Why scoring hotter women can backfire—leaving you with less sex. Discover the ‘Abundance Trap’ and how to escape it to enjoy more success with women.As you level up to sleeping with younger and hotter women, getting sex should (in theory) become easier and easier.
Inner game truth: men seriously arrest their progress with women because of sticky limiting beliefs. Want to achieve the impossible (or unlikely) with girls? You need to let all that go.In 2001, I, a somewhat taller than average, somewhat more attractive than average, slim American white guy with a deep voice who’d been called “the man” and “bad ass” by the coolest kids in high school and had been chased for dates by the prettiest and most popular girls (and cheerleaders) in high school went to work in a tire store.
There I met Jim, a short, fat, swarthy Puerto Rican tire salesman with a higher-pitched voice who lived in a ramshackle rented single-family home that was really only good for throwing parties.
Jim was the first guy I ever met who was an out-and-out player. He was constantly sleeping with good-looking white girls, such as our boss’s over 6’ modelesque cousin when she visited from England (she had a good 7 inches on him at least). That girl messaged him furiously after returning to England that she couldn’t sleep with her boyfriend anymore because she wanted only Jim now.
Meanwhile, of course, Jim was happily sleeping with more, new girls… not to mention his sweet blonde girlfriend, who went out of her way to bring him sandwiches for lunch at the tire shop.
I’d never been on a date in my life at this point, and despite the attention I got in high school had no idea what to say to girls. I didn’t watch Jim with envy… more like perplexed wonder.
How did he do it? What exactly was he doing to score all these girls?
I never asked him, because I was too proud to ask. Plus if I admitted that I couldn’t get girls I’d look weak. (even though he clearly knew right away anyway)
But I can tell you now, the #1 factor that differentiated 18-year-old Chase from 25-year-old Jim:
I had a ton of limiting beliefs, but Jim had none.
Cold approach is a numbers game. But rejection is exhausting. How do you put the approach numbers in WITHOUT burning out? These 3 steps are the way.Commenting on my article about dating for autistic men (where I remarked how autistic guys often become ‘approach machines’ who chew through hundreds/thousands of approaches with little to show for it), Sub-Zero asks
I’m just wondering if it takes hundreds to thousands of approaches to get a lay or a few, how are guys still going after getting rejected so much?
If I approached 20 women during day game and couldn’t get a lay, I’d be discouraged. If I did get a lay, but I had to approach 20 more to get another, I’d probably get lazy and take what I can get. So, how are guys getting a lot of lays with all these approaches it seems like you have to focus a lot on doing this, when are you free to do other things?
I think I’ve been misunderstanding cold approaching numbers.
All right, so first off, most men are not autistic. Most guys are not going to need to do hundreds (or God forbid thousands) of approaches to get a single lay off of cold approach.
That said, cold approach is not social circle game. It is going up to talk to strangers to find out who’s available, attracted, and receptive to your game. Many girls you approach won’t be any of those, or maybe some but not all of those.
For this reason, it is and always will be a numbers game.
Like anything that is a numbers game, most guys will try it out, try grinding for a bit, not get much back for their results, and burn out on it.
Getting good at cold approach requires a man to make it past that initial ‘heavy grinding burnout phase’ that serves as a major filter to cold approach success.
Let’s talk about how to do that and avoid taking a walk down cold approach’s ‘wash out lane’.
Relationships sometimes end, sometimes don’t. But if you want the best odds for yours, learn to love like it’s temporary – because it just might be.Every single day, 6,600 people around the world divorce.
Tens of thousands more unmarried couples break up.
Many of those split-apart people never planned to end their relationships. Some thought they’d never leave their partners. But things ended, and they did.
When things end, people turn bitter – and spread that bitterness around.
Online, red pill men burned by breakup and divorce claim “marriage is a game rigged against men.” They call marriage a way to “lose half your money, your kids, and your freedom.” They console each other that “she was never yours; it was just your turn.”
Meanwhile, female dating strategy women burned by breakup and divorce claim “marriage is a financial risk for women.” They say “divorce rape is a myth – women usually end up poorer.” They console each other that “men use women until something better comes along.”
