Emotions

I covered one side of the "your responsibilities in your relationship" spectrum in "A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership."

Now let’s talk about the other side.

I see a lot of men busting their behinds to keep their girlfriends happy, entranced, and entertained, to the point where they seem to be treating their relationships like a full time job – in addition to whatever else they do during the day when they’re not with their girlfriends.

These men are all too aware that keeping their woman happy and their relationship strong is their responsibility, yet they go about doing it in taxing and inefficient ways.

In fact, some of the men who pour gargantuan amounts of energy into keeping their women happy still fail the leadership test, because leading your relationship is not about immersing your partner in non-stop stimulation to keep her distracted, sated, and engaged.

And if you are doing this, you are doing it wrong – not to mention needlessly expending barrels of energy you could be using for something more productive than trying to win over a girlfriend again and again who probably would respect you more if you didn’t.

Throughout this article I will discuss the two general attitudes I see men taking towards women in the seduction community along with which one I think is most beneficial for you in the long run. Those of you who regularly read my work at Girls Chase already know that I believe the full, mature potential of a young man goes far beyond his prowess with the ladies – and this article will follow that same vein: of being a better man; the best man you can be, and creating the life you truly wish to live for yourself.

We could easily separate the two major styles of seduction into the following categories: Combative and Cooperative. They involve different mindsets, drastically different actions, different follow-ups, and wildly different consequences.

I will give examples of both, but first let us begin with the big-picture frame of each.

Hi there, hope you are doing well.

Today we will be discussing some theory – some useful theory. We will discuss a fundamental idea in seduction: chasing girls vs. being chased by them.

Now I know this is one of Chase’s favorite topics and that he has written some really fantastic in depth posts on it already, but the thing with seduction theory is that, although there is a lot of right and wrong ways to go about doing it (especially when it comes down to fundamental aspects), there are also always different interpretations. What does this mean for you as a reader? Well, it doesn’t mean that you’ll get confused – quite the opposite – it means that you will gain a broader and better understanding of the concepts, because you will see them from multiple points of view.

Are you a new reader? This post will also help you as an introduction to this concept, but read Chase’s classics as well to go even deeper:

• Using Intrigue to Get Girls Chasing You
• Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women
• Why Chasing Women Doesn’t Work and Why Persistence Does
• I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em

Lastly, I would like to say that in this post I will put a lot of emphasis on commonly asked questions; questions I hear over and over again. For example: Does “not chasing” mean being passive?

Note before we get started: this one’s more for intermediate and up guys who are running into this issue. For guys who are beginners, stick with treating your interactions with women more “mechanistically” and breaking them down into bite-sized pieces and goals you’re trying to accomplish and milestones you’re trying to pass – you’ll learn a lot faster that way. Think of this article as “switching to natural... once you’re already fairly good.”

A reader named Robert writes in:

“I have a question, hope you guys can answer it for me!

I have pretty solid game, can get girls, move things forwards etc.. etc...

Where I stumble is in my own experience of the whole interaction-  MY attraction to HER! Is it because I’m not going for hot enough girls? I’ll get super turned on when the situation is still unclear, and sex is not guaranteed. But then once I am pretty sure it’s gonna happen, I will lead her to it, but my arousal is wayyy less than earlier/before the interaction.

My thoughts are I should try to escalate as I feel the tension, in slow, somewhat intense and subtle ways... focusing more on the vibe and staying with it. Or perhaps convince myself that sex is not guaranteed yet? Or is this a sign that I am simply trying to pump my own ego, and the attraction isn’t real to begin with?”

Ah, yes. An all too common issue of the developing seducer: why does reaching the point where she’s ready to go to bed with you kill all your interest in the sex?

The instant it’s unequivocally clear that yes, she DOES want to go to bed with you, and WILL go to bed with you – POOF! All the crazy desire you had to go to bed with her up until that point just vanishes.

Where did it go, and why does this happen?

We all know that Girls Chase is a great resource for learning how to bring a little more loving into your love life, and I believe it’s important to be prepared for all the success you’ll soon be having, and not just in your love life, but in all of the things you set out to learn. And just as poor people who win the lottery quickly lose their winnings, guys who suddenly find their hard work paying off with women are still vulnerable to certain subtle traps.

As one of the few guys in this corner of the internet who have avoided all manner of negative outcomes and heartbreak – as a result of my thinking about all this and figuring out what I wanted ahead of time – I consider myself in an excellent position to share with you what kind of mindset will be most useful to you when you begin to improve yourself and see more results with the opposite sex.

As we have mentioned many times – or as you have either learned from experience, or will at some point in your journey – drama sucks.

There are some people who enjoy drama, for reasons I would be happy to talk about in the forums, but this article is for people whose idea of a good time consists of simply enjoying your time with women and exchanging laughs and positive feelings. This article is for the guys who understand that their own happiness matters more than wasting time engaging with pettiness.

Fortunately, any guy can easily learn how to keep drama at an appropriate distance, which is to say, far away from himself and his life! There are many ways to do this, ways that I’ll briefly recap before giving you the golden ticket to a drama-free life with many lovers. Yes, such a key exists, and while it may be simple, it is not easy.

But guys who desire happiness badly enough will go to the lengths necessary to attain such freedom!

We are born into a world that doesn’t expect much out of us. Just be average, fit in, blend with the crowd, and you will be all right. This is fine if you want to be an average Joe with an average Jane by his side living an average life, but it is not so fine if you want more than this.

Yet you may have a tough time breaking out of the “mold” these low expectations place you in. From an early age we are all trained to expect average things of ourselves. Lifting one’s sights to see what is truly achievable takes work.

Having low expectations placed on you sucks.

However, when you are a kid there is nothing you can do about it except “grow up”, so you end up agonizing on this desire to change during what should be one of the most care free periods of your life.

We get crammed into school systems, graded like we must perform a service adequately, and pushed into the social confines of routine. We are left to drift away into obscurity until we grow up, and at that point it seems too late to change anything. The system that supposedly is meant to make us match expectations instead lulls us away from the best ways to exceed them.

A tactic we’ve left off discussing much here previously is role-playing. It’s taught in the seduction community at large as an effective way for jazzing up your interactions with women, and I was exposed to it early on, with a wingman in 2006 who was a heavy user of the tactic.

My personal bone of contention with how it’s usually presented (and the reason I don’t typically talk about it) always was that so much of the role-playing I saw being taught – all of it, really – was routine-based; you had to memorize some specific form of role-play, and then remember to use that with women.

Too hard for a guy like me. Too annoying. Too stiff and unnatural. I’m supposed to memorize this big gambit and then find a way to squeeze it into conversation?

I watched my wing – otherwise a cool, likable, and sociable guy – squelch it into his conversations with women, and some women would play along but you could tell they were being sports about it, while other women would give him a skeptical look and proceed to have none of it. Routine-based role-playing was just awkward to try to make fit with a conversation that was anything short of perfect for that precise role-play.

Yet, over time I’ve found myself using role-playing more and more, naturally and without a routine, yet with several underlying themes that guide my role-playing and help me do it naturally and place it where appropriate into the conversations I find myself in with women.

This fluid form of “emergent role-playing” is what I want to talk about with you today – how you can use role-playing in a natural way, that isn’t pre-scripted, yet follows certain guidelines to help you do some cool things with your conversations.