Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Social Skills 101: Calibrating Yourself to Other People

Chase Amante's picture
calibrating yourself to other peopleCalibration allows you to fluidly conduct social interactions with others. How do you develop it, though? There are several ways, but they all involve talking with other people.

Other people are similar to you in many ways. Yet they also have their differences.

People tend to veer too far in one way or the other, either assuming excess similarity or assuming excess differences between people. Depending on which way you veer, your baseline approach to calibration will differ.

For example, if you tend to assume everyone is just like you, your main calibration task becomes to identify ways people are different, and adjust your behavior to compensate for the differences between you and them.

On the other hand, if you are someone who assumes most people are nothing like you, you need to train yourself to be much more aware of the similarities between yourself and others, to bridge the gaps between you.

Achieving a balanced sense of how alike someone is to you, as well as in what particular ways he is different, and what he is most responsive to, and using that sense to adapt your interaction with him, leads you to calibration.

All calibration is is the treatment of someone in a way effective for that individual; a way that gels with his likes, preferences, and motivators.

The better you calibrate, the more easily people will like and respond to you, plus do what you ask them to do.

People will view a calibrated individual as more alike them, more understanding of them, and less mysterious and unfathomable to them, too.

Arousal vs. Similarity

Chase Amante's picture
attraction vs. connectionArousal excites a girl with desire for you. Similarity fills her with trust in you. Yet most men focus more on one than the other… so, what happens when you do?

In romance, many men focus more on arousal, while many others focus more on similarity.

Arousal guys do a range of things to excite the women they talk to, such as:

Similarity guys do a range of things to make women trust them more, like:

Both sides of a courtship are powerful, attractive, and necessary.

However, many men favor one area much more than the other, leading to what we might call 'lopsided seductions'.

I'll explain.

The Eject Button (for When You Get Too Stuck in Life)

Chase Amante's picture
eject buttonA man is only as stuck as he allows himself to be. It can take some time to climb out, but you can cultivate options and knowhow, and build a life of freedom for yourself – if you choose.

On our forum, one of our long-time members writes:

My personal fears of the future, has me losing hope, I see no way to live the life I desire (that may be untrue and that what I want is possible) and that has me running to my addictions, instead of having enough hope and groundedness to overcome my problems. I don’t want to let this feeling of hopelessness drive me down my own rabbit hole anymore.

When I was a teen and early twenty-something, I was depressed to the point of despair.

Sometimes I got to dwelling on hitting 'eject', but the only kind of eject I could think of was ejecting from life.

I got over that eventually, and began to branch out into trying all these different things, meeting all these different people, traveling to and living in all these different places.

And I discovered a way of living that was the opposite of how I'd lived when depressed:

Rather than get stuck somewhere, trapped in a situation, with no way out, I could simply step out of any situation and enter a completely new one, any time I liked.

From any situation, at any time, I could hit 'eject', and be free.

“20% of the Men Are Doing 80% of the Dating”

Chase Amante's picture
20% men20% of the men are getting 80% of the women. But are they? We play it out, going step-by-step, looking at all the numbers.

"20% of the men are doing 80% of the dating."

Such goes the conventional wisdom pumped out of the manosphere these days.

I have heard this statistic bandied about just about everywhere, including by guys in our own community.

It's ubiquitous.

However, I've never seen anyone actually work out the numbers on it.

What would a city look like if 20% of the men did 80% of the dating?

You need a fairly good grasp of the 80/20 principle (also called the Pareto principle, first identified in 1896) to really understand this.

I recently reread the book 80/20 Sales and Marketing, by Perry Marshal, a force behind the re-popularization of the concept in the mid-2010s.

First, I'm going to introduce you to how 80/20 works.

Then, we're going to put all the single people in a hypothetical city into 80/20, and we'll see what that looks like, and how closely it matches what we see in the modern sexual marketplace.

Picking Up Girls: Possibility vs. Probability

Chase Amante's picture
pickup probabilityWhat’re the odds you pick up a given sort of girl in a given sort of place? Well, it depends on a few different factors that affect that probability.

We had a conversation over on the forum where a forum member was asking where to find beautiful girls who aren't club goers, social media validation junkies, or nymphomaniacs. He reports that all the hottest girls he's been with came via dating apps, and all these girls were hot-but-broken. He's struggled to meet equally hot girls in-the-flesh via cold approach.

I replied with my thoughts, which included me stating that you are much more likely to find women with high partner counts and personality disorders in nightclubs and in any kind of show-off-y place (like with a prominent social media following) than you are elsewhere.

So, if he wanted to avoid those sorts of women, he'd be better off looking places other than in nightclubs and on dating apps or social media.

This triggered another member to jump on the thread and argue with me that the women you meet in nightclubs, the women you meet on dating apps, and the women you meet via daytime approaching (he even threw in "the women you meet in church") are all exactly one and the same, and any kind of differentiating between such girls is your imagination.