The shock, pain, and disruption of the end of an in-love relationship is enough to turn many people from hopeful naïfs to hardened curmudgeons.
Yet once someone grows bitter, life takes a sharp southward turn.
READ MORE: Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.
Don’t let bitterness blacken your heart.How do you manage to love, bond, and have relationships in the full knowledge that things might well end? Is it possible for a realist to avoid the bitter cynicism of the burned?
How do you hold two equally opposite ideas in mind: “I love someone very much” and “Someday this might end”?
The only way to mix reality with trust and hope is through enlightened romantic philosophy. Such a philosophy removes the stress and suspicion the jaded feel, without putting on the blinders the naïve wear. That philosophy is this:
Love like it’s temporary – because it just might be.
A girl gets the wrong impression about you, and her mood toward you changes. How do you fix it? Simple enough: with Ignore, Exhibit, Re-Attract.Imagine you’re in this scenario:
You’re being your regular cool self, but for whatever reason you slip up and say something rude.
You thought you were being funny but you ended up telling a girl she looks like a dork in that getup she has on, and she takes it personally and auto-rejects you, turning cold and offended.
You could try to use the auto-rejection turnaround technique, and that might work. But maybe she’s so offended she won’t even give you the chance to.
There’s another approach you can take. It’s more indirect, and it requires a consistent social environment (so it’s not usually going to work in, say, daytime cold approach, or nighttime street game) – but if you pull it off, it can bring back girls who’d decided they didn’t want anything to do with you at all.
Note: this is a firefighting tactic that is mostly only practical for intermediate seducers and higher. Due to the nature of the tactic, the higher your seduction skill level, the more effective this tactic will be; the less skilled you are, the less likely it is to succeed. We’ll look at why toward the end of the article, but for now, let’s talk tactics.
Girls don’t show up to dates they don’t feel motivated enough to show up for. Use these 7 ways to raise women’s desire to show up for their dates with you.Contents
Step 1: Strong First Impression
Step 4: Propose Low Effort Date
You meet a girl, have a nice conversation, and ask her out.
She says “yes!” Fantastic!
But just because you’ve got her contact and an appointment to meet doesn’t mean she’ll show up. What can you do to make sure she shows up for her date with you?
In this guide, I’ll lay out five (5) recommended steps for ensuring girls show up to their dates with you – plus two more optional steps you can take.
Follow the guide, and your “date show-up rate” will go higher than that of anyone else you know.
Different openers get (very) different receptions from girls depending on YOUR internal state. Calibrate the opener you choose to your state & open better.There’s an important factor in the way that you open conversations with new women that few men seem to consider:
Namely, the way your state affects the delivery – and thus reception – of your opener.
Imagine two otherwise identical men:
MAN A: approaches a beautiful girl in a red dress, and somewhat timidly tells her, “Hi… I just have to say you look really beautiful.” It’s clear from his behavior that he is waiting and hoping for a good reception from her. She is going to feel like he is kissing up to her, paying her a compliment in the hopes of her throwing a bone to him.
MAN B: approaches a beautiful girl in a yellow dress, and confidently/authoritatively tells her, “Hey. That dress looks amazing on you. Good choice.” It’s clear from his vibe that he is simply commenting on something he likes, and doesn’t really care how she will react. She is going to feel like he is passing manly judgment on her, and is going to feel a need to reciprocate or find another way to gracefully share power with him because he just positioned himself as the approver over her.
While these two men might look the same, and the women they approach look similar, and their openers have very similar words, the change in the delivery of the opener creates a completely different frame at the open.
It is very hard to consciously switch from a timid, approach anxious state (like Man A’s) to a confident, authoritative state (like Man B’s). Few men are capable of doing it on command. I can do it; but I’ve also spent years meditating and consciously state changing, and have enough reference points dealing with women authoritatively that I know exactly what it feels like and how to make myself switch to that from a different state.
For practical purposes, I am going to assume that (like most guys) this is not something you can simply do.
So what CAN you do?
Simple: rather than try to force openers that are not going to work in your current state, you are going to choose openers based upon the state you’re in right now.
