Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great

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By: Chase Amante

There's been some confusion on here recently, with readers noting some contrasts between my normal recommendations to guys, and what some of the other writers here report doing in some of their articles.

The biggest one is kissing girls in public - especially, kissing girls in bars, and kissing girls in clubs.

kissing girls in public

I gave somewhat of a blanket denouncement about ever kissing girls in public in "How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before". If we want to be totally 100% technically correct, there are always exceptions, and this rule's one that - provided you meet certain requirements already - you can still get around.

Kissing a girl publicly is a tactic that can be powerful if used appropriately, but is devastating to your odds at getting a girl back somewhere alone with you for intimacy. In my strong opinion, it's much better to avoid this altogether, and simply maintain sexual tension, until you are home alone with a girl, and can quickly move from kissing to sex - the natural progression of things. Kissing is something that increases the randomness of your interactions, and polarizes them - it'll shift some women into overdrive, but will drive many more into auto-rejection or overprovides good feelings.

My general recommendation to guys that are learning is just "don't do this at all, unless you're pushing boundaries and really just want to see if you can do it and test yourself."

However... if you are suitably advanced, confident with women, and know what you are doing (e.g., not kissing for the sake of kissing, but kissing as part of a larger overall strategy)... you can indeed take the exception here, and not only not deflate sexual tension with a kiss, but actually amplify it.

So, to straighten out the signs seemingly pointing down divergent paths, and properly light up the way, let's peer into what the right way to use kissing in public is - and why most men use it all wrong.

Effort Aversion: Or, Why You Don't Work Hard and Get Laid

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By: Chase Amante

A trend you see a lot in this field is that guys stumble on the material, dive into it, read all about it, get really excited about it, then... do absolutely nothing.

effort aversion

They don't get off their butts and go cold approach.

They don't start asking out more women on dates.

They don't even start cleaning up their looks and body language much.

Not all guys - there are plenty who set themselves to work with gusto transforming themselves into new versions of old them - but a pretty healthy clump of them.

And then there's the "how bad do you really want it?" problem that the guys who do apply themselves run into: they put a little energy into it... but not nearly enough to get themselves where they really want to get to (e.g., absolute abundance, or a steady stream of really sexy new girlfriends or casual relationships).

Because let's face it: whether you're talking about getting good with girls, or starting your own business, or learning a new skill that's going to up your asking price on the job market, or bettering your grades in school, or anything else that requires you to really sit down and start cranking away at something hard that takes time, most folks just aren't going to do it.

Yet, if you understand why you aren't doing something you really wish you would do, you may just be able to unlock the secret path to getting yourself there after all - and the gatekeeper at the portal to this path is a little phenomenon known as "effort aversion."

Social Control and Moral Policing: The Level Bosses of Seduction

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By: Chase Amante

Video games have diversified as they've proliferated, and the variety of formats they come in has shifted tremendously over the years. It's not quite so ubiquitous a setup anymore these days, but at least when I was younger, well night every game punctuated the various levels of the game world with a "boss fight", where you'd fight an especially strong, particularly daunting opponent if you wanted to proceed.

In seduction, one of the boss fights you find yourself up against not so infrequently is social control, and the morality police.

If you've heard the term "moral police" before, you probably think of Islamist countries - Saudi Arabia, Iran... even the relatively "liberal" nations of Malaysia or the UAE. And while these nations have the only official (state-sanctioned) moral police (that I know of), the moral police in fact exist everywhere in the world, doing their part to ensure social control by policing the behavior of their fellow citizens.

social control

This "social policing", as I like to call it, is not so different from the rats of paranoid times - like clamped-down period of Eastern Communist rule, or the Second Red Scare of American McCarthyism. The only real difference is that, rather than rat people out to the authorities to win points, people rat each other out to others in the same social circle behind one another's back - or, they browbeat or shame them directly to their faces.

What makes this relevant to you, however, is how it impacts the women you're trying to meet, date, sleep with, and have relationships with - especially if you, or anything you're trying to do, is anything other than 100% "conventional."

How to Give Her Butterflies in Her Stomach

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By: Chase Amante

Almost one year ago, a commenter named Jo asked a question in "What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask Her" about stomach butterflies.

butterflies in her stomach

Here's what he had to say:

“I've heard many women say they get 'butterflies' around certain men, and that they feel 'nervous' around these guys. Somehow the thought of these guys makes these women's hearts 'flutter' and this seems to be something that (at least some) women want. I don't know if you've ever touched on this or not, but it'd be great to see an article that goes in to the social dynamics and psychology of the 'butterflies' phenomenon.

I haven't thought about this topic very deeply but off the top of my head and without any research I think the occurrence of 'butterflies' is a manifestation of one's anticipation of more good things to come. You don't know exactly what it will be but all you know (subconsciously) is...you want more! It occurs when you really like someone, and because they're unpredictable, you don't know exactly what's coming next. But you do know that usually whatever this person says or does is something that you find delightful and because of that you anticipate more good feelings...

