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How to Plan a Party that Makes You Friends and Gets You Girls

Chase Amante's picture

how to plan a party
The party lifestyle can pay lots of dividends in friends, fun, and women. To plan a great party requires your focus on 5 key areas: people, angle, and more.

We've had guys on Girls Chase asking me for years for a party planning guide that will help guys make awesome friends and meet beautiful girls. Most of the women I meet I meet via cold approach (i.e., I see a girl I like wherever, so I just go talk to her). And most of my friends I've met either via other friends or from forums (often private forums) I participate on.

However, there was a time I used to throw parties. Great parties, exclusive parties, with high status men and beautiful women.

Sometimes I threw big parties, with hundreds of people in attendance. And more often I threw smaller soirees with 25 to 40 people (which are generally easier to manage and better to connect with people at... and hook up at).

I didn't start off good at party planning. The first party I threw, a Halloween house party a few days before the holiday (back in 2007), saw a total of four people show up: one close friend of mine at the time, who flew down from Chicago for what he thought would be a legendary bash, and three random guys sent there by some girl I'd asked to come (she didn't come, but she sent some dudes I didn't know over. First rule of party planning: random dudes showing up = not ideal). This after I'd spent weeks preparing for the party – my decorations were awesome! – and loads of cash on drinks, candy, and other snacks. My friend, myself, and the three random dudes ended up heading to a bar after about 40 minutes when no one else showed up.

I spent the next 3.5 years going to every party I could and picking the brains of the party planners before I felt confident enough to try another party of my own. And once I did start to throw my own parties, unlike that first attempt these parties were hits.

What I learned along the way, from first flop to final bash, was how to plan a party a lot more people showed up to... for, in general, a lot less work.

This is my guide to that. And while it will be easier than what I did in 2007 for that go-nowhere bash, it'll still be some work – don't think this will be a cake walk.

It's going to be work. But if you want to build the kinds of parties that make all your wildest party dreams come true, and be the man of the hour yourself, you're going to want to build them yourself, too.

Becoming the Beast, Part 5: A Suit-Wearing Wolf

Hector Castillo's picture

suit-wearing wolf
Inside every man is a beast. Yet how to use this beast in the context of civilization? In civil society, the man must tame his beast – but not kill it.

The end is nigh.

  • In part 1 of this series, we discussed how we live in a primal and violent world that has little mercy for weakness.

  • In part 2, we talked about how you need to cultivate a primal ferocity if you want to survive in this world, let alone thrive. This ferocity helps you socially and sexually.

  • In part 3, we covered some habits and mannerisms that will help you cultivate and demonstrate your ferocity.

  • Then, in the penultimate article, we covered how to transmute this animalistic energy into the bedroom and make your girl’s bed rock like a Flintstone.

Now, for the culmination of the series, I want to cover how to be primal but civilized and how to understand the difference between cold, civilized power and primal power.

How to Make Small Talk Magical (Video)

Hector Castillo's picture

Fundamentals are the vehicle for your game. Game, being nothing more or less than the ability to get someone to do what you want, is itself verbal, but the performance of a seduction includes much more than that. It's the way you speak and the way you act. Very often, it's not what you say, but what you don't say.

The Single Guy's Guide to Starting Fresh in a New City

Chase Amante's picture

how to get started in a new city
You’ve changed towns, but you don’t know anyone. How can you get started in a new city? This guide shows you how.

You’re about to move to a completely new city... or you’ve already moved there. It’s exciting, it’s fresh, and it’s a little scary. Here is this novel metropolis where you don’t know anyone.

It could be filled with opportunity: awesome new friends, beautiful new girlfriends, delicious new food. Wondrous new places to see, riveting new activities to partake in.

Or it could be lonesome, boring, and fill you with homesickness for your old abode.

How will you know? You won’t know until you’ve been there a while. But there’s a secret most social veterans who’ve moved around a bit know: what makes a place is not so much the place itself, but the people you know there, and the things you do there.

A well-connected guy with lots of cool friends, pretty girlfriends, and fun things to do in an otherwise small and boring town will live a better, fuller, more exciting life than a lonely guy who doesn’t go out and doesn’t know anyone, even if that guy lives in the biggest, most interesting city on Earth.

So our focus is to turn you into the well-connected guy who knows lots of outstanding people and does lots of outstanding things... no matter how big or small or busy or not his new town might be.

You’re going to learn how to get started in a new city. And in particular, you’re going to learn how to do that in a way that maximizes your exposure to excellent friends, women, locations, and activities.

This articles divides into sections each of those four items (friends, women, locations, activities). You can jump around with the table of contents if you prefer to skim and don’t want to read the whole piece in a single sitting. But for the maximum new city experience, I suggest you go through the full article.