Approach girls flat or polite, and you’ll get flat, polite receptions. Want girls who are excited and eager to meet you? Then BE that way when you approach!I was responding to a thread on the forum where forum member Arnav asked about how to keep cold approach conversations going beyond the first 30 seconds. He brought up difficulty dealing with girls he approached who only seemed neutral or polite.
Here’s a description of a similar phenomenon written by another forum member, RDRChaseMember:
So from my usual experiences with cold approach, they're usually I pay a compliment to her and try to open, and they walk away or don't stop to talk to me, fine. The other experience I get from it (though pretty rare) is that they do engage in a conversation with me enthusiastically, we're making long conversation, and I go for a number. Yet, when I follow up with them, I don't hear anything back from them.
It's almost as if I should expect general disinterest most of the time.
In one of my responses to Arnav (who wants to know how to keep cold approach conversation going beyond 30 seconds), I shared a secret to getting girls that veteran seducers all sooner or later figure out: that women reflect your mood right back at you, thanks to the power of emotional contagion. In other words, if you want a girl to respond a certain way to your approach, be that way on the approach.
Here’s what I told Arnav:
This is one of the magic tricks a good seducer has that regular guys don't: he can approach a girl and using nothing but his own expressiveness and her mirror neurons he can elicit what appears to be a high degree of interest from her right away. When I used to take guys out in-field and do demonstration approaches the guys would always comment after, "Wow, that girl was REALLY into you!" Sometimes she is, but sometimes she is just mirroring my approach, because that is what women do if you seem like a reasonably cool guy and you are being EXPRESSIVE. But get her to mirror you long enough and even the girls who weren't all that interested can start to wonder to themselves if maybe they are.
Today I’m going to let you in a little more on this secret of emotionally expressive approaches, that way you don’t have to wait until you’re 3 or 4 years deep in seduction before you puzzle this one out on your own (3-4 years in is right around when this one truly clicks for the average self-taught playboy).
Women often won’t leave one man until they have another one to monkeybranch off to. Why’s it so important to women to have male backup options?It’s more or less the ultimate ‘man role’ to be ready to walk away and leave it all behind: to wander off across the horizon, completely self-reliant, needing nothing at all besides your feet to carry you and your head and hands to do what’s needed wherever you end up.
We all intuitively respect a man far more who’s ever-ready to march off on his own, if the situation calls for it, than we do the man who begs, pleads, cries, and scrambles, trying to hang onto a crumbling situation. Men respect powerful, independent men; women are attracted to them. I don’t just tell men they must be ready to replace their women, not chase them for their own peace of mind; having this frame of mind makes you significantly more attractive to others, too.
But women are different from men.
Women don’t care about man-things like ‘respect’. Not for themselves.
Women don’t need to be seen as ‘self-reliant’; in fact, coming across too self-reliant harms women’s attractiveness to most men.
And if there’s one thing women do that a lot of men struggle to understand, it is this constant cultivation of male backup options – and their propensity to ‘monkeybranch’ – that is, to not let go of one branch (man) until the next branch (man) is already in-hand.
Often men will think they’re getting somewhere with a girl, or that she really likes them – only to realize at some point that they were in her friend zone, merely a ‘back pocket man’. A guy who’s there for her just in case of emergency.
Other times guys will be seeing a girl they like, only to realize she’s cultivating all these backup options on the side from them.
But why? Why can’t women just be happy with the guy they’ve got?
Is the grass really THAT green on the other side?
When getting girls feels like a lot of work, you’re getting the ‘getting’ wrong. The secret is how much work you get HER to put in – not how much YOU do.I keep hearing this same phrase and variations thereof chanted over and over by men across the Internet:
“Getting girls is too much work!”
“Women aren’t worth the effort!”
“No woman is worth doing this!”
I see guys miming it all over social media anytime anyone talks about getting girls.
I see it parroted randomly on forums and article comment sections online.
It’s repeated so freely and easily, and repeated so verbatim, that it’s clear it’s a gut-level response, bleached deep into men’s psyches, that they’ve absorbed from the red pill Internet and internalized.
But if getting girls is a lot of work, I just have this to say to you, amigo:
The way you’re using to get them is the WRONG way!