So in the moments between good feelings you subconsciously anticipate experiencing more of them but you don't know exactly how they will manifest themselves, due to the unpredictability of the individual providing the good feelings. This seems to be something that drives some women crazy and they love it when it happens... It's all subconscious of course so they may not be able to tell you exactly WHY they like it so much.

So my question to you is, have you ever encountered this phenomenon of women getting butterflies around you? If so, how do you provide this feeling at will (i.e. what sorts of things a man can do to get women feeling butterflies and anticipation... and how can a man sense that what he's doing in this regard actually working?) It's one thing to try and pick up a girl, it's another thing to make them want to come back for more and more...and be out-of-control when around you...

Look forward to hearing from you...

Thanks.”

The "butterflies in her stomach" (or yours) phenomenon is a pretty common one to love, romance, seduction, and sex. It's a turn of phrase that's used to indicate the feeling of clenched anticipation for something desired one feels deep in one's gut; when she feels it, she's feeling nervous in all the right ways.

Giving girls exactly this feeling is one of the things I recommend you aim to do as much as you possibly can - that is, to give as many butterflies as you can, to as many of the women you meet as you can.

Of course, before you can do that, you've got to know what these butterflies are - and how they come about invading cute girls' stomachs in the first place.

Preparedness: The All-Important Seduction Tool

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By: Chase Amante

Back in 2006, I had a date in Washington, D.C. with a beautiful Puerto Rican girl, who just exuded sensuality. I'd met her riding the metro one day, I no longer remember to where. Regardless, I was still getting my feet under me, and was pretty clumsy in how I ran my dates at that point - and this date ended up being no exception.

We went to get brunch first, and I decided to try out asking a girl to pay for me for the first time. I was a little nervous doing it... and she was furious. She got really upset. She was clearly insulted. She scolded me on how women in Puerto Rico never pay for dates.

But then she calmed down... and then she paid for us both.

preparedness seduction

After that, I figured I'd take her to the Barnes & Noble nearby, and we grabbed some books and sat down together. Her anger had transformed into raw, heaving lust... as will tend to happen when women overcome some staunchly held rule of theirs and cut you an exception, then continue spending time on you (complete surprise to me at the time, though). In the bookstore, she was soon leaning up against me on the ground beneath the book stacks, breathing heavy, the sexiest smile in the world on her face, and seemed for all the world to be puffing out plumes of pheromones into the air around us. Both of us were very turned on.

But Barnes & Noble turned out to be a bad call - and another sign I didn't really know what I was doing. Yet, rather than take her home then and there, I'd already decided earlier that I should buy her ice cream to even out the spending (since she'd paid for lunch) - yet another bad call. Things went from hot to lukewarm while we at ice cream... and then I finally invited her home to talk and relax some more.

I decided to have us walk from there back to my apartment - a 20-minute walk. Half way there, any last vestiges of desire had faded away completely and been replaced by complaining about how far we were walking and where we were going, and it didn't stop for the rest of the walk. I took her up to the roof of my building, which I hadn't scoped out carefully enough before, and we ended up sitting there in uncomfortable seats positioned too far away from one another. After about 10 minutes of rather platonic chatting, I tried to move her back down to my apartment, but she decided she'd rather just go home.

The magic was gone.

And I learned an important lesson: make sure you're prepared for anything that happens.

Emotion Regulation in Your Friendships and Relationships

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By: Chase Amante

The other day, on the article on men who seem to be naturally good with women, a reader wrote in to ask about emotion regulation in relationships, and annoyance at always having to be "the rock" for women he's dating and others when they vent emotionally, when meanwhile they begin distancing themselves or just decline to give support as soon as he turns the tables and he needs to vent.

emotion regulation

Here's his comment:

“Is it recommended to keep your emotional problems/issues separate from seduction?

Some girls (that I've known for more than couple months) seemed to have been of the stock where if I ever talked about my personal emotional issues (like the deep shit that you become aware of as you gain emotional IQ/mastery) with them, they gave me a look like how dare I speak about myself more than they talked about themselves...that's not how it's supposed to go!! Men, including lovers are people too, and have emotional moments (maybe a overbearing boss or a horrible relationship with parents or frustration from not being able to start a business or whatever). What I really wanted was for them to provide me with the value (same empathy/support) that I provided them, but they didn't really seem to care all that much...(it was more of a fake care, but not a real genuine OMG I feel your pain). Obviously they couldn't (nor volunteered) to really help me out and provide me with advice (even when asked), just an awkward silence then they turned the conversation back on them.

Have you ever seen this? What are your thoughts? Do you advise to keep have a support system separate and apart from seduction, and to not clue women into what you're feeling?