We’ll begin this article with a look at location: where in town you should go for fun, and where in town you should live.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make a Zinger of a Comeback

Chase Amante's picture

how to make a comeback
A good comeback can turn enemies into friends – or at least get them off your case. ‘Agree, then mock’ and ‘mock thanks/curiosity’ are two ways to do this.

In a comment on my article about dismantling condescension, Lawliet asked about ball busting, comebacks, and zingers. I’ll save ball busting for its own, separate article (it’s related but different). In this article, I’d like to give you a pair of formulas you can use to build your own comebacks.

When I was in middle school, I was my school’s Comeback King – not because I came back from any down-and-out situation, but because I had a rare talent for lacing together comebacks that stung like an eyeful of salt. I tried to use my powers only for good – purely for defensive purposes – but I always went out of my way to make sure everyone knew any attempt to put Chase down socially was going to lead to a complete, effortless, socially savvy shredding.

There are two primary ways I build comebacks. Most good comebacks the world over follow the same principles, and if you get these principles down, you’ll be able to build your own great comebacks with relative ease.

Comebacks are incredibly useful. You’ll use them with girls when they test you or bust your balls. You’ll use them with men who challenge you. You’ll use them any time someone tries to make you look bad or undermines you.

Comebacks aren’t only to defeat your social foes, either. You will find, quite often, that after you slap someone down with a salty comeback, that person’s respect for you and attraction to you (whether romantic or platonic) goes up. I have comebacked my way into bed with ball-buster girls and had men start who started off busting my balls end up as friends after I laid down a razor-tipped comeback.

There’s only one catch, and it’s the same catch as with all Girls Chase material: you’re going to have to practice this a while before you get very good.

But the good news is, you can start on that practice right away. Because the principles themselves are simple.

Let’s begin with Formula #1 of our two comeback formulas.

How to Get Anything from Anyone: The Law of Social Exchange

Chase Amante's picture

get anything from anyone
You can get anything to give you whatever you want. But to do it, you must obey the Law of Social Exchange (and all its small wrinkles).

We have a small group of guys on the Girls Chase forums whose deepest wish is to live the ‘cool guy life’ they see in the movies. You know... the fly guy with the babes hanging off his arm, who’s always on the invite list to all the hottest parties, forever in-demand.

Sometimes other forum members criticize this wish. And those critical members do have a point. Who cares how popular you are if you can go out and get top quality girls and top quality friends? Who needs the superficial trappings of being The Guy? It’s like chasing money for the sake of being rich. Not because you actually need that money to accomplish anything. You just want the image and the feeling of wealth.

I agree with the critical members this ‘popularity for the sake of popularity’ is not a worthy end goal. But I think it’s also worth recognizing that if you’ve never had this – if you’ve always been the outsider, rejected, never really a part of things – it can be a monkey on your back until you get it and achieve it. Some guys just need to experience the spotlight first before they can move on to worthier things.

So, if you find yourself wishing and wondering and hoping for more... to be more included, to have more babes on your arm, to go to more cool parties... to be The Guy everyone knows, talks about, and admires... this article is the one you’ve waited all your life for.

In it, I’m going to introduce you to a new social law, like the Law of Least Effort. But rather than the appearance of social power, this law governs the construction and maintenance of social ties. This law I call the Law of Social Exchange.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Dismantle Anyone Who Condescends to You

Chase Amante's picture

condescends to you
Use these 10 rhetorical techniques to beat back anyone who condescends toward you. Plus: why the heck do people do this, anyway?

Guys have been asking me for more stuff on debating for a while now (since the piece on Donald Trump persuasion).

In this article, we’ll take a brief foray away from girl-getting, into the land of general social calibration.

In particular, we’ll talk about defending yourself against smug, condescending attacks:

“Oh, you think that, do you? Well, you’re just misinformed.”

This form of condescension has become extremely common among some populations in the early 21st Century West. My typical advice is to avoid smug individuals. Smugness is a giveaway for social ladder climbing behavior; those who engage in it are not fruitful contacts for the active, ambitious man, and are better avoided.

It didn’t used to be like this; Christian conservatives in the 1990s used moral superiority, but they did not condescend to the same extent other groups do today. If you’re a free-thinking man, the attacks you’ll find yourself up against today are some of the dirtiest, most dastardly attacks humans can wield in the verbal arena... and if you want to defend yourself, you’re going to need some tools to do it.

The Lifestyle, Part 2: Finding Sex Partners on Craigslist

Colt Williams's picture

how to find sex partners on craigslist
Craigslist is a great resource for those living The Lifestyle – swinging, sex parties, and more. There are 6 worthwhile categories on CL, and each needs its own approach.

