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Tactics Tuesdays: Talk Simply and Clearly

Chase Amante's picture

talk clear and simple
Do you talk in clear, simple ways? The most effective communicators all do. Use these tips and make your language a breeze to understand.

Early in my teenage years, I began to learn humor. Mostly I watched late night talk shows and crafted one-liners. I tried longer funny jokes too, but they usually fell flat. The lesson I learned - without realizing at the time - was simple one-line quips usually worked best.

Another early humor realization: obscure humor leaves most people confused. For maximum laughs, choose easy-to-understand humor almost anyone can relate to.

After high school I became a tire salesman. At the start, I'd give lengthy sales pitches with all the features a tire had. I'd ask customers questions like "What are you looking for in a tire?" (since most people don't know much about tires, that question usually got blank stares). My boss noticed this and told me to forget about features and focus on the benefits. The customer doesn't care the tire was laser-etched. He does want to know it grips the road when the streets are wet, or provides a smoother, more comfortable ride. So I switched to my boss's clear, concrete examples, and I sold more.

Next my boss told me to ask how the customer's current tires did for him. And he told me to ask if there was anything the customer wished his tires did better. So I did that, and instead of blank stares I'd get direct answers: "It'd be nice if they'd lasted a little longer." Or "I have trouble with them when it rains." Now that I knew what each customer wanted, it became easier to sell, and I sold more still.

When I began to write sales copy, a friend told me to throw my copy into Hemingway Editor. The editor rates a piece's reading grade level: does it read at a first grade level? A fifth grade level? A tenth grade level?

I'd seen Hemingway before and run my writing through it. Sometimes it came back as "Post-Grad." How intellectual of me! I thought at the time. My friend pointed out this actually meant the writing was hard to read. The higher the grade level, the more challenging the read. Even for the well-read, lower reading level writing is easier to process. My friend mentioned he'd whittled sales copy of his for a finance product down from Grade 8 to Grade 4, and his sales doubled. "If I can explain a complicated finance product in fourth grade language, you can do it for anything," he told me. I became a devotee of the app. I didn't just use it for sales copy; I ran all sorts of writing through it, and used it to make all my writing simpler.

Next I reread Stephen King's On Writing. Suddenly all King's talk of removing adverbs, gerunds, and the word 'that', plus using simple words instead of complex ones stood out. I made all those changes to how I wrote and spoke.

Each step of the way, in every new language-based endeavor I took on, I learned the same lessons. Language works best when it is simple and clear.

How to Be the Coolest Guy in the Room

Chase Amante's picture

coolest guy in the room
The coolest guy in the room… every guy wants to be him. Yet you can't "try hard" to get there. The secret to his cool is what he does do – and what he doesn't.

When you go out to socialize, you quickly discover image is a big part of things. People make quick evaluations of you drawn from your clothes, how you carry yourself, your company and how those around you interact with you, and other signals. Those evaluations - often, snap judgments - affect how people treat you unless and until you give them reason to change their minds.

If they think you look cool, they may stare at you, try to get close to you, bump into you, or talk to you. Women may hover near you and send you approach invitations (or, sometimes, approach you themselves). Men may strike up a conversation or try to include you in what they are doing.

If they think you look lame, they may laugh at you with their friends or try to distance themselves from you. Women who think you look lame may roll their eyes at you or close their body language up to discourage you making an approach. Men who think you look lame may try to tool you to improve their position and ladder climb up over you.

And in any large group, most of the people there won't even be of much interest to most of the other people. These people - those neither at the top of the coolness hierarchy or at the bottom of it - are in the 'fuzzy middle'. They mostly just end up ignored, mentally classed as 'background noise' by other people making their evaluations.

Your mission is often going to be to not be the lame guy at the bottom, or one of the invisible guys in the middle.

