truly hope and intend that this is the case. I chose in the end not to sleep with the girl, for reasons you will see later, but that takes nothing away from the value of what follows.

I will post bits of the conversation in regular font, with my comments below in bold where necessary.

But first, the relevant parts of her Tinder profile:

“I am absolutely a hopeless romantic. I’m trying to find my future husband on tinder... I am a mother of an angel... I’m looking for my man, my lad, my soulmate, my best friend; nothing less than that, however, Jesus is my main man.”

She is, obviously, portraying herself as a good Christian girl who just wants to settle down with a good man. While it may be tempting to believe the things a woman says, usually it is a smokescreen meant to separate Providers from Lovers. That is a topic worth studying in itself; one that has been written about on this website before and is also a featured chapter in my book.

“You should be stronger than me

Don’t you know you supposed to be the man?

You always wanna talk it through – I don’t care!

Why’d you always put me in control?”

— Stronger Than Me by Amy Winehouse

One of the most important aspects to understand about female psychology is the use and existence of a type of language known as subcommunication – a secret language evolved by women over millennia in a male-dominated world. In this secret language, women communicate their sexuality freely, but in a way that most men cannot hear or understand. Women have learned the hard way, through millennia, that men have a psychological need to create a type of schizophrenic distinction among women, slotting all women into a category of either “whores” or “Madonnas”.

Subcommunication – as a feminine subset of the English language – is based on communicating with indirection, double meaning, ambiguity, emotionality, and imprecision for the following purposes:

• To preserve social harmony.

• On the other hand, to stir up competition amongst people when it seems profitable to do so.

• To avoid responsibility and establish plausible deniability.

• To signal intent to someone, as in “Tell without telling, ask without asking.”

• To establish boundaries and frames of interactions.

• To avoid commitment; maintain ambivalence; keep options open.

It’s important to realize that Subcommunication imposes upon the recipient responsibility for correctly interpreting the meaning. In this article, I’m going to focus on Subcommunication in the context of female sexuality.

Tell me, what you’re thinking about

When you got me waiting patiently

Usually, I don’t have to wait for nobody

But there’s something about you

That really got me feeling weak

— Tell Me, by P. Diddy. Vocals here sung by Christina Aguilera.

If you truly want to understand the psychology of women, you must be aware of, and willing to accept, a paradoxical truth: women feel greater sexual attraction towards men who are less inclined to provide for them emotionally and financially.

Euphemistically you can say: in their heads women know that nice guys make much better husbands, but deep within their secret hearts, women love to love bad boys.

This paradoxical phenomenon is literally a schizophrenic duality between a woman’s need for survival on the one hand, and her need to express her own sexuality on the other. This creates a psychological condition where a woman’s sexuality is necessarily ambivalent and conflicted.

Simply put, the Female Basic Conflict is the need to manipulate a man into the role of her Provider, followed by an automatic contempt and/or lowering of her sexual attraction towards a man who lets her do so.