I am clueless on this. But maybe it's not women. Thing is I've seen a similar thing from my family too. Growing up, they weren't really equipped to deal with my emotional needs. Perhaps I presented them wrong? Conversation is part presentation...anyways the result was that I just kept shit bottled up inside, becoming aloof and not even recognizing it until much later. Now I'm more of a fixer, but it's really good to have someone around that says "i understand how you feel...try this." Never had that, not even from family.”

I replied; the original commenter replied to my reply to further clarify; Franco, the moderator of our discussion boards, weighed in; and the original commenter returned once more to contribute to the discussion again. All-in-all, it turned into a pretty thoughtful conversation, though clearly from parties who were coming at the problem all from rather different angles.

So, the question raised, I wanted to dive into it much further: what's the right way to go about handling emotion regulation in your interpersonal relationships? Or, is there even a right way - is there an ideal path? Or simply different shades of gray?

The 9 Male Identities and How They Affect You with Women

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By: Chase Amante

One of the pieces I promised sometime back was a write-up on identities, and the role these play in your social interactions, seductions, dating, and relationships.

Identity is a huge, important topic with vast implications for how you move through society, but it isn't one that's much talked about because it's difficult to conceptualize, and more difficult still to nail down.

identity

Nevertheless, having a grasp of what your identity is today, and what you'd like it to be tomorrow, helps shine a little more light on the direction you're headed in socially, and being aware of the different gradations of identity allows you to accurately pinpoint where you might be going right with a given identity, and where you may be going wrong.

So, join me on this journey through the looking glass, and let's examine the sometimes-strange and always interesting topic of your social identity.

New Diagnostic Quiz and "Getting Started" eBooks Live

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By: Chase Amante

Hey folks,

We're launching a day behind schedule (I'd planned this for November 1st), but I'm happy to announce new Girl Skills Diagnostic Quiz is live - and depending on how you score, you'll receive one of four (4) different mini eBooks.

The eBooks are free, and serve as the "Getting Started" guides to Girls Chase that a lot of readers have been clamoring for lately. We put a lot of love into these, and we think they're about as tailored to each of the four categories of readers as can be - one of each for:

  • Beginners,
  • Journeymen,
  • Technicians,
  • and Masters

diagnostic ebooks (the four different eBooks)

The 5 Big Differences Between Naturals and “PUA”s

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By: Chase Amante

natural vs. puaWhen I first discovered dating advice for men on the Internet in the mid-2000s, I was ecstatic; here were exactly the tools I was looking for to take what I was trying to do and put it on rocket fuel.

With these tools, I knew, I could shave years off my learning curve and advance at a far faster rate than I could having to figure every single thing out by myself, on my own.

It didn't take long though before I realized that many of the guys posting on seduction forums and meeting up in pickup lairs were "quirky"; there were things about them that were off, and the kinds of women they were going for were... not the kinds of women I was all that interested in.

I maintained friendships with the cooler and more "normal" guys I met through PUA - and indeed, many of these guys are still good friends of mine today, and are some of the sharpest and most improvement-oriented people I know (many are also quite successful in their businesses and careers nowadays) - but aside from them, I largely retreated to friendships with "naturals" - guys who were naturally good with women, and hadn't studied pickup and had only the most cursory knowledge of what it taught.

What I noticed was that there were some very distinct differences between the guys who were naturally good with women and the guys who were not - and while some of this went away as guys improved, some of it didn't; these differences remained.

And those differences very often meant the difference between being cool and getting the more attractive, harder-to-get girls, and not being and getting those.

Dealing with Failure: An Important Learning Tool

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By: Chase Amante

dealing with failureIn "What’s the Difference Between a Lover and a Loser?", Troy asked a question I've been seeing a lot on here lately regarding dealing with failure:

“Also chase id love to see an article on how to see failure as not bad, to love the plateau and not let setbacks stop us from pushing the times of doubt and uncertainty. Thanks and im looking for that when you can do it and it interests you as a topic for a post. The reason is because i see it in myself and almost every girls chase reader of not accepting that they will make mistakes and it makes me think. I think that if you could write on this that us readers us readers would accept failure especially beginners as essential, then every one of us would stop beating up our selves when we lose a girl and make mistakes, and then you may not need to ever be getting complaints again. then life changes. It is great to try our best but no one is perfect and we will mess up. thanks for helping and reading.”

We touched on failure and defeat a good bit already in "How to Master Anything", and I just talked about it a bit more recently in my interview with ITHP; today, I want to go a little more in-depth.

So, how does one deal with failure - especially social failure, the kind you must endure when learning to improve with women? Failure that's public; failure that's biting; and failure that cuts right to the quick of one's ego and self-esteem?

And make no mistake about it, you will take a beating to your sense of self when you set out to improve your prospects socially and romantically. There's simply no other way to get better with people than by trying and failing with people - again and again and again.

It takes a certain kind of courage - and a certain attitude about dealing with failure.