Rather (often), you are going to want to make yourself the coolest guy in the room.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Compartmentalize Your Lifestyles

Chase Amante's picture

compartmentalize lifestyle
Compartmentalization lets you keep separate areas of your life separate – and avoid fallout from ideological clashes or failing relationships.

As you become more active socially, some things get hairier. You meet more and different kinds of people. You start to run in some very different circles. And eventually you end up with friends and connections who are completely incompatible with one another. The broader and more diverse the people in your life become, the more you need to take care who you introduce to whom.

Further, the more integrated your various circles and lifestyles are, the easier it is for problems in one to snake their way into others.

To fend off mismatches and problems bleeding from one area into another, you use lifestyle compartmentalization.

The ability to compartmentalize your lifestyle is a handy one to have. It lets you prevent mismatched acquaintances clashing. It lets you avoid friends wanting you to choose themselves or others. It keeps you out of scenarios where your girlfriends judge your buddies and try to get you to stop hanging out with them.

It's easy to compartmentalize your lifestyle, yet it's something not a lot of people do. It feels good to introduce people we like to other people we like. It's lazier too - rather than do one thing and talk about certain topics with your buddy Eric, and do another thing and talk about other topics with your buddy Kevin, and do yet another thing and talk about still more/different topics with Kate, the girl you've been seeing for a couple months, why not invite them all to hang out together and do one thing, and talk about the same things with them all?

Yet failure to compartmentalize your life leads to a more limited life - because when those different people from different walks clash, they tend to decide a.) maybe they didn't know you as well as they thought, if you have this type of friend, and b.) you're going to have to decide who you really want to be with: themselves, or those other folks?

Tactics Tuesdays: Questioning Other Males' Masculinity

Chase Amante's picture

undermine masculinity
One highly effective way to eliminate social and sexual competitors: undermine their masculinity. Yet as powerful as this tactic is, you must use it carefully…

Very slightly dark side tech here, but I’m giving it to you purely for defensive purposes.

In some situations, you will discover there is a need to defend yourself against competitor males. There are a variety of defensive measures at your disposal to deflect or declaw your social competitors, including many we’ve discussed before:

Right now I’m going to give you one I’ve always liked personally (but try not to use on Girls Chase... because it’s kind of mean), which is to undermine competitor males’ masculinity.

Now, to pull this off, you have to be reasonably masculine. You don’t have to be a hulking brute who chomps cigars for breakfast. You just need to be a little above average on the masculinity scale. Even if you’re a sensitive man high in verbal intelligence and empathy, it is not hard to up your masculinity to where you’re a bit above average. Focus on being cool, being an asshole, and being dominant, and you’re already at least in the top 15% manliest men.

So long as you’re masculine enough for it not to seem like the pot calling the kettle black when you accuse other men of unmanliness, this tactic works like gangbusters.

You’ll use it for two things:

  1. To directly demoralize social competitors, to their faces
  2. To influence the opinions of women and others against your social competitors

Let’s have a look.

Tactics Tuesdays: "That's Not for Me"

Chase Amante's picture

not for me
If a person tries to be pushy or a girl hits you with a question there’s no right answer for, the easiest way around it is to choose not to engage it.

Simple little tactic here. This will help you avoid innumerable stupid fights about ideological nonsense that is not worth your time.

Rather than differ with people over their opinions or beliefs or thoughts when they try to push them on you, just tell them “That’s not for me.”

It sets up a far healthier dynamic than stating what you DO want/think/believe. When you talk about what you want/think/believe, and it’s different from what someone else wants/thinks/believes, it’s easy for him to slip into being challenging or combative. Your mind has been, in his opinion, colonized by an alien ideology in need of rooting out.

For instance, if someone tells you “You really ought to get yourself a steady girlfriend!” and you don’t want a relationship, and tell him “I don’t believe in picking just one girl”, get ready for some combativeness. Even if your conversation partner doesn’t start swinging at your position, there’s a very good chance he views you as weird or sleazy or however he views men who don’t want to settle into a monogamous relationship.

