Social Life

I’ve long avoided email for having important conversations, especially any where I predict there may be even a hint of contention. I couldn’t have told you why before, just that I noticed that email conversations about sensitive topics always tended to go poorly. I’ve even lost a few good people in my life from email debates that got out of hand.

Against my better judgment, I just found myself caught up once again in a back-and-forth email debate with a good friend of mine. And once again, it quickly went from civil to cutthroat in the space of only a few emails.

Social calibration is one of the toughest things to learn, because it’s one of those things where if you haven’t yet become aware of a certain aspect of socializing, you may be completely oblivious to mistakes you’re making or people you’re offending or alienating. I want to take a look today at some common mistakes that can get a guy labeled “rude” (or worse) and what he might do about them to correct that.

It’s of great importance in socializing and seduction that you have a solid identity; this is common knowledge among us who travel in these circles. What often isn’t common knowledge is how much of an attraction-killer a bad label can be.

What’s a bad label? It’s anything that stereotypes you, pigeonholes you, or shuffles you away into a woman’s file box for, “Oh, he’s like THAT.”

I just read a fascinating article today that brings scientific research to bear on the topic of an old post I made that went on to be featured on some popular dating and seduction websites. The content still resonates and is still relevant today, and so I've reposted again here for you to see and read -- hope you enjoy.

19 December 2007

Small talk is one of those things in life that it pays well to be good at -- but also pays equally well to move beyond as quickly as possible. When you've just met someone new, dwindling on small talk can be one of the most stultifying "nowhere zones" to end up in. Many a great new connection has been lost by the conversationalists' inability to move past this sometimes daunting formality.

My good friend David – who also goes by “Asian Rake” – made a point some time ago that set the gears working in my head. He said something along the lines of, “You know what I’ve realized all naturals have in common? They build up the energy of everyone around them.”

This was something I’d thought about a little before, but hearing someone say it outright hit me like a bolt out of the sky.