What to Text Girls to Get SEX (For Girls You Haven't Banged & Have)

You’ve got this girl in your phone.

You’d really like her to come over and bang your brains out. Of course, right? She’s hot! Or, at the very least, she’s passable 😉

But as you may know from experience, if you send her some needy-stuff message like, “Are you free tonight?” or, worse still, “Wanna bang?” odds are high she is not going to come – and you may even wind up BLOCKED.

So what do you text a girl you want to have sex with?

In today’s guide, I’ll lay out for you the approach to texting girls you want to sleep with out onto dates that have a high probability of them ending up in your bed.

If that sounds good, then read on.

 

I’m going to differentiate for you in this guide between what to text girls to get sex vs. what to text girls to get dates.

The vast majority of our articles on texting here on Girls Chase are aimed at getting girls out onto dates with you.

All my most popular texting articles, like

• How to Text a Girl

• How to Text Girls: 20 More Tips and Techniques

• What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back

• 14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You

… have the primary goal of “get her on the date” in mind.

My book on Amazon – the bestselling men’s texting guide on the platform – has the “get her on the date” goal as its primary goal (if you don’t have that book, by the way, you should get it).

My course Impulse Texting, where I teach men how to get women responding back to them on impulse, has the “get her on the date” goal.

The simple fact is, almost all texting advice you will read – both on Girls Chase and anywhere else online – is focused on getting girls onto dates. Then if the date goes well, you have sex.

Texting for sex is a different animal. With texting for sex, you make it either explicitly or implicitly clear that you want to meet up with her to bump uglies. It is exclusive texting:

1. Texting for dates can lead to sex (if the date goes well).

2. Texting for sex on the other hand is a lot more rarely going to lead to just regular ol’ dates.

Thus, when you text girls to get sex, what you are really doing is screening for high interest or otherwise ‘DTF’ girls.

Obviously, if the two of you are already sleeping together (especially if she is your lover, girlfriend, or wife), things get a lot easier – assuming your sex relationship is still a healthy one.

But we’ll cover both scenarios in the guide below.

 

Our principles for texting girls for sex and not having it backfire on you are as follows:

1. Do not be explicit unless you know she’ll be down. Girls likely to be down with explicit sex texts include those in the honeymoon phase with you (i.e., you recently started sleeping together and it’s all sex and passion right now), longer-term relationships with a very healthy sexual dynamic (e.g., she isn’t avoiding sex / no dead bedroom stuff), or you haven’t slept together yet but the dynamic is super sexual (or else one of you is leaving town very soon and you just want to be super direct).

2. Do not text girls for sex you haven’t slept with yet whom you would be upset to lose. If you haven’t had sex with her yet, ONLY text her for sex if you’re okay with losing her. That is, if the text flops, and you discover she “isn’t down for that”… then she feels insulted and blocks you… it’s not going to bother you and you won’t beat your pillow up later, sobbing, because you lost a girl you really liked by horny texting her.

3. Never sex-text needy. If you’re feeling needy about sex – if you’ve just really got to have it; you’re all jittery and nervous and weak right now – do not text girls for sex. It’s literally the worst time to text for sex and you will screw it up. Guaranteed. Neediness is the single most repellant emotion to women. Don’t drive drunk, and don’t text a girl for sex when you’re needy.

4. Always treat sex-texting as a screen. What is a screen? It is a test you throw up to see how a woman reacts. Adopting the screener mindset puts you in the right head space to text girls for sex successfully. That is to say: you are texting her to see if she is down, if she is a cool chick, or if she is too uptight for your tastes. Or, if in a relationship, you are texting to see if the sexual dynamic is still healthy or if your relationship is on the rocks. The screener mindset transforms texting a girl for sex from something ‘needy’ to something EVALUATIVE – which is 100% the position you want to be texting from (i.e., it is texting from strength; you are checking to see if she passes muster or fails).

5. Have logistics planned before you text. There’s nothing dumber than texting a girl for sex, having her come back saying she is down, then you texting her back something like, “Okay, where do we go / what do you do?” Women want men who lead. She wants a decisive guy. She doesn’t want you to leave it to her. Doubly so when you’re the one who texted proposing the darn thing in the first place. Plan your sex logistics out BEFORE you send her a text asking her for sex!

6. Only text girls for sex on the SAME DAY. I feel a bit silly writing this rule but I have actually seen dudes violate this one, so let’s include it. Horniness is a fleeting emotion. It rarely lasts longer than a few hours. Often less. It almost never extends across days. If you are going to text a girl for sex, it needs to be for sex on that same day. No plans to set up a sex date three days or a week out. She will flake. Worse, when she flakes, she will feel like she rejected you for planned-for sex, which will really tank your sexual value in her eyes. If you’re going to text a girl for sex, make sure it is for the same day.

7. Do not text girls for sex when the vibes are bad. If she is angry at you, if she has been rejecting you for sex, if there is some rift between the two of you, if her pet goldfish just died, don’t text for sex. It just makes you look tone deaf and gets you ignored or rejected over something completely unnecessary. Read the terrain, brother.

These principles are the Commandments of texting a girl for sex.

If you violate them, you WILL be smote!

 

Most of the advice on the Internet on what to text girls for sex is pretty Godawful. (The guide on The Attractive Man being a rare exception – that one is actually good.)

For the most part, people talking about texting girls for sex appear to be either keyboard jockeying or else they are LLMs or women.

Here, for example, is the top ranked answer on a Quora thread asking “How do I text a girl asking for sex in a smart way?”:

1. Hey, I really like your style. Wanna fuck?

2. [preferable] Hey, I really like your style and would like to get to know you better. Could we meet up?

Attractive girls know most guys would like to make love to them, and most of them don't mind, so long as they have a say about if and when.

That answer was contributed by a former intelligence officer with a degree in psychology. What the heck are they teaching the kids these days? (Honestly, the guy looks like he is in his 60s or 70s, so maybe those texts work with the 60-70 y/o singles crowd; not something I would know.)

Anyway, don’t send that.

Do not text girls anything that:

• Leads with a generic compliment (“I really like your style”)

• Directly asks if they want to have sex

• Asks in a needy-ish way “Could we meet up?”

Also, any advice on building sexual tension over text that is written by a large-language model (i.e., “AI”), like the stuff in this obvious computer-written article, is as a rule going to be awful (machines do not know how to seduce; and as they are drawing their info from the Internet at large, with stuff mostly written by people who do not know how to seduce, it is even worse). Take a look at this dreck:

By texting a woman novel stuff, she hadn’t seen before—or didn’t expect to see from you—you’re ramping up her interest.

Text: “Can I trust you with a secret?” (text 1)

After she begs you for the secret

“I think you’re pretty hot ;)” (text 2)

Then you can tease her further by texting

“But I’m not that easy, J.”

Now, if a woman texts you that, you know she is horny but playing coy.

But basically, she is telling you, “I want it. Come and get me.”

If a MAN is texting that, now HE is the one playing coy, telling the woman to come and get him. It is a sex role reversal, but not in a sexy way. It’s just effeminate. Not attractive.

Also, the ‘attraction confession’ is super basic, generic, and LAME.

Girls can get away with boring, uninspired compliments like “I think you’re pretty hot” because men do not evaluate women for intelligence and creativity. Men cannot get away with this kind of thing, especially over text where the woman KNOWS the man has time to think about what he will send, without taking an attraction hit.

Do not text girls anything that:

• Plays very coy with them

• Texts them unoriginal/uninspired compliments

• Teases them to chase after you for sex

Finally, here is an article on marriage.com that is obviously written for couples (not for people who have not had sex yet), but, once again, its advice is terrible, because it is written by a woman trying to advise men (and as a man, no matter how well-intended the woman, you do not want to get your dating advice from a chick). Take a look at some of the texts she recommends you send:

1. I don’t like sitting here at work when I could be at home doing sexy things to you.

2. Why can’t I just be lying beside you in bed instead of studying/working?

…

5. I just laid in bed for the last hour thinking about you, guess what I was doing!

6. I cleaned the kitchen today, so I’d have room to make love to you on the table.

Like the LLM-written article, we have here again texts that will work fine if a WOMAN sends them to a MAN, but do not work at all when we switch the sexes:

• Complaining about your work (“I don’t like sitting here at work”) and wishing you were with the girl instead makes it sound like you have no mission. It also makes it sound like you are being forced to live in a way you dislike by people stronger than you (your boss, society, etc.). Minus attraction.

