Social Life

Being the center of attention is an amazing feeling. Everyone enjoys it, even if they don’t want to admit it.

It feels good for everyone to be paying attention to you and to laugh, smile, and stare at your performance as a social being.

I don’t care how introverted you are or how “too cool for groups” you are – you love attention. We all do.

So this is how you GET the spotlight and how you USE it.

It is a tool like everything.

So let’s learn how to use this tool.

If there is anything you PROBABLY want to learn on this site besides how to get laid and get a girlfriend, it’s this – how to become popular.

Everyone wants it.

I wanted it. I still want it.

But without a good strategy, you will probably fail. Popularity doesn’t just “happen.”

Like wealth or skill, social status must be earned by YOU.

And it takes WORK.

How do you talk to people in a way that makes them like being around you so they will continue to want to be around you? How do you behave, connect, and rise in the ranks? It’s all very complex.

And yet, very simple.

For you, watching this video, it will be simple. I break down 9 ways for you to become popular. In my opinion, these are the fundamentals of becoming popular in ANY circle.

They work ANYWHERE with ANY group of people.

Low class. High class. Snobby. Humble. Hipster. Gym fiends. Aristocrats. Assholes.

Only the flavor and difficulty changes.

Fundamentally, it’s all the same.

So here you go.

The contrast principle allows you to guide people to the choice you want them to make with the use of a powerful psychological feature: contrast.

On my article about fun ways to use reverse psychology, a reader named 'America's Ass' asks:

Hey Chase, I loved this article! Would you mind doing one on the "contrast principle". It seems to be a great tool in fields like sales, negotiation and persuasion in general. Looking forward to your wisdom on how one could use this in a courtship scenario. Aufwiedersehen!

What is the contrast principle America's Ass is referring to?

It is the idea we do not judge things in absolutes.

Rather, we contrast one thing against something else.

When you say "This pastry is delicious," you really mean "This pastry is delicious contrasted against other pastries I've had." When you say "That person is a jerk," you really mean "That person is a jerk contrasted against the other people around me usually."

There are many ways you can see the contrast principle in life:

• The Hot Girl (Guy) in the Room Effect: everyone's been stuck in a classroom or office space where another person present is the most attractive around. Maybe you developed a big crush on this person over a few weeks or months. But when one day you saw this person outside class/the office, out in the real world, next to all the other people in public, suddenly that person was rather plain. How did this individual look so good in class or the office, yet so plain in public? Because, contrasted against your (few... or zero) other romantic options in the classroom/office, this person was the best, and the contrast principle inflated her (or his) attractiveness. Out in the real world, where there are many more options to choose from, some of them much more attractive than the classroom/office hottie, this person becomes pretty plain in contrast.

• Fruit Sweetness. If you eat a lot of cakes, cookies, candies, soda, and ice cream, when you bite into a fruit, it's not that sweet, and it may not be that enjoyable or rewarding. The reason why is because fruits use sugar to make themselves yummier. But cakes, cookies, candies, soda, and ice cream have far more sugar packed into them than fruit does, and if you regularly eat them, it will seem like the sugar content of fruit is not that high in contrast. Yet, if you take a break from confections, and cut the cakes, cookies, candies, soda, and ice cream out of your diet, within a month or so fruits begin to seem much sweeter, and become an enjoyable dessert to have after a meal. Because you no longer contrast them against foods much sweeter than them, fruits now seem like the sweetest thing in the world to you.

• Good vs. Bad Interviewees. If a job interviewer interviews a candidate who seems like a bad candidate for the role, the next candidate the interviewer speaks with (unless that candidate is even worse) will seem better than he otherwise would have in contrast. On the other hand, if the interviewer interviews a great candidate who really blows his socks off, the next candidate, even if that candidate is objectively pretty good, will seem much worse in contrast (unless the candidate is actually better than the first one). This works the same way on the interviewee side when interviewing for jobs. Interview with a place that leaves you saying "I would never want to work there!" and the next place will seem like the Promised Land in contrast. However, interview with a place where you conclude you would definitely like to work, and the next company you interview at will seem like a much bigger disappointment than it would've seemed had you interviewed at it first.

The two examples we just covered with people are somewhat outside your control (the fruit sweetness example, however, is 100% within your control). You can't completely control whether you are the most attractive member of your sex in a given room (though you can dress better, improve your posture, and do other things to make you a more attractive option). And you can't control how good or bad the interviewee is before you (though you can make yourself as good an interviewee as possible, to hopefully stand out in positive contrast to whomever came before).