This is Part 2 of my series on “The Lifestyle”, on sex parties, orgies, swinging, and polyamory. You can read Part 1 of the series here: “The Lifestyle, Part 1: How to Get Into Sex Parties, Swinging, and Polyamory.” In today’s article, we’ll talk about how to find new partners on Craigslist.

An author named Esther Perel has become really famous for turning public discourse on infidelity and the nature of human sexuality on its head.

She has focused on the question: Why do good people cheat?

Esther – along with many other historians and thinkers – has posited that human beings were never designed to be monogamous. While designed to be in groups, we are primates who are constantly shifting in sexual desires and sexual partners. She adds that monogamy has served more as power structure and agrarian vestige than anything else.

Those societies that held chastity as a sacred virtue often had stricter discipline and enjoyed economic and military conquest. Moreover, young women from various fiefdoms and kingdoms were married off to princes and kings of other fiefdoms and kingdoms in order to form alliances and unions.

In the agrarian age, marriage was a sensible safeguard to produce a family that could help a mother and father till land, and produce goods that would bolster future generations.

Thus, monogamy has always had a sensible function in the human dynamic. But it has never been about love. Perel argues that the combining of monogamy with love was a way to justify a seemingly strange practice.

But biologically speaking, it’s rather unreasonable to say that you do not deeply care about someone or even love them if you don’t have a desire to sleep with only them for 50+ years.

And this tension generates the conundrum that a lot of good people face: their biology versus their vows. Perel argues that ultimately, biology has the stronger pull. And so that is why good people end up engaging in infidelity.

And it is also from this tension that The Lifestyle of sexual liberation was born. Perel posits one central question of her own: What if, in love, we could explore different orientations of sexual partners, situations, and desires while still maintaining a strong bond and commitment?

And it’s exactly these different orientations of love and sexual gratification that Perel explores.

In the last post, I explored “The Lifestyle” from the perspective of public events.

And now, we look at it from the private side of things. But before I dive into The Lifestyle on the private side, I want to highlight a juxtaposition that Perel outlines. She argues that in every romantic pairing (especially traditional male-female), there is always one person who is afraid of losing their partner and being alone. And there’s always one person who is afraid of losing themselves in the relationship. It’s often the person who is afraid of losing him or herself that has the stronger pull toward a more sexually liberal situation.

For any guys who are currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship: have you ever felt this way? I would imagine many have.

So a lot of couples are constantly asking how to make sure that both partners are satisfied in a pair dynamic.

And thus, that is why Perel argues that it’s ultimately healthy to explore sexuality beyond just a pair in a relationship. So in this post, I’ll go through the different orientations you are likely to see, and how to get involved in these myriad Lifestyle situations.

The next post will be dedicated to handling emotional hiccups, jealousy, and some additional resources about The Lifestyle.

The Lifestyle, Part 1: How to Get Into Sex Parties, Swinging, and Polyamory

Colt Williams's picture
lifestyle sex party
An introduction to “The Lifestyle”: sex parties, swinging, orgies, polyamory, and bringing new people into an existing relationship.

I was on the East Coast visiting a female friend a while back. As a night of delicious food and good conversation settled into our hearts and minds, she said, “Let’s go to a party.”

I acquiesced. Even though I don’t go to many parties these days, she is a classy lady and I knew that it would definitely be an interesting affair if she was involved.

And an interesting affair it certainly was.

It wasn’t like any party I had been to up to that point. We drove miles and miles until we arrived at a beautiful mansion outside the city we were in. We walked up the beautiful marble stairs that led up to a massive arched door.

The first thing I saw caught me off guard. After walking through the front door, I beheld a large, circular birdcage, inside of which was a woman who was completely naked with nipple clamps and a small chain hanging from her breasts.

As we continued to enter the foyer, there were several people in various animal costumes and masks who were barely clothed. After a few seconds of looking around, the maître d’ came out from behind the counter wearing one of those old French maid outfits.

“Welcome. What room would we like to go to this evening?” she asked.

My friend, without a second of hesitation, named one of the particular rooms.

“Good choice,” the maître d’ replied.

My friend handed her a credit card and looked back at me. “Let’s go.”

How to Set Boundaries Other People Respect

Denton Fisher's picture

how to set boundaries
If you want to be respected, you must set boundaries. But how do you set these, without looking reactive, defensive, or weak?

A former student of mine asked:

Hey, Denton, how do you balance being grounded and not being affected by others while also not being weak, a pushover, or being seen as passive?

How can you assert boundaries without appearing reactionary? When your girlfriend is acting up, you cannot possibly ignore her. If a guy is aggressively crossing the line, you cannot simply stand by. What is one to do?

These are great questions! And they are often a source of dilemma for many guys.

Well, I find the biggest misunderstanding is the huge difference between being grounded and being passive.