Tactics Tuesdays: How to Force Frame Someone | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Force Frame Someone

Chase Amante

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force frame
You use force frames to make women (or other people) see things the way you see things. Each force frame consists of two parts: the pitch and the ditch.

Frame control is a crucial aspect of achieving your ends with other people.

He who controls the frame, controls how those within that frame perceive events.

Civilizations strive endlessly to control the frame through which the citizenry view the world. Every civilization exerts massive amounts of energy to ensure its population sees things the way it wants it to see things, and to label the way competitor civilizations see things as 'misguided', 'wrong', or even 'evil'. Every time you think another country does things the wrong way, and yours does them right, you think within the frame of your society.

Yet frame control extends to a far more granular level than that of civilizations.

Any time you interact with a group of people, frame control is at play.

Any time you interact with a single other person, frame control is at play.

When you talk to a girl, frame control is at play. Either you'll control the frame, or she will.

When women test, this is in part to see if you'll yield the frame. Women are not attracted to men who yield to their frames, but they will test (over and over) to see if you will. They must discover if you are a man strong of frame or weak of it.

There's a form of frame control you can use called 'force framing'.

Force frames are for when you want to frame something that isn't necessarily true, or the other party may not readily accept. However, you still want to impose the frame regardless.

The force frame is how you impose that frame despite the other party's 'opposition'.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

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Comments

JD's picture

I had a date today (btw I used the flirting tactics from the mini course and it was awesome). I'm back and I see this article.
Would have been so handy a few hours ago XD
Never mind, the next date will be even better now ;)

Cheers!

Ben's picture

Thanks for the article:)

How would you deal with force frames being used on you- and how would a frame battle look between two verbally dominant men?

 

Side note: a few of your examples (the friend's dating life for one) don't seem to be pitch and ditch/ force framing, more like thread cutting or justifying your request/suggestion. 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Ben-

The easiest way to deal with force frames is not to make silly statements that are easily force frameable. However, a skilled framer can force frame pretty much anything. So you do need some defense.

If you know what a force frame is, it's pretty easy to beat. You'll develop an instinct for when people use it on you, and be able to put your hand up and say, "Well, hold on a second. I don't agree with that," and debate the frame. If the other person tries to steamroll you (i.e., just keeps force framing you as you resist), you can just start saying "Nope. You're wrong. You're completely wrong. You don't know what you're saying," and he will have to stop force framing and have a conversation with you.

In a way, every force frame is a thread cut as well... you cut the thread of the other person's frame, and hop over to yours. However, look at the friend's dating life: a pure threadcut (with no force framing) would be "Bad daters... eh. You ever see that Seinfeld episode about bad daters? George is blah blah blah..." Here you're not imposing any views on her, you're just changing subjects. With the force frame, you pitch/impose an actual view: "There is nothing you can do about your friend's awful love life." This is a new frame, and it's different from anything she was thinking / talking about. It's the better option here too, because if she's hung up on this friend's love life thing, and all you do is threadcut, she may just ignore the cut and be too busy trying to get back on that thread. Pitch the frame of "There's nothing you can do about that" and then ditch before she can challenge it, and if she tries to go back to the frame it now feels like she is really saying "Well isn't there something I can do about this?" when you've already established she can't.

Subtle, perhaps, but it makes a difference.

Chase

Johnlu's picture

Hey Chase,

A few questions concerning frame control:

How should one react when someone else uses a force frame on you?

Secondly, I have some trouble with frame control, i.e imposing my frames or fighting others. I have read your article on the matter but I keep getting difficulties to master it. Is it possible that there is a specific problem with me, as in not everyone is meant to master it, but only certain dominant individuals?

Lastly, quite off topic, but how do I deal with insecurity? I'm insecure and uncomfortable in certain situations and to hide that, I pretend to be in control (I realized that after countless retrospections on my social outings) and it seems people somewhat know that I'm really not what I'm trying to show. I realized that one too because when I see someone else like me, I can immediately tell that this guy is not legit. How can I get around that?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

John-

See the comment just above yours on combatting force frames. It's actually pretty straightforward... but you are generally safe using force frames yourself, since almost no one combats them.

As far as learning frame control... hmm, good question. I should probably do an article on that. Added to my article queue.

However, to start, I'd say ask yourself this.

Let's say someone challenges your frame. Let's say he says something ridiculous, like "Hey John, you are a beetle, not a man!" do you:

  1. Think "Maybe he has a point... I do not act very manly. Maybe I am kind of beetle-like"? Or do you

  2. Not actually feel threatened in your masculinity at all, but you don't confront the guy because he seems kind of tough and you'd rather avoid the fight, or avoid losing the frame battle and looking even more foolish?

... because whether it is the case that others' frames cause you to have moments of doubt, or others' frames do not cause you doubt but you just prefer to avoid confrontation, your remedy will be a little different (or you might have some of each of these: sometimes some doubt, sometimes confrontation avoidance).

To deal with doubt, you need to drill yourself in the habit of "Anyone who critically attacks me is wrong." (constructive criticism is fine, but if there's at all a status jockeying element to it, it's hostile, and therefore wrong) Every time someone attacks and you let it slide, analyze it after the fact and say "That was wrong, I shouldn't have let it slide." Do this enough and you'll stop letting it slide when it happens.

To deal with fear of confrontation, work your way up with smaller confrontations. Even things like asking for things if that's scary. Ask the waitress for stuff you feel uncomfortable asking for at a restaurant. Get better at asking for compliance. Go out of your way to disagree with people and get comfortable at that. As you go along, you'll find it easier and easier to hold frame in all sorts of scenarios. Continually challenge yourself to hold frame in tougher situations.

Same deal with insecurity. Just keep putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and do your best to stay in control. It's like lifting weights... you start off with spindly arms and can barely lift any weight at all, and everyone can tell you're a shrimp. Keep going to the gym, and you slowly build strength, put on muscle, and improve. After a while, you're pretty solid. Stay at it long enough and you may reach the point where you're one of the bigger guys there.

Frame control and insecurity are two sides to the same coin, really. As you work on one, you work on the other.

People have different emotional profiles. Some people are naturally pretty insensitive to what others think of them, which makes frame control easier and insecurity less a problem. But being sensitive and acutely aware of how others think of you doesn't stop you from getting very comfortable in all sorts of situations.

You might also want to find ways to give yourself a crash course in frame control. I surrounded myself with aggressive, insensitive people as friends and girlfriends, and spent years going out to nightlife, to rid myself of as much of that stuff as possible. I was pretty awkward/uncomfortable at first, and even pretty awkward/uncomfortable after a year of it (sometimes wondering how I managed to get cool friends and sexy girls in bed and as girlfriends when my awkwardness seemed so painfully obvious to me... I chalked it up to "Well, I guess them being insensitive means they aren't as sensitive to my discomfort, either"). But after a few years of putting myself out there into every imaginable social situation, as often as I could, I realized one day I was obviously more chill and in-control in most situations than most of the people I met. And then it just kept going from there.

You can do it. It takes a lot of exposure. But with time and exposure, you'll get there.

Chase

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