(2) Intermediate

When you talk to a girl, but she gets distracted and points something else out, what’s the best way to respond? There’s a right way – and some wrong ones.

Commenting under last week’s Tactics Tuesdays installment, on “no spirals”, a reader asks:

Hi Chase,

I have a question, you may can help. I noticed in two of my recent flirts, that I was talking to a girl, and in the situation I came in indirect, but I gave a vibe of romantic interest (not direct statement, but some very light flirting). I noticed both times, we were talking and the girl suddenly starts to say „oh, look how cute this dog is“ or „look, this kid is so cute“. I felt this was „off“, and I even felt a bit „platonic“, however it also felt like she is a girlfriend telling her boyfriend that she finds something cute, so its a VERY mixed signal for me. On the one hand, it kind of infuses too much cuteness and platonic feelings for a flirt, on the other hand, it is some kind of a submission. Do you know these situations and know what to make of them?

Thank you

The quick summary is he’s made some approaches on girls where the girls interrupted to comment on something cute nearby (kid, dog). He wasn’t sure how to respond. Agree? Ignore? Tell a story about your own experiences with kids, dogs, or whatever the cute thing is?

Before we discuss the best response, first let’s talk about what you’re feeling and why it FEELS like the conversation is in danger of veering into ‘platonic friend’ territory.

When you run into a girl you know socially at a bar, club, or party, you may want to pick her up. But first, you must check whether conditions are RIPE…

This article was inspired by a recent forum thread. In it, our forum member knew a girl through social circle who seemed to like him. She’d give him ‘strong eye contact’ and ‘a little smile’ each time he saw her, but he never spoke to her, and she stopped showing up in his social circle.

Later on, he found her at a bar she bartended at. Here’s what happened:

In a bar we made a little chit-chat and she was really happy when we talked. But it was too loud there for long conversation, too many people and she was really busy. So I decided to ask her out, well because that was maybe my only chance. She blew me off.

We haven’t talked since then, but I occasionally see how she stares at me.

Maybe I overthink things.

The truth was, he’d declined to chat her up in a safe venue (the social circle) and opted for a much riskier one (the bar she bartended at, while she was busy and on the clock). That was the biggest mistake.

But it isn’t always a mistake to pick up on social circle girls at bars and parties. Sometimes it backfires. But sometimes it helps! Sometimes the girl who’s ambivalent toward you in social circle may be forward and uninhibited with you when you encounter her in nightlife. Other times it’s the opposite – girls who really liked you in social circle go ice cold with you in nightlife.

The difference is understanding which are safe ways to pick up girls from your social circle at bars and parties, versus which are risky ways to do so.

Some bars and nightclubs are worth remaining in. Some are not. To decide which, you must consider the variables: vibe, crowdedness, sex-ratio, and more.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Decision-making is under-discussed and making the right decision while in a venue can make your seduction successful. A bad one can kill it. And you will often need to make quick decisions.

This post covers decision-making during night game: whether you should stay in the venue or leave. It's similar to choosing the wrong girl to commit to and seeing your results go downhill (see 4 Signs a Girl Can Be Picked Up THAT Night). Some decisions you make are crucial, like selecting the right venue (Picking Up Girls: Selecting the Right Venue). You typically choose a venue based on past positive experiences there. Perhaps you know the venue, the crowd, and how to run it, and you enjoy being there, but when you return another night, it's a less-than-positive experience, and you may need to venue change.

But the grass is always greener somewhere else, right? Sometimes, changing venues may not be the best idea, even if the venue is suboptimal that night.

So, today, we will discuss the different variables that should be considered when deciding whether to stay or change venues.

A few things to keep in mind before we begin:

• If you leave a venue, do not come back that night. It looks bad, and you do not want to look bad at a venue where you are a regular.

• Venue changing is easier if alternative venues are nearby, and they should be venues you know (as discussed in my recent post on finding venue clusters). Use this as an opportunity to find new venues.

When a girl is laughing a lot but also blocking you from moving forward, what do you do? Simple enough: you tell her she’s blowing it – and WAKE her up!