There’s an easy way to avoid this disconnect though. Instead of telling him what you DO want/stand for, just tell him his suggestion isn’t for you.

Trust Your First Impressions

Hector Castillo's picture

trust your first impression
When you meet new people, should you trust your first impressions about them? How can you tell whether new “friends” are genuine – or out to use you?

You will have many friends in this life. Many will come, most will go. I can count on my fingers the number of true friends I have, and I suspect that with most, we will eventually no longer need each other, want each other, or respect each other.

It’s easy for a friendship to dissolve.

The more I see, the easier it becomes for me to ditch a friend who acts up. I have raised my standards of behavior, not only because I know that those closest to me influence me more than I realize, and I don’t want to be held back by poisonous people, but also because I would prefer not to put someone in a position to be able to betray me.

You will be surprised at the closeness of the bonds you will form with the most random of people you meet. Before you meet them, everyone is a stranger. Even if you are introduced to someone, they’re a stranger — doubly so if you tend to meet people randomly like I do.

Those introduced to you through social circles have an impetus to be nice to you, as you have been vetted by their friends and they assume you are an ally. They will be on their best behavior.

Random people are a bit more… well, random. Sometimes, they will show you their true selves the moment you meet them, since they owe you nothing and have no act to put on. Other times, especially if they’re more skilled, they will put on their best face the moment you meet them. Why? They may want to use you. Sometimes it’s because they’re polite and high value, but you’d be unwise to count on this — you’ll meet more sharks than saints.

So how do you screen out those who wish to use you — or even harm you — for their own benefit?

Trust them the first time they reveal themselves. Trust your first impression.

Grouping and Group Herd Effects in Dating and Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

herd mentality
Despite our language and identities, people move in herds. You have three (3) tools to get the girl you want from her tribe: integration, separation, and absorption.

We think of ourselves as individuals. Separate, unique, we act entirely of our own volition.

Yet man is a herd animal. Cram him into a wall-to-wall, shoulder-to-shoulder crowded concert or train station, then spook the herd, and you kick off a stampede. People may die, crush others, or trample, as throngs of panicked individuals, each catching the sense of panic from the next, surge over and against each other for the exits. In the aftermath of some deadly stampedes, investigators can find no emergency and cannot even figure out what caused the panic.

Show a man a market craze that everyone is getting in on and watch him lose his mind. In China, peer-to-peer lending has exploded as the economy has declined, even though defaults on these loans are sky high and the prospect of getting a return is dim. A few months earlier in the West, a Bitcoin craze thundered across the market. It was unrelated to any improvement in the usability or acceptance of Bitcoin as a currency – in fact, over the past several years, Bitcoin has only grown worse as a currency. 100% of Bitcoin’s increased valuation was due to market speculators buying up Bitcoin to cash in on the craze. Yet during Bitcoin fever, everyone was an optimist, telling friends, family members, and coworkers to “buy, buy, buy!” Today, five months after the crush began, the price of Bitcoin has come very close to where it was before the stampede ever began; in the process, thousands of people made fortunes, and thousands of others lost them (I personally know a few folks on both sides). Every bit of those gains and losses came at the expense or benefit of someone else gambling the other way.

(side note: fun dub of a Russian music video a friend of mine who was heavily invested in Bitcoin shared with me during the peak of the Bitcoin craze):

These, of course, are extreme scenarios.

And much of the time, even for people aware of human herd mentality, the concept gets peacefully tucked away into a kind of “only in extremes” awareness. Only in extreme situations, we tell ourselves, do humans behave in mindless, herd-like ways. The rest of the time, we are those unique, separate, totally consciously in-control individuals we tell ourselves we truly are.

However, this isn’t how it works at all. Man, as a social animal, is every bit as groupish as ants, horses, biofilms, and wildebeest. More to the point for our purposes, if you want to peel a woman out of her group, or get her to do what you wish in public, an understanding of how grouping and herding works in the people you’d like to influence is key.

How to Be Certain, Part 3: Appearing Certain

Hector Castillo's picture

how to appear certain
You won’t always be certain. But you need to be able to at least appear certain, when you are in leader-follower (or male-female) situations that demand certainty.

You might have it in your head that you are certain about something, and being certain will help demonstrate certainty. But if your certainty isn’t visible, people will not be fully sold on your certainty, and thus not follow you as wholeheartedly. In seduction, even the slightest error can have her questioning your sincerity, confidence, and any other facet of your personality.

In the first article of this series, we covered the three types of certainty (certainty of knowledge, desire, and morality), then we detailed how to become certain in part 2, and now we will cover how to demonstrate certainty.

Is Being a Player a Betrayal to Your Culture?

Hector Castillo's picture

is being a player wrong?
A lifestyle of hedonism, pleasure, and abundant bedmates is quite delightful. Yet if you are a playboy, have you betrayed your society to become one?

Society is changing.

Tectonic plates of social mores are rubbing together and creating earthquakes. The ensuing chaos can be seen all around the world, especially in the U.S.

On one side, we can break it down most simply by Liberalism vs. Conservatism. These are the eternal spectrums of any society. Right now, Liberalism is concerning itself with identity politics and claiming to align itself with two ethical principles – tolerance and compassion. These ethical principles naturally create support for causes like climate change activism, racial and sexual equality, and wide-open immigration policies. Whether this is wrong or right is not the focus of this article. I’m simply pointing out what is happening.

Conservatism is currently concerned with nationalist politics and aligning itself with two ethical principles – tradition and independence. The focus on tradition creates a “the law is right, no matter how you feel” framework, which then leads to a direct conflict with policies like open immigration. Independence-focused politics creates conflict with macro ideas like the EU, NAFTA, and the Paris Climate Agreement. With the victory of Donald Trump, an aftershock is now sweeping countries like Hungary and Poland (who were already quite conservative) and pushing their conservatism farther to the right.

Society is now swinging to the right, toward more conservative values. In fact, it has been for a long time. Liberalism has hit its peak and may decline soon, as its surge from the 1960s has begun to lose its momentum.

This is most evident in the arena of sexuality, which I believe (through observation) to be the control point of the rest of society. Everything seems to revolve around sex (at least that’s how I connect the dots).

And since society seems to be swinging to the right politically, that means some big changes are going to affect our attitude toward sexuality, which has both its pros and cons.

Tactics Tuesdays: 4 Tips to Handle Conversations in Groups

Chase Amante's picture

conversation in groups
How do you handle conversation in a group… especially when there’s a girl you like and want to talk to there? With 3-second eye contact, quality face time, and more.

Ideally, you’d like to be able to meet a girl one-on-one, hit it off with her, and run through the courtship free of distractions or interruptions. You know, that’s like meet her on the street... or in the café... or in the bar... or waiting for the train... and she’s allll by herself. All yours, from the moment you walk up.

In reality, you’ll get this some of the time. But if you’re waiting for only girls you can meet in isolation, you’ll pass up a lot of pretty girls who might otherwise have available to you. Girls you did not approach because they were with other people, and you didn’t want to have to deal with a group conversation.

It is a little dicier handling group conversations. However, there are upsides too. The biggest of which is, like the old ‘group theory’ of yesteryear PUA, once she sees you win over her group of friends, suddenly it becomes a lot easier for her to show attraction to you and agree to move forward with you (assuming she does like you). Effectively managing a conversation with multiple people involved, while also showing interest in and proceeding things forward with one specific girl in the group, shows a lot of good, attractive qualities about you. Leadership, confidence, social savvy, influence, ability to build a private world with her even as you charm everyone else... all these are on display as you work your way deftly through a group conversation situation, if you’re doing it right.

In this article, I’m going to give you some tips on doing it right, to better put you in that ‘successful group conversationalist’ bin.