Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Why the ‘Bid for Connection’ is Crucial to Your Relationship

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

“Any good dreams last night?”

“How was your day today?”

“You’ll never believe what happened to me.”

bid for connection

There are normal little communication bits and pieces you’ll encounter in relationships. They seem pretty small and trivial, and superficially they are.

However, these little questions or statements – called ‘bids for connection’ by Professor Emeritus John M. Gottman, Ph.D. – have big impacts on relationship health.

That’s because any time you make a bid for connection, or a gal you’re with makes one toward you, it goes one of two ways:

  • You or she accept the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn towards’)
  • Or you or she ignore the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn away’)

How often these little bids are turned toward or away from makes a world of difference, it turns out.

Why Every Man Should Read The 48 Laws of Power

Colt Williams's picture

By: Colt Williams

A man’s effectiveness in life can usually be equated to the books that he reads. And outside of the usual books about good seduction, relationships, and the female mind, I’ve found that The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene really taught me a lot about both navigating life as a man and keeping my mental axe sharp in interacting with women.

48-laws

In essence, Greene distills 3000 years of human history, conquest, conflict, and romance into 48 laws of attaining and defending yourself against power. I found that a lot of these laws apply to everyday situations, so you don’t have to be someone who is trying to be a prince or king to get value out of it.

Although I believe that every effective man should read the whole thing, let me summarize the key laws for you and tell you about how they can strengthen your abilities with the fairer sex.

Your Future Self Will Suck Too (Unless You Do Something About It Now)

Darius Bright's picture

By: Darius Bright

It’s Thursday afternoon, you planned on hitting the streets (or was it bars?) to chat up some girls, but as the day is coming to a close and you feel the daily stresses are taking their toll on you, you find yourself thinking how maybe today is not the best day to do it, after all:

  • “I had a stressful day.”

  • “I need to wake up early tomorrow.”

  • “I don’t feel like my best self, and surely it won’t be as effective…”

do-something

You even start bargaining with yourself:

“Hey, you know what, I better hit the gym after work, eat a healthy meal – I’ve been meaning to improve my physique for some time now. Here’s my chance.”

Or

“I could stay at work for a little while longer and cover some of tomorrow’s tasks. This way tomorrow I’ll have an easier day and feel so much more energetic to go out and meet women.”

Then it hits you…

“Yes! Tomorrow I will feel so much more like it, I will have a good night’s sleep, wake up earlier, get myself ready and sexy, and I’ll even talk to twice as many women for skipping today. Yes, tomorrow!”

So you go home. You didn’t stay at work to finish tomorrow’s tasks nor did you hit the gym on your way back. Instead of a healthy meal you grabbed an XL combo meal at a fast food joint and stayed up late watching re-runs of “The Office”.

And yet for some reason you kind of feel good about yourself. After all, tomorrow you will make it all worth it!

How to Have Sex with African Women

Philip Etemesi's picture

By: Philip Etemesi

African womenPart of a seducer’s job is educating other seducers on the logistical requirements and challenges of a turf he is very familiar with. Today, that will be my job. As you well know, I am from Kenya, one of Africa’s elite nations that attracts thousands of foreign visitors every month.

Decade after decade, Africa has been with strange stereotypes of guys in traditional attire, hungry kids, lions everywhere, and no skyscrapers. All these are nothing but gross exaggerations. A lot of visitors actually get surprised when they get here.

Think of Africa as a good student. Great Western cultures, inventions, and mannerisms are replicated here. The continent as a whole is by no doubt a trusted tourist destination of the world. Apart from the thriving wildlife, searing weather, and super cool vacation spots, there’s a favorable business climate too. And to top it all off, the women are super attractive.

Tactics Tuesdays: Calling Her When Texts Don’t Pan Out

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

On the heels of Alek’s recent post on fractionation, I want to talk about a fun little technique that uses fractionating your medium of correspondence to get somewhere with girls who aren’t responding well.

This technique is, simply, switching back and forth between texting and calling.

call text splitting

Now, if you’ve done things right from the beginning with a girl, you won’t usually need to use this – a great first impression, framing for the date before you get the number, then solid text game to set things up; that’s usually going to do everything you need it to do.