Here’s a tidy little kit of banter lines you can use to enliven the dynamic with a girl.

Sometimes you’ll get a girl where there’s a good playful/flirtatious vibe with, who is also testing you a lot or being resistant to your moves. There are different reasons this may be:

• She likes you but is treating it too much like “a game.”

• She likes you but is self-conscious due to people around.

• She likes you but not enough to go past flirtation.

You can get stuck in a loop here, continuing the playful banter, going nowhere. But then you aren’t moving forward, the banter gets stale, and the girl gets bored and leaves.

You can eject and go talk to other girls. If you’re somewhere social or it’s social circle, perhaps you’ll run into this girl again. If you’re texting her or it’s online dating, maybe she’ll be easier to crack the next time you talk to her.

Or, perhaps if you eject now, that’ll be all she wrote – you won’t get another real shot with her again.

What you can do INSTEAD – to get yourself unstuck from that loop, flip the frame on her, and avoid having to hit ‘eject’ – is to tell the girl she’s blowing it with you, and put the pressure on HER to get things moving.

Female sexuality is different from male. While men want more partners, women want deeper (and quite often DIRTIER) experiences with those men they accept.

It couldn’t possibly be… nice girls are just nice, right? They couldn’t POSSIBLY be dirtier than men are!

We had a comment from a reader on my article about girls acting loose and slutty saying he thinks men are actually the dirtier, more sexual sex (after I stated the opposite).

There’s a big misconception here a lot of men have because they see “the male desire to have sex faster, with less information, with more partners, held to generally lower standards” and conflate that with ‘dirty sexual urges’.

But male sexuality is DIFFERENT from female sexuality, in some very KEY ways – and this is one of them.

When I say women are dirtier, naughtier, and more sexually deviant than men are, I am not talking about number of partners desired or lack of standards. Sure, if we talk about that, men in general are going to win out: dudes want to get it on with more partners on average than chicks do (though many exceptions abound for both sexes).

No, I am talking about something else.

Moving girls are everywhere. Most men will never try approaching them. Yet there are numerous ways to meet these girls – and open them successfully.

You’re walking down the street and you see a beautiful girl. Her hair, her clothes, her walk, her body – it’s all just amazing. However, she’s walking. You cannot think of a good way to meet her… and so, you let her walk by.

How many beautiful girls have you simply WALKED BY over the course of your life? How many of them could have become your lovers… girlfriends… the future mother of your children… if only you’d just said “Hello”?

In this article, I’ll lay out the dos, don’ts, and strategies to use when opening girls who are moving. First we’ll talk about some of the girls you’ll meet when you start opening girls who’re on the move – then after that, I’ll give you the nitty gritty on how to open a girl who’ve moving.

Let’s go.

The Purity Gambit introduces sexual topics in a way few women expect: by discussing purity. But we don’t mean chastity! We mean purity of another kind…

Hey guys. I hope you are doing well.

You may remember a recent post of mine about social observations and how the sexual market has changed. Everything changes, although rarely drastically; it changes enough that we can tweak our game while maintaining our framework. We usually don't need to make extreme changes, which is good.

I pointed to gambits focusing on lowering anti-slut defense (ASD), women's defense mechanism that allows them to reject or resist sexual advances to preserve their reputation, so others don't label them as sluts. These gambits often have fewer effects in more sexually liberated Western societies.

Those gambits still work, although less powerfully. Women still fear the slut label subconsciously, and society still has a somewhat sex-negative attitude toward sex, at least deep down. Today, it has a different form (radical feminism).

That said, the idea of being a sexually free woman correlates with more modern ideals of liberal feminism and being a strong, independent woman. Whether or not we agree with these ideals is up to each of us, but as discussed in my previous posts, we can use this to our advantage to create great gambits.

And this is true with today's gambit.

I wrote this gambit quickly as a forum post a while ago, but since it works remarkably well today, I decided to rewrite it, adding more details and tweaks to make it more powerful. I discuss more of the mechanisms below. You are welcome to read my forum post, which contains a discussion between me and several posters: Sex Talk: The Purity Gambit.