So below, I'll give you a handful of ways you can use the contrast principle to actively influence the way other people see you... and, in turn, influence the results you get, both socially and romantically.

Some guys in their early 20s who are out of college find it harder to meet girls, so they hit a sexual limbo and get frustrated. But fear not, you have many options!

I’m often asked by some of the younger folks who’ve met me and who have coached with me – how do you meet women when you are a younger guy after college?

It’s a great question that’s especially relevant if you’re in the lower 20s age range. This is an odd time for many men as it’s right after the conclusion of college and right at the start of independent adulthood.

Unlike women, whose sex appeal and sexual market value peak at around age 21-23 (then decline steadily afterward), mens’ options with women tend to increase with age and skill. And since women tend to look to date men who are older than them , more successful, and more sexually capable, this leaves some less-experienced men at this age feeling lost when it comes to having options.

Some guys may think they’re out of options after they’ve left college and that social scene. They even lament not being cool enough then or not being able to learn how to be cool later.

These are all incorrect ways of thinking. It’s never too early nor too late to learn game, and there’s no right age to game, date, and have sex with attractive women.

The truth is that the guys who start young and get good can stay good, grow more, and get even better as they get older. And guys who think they missed their opportunity to learn game and have success with women for the remainder of their lives – well, they just have it wrong, and their mentality is the only thing standing in their way.

To succeed socially, you must make people feel included. But there's a catch: people most want to be included by those they see as EXCLUSIVE.

One of the best feelings in the world is to feel like you are included in an exclusive group.

Humans by nature want to join groups. More specifically, they want to join valuable groups, that they benefit by being members of. One of the primary ways humans determine the value of a group is by how exclusive it is.

Just think of that old Groucho Marx quote:

"I refuse to join any club that would have me."

It's funny, because the humor is self-deprecating ("any club that finds me acceptable as a member can't be a club worth joining"). But it also highlights a subtle truth: the value of the club hinges on how exclusive it is.

Nobody feels good about his inclusion in a broadly inclusive group. People want to be included into exclusive things.

This simple truth has a great deal of weight for your social and romantic interactions, too... because excellence with other people often comes down to how included you make them feel, in your own personal exclusive club.

If you want something from someone, whether it’s a raise or to let you play with their boobs, a good way to get it is through building rapport. Here’s how.

Want to get laid? Land a raise at work? Sell your car? For so many things in life, learning how to build rapport like a boss is one of the most useful skills you can develop.

In a way, that’s all “game” is – building up rapport to the point where women want you inside them, men want to be your best friend, and bosses want to give you more responsibility (and money).

There’s also something to be said about the power of “breaking rapport.” But that’s a topic for another article (like this one).

Most pickup advice is based on state-pumping flash game, which is meant to arouse sexual feelings and get a girl in bed quickly. The downside – this style tends to leave women with buyer’s remorse. After sex, they’ll feel a bit cheap and may not become a repeat customer. They’ll feel like you aroused them, but they don’t really “know” you – nor will you know them.

If you become an expert at building rapport, she’ll be more invested and addicted to your personality rather than just your sexual talents.

How do you meet a girl and get a date from a group or event... without standing around not knowing whom to talk to or what to do?

While I will always recommend you put cold approach (walking up to girls you don't know) first, you can excellently supplement the women you meet this way with girls you meet via groups and events.

If you are active enough socially, it can even be possible to make groups and events your primary channel to meet new women.

There are several benefits to getting your dates via events and group activities. The biggest is that women you meet this way are both more open to socializing, and less guarded. This typically means:

• It is easier to start conversations with them

• Conversations are faster to reach the hook point (where the girl begins to actively contribute / not want you to go)

• Women you meet this way can more readily agree to comply with your requests, move around with you, or go out with you

The interactions are also slower paced and less pressured, which means they aren't as 'do or die' as higher pressure street, bar, grocery, etc. approaches (or even class, office, or library approaches).

You have more time to make things happen in group and event situations; you don't need to move quite as fast, and the escalation windows don't close so quick. Attraction sticks around longer before expiring, too.

Below, we'll cover some tips and tactics to make getting dates from groups and events a breeze, and have a lot more fun at these places, too.