(2) Intermediate

Why do girls trust some men yet feel uncomfortable with others? The answer lies in NUT: a way of comprehending how creepy or trustworthy someone will be.

Recently, I’ve done a lot of study of people’s experiences with stalkers, murderers, rapists (real rapists… you know, the gunpoint / knifepoint / beat-you-up / drug-you-up / tie-you-up kind), as well as just general creeps people meet in the streets, in the wilderness, and all kinds of places. Many of the people sharing these experiences are women, but there are plenty of men sharing them too. The vast majority of these I found on Reddit’s /r/LetsNotMeet (the best) and /r/CreepyEncounters (second best) boards.

Much of the time, before something bad happens, or even before the storyteller is aware of a threatening presence, he or she senses danger: adrenaline starts pumping, fear kicks in, and the person becomes instantly and suddenly AWARE. At other times, a stranger approaches, without causing any sense of fear or creepiness at all… but then, at some point, something changes (often something subtle) that makes the formerly unthreatening stranger grow frightening.

In some stories, the person under threat manages to encounter another random person or group of people to join forces with so the creep will leave him or her alone. Often the teller has a rapid sense that “this person is safe” and will make a trustworthy ally.

In a few stories, the creepy person turns out to have not been a threat at all, but instead someone with some developmental problem, or someone who mistakenly walked into the wrong house or room, or someone whose intentions just got misread. Much of the time, the creeps being talked about seem to genuinely be creeps.

Part of what I was looking for as I read all these tales was, “What is it that causes some people to set off creep alarms, while other people seem so non-threatening – even downright trustworthy?”

Because what we’re really talking about is “How do you put strangers at ease when you approach them, rather than totally unsettle them?” Very useful if you’re doing cold approach, or pretty much anything where you need to interact with strangers – or even people who aren’t strangers; social circle acquaintances, too.

This led me to what I’ll call the NUT model: three factors that determine how creepy or trustworthy another person seems to be – even if that person is a complete and total stranger.

It’s not hard to find girls who date around. But how do you find the girls who don’t – and how do you pick up such shy, conservative girls?

The online world is filled with men declaring that all women are out there hooking up constantly, leaping from one man to the next, and that conservative women are unicorns.

The reality however is that the median American woman sleeps with a mere three men in her entire life. 42% of American women sleep with two or fewer men. 21% sleep with just one man all their lives. 6% die virgins, never having been with a man. Why then does it seem like there’s a non-stop sex party going on?

It’s because all these women who aren’t out there dating, partying, and sleeping around are invisible. They’re not on the scene. They don’t actively date much. Most of them have very quiet social lives, or barely even any social life. Most men who are actively dating women – using avenues like dating apps or nightlife – very rarely run into girls like this. Because, again, these women aren’t active in the scene. The smaller number of prolific dating women, on the other hand, are VERY active… and it is easy to run into them a LOT.

I wrote this article to answer a question guys have been asking me lately: namely, where do you have to go and what do you need to do to pick up shy, conservative girls?

You’re chatting with a girl, and she hasn’t rejected you, but you’re not certain she’s entirely down with you, either. How do you propose moves safely? With romantic disclaimers.

Let’s say you follow my advice and do your best to move faster with girls.

Just because you’re moving fast is no excuse to not mind social rules. You still must come across socially adroit even as you break society’s usual rules.

One simple way to do this as you ask things, invite girls to things, and make your proposals is with romantic disclaimers.

A romantic disclaimer is any bit of language you use to take the edge off anything you say that might otherwise be a bit improper. For girls who dig you but weren’t expecting you to move that fast, it can make all the difference.

Women can sense a man’s interest levels from his odor. A girl who smells interest ‘wakes up’ out of autopilot – and must decide if she likes him back too.

Approach enough girls and it becomes pretty obvious that women can kind of tell when you genuinely want them versus when you’re just phoning it in.

You might wonder though, how do they tell? Is it the way you smile? Some subtle change in your behavior? A study by psychologists at Houston’s Rice University found women respond subconsciously to men’s “sexual sweat”:

Our results here show that the brain also recognizes the socioemotional information contained in the human sexual sweat. This is so despite the facts that subjects were verbally unaware of the nature of the olfactory stimuli and that the intensity and pleasantness differences had been statistically controlled for. Our findings provide olfactory evidence that the right orbitofrontal cortex and the right fusiform participate in the processing of chemosensory human socioemotional information. Moreover, they also offer neural support for the existence of affective communication through human sociochemosensory cues, a subject extensively studied in animal research but hitherto little known in humans.

Women do not consciously realize they’re responding to the scent of a man’s sweat (the study examined only women smelling men’s scents). It happens at a level below that of conscious awareness. But they nevertheless still do recognize it, and their brains respond in a different way to sexual sweat than they do to neutral sweat or other smells.

When it comes to picking girls up, the savvy man looks for signs she’s open to that. Which signs does he look for? Compliance, logistics, plus 2 more.

Note: due to a slipup in the posting order, we published Part II of this series on choosing the right girls to pick up first. This is Part I of the series – last week’s article comes after this week’s.

Hey guys and welcome.

Today, I’ll cover an under-discussed topic extremely relevant in settings when multiple girls are chasing or showing interest in you: How do you know which girl to choose? This may seem contradictory because you can select who you want, but you have factors to consider before deciding.

Choosing the wrong target can cost you the night and the lay. If you go out with the intent to get a girl home that night, selecting the right target is critical. (Remember that the meta in night game is same night lays because taking numbers at night often results in flakes.)

It matters little how charming you are, how much her friends love you, if the girl has to get up early, if she lives far away, or has a last train to catch. There are anecdotal exceptions. (Once, I pulled a girl who had a flight to catch in four hours, and I got her friend to bring her luggage to the airport so she could leave straight from my place to the airport.) We will not discuss these exceptions here because we operate (and should operate) with probabilities, and whatever offers the highest chance of success is the right move.

You often have plenty of equally hot and cool girls with cold approach in night game. It lets you move on from a girl with terrible logistics, which I usually recommend. It isn’t like she isn’t replaceable—she is! Because you do not know her and have only barely met her superficially, moving on to another equally beautiful girl is no big deal.

Remember to choose a girl to pick up and eventually commit; otherwise, closing time approaches, and all those leads you had may end up with someone else, have left, or become bored from your indecisiveness. The latter is important to discuss because it is easy to get carried away when feeling on fire and having plenty of girls flirting with you. What often happens is that the momentum keeps you doing this, and eventually, you go home alone.

It is fine to be social, flirt around the venue, and generate social proof, but you should “commit” to one of your leads at some point. However, there are right and wrong ways of doing this, and making the wrong decision can cost you the night.

So, we will discuss choosing which girl to commit to and how to do it properly while avoiding common pitfalls.

Men are supposed to be strong. Right? But not emotionless, either. As a man, can you be vulnerable in your relationships… and if so, how much?

A reader commenting on my article on firefighting problems in relationships asks about showing vulnerability in a relationship:

I made the observation that women are not terribly aware of all the little mistakes that you make in life, because they are also human beings, who make mistakes all the time, and who happen to be unattractive many times as well. Doesnt it make you much more "human" to profess that you, as a human being, are not super strong and super attractive, and super high value all the time, and that you also do struggle, stand up again, and keep trying?

Where is the vulnerability in your approach? Is it such a deadly sin to tell a women in a relationship, that you are not happy when she flirts with other guys in front of your eyes, and that it makes you feel insecure, because you love her? Is that really "weak"? I feel its much more a profession that you as well have feelings, and that if she continues this behaviour, you will not be able to tolerate someone keep neglecting your feelings. Isnt "strong vulnerability", where you are aware of your own unattractiveness and your own flaws, a much more self-accepting and self-loving way of pursuing a relationship/marriage.

I'd be curous to hear your thoughts man. Thank you!

It’s a good question. I want to handle it with some delicacy, because, well, it is a delicate thing we’re discussing here. Namely, how much can you set your heart at a woman’s feet, and how much can you not?

How vulnerable can men be in their relationships?

You can walk and talk your way into places by acting like you should be there. People pay more attention to behavior than you think – & less to credentials.

Once, many years ago, just a few years into my seduction career, I was in Singapore with a couple of friends and entered a nightclub. It was one of the higher end clubs in town.

One of my friends, a local, wanted to move into the VIP-only area. The girls there were much hotter, he said. The only problem was the narrow stairway into it had two large bouncers keeping guard – and the two were frequently stopping people entering to inspect whether they were in fact members or not.

“Just walk in with your chin way up like you’re a celebrity and are used to walking in there,” my friend said. “No one will stop you.” So my other friend and I marched in with him, heads held high, doing our best to look like modern royalty, and sure enough, a moment later we were picking up on girls in the VIP. They were indeed hotter (and friendlier) there.

Not long after that, I crashed a private party at a San Diego nightclub, rolling right past the bouncer checking names at the door, by walking up behind a couple whose names he’d just checked and acting as if I was probably with them. Since then, I have often toured through roped-off or doorman-guarded areas of nightclubs just by walking proudly in, chest held high, either ignoring the bouncers or, at other times, giving them a confident nod. Sometimes while in these areas I have looked out and watched numerous other people get stopped trying to enter as I’ve privately marveled at how I sauntered right in.

I’ve entered closed-off areas of venues, restricted beaches (though be careful with these; they can be restricted due to hazardous conditions), and even establishments that have closed down for the night just by walking right in like I’m supposed to be there.

Today we’re going to talk about walking right into places you’re not supposed to be.