Usually if you need this technique it’s because you’ve done something wrong:

  • You made a weak first impression
  • You didn’t make it clear you wanted a date with her
  • Your texting was weak and/or unfocused

However, you can still have things unravel sometimes even if you were ‘perfect’; this is if, say, you do it all right, but the day she gets your “hey, let’s get things scheduled” text is a really bad day for her and she puts it off, anchoring negative emotions to texts from you / texts about dates from you in the process. Sometimes a girl can get it in her head that ‘XYZ thing is hard’ (like figuring out where on her schedule you fit), for reasons she isn’t aware of (anchoring), and an otherwise promising connection suddenly goes cold.

For any such situation, you have one neat tool in your toolbox – just vary the means of correspondence, between texts and phone calls (note: email / instant message is basically the same thing as texting, so doesn’t work to vary things enough – we’re talking ‘text-based’ vs. ‘voice-based’ here).

At Ease in Your Skin: Key to Being a Great Natural Flirt

Ethan Fierre's picture

By: Ethan Fierre

natural flirtYou don’t have to be a master of observation to realize most guys flat out suck when it comes to flirting. And this isn’t even necessarily because they don’t know all the right techniques. The reason for it is actually much more fundamental.

What is this fundamental reason, you ask?

Only this: more often than not, we repress our emotions and act too stiff or too mechanical.

Just imagine what a terrific flirt you could be… IF you didn’t repress your emotions.

Why do we repress them?

Out of fear of failure and public humiliation if efforts fall flat, or *gasp!*… a girl snubbing you. Repress them, and snubs and failures seem easier to shrug off.

But imagine what it’d be like to be completely comfortable flirting… with even the hottest girls you meet.

What would you have to do to be that guy? That’s what we’ll be covering today.

Fractionation’s Role in Hooking Up with Chicks

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

Welcome back,

If you remember our last post, I covered an evening out in Bulgaria where I totally failed – the failure was due to what we labelled as “inflation”. Now the principle of inflation can be defined as follows: when you deliver too much of the same seduction material (humor, sex talk, language patterns, cocky lines, etc.) it loses its impact. There are numerous reasons for that:

  • It loses its value; women and humans in general do not value things they can easily get. If you give her a lot of, say, “funny lines”, then she will not value them as much anymore.

  • It can in worst case scenarios make you come across as needy/“trying too hard” and ruin all her attraction for you.

fractionation

Now this is just a quick recap of my last post. The theory of inflation is explained in-depth there. At the end of that post I shared a number of ways we could avoid having to deal with such situations in the first place.

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 5: Darius Belejevas

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

Darius Belejevas joins us today for the fifth installment of the Girls Chase Podcast. Darius is a regular contributor to GirlsChase.com on the subject of fashion and style (you can read his articles here), and today he weighs in with more on these and other topics.

In today’s podcast, Darius and host Varoon Raja discuss:

How to Convert One-Time Sex into Regular Sex

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

regular sexMany years back, I had dinner with a girl I’d recently just slept with. We were both young and inexperienced; our date had been fun, but the sex mediocre.

On this second date, we had a nice time, and chatted. I didn’t have much more time in town, and would be leaving soon. At the end of the meal, I invited her home.

At first she accepted, but then she stopped, mid-walk: “Wait, you’re leaving, right? You know what, I think I’m just going to go home.”

I didn’t fight it. I said okay and let her go. I’d be lying to say I wasn’t disappointed.

If you’ve been hooking up a while, you’ve no doubt experienced this too:

  • Sometimes she’s happy to sleep with you again and again once first sex occurs

  • Other times, you sleep with her once, and that’s it

... and there isn’t always rhyme or reason to it either.

A girl you had a great date and phenomenal sex with may not call you back, and a girl you bumbled your way into the bedroom with and prematurely ejaculated in front of may fall all over herself to meet you again.

So what gives?

What’s it take to convert a girl you’ve slept with once into one you sleep with again and again?

Tactics Tuesdays: Gaming Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Friend

Philip Etemesi's picture

By: Philip Etemesi

Is your ex-girlfriend’s best friend off limits?

ex-girlfriend's friend

It depends on the situation that has called for your pursuit. Making her your new catch requires some fine tuning, and if you are going to go after her, your venture needs to be completely justified. There are three situations where one might feel justified to go after the bestie: