Are Modern Women's Dating Standards TOO High? | Girls Chase

Are Modern Women's Dating Standards TOO High?

Chase Amante

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women's dating standardsMany men today believe women's standards are too high. The reality is, women's standards have ALWAYS been high… or at least, women have always claimed this.

Again and again of late I've seen this argument that women's dating standards are simply too high.

That women expect too much of men, they want men who are perfect, and their standards are completely unrealistic.

Most recently, a reader commented this on my article about the source of 21st Century Western men's distinct lack of action and motivation, saying:

I dont think men dont have the drive to have sex; its just that womens standards are too high and most men dont make the cut. Most men are trying and failing to get laid, others have given up, and a small percentage is getting almost everything. We have to be realistic and acknowledge that most men are going to be average no matter what. The problem is that women have too many options and society allows them to go for the top men.

This is a common refrain from a lot of men's sites on the web.

women's dating standards“How's any guy supposed to have a shot in this day and age?”

But is it true?

Are you, indeed, condemned to suffer loneliness and deprivation, sucking up the scraps of women who fell off the tables of ALPHA MALES, those rare few men who get all the girls?

Is this simply your lot in life, assuming you're unable or unwilling to join the ranks of those few elite men?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Jack's picture

Great article. Another thing to note about this is that for the guys who do have like 5-6 girls on rotation - which I have quite a few friends who do- all of whom are either living in a college town or big city (NYC/Miami) , those chicks are casually banging other dudes too. They're not exclusive to them. Not sure if when saying dating you were implying exclusivity. So it's not like these girls are taken.

Anonymous's picture

I know that illustration with the "virgin walk" and the chad was just like a meme,but I find it so ironic that I have a lot of the qualities of the virgin walk lol :(
I spent a lot of time modeling my walk after the model walk like you suggested. I think I can do the model walk,but I am not too confident in it and sure of it. I had feedback from one girl who tells me she liked my walk and said I walk like a model lol. Other guys will say I walk like i'm trying to look brolic which idk if that means i'm not walking very well or if most men in general just don't walk in an attractive manner.

There was a mgtow video on youtube that's titled "women's standards" and it shows a clip of a woman on the steve harvey show with like 3 slideshows worth of qualities she wants her man to have or not. Some examples was a man with no 6 pack,no children,no hookups or flings, and needed to pay on the first date,be romantic,5'10 or taller,be very social, be romantic, love desserts, and a whole bunch of other ludicrous shit to expect from one man LOL. But you look at the comments section and you see a bunch of salty upset guys in the comments. Either they just start insulting women in the video/or in general thinking that she's dead serious and that all women are that way while ignoring the fact that she is literally 1 among billions of women stating all of this and she was bullshiting whether she knew it or not. Most men just don't understand that women are master bullshitters.

Sometimes I will fall into the trap of thinking that women's standards are too high for me to meet because of confirmation bias. Whenever I see attractive girls or even girls who are just so so to me I will notice that the guy has physical characteristics that I don't have . It could be that he isn't partially bald on the scalp like I am ,is taller then I am(only 5'8),is much more muscular than I am,deeper/attractive voice and that discourages me because it makes me think that women are always selecting guys with qualities that I don't have and never will. Although I have qualities that work in my favor like growing facial hair consistently, handsome/cute baby face(based on women's comments) ,my game is mediocre so I can't capitalize on whatever positive physical or inner qualities I may have. I've been asked by women why I don't have a girlfriend and they thought I was a good guy and should have one and I basically had to give the whole "I don't need one,haven't met the right one" spiel haha.

Xander's picture

Sorry Chase, I had to write this. I know that you are right as always. There are two things I want to ask you about this.
1) Maybe you will agree that there are exceptions and some women can be unrealistic based on country and culture where they live. There are situations where the most of female population in some country, region, etc. is made from inexperienced women with unrealistic expectations and because of that men who live there believe that all women in world are generally unrealistic.
Many, many times I meet average looking, low to middle quality girls that truly believe that nobody is good enough for them. I don’t mean on cliché things like look, money, status, whatever. But Dream guy with ideal attainability (with personality 100% similar to them, not 99% but 100%) and ideal value (dominant like man in Stone Age, with lower social value then they are so they feel they can reach him and to invest in her more than she invests in him and to she feel Hollywood movies kind of love). And if they don’t find this they chose to stay alone forever. Often, this rule that their clock is ticking and that they have to choose somebody doesn’t apply on them. They don’t even want to date anybody else and they are frustrated and blame men because they cannot give them what they want. For them sex is love and love is sex so they don’t have any of it. Where I am now, love life sucks both in men and women because most women have these beliefs.
2) If girls generally aren’t too picky then why most guys are not good with them? You will agree that most guys have some knowledge about women and dating. Maybe they don’t know top advices that we get here on Girls Chase but they surely know something. Average girl can have sex with 90% of guys but even the most attractive and best PUAs can’t get more than 20% of women. Most women will demand this or that from different man and when they get into certain ages they will settle with someone who is not half a man as those they rejected before.
Anyway I don’t blame women too much and focus on what to improve to be better with them. I don’t have many questions, just to see your opinion about this.

BigPapa's picture

Hey Chase ,

Like always , really good article .

Just a small remark in regards to girls being single or not .

What I realized is that a girl might be single , not having sex with anyone , etc , but still being off market because she is dragged alone by a guy ( doing this intentionally , or just by talking with her from time to time without him being interested at the moment in doing something with her ) .

Usually this means that it will not be as easy bedding her , as it would be normally if she would be truly on the market , and at the beggining she will always compare you to that guy .

If you go full lover , you will bay pass a lot of back and forth , and then be able to convert it in a relationship ( if you want this ) , otherwise going on the normal or boyfriend route will be super time consuming .