• Whining about how you wish you were with her but can’t be because you have to do things you are choosing to do (study/work) is the same as the first text. Minus attraction.

• Talking about how you were lying in bed jacking off to her for AN HOUR makes you sound like you have nothing to do but fantasize about this woman you are not with, for a prolonged period of time. In our society, busyness = value, and a man who can lie there jacking off about her for an hour is NOT busy. Minus attraction.

• Talking about cleaning the kitchen directly before asking for sex sounds like you are bartering for sex: “Today I was a good boy and did some chores, so can I get sex?” ‘Choreplay’ is anti-seductive and the guys who do it actually get less sex; they look like kiss-ups and the one-down / submissive partner. Women are attracted to leaders, not servants. Minus attraction.

In thinking about how we text women, we must always consider the FRAME:

And in the above cases, all the frames being set are womanly frames. Which makes sense; it was a woman who wrote them, right? But the frames that work to seduce a man – showing her receptivity to the man, obsession with him, and submission to him – do not work to seduce a woman!

But if we can’t be über direct, we can’t be whiny or submissive, and we can’t play coy, then what can we do to text a girl for sex?

 

We’ll start with the simpler one: texting women you’ve already slept with before for sex.

The easiest way, most risk-free way in the world to do it is to simply send her this:

YOU: Hey! Free to come over tonight / tomorrow night?

Or

YOU: Hey.. what’s your schedule looking like this week to meet?

She knows by ‘coming over’ or coming to meet that she is going to have sex (assuming you are following my strong recommendation and boning a woman every single time she comes to your place, without exception!).

We are slightly breaking Rule 6 of our Text Sex-Getting Principles here, by potentially proposing a date for sex that is not today; however, we’re not actually proposing sex outright, so it’s okay. Instead, we are relying on her to fill in the mental blanks on her own – to imagine going to your place, getting boned by you, then more turned on the longer she thinks about it.

The fact that you have promised nothing, but that she knows what will probably happen, is the most erogenous part for her – the ‘suspecting but not knowing’. Women love, love, LOVE this dynamic.

(The reason we ask for her schedule or propose “tonight / tomorrow night” is to avoid negative compliance from a girl who is just too busy today shooting us down. You want to be hearing “Yes” to your invitations, not “No”; “No” is the arousal killer. We also do not want her taking charge and counteroffering; suggesting and offering is the male role. So instead we send messages with an improved chance of a “Yes”, by giving her a range of potential open slots to choose from or suggest, rather than ‘tonight only’.)

 

More Direct Messages for Girls You’ve Sexed Before

I do not recommend the following messages for girls you have not yet converted; that is, girls you have not bedded the requisite number of separate occasions yet to get them to view you and them as ‘an item’.

READ MORE: How to Convert One-Time Sex into Regular Sex

However, once you’ve converted her, you are free to send texts like these to a woman, if you like. These also work well with live-in girls, whom you are obviously not going to be texting about what day she is free to meet, since you meet her every night already.

YOU: I seem to be uncontrollably horny today. I have no idea why.

What this does: gets her to imagine you as a sexual beast with primal, uncontrolled urges. This is very strong ‘manly sexuality’ (unlike the womanly complaining or coy stuff we saw earlier).

If you are even halfway sexy / the lover to her (and if you are a reader of this site, implementing its principles, you should be!) it also introduces an implicit jealousy plot: she needs to get to you and drain your balls before your ‘uncontrollable horniness’ gets taken advantage of by a competitor female.

YOU: Suddenly I am just seeing an image of you naked and tantalizing me in my mind’s eye. Were you thinking about me or something?

What this does: it’s a chase frame. You start by injecting a sexual frame (her being naked, tantalizing you) then accuse her of being to blame for it (she must have been thinking about you, projecting her dirty thoughts into your head).

She cannot help now imagining you imagining her naked, and wondering if maybe she actually was to blame – was she unconsciously thinking horny thoughts about you, then sending those to you via some kind of lover’s telepathy? Women go nuts for this kind of ‘mystery’ stuff – it is in all their romance novels. They’re suckers for it. It works so well.

YOU: I’m reading about sex right now. Short break from work. Did you know there’s a position called the ‘Downstroke’ where the man bangs the woman standing up while she is on her head?

What this does: it immediately forces her to try to imagine this bizarre sex position. Of course, when she imagines a new sex position, who is she going to imagine trying it out with? It will be you. Then when she imagines it, she will imagine enjoying it – with you.

It also implies that you yourself are currently horny (or else you would not be reading about sex). That liberates her to proposition you, because she knows you won’t turn her down for it.

The most common response you will get to a text like this is, “We should try it when we get home,” or, if she doesn’t live with you, “We should try it tonight,” or, “I have to work tonight but we should try it tomorrow.”

Here’s one more for your sex-texting pleasure:

YOU: Just randomly thought about that time I fucked you in that fancy dress you have. I like the frills on it.

What this does: it recalls a hot, sexy memory she has with you (pick something she will definitely remember). As soon as she recalls it, it takes her back to that moment – and the pleasure/desire she felt during it.

If it’s something easily repeatable (e.g., a certain outfit she wore, versus, say, sex in some exotic locale you cannot easily travel to on a whim), she can suggest doing it again tonight or the next time she sees you.

If a woman knows you are fantasizing about something with her, and it is something she also enjoys, it tends to trigger her to want to suggest doing it to fulfill your fantasy.

A girl who is into you wants to please.

 

Now we come to the Big Kahuna.

The prickly pear of texting a girl for sex.

The real briar patch of sex-texting! What do you text a girl you haven’t slept with yet to get her to come over and have sex?

First off, be sure you read our 7 Text Sex-Getting Principles. If you just fire off one of the below messages without following the Principles, and you lose some girl you thought was going to be your future wife, don’t come crying to me. You should’ve read the Principles!

Now, assuming you know our Text Sex-Getting Principles, and are following them, let’s discuss what to send.

 

The “Big Plans for Tonight?” Text

This works best as a Friday or Saturday night text, to arrange a Friday or Saturday night date. But you can also get away with it on Thursday nights, or sometimes other nights of the week.

With a girl you have decent rapport with over text (see my text message banter guide), or with a girl you’ve taken on a date already or made a very strong impression meeting in-person, text her this:

YOU: Big plans for tonight?

She will tell you what her schedule is, and if her schedule is open, you are going to suggest something cool and fun at your place. Like so:

YOU: Big plans for tonight?

HER: My friend is sick so I have no plans 🥺

YOU: Let’s mix some drinks and watch anime. I just got my new home sound system. I need a test subject to try it out with

HER: Haha okay. What time?

If you just text her “Let’s hang out at my place” or “Let’s watch movies and chill” you will get a lower response rate than doing what I did above, so let me give you the formula for that:

1. Propose two fun-sounding things you can do at your place, such as mixing drinks and watching anime. Anime sounds fun and harmless. Mixing drinks makes it sound like she is going to get her own private bar experience – cool!

2. Introduce some element of novelty that you want to try out for the first time with her (e.g., your new home sound system). This makes her feel special and excites her to try something out. It also lets you frame her as a ‘test subject’ or ‘guinea pig’, which takes some of the pressure off the home date.

Once she comes over, remember to have her take her shoes off at the door – then once you are watching whatever you are going to watch, pull a cover over the two of you. Makes it much easier to snuggle up and make moves (girls are a lot more comfortable making moves undercover – they feel less shy).

 

The “We Need to Meet Up” Text

This is a different text from what I usually suggest guys send. It is a completely different FRAME from how most texting works. And you should not ever do it with a girl you do not mind losing! (Keep our Principles in mind!)

It is basically an alternate to the ball-in-her-court text, that is instead focused on getting the girl out immediately, and preferentially for sex. Note that you can still send her the BiHC text if she doesn’t respond to this one, too.

