Feeling, Building, and Managing Sexual Tension with Women

This post by PrettyDecent originally appeared on our forum here.

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Hey fellas,

Thought I’d throw a quick post to the boards before heading out for the evening ;)

When I first started this journey (meeting women), I’d talk to a lot of women, and I was getting laughs and comfort pretty quickly. But when I grabbed their phone number, they generally weren’t answering or were pretty stubborn about planning a date.

Of course, the reason for flaking and bad numbers isn’t the same for everyone – but sexual tension is a key part in making any interaction move forward.

She needs to feel some initial spark of attraction before she complies with you.

So hopefully this post shall shed some light for folks struggling here!

The keywords are tension and pressure. When you’re in a conversation with a girl, she should be feeling nervous around you. And here’s the secret: you ought to be feeling nervous, too! Why is this? Because tension is felt by both people, but one cracks during the pressure, and the other puts up a face of calm.

If you’ve ever heard of the game “chicken”, you’ll know what I mean – two people in their cars drive toward each other in a potential head-on collision to see who will bow out first. The guy can win and the girl will continue to feel (more) sexual attraction toward him, or he’ll lose and be that much closer to the friend zone.

Here are some examples.

 

Raising Sexual Tension with Eye Contact (EC)

If two males hold EC, it increases the tension between the two, and the way to relieve it is to duke it out! If you hold EC with a woman (MUTUALLY!), it increases the tension between you two, and she wants to relieve it… notably by shagging you!

So that’s advice prescribed by the site before, but here’s a corollary to consider: an activity that is not conducive to EC will prevent tension from building!

Here are activities that do that raise eye-contact-based sexual tension (always think strategically before doing them):

• Walking side by side

• Sitting next to each other instead of facing each other

• Only looking at her eyes occasionally, and staring off into space the rest of the time (obviously)

Editor’s note: you can instead raise sexual tension sitting next to a girl or walking side-by-side with her by using touch in lieu of eye contact.

 

Jokes

Joking and banter will relieve tension, which is why it’s so useful for the first few seconds of conversation (to suppress the enormous pressure of talking to a complete stranger), and so risky for anything after (obviously killing the “I’m-about-to-tear-your-clothes-off” vibe). It’s tempting to make jokes if there’s a tense feeling, and she’ll actually laugh much harder during that time than any other...but consider that all that laughter was horniness a second ago...yeah.

Important Lesson: Tension is harder to build than release. Which means if you use a joke once or twice on the date, you’re spending the rest of the time rebuilding that tension. Which is a good thing! Tension feels stronger every subsequent time it’s built...but that’s also why it’s so unstable –  so while joking may be necessary, KEEP IT TO A MINIMUM (unless you’re an expert tension-builder skilled at building, then releasing, then rebuilding sexual tension again).

 

Talking

With every word you speak, it relieves a little bit more tension. I’m not exactly sure why this is, but I know that when the guy talks it builds more ‘comfort’, and ‘comfort’ is the opposite of tense. And tense is the same as wanting to have sex (as a way of release). Pausing is the opposite of talking; hence why it builds more tension...

So, practical techniques:

• Keep talk to a minimum, and pause in between words or sentences with strong EC when appropriate. EC + Pausing = super tension building.

• Allow her to fill pauses in conversation most of the time (the exception being during transition points, when there should be little pausing so the tension doesn’t get out of control)

 

Sexually Outcome-Independent

If the sexual tension is dying, DO NOT attempt to turn that around. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but if you accidentally made a few too many jokes, or were talking too much, you need to keep steady with how you internally ‘feel’ rather than making her feel sexually excited. You’re playing with fire, here’s why:

• If you attempt to turn around dying sexual tension, you WILL come off as chasing. You’re in sexy mode (even though that’s not how you truly feel), and she’s comfortable just the way she is. It’s like trying to physically escalate with a platonic friend. It ain’t happening, and it makes you look desperate.

• If you decide to let the sexual tension die off, your demeanor looks like you’re not giving her attention. You’re aloof because you’re losing your sexual interest in her (or so it appears to her). This is where the gamble comes in: either she decides its game over and ends the interaction while it’s sinking OR she likes you enough to try and grab your attention again (and you start building sexual tension once more).

 

Further Clarification on Sexual Outcome Independence

Nick, the only thing I didn’t really understand was the last section, on outcome independence. I think it could use a little more explanation... what should you, and should you not, do to recover from a situation where the sexual tension is waning, and why. I was confused by the talk of “internal feeling” and so on... maybe I’m just being obtuse but it’d be great to clarify.

Anyway, thanks for an excellent post.

-Marty

Hey Marty,

I had a feeling something was going to be missing here, thank you for pointing it out so I could see it!

To answer your question – I mean “don’t force sexual tension.” There’s a tendency (at least for me, which I presume extends to other people on here) to panic when sexual tension is dying - like, “Oh crap, if I lose the sexual tension now the interaction is DONE/I won’t get laid tonight!” and then try to force tension with whatever means possible (sexual/chase framing/bedroom eyes/making a move).

The end goal is that you want to bring that tension back up - but it needs to look mutual and natural. That takes a bit of time because, like I described earlier, it’s easier to release tension than it is to build it.

So you make a reality-pacing statement with your behavior, instead. You want to meet her on the same energy she’s feeling, then build up your tension up with hers at the same time - making the mood subtly sexual...then back up to where you were before (as opposed to immediately trying to emulate the high sexual tension you had going before it ruptured).

So if she’s acting aloof when the tension dies, so do you. Then when/if she engages slightly more in the interaction, you up the ante. Then you start with the strong EC again. And after that, you start using the sexual frames again. This is opposed to her acting aloof, and then you trying to act really sexy to get her immediately turned on again.

You’re starting off from step 1, but by doing so it feels as though “things are just happening!” rather than “he’s trying really hard to get in my pants”.

 

About the Author: PrettyDecent
	PrettyDecent was an early member of the Girls Chase Boards (now the Skilled Seducer Forum) who helped set the tone for the forum with his convivial attitude and penchant for helping out. During his time on the forum he contributed a series of useful tactical seduction guides available here. You can view his later, updated Sexual Tension Formula here.