Tartarus's picture

Having read the article, I think you missed the point of the whole 20% thing in the manosphere. It's about "effortlessly" getting attractive women. Think in terms of only 20% of guys can get and sleep with 80% of attractive women any time they want...make sense now?? Not a lot of men dates 6 girls seriously at a time. But a lot of top tier men have 6-8 casual women at their beck and call irregardless of if those women are single or not (alot of the more attractive ones have boyfriends). From my own personal experience and observing friends who are serious with pickup, once you've gotten something good "for free" afew times (2 coffee dates that kick off months long fuck-buddy relationships with attractive women) paying the bare minimum becomes too expensive. Anyone I know who's said standards were too high was someone with lots of casual women but felt they wanted something more. By the same token, women who date those elite men may settle for less but they will constantly push you to live up to their expectations of what they can get. Hence you get a disconnect in what each expects and people making noise all over the internet (women are also talking shit about men and it's all understandable) are absolutely, just realise some people have a past that taints their views...For me standards for serious long term relationships are too high in terms of time, effort, expectations and the patience/ troubleshooting needed to maintain them, fun flings not so much.

James Hunkie's picture

"Women's standards are not too high.

They're the same as they've ever been.

Lower, probably."

Lol I think Chase is trolling here guys

"Guys living in scarcity who see guys living in abundance, and assume (wrongly) that most guys are like them, also living in extreme scarcity, and that these few guys who live in abundance gobble up all the women (in actual fact, if you look at any woman's dating history, even very beautiful women, you will find she's had one or two or maybe three studs mixed in somewhere in the mix there, but the vast majority of men she's been with are average guys)"

Uh no Chase that is not generally what happens. That defeats the whole purpose of your site and how you gain traction. The very beautiful women are not dating average guys. Those guys are invisible to them. Generally they either find an attractive guy to date or just stay single.

You can't use yourself as an example that women standards aren't high because you're not an average guy. You told your stories before. It took lots of work for you to get your first girlfriend from what I recall. And you had to spend countless hours talking to many tons of women.

That's not a good example. Most women's dating standards are high. I'm just not one of those weird guys online that believes a women will never date a guy over 6 feet or a women will never date a guy who's doesn't make 6 figures a year. That's a little absurd. It's just that for women to get women they usually have to be above the women in terms of attractiveness in a sense. They have to be utterly suave, wiity, great conversationalists, ambitious, crazy smooth, and not that short.

It's funny how you commented on women in their 30s who are single have limited options. Its because they choose for their lives to be that way. They often have really high standards. I've worked with a decent amount of middle aged women and what I learned is that they usually wait for a top quality guy or just dont date. I've seen it dozens of times. I cant assume all these guys online are lying. They have dealt with women in real life and realize how crazy their standards are.

Will R's picture

This is one of those insightful articles that made me really think about things. If I may, I'd like to suggest an article topic for you - moving to a new city. I love your overall pickup lifestyle articles and I think a lot of us would benefit from tactics on how to set up a new group of friends/social circle when moving out to a new city.
Thanks man!

Bizzy's picture

I think you took the 80:20 rule way too literally on purpose. Of course 80% of all men are not sexless virgins but that rule is all about the options that the top 20% men have and that most women want to date these men IF they could. You will always see women settling for average, fat, short or balding men, especially when they get older and want a family but that doesn't disprove the rule. Women marry and have relationships with unattractive men for various reasons but sexual attraction isn't one of them, hence why the divorce rates are so high in the west.

And what does it matter whether women's standards have always been the same? The level is still high. The difference is that women had no power to date who they actually wanted say in 1950, so they had to settle for providers. In 2020 they have the power and options to date whoever they want. Girlschase wouldn't exist if women were so easy to date for the average guy. lol

Neal's picture

Chase, I often do women have a struggle where they really want to msg a guy, but are against being the 1st to. How painful is that to women? On social media.

For example, I follow the women's mentality of supply and demand, so every once a year in the winter months, I stop posting on Facebook, for say, 3 months in a row. But yet, some women will lurk my profile every day for weeks before giving up, just to see I haven't posted anything new. Then, when I do post something new, they find out from their friends that I'm back posting again. Well, that was a year ago, and now I just started not posting at all some weeks ago, and it's amazing how there are will women that lurk my profile weekly, but won't msg or add me...

Anyways, as far as this article goes, as much as I'd agree with this, the same is true the other way around. Men can have high standards also. For me, I'm pretty picky about height. I love girls that are in the 5'7"-5'9" range. I also like girls that can do a lot of push-ups, are not ashamed to have things like an OnlyFans account, sell photos of themselves, etc.

J-B's picture

some of those "20%" are guys that are perceived by society to be Alpha (athletes, guys in a biker gang, etc...), but they aren't always are.

The BlackDragon (Caleb Jones) divides alphas into two groups: Alpha 1.0, and Alpha 2.0. A lot of those pro athletes are probably in the 1.0 bracket, including guys that have beaten their wives (like Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, and going way back, Bobby Hull, the Golden Jet).

Also, there are a lot of those bikers who probably ride for the snatch, not for the love of riding. I saw a T-shirt once that said "No Bike, No Beard, No Booty". A lot of beta and alpha 1.0 men (that's what Caleb calls them. There has to be a better term because they aren't alpha at all) comply to that.

At the end of the day, it comes down to allowing women to move the goalposts. Too many men do that, and make it harder for the so-called "regular guy".

Anonymous 's picture

So I'm guessing you would look at it the same way when girl's mention they only date (blank) race even if she's your race or not?

Should we focus on these girls or not?

Or do we,

Just see it as flirting, testing, and silly and cute?

Richard, the standup guy's picture

You’ve been living in like Eastern Europe or somewhere for far too long if you wrote this.

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