However, I soon realized we were talking about different things:

  • He was talking about possibility, saying things like "You can meet a girl who's a virgin in a nightclub"

  • I was talking about probability, saying things like "You are far less likely to meet a girl who's a virgin in a nightclub than in a campus library"

In seduction, the distinction between possibility and probability is a key one to make, as it influences so much of what you do, where you go to do it, and how exactly you go about it.

The Shiniest Object; the Hottest Girl

Chase Amante's picture
shiniest objectOwen, an average guy living an average life, faces continued frustrations getting girls. It seems like every girl he wants isn’t interested, or is too hard to get!

Owen, frustrated with his difficulty finding success with women, begins his day.

After his commute, he arrives at work. Owen has a typical gray cubicle on a typical office floor in a typical business tower. Each day is a drag of spreadsheets, reports, and pointless meetings.

The sole bright spot is Camila, the effusive late 30s bottle blonde bombshell office flirt who's caught the eye of every man in the building. Camila is the secretary for one of the big bosses, but it seems like half her time is spent roving the office floor in skimpy dresses, teasing the men. Camila's a flirt, Owen knows, but he will be the one to get her.

Today, like each day, he tries to suck Camila into a clever conversation, some fun repartee. However, Camila skillfully dodges, as always, flashing her bright, flirtatious smile, making some flirtatious quip, then rapidly sauntering off, escaping again, vanishing into the maze of fabric-covered cubicle walls.

Owen never notices Grace, the quiet dirty blonde 20-something in glasses who always steals glances at him from her cube. When there's a meeting, Grace is always too shy to look at Owen. Grace has better facial features and is objectively more attractive than Camila, but she dresses conservatively, isn't a flirt, and doesn't stand out. Her presence in the office gets constantly overshone by Camila's, and so she ends up being mostly invisible there, just doing her work then heading home.

After another workday of no success with Camila, Owen (like many of the men in that office) leaves in annoyance, complaining to himself about how picky women are, how impossible their standards are, and why dating has to be so imbalanced against men.

Announcement: Impulse Texting Is Coming Soon...

Chase Amante's picture
impulse textingAnnouncing “Impulse Texting”, a soon-to-be released Girls Chase course that gets girls texting you back… on impulse.

Quick announcement here.

We've got a new little mini product coming out very soon. It's called Impulse Texting, and it's designed to let you send girls texts so compelling they impulsively respond without even really thinking about it.

I hadn't planned on a proper launch for it, since this is really just a small thing, but as we're readying the roll out I figured I ought to make an announcement or two on it.

Cuffing Season Is Real (Here's Why It Happens)

Chase Amante's picture
cuffing seasonPeople ‘cuff’ mates into short-term relationships during cuffing season. Why do they do it – and who does it more, men or women? Our survey tells the tale…

As we enter October, 'cuffing season' begins.

Cuffing season is the time of year people enter into seasonal (winter) romances. The season occurs from October through March. Cuffing season romances are short; only long enough to last the holidays. During cuffing season, people seek partners more relationship-worthy than those they usually date. The majority of these relationships however end before summer.

We gathered these and other insights from a survey we ran to American adults. We also discovered a few other surprising facts about the phenomenon of cuffing a partner down when the temperatures dip low.

Tactics Tuesdays: Anchor Her Attraction

Chase Amante's picture
attraction anchoringGive a girl a way to recall her attraction to you with an “attraction anchor.” Attraction anchors are things you do or get a woman to do that she’s likely to remember later.

Have you ever approached a girl, who was clearly attracted to you, done everything right with her, left her smiling, had her contact info in-hand as you did so, and then... never heard from her again?

Sure you have. It's the pox of every even halfway active dater.

It can send you into a tailspin trying to figure out what went wrong. Everything seemed perfect. You executed the approach perfect. The girl responded to you perfectly in every way.

So why did she vanish once you left, and never respond to your texts, voice/video messages, or calls again?

The answer is because attraction has an expiration date, and if you fail to make a strong enough impression, that expiration date may often be "as soon as you leave her side."

What can you do to prevent attraction expiring while you're away from her?

Anchor her attraction to things likely to stick in her mind.

Social Skills 101: Engaging People with Small Talk

Chase Amante's picture
TEXTSmall talk serves important social functions in the early conversation. Being good at it enables you to have better, more fluid conversations with those you talk to.

In our next installment in the Social Skills 101 series (see Part 1 on why basic social skills are so key here, and Part 2 on approaching unfamiliar people here), we'll talk about everyone's least favorite part of conversation, small talk.

Small talk is the bane of many an objective-oriented conversationalist, and not always for the same reasons:

  • Some loathe small talk and try to move past it or skip it entirely wherever possible

  • Others view small talk as necessary, yet become trapped in it, unable to free themselves from it

Let's discuss what small talk is, the function it serves in conversation, and how to use it without bogging down in inane conversation you can't break free of.