Here’s the text:

YOU: Hey, we need to meet up soon. Getting bored of chasing.

What this does: this is a ‘put up or shut up’ text that demands she either meet you or lose you. Girls who are on the fence about you, flirting but not agreeing to meetups, suddenly confront the realization that if they remain on the fence, the option to get with you will be taken away.

When it works, it tends to go like so:

YOU: Hey, we need to meet up soon. Getting bored of chasing.

HER: Sorry, I’ve just been busy. What did you want to do?

YOU: I’m cooking a grand meal this week. Let’s pick a day you’re free and we’ll make that my grand meal day. There’s a new comedy special playing now. Like comedy?

HER: Yes. I could do Thursday.

And just like that you go from ‘flaky girl avoiding you / not coming out onto any dates’ to ‘girl who is coming over to your place for a grand meal and to watch comedy with you’. Give her a glass of wine, get your arm around her while the two of you laugh hard at the comedy special, keep escalating touch on every laughter high point, and she’s yours.

Note the important elements here:

• You’re ‘cooking a grand meal’ (enticement).

• You’ll pick a day she’s free and make that your ‘grand meal day’ (avoids you getting rejected if you say “I’m cooking a grand meal on Day X” and she says “Oh I can’t on Day X” – instead you do a schedule check and make that the ‘grand meal day’ – because you accommodated her schedule with your own, she now has a sense of social obligation to show up for the date, too).

• You don’t even ask her if she’d like to do the date – you move to something else and ask her if she likes comedy. Her agreement to the date is assumed. So long as she comes back with “Yes, I like comedy” or “How about watching a scary movie?” or anything along those lines, she is accepting your frame for the date at your place.

We want all those elements in the follow up text to whatever she says to your initial ‘we need to meet’ text (assuming that whatever she sends is something open to potentially meeting).

Don’t try to get too creative with this one before you fully understand how it works. Send the text as I have it written!

 

The “Hey I’m/You’re Leaving” Text

Lastly, we have the “I’m/you’re leaving” text.

If you travel often, or you live somewhere where you encounter lots of traveling girls, this text is your go-to for girls you want to text for sex before they leave town or you do.

Here’s the text:

YOU: Hey, I’m leaving. We gonna meet?

or

YOU: Hey, you’re leaving. We gonna meet?

SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE: do not put the date/time you or she are leaving in the initial message. Don’t do it! I know you want to, but do not! Putting the date/time of departure raises the pressure of the ask and makes it feel like this is A Big Deal. Imagine getting these two texts from two different girls:

Tina: Hey, I’m leaving tomorrow at 2 PM. Are we going to meet?

Bethany: Hey, I’m leaving. We gonna meet?

Which seems more chill and casual, versus which seems more invested in trying to get you out onto the date? Bethany, with her short message devoid of extraneous details, seems more chill. Tina, with all her specificity, feels like she is really trying to make sure she sees you on time.

Tina is chasing; Bethany is not.

When you put the date/time in the first message, you are chasing. When you don’t, you are not.

When she responds, if you are texting her for sex (and honestly, why else would you be texting a girl who is about to be in a completely different part of the state/country/world from you? 😜), you will want to funnel her to either a quick public date, then your place/hotel, or straight to your place/hotel.

Here’s the quick public date first version:

YOU: Hey, you’re leaving. We gonna meet?

HER: Yes! Sorry. Been so much to do. Where should we meet?

YOU: I mean, I am fine to just chill at your hotel. I’m sure you’ve been going out a lot. They have a hotel bar in the lobby?

HER: Not in the lobby but on the 80th floor they do.

YOU: Great; let’s do that.

Now you are coming to her, you are going to meet her at her hotel bar, and it is a pretty simple pull to her hotel room for sex from there. If you are the one leaving/staying in a hotel, just reverse who’s leaving and who’s going to whose hotel:

YOU: Hey, I’m leaving. We gonna meet?

HER: Yes! When do you leave? I can meet tonight!

YOU: Cool. I’m out tomorrow morning. They’ve got a pretty nice bar in the lobby of my hotel. I’ve been running around a lot & would be good to take it easy. Wanna do there?

HER: Sure. What’s your hotel?

If neither of you is staying in a hotel, or there’s not a bar in the hotel, then just propose a coffee shop, dive bar, or ice cream parlor close to your or her place (whichever one you intend to pull to).

Now, what if you JUST want her to come to your place? Then do the same thing, but shorten it!

YOU: Hey, I’m leaving. We gonna meet?

HER: Yes! When do you leave? I can meet tonight!

YOU: Cool. I’m out tomorrow. Been doing a lot of running around lately so if it’s okay we can chill & connect at the hotel? Awesome view from the room here & we can order really good room service.

HER: Okay! Which hotel is it?

We do a little overselling here – she needs some plausible deniability to go straight to your hotel room – in this case talking about the “awesome view from the room” and being able to order “really good room service.” Now she gets to feel like she is signing up for a luxurious experience… not just a quick bang.

How about if she’s visiting a friend in your town, leaving soon, and neither of you has a hotel? What do you text her to get sex in that case?

You message her:

YOU: Hey, you’re leaving. We gonna meet?

HER: Yes! Sorry. Been so much to do. Where should we meet?

YOU: You’ve probably been doing a lot of running around so I thought I’d just cook you a grand meal. We can throw on a comedy special or the latest horror movie after that to unwind a bit. My couch is SUPER comfy.

HER: That sounds great. I love horror. Where do you live?

Here, we frame the date suggestion as being considerate to her – she’s probably been doing a lot of running around so you are going to be her relaxing break: you will cook her a grand meal, you can throw on something after, and your couch is SUPER comfy.

Again, we need to OVERSELL the date idea + give her plausible deniability for coming straight to our place.

Once again, because of all the framesmithing we are doing here, until you fully understand all the frames we are setting with our texts I suggest you stick as close to verbatim with these messages as you can get.

 

Now you’ve got the full guide on what to text a girl to get sex, no matter whether you’ve been sleeping with her for years or you haven’t even shagged her yet.

Make absolutely certain you follow our 7 Text Sex-Getting Principles. Once more, those are:

1. Do not be explicit unless you know she’ll be down

2. Do not text girls for sex you haven’t slept with yet whom you would be upset to lose

3. Never sex-text needy

4. Always treat sex-texting as a screen

5. Have logistics planned before you text

6. Only text girls for sex on the SAME DAY

7. Do not text girls for sex when the vibes are bad

Once again, if you ignore the Principles, and sex-text her in some way that violates them, do not come crying to me when it blows up on you and you lose the girl! You need to stick to the Principles!

That said, with the Principles in place, texting girls for sex tends to be pretty risk-free. Even if she turns down the sex text, if you did things right (i.e., followed the Principles and stuck to the frames / language I gave you in the examples), most girls will still stick around anyway and you will have another shot with them.

Also, I will tell you, it has been my experience that a GOOD sex text (one that follows the Principles and matches the examples I shared) often leads to an interest spike from girls who were losing interest in you. Girls who were turning non-responsive can spontaneously start eagerly texting again – even if they are not available right away to meet for sex (or say they want to take things a little slower).

The reason why is because of the frames a good sex text sets: namely that your time is scarce, you almost certainly have other options, you are not all hung up on her, she is ‘just a girl’ to you, and so on. You also have to be pretty good at language and framing to pull a good sex text off, generally (so: you’re welcome).

The ‘text for sex’ option is also a good fit in your dogged follow up repertoire if nothing else is working, before you use a ball-in-her-court text. You may find yourself surprised to see girls blasé about everything else you did suddenly eagerly texting you for details when you start texting them to arrange sex.

Have fun with it, get some cool experiences going with some of these girls you might otherwise have lost, and remember: in the end, it is all about the frames!

Yours,

Chase Amante

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P. S. If you need more help on texting, check out the other texting articles on the website, or buy my book on Amazon or my texting master class Impulse Texting (or both. Ideally, get both! Seriously, is there anyone who knows texting better than me? Have you ever read anything like what you read in this article anywhere else? No! So – get my full system and upgrade your texting to the hilt!).

Cheers!