Relationship 101

How do you train your girlfriend into the kind of partner you need? The secret is in the expectations you set with her.

We've talked about the importance of establishing expectations before you even begin a relationship with a woman in the past before.

We've also talked about establishing precedent within your relationships, and why this is so vital.

Today I'll be giving you a tactic you can use within already existing relationships to 'train your girlfriend' by setting her expectations of a relationship with you for the long-term.

Once you're able to do this, you'll be able to avoid both minor and major speed bumps later on down the line in relationships that you'd otherwise crash into.

The vast majority of relationships don’t last, though they begin with sincere commitments. Let’s take a look at why that is and your options for dealing with it.

A good friend of mine is experiencing a 7-year drop with his girlfriend after living together for many years, even supporting her as a performing artist in an expensive west coast city. My friend had discovered Girls Chase after struggling somewhat through high school and college. While he didn’t have it as bad as some, he still missed many opportunities with girls who were interested in him.

Soon after discovering Girls Chase and working out his system of cold approaching by night on weekends, he started to develop a decent pickup and close rate. Once guys find a working system AND good momentum, they generally have a quick period of extreme success and many wins all at once. Often, a guy’s attractiveness and vibe are SO high and SO good at this time, that girls WILL want to rope them into relationships.

My friend is quite careful and picky, though. He enjoyed being single and picking up women. Then one night, he met a REALLY attractive woman. Instead of picking her up that evening, she gave him her number and they went on several dates before having sex. This soon blossomed into a monogamous relationship that would last seven years.

As with most monogamous relationships, girls want increasing investment from a man from the first moment until the day things end, whether by choice, mutual consent, or death do they part. After being together several years, she moved in with him on the premise of wanting to be together forever. The couple also agreed that they didn’t want kids.

While my friend was in this relationship, he didn’t stop studying Girls Chase and other materials about women and relationships. With an extremely inquisitive and process-driven mind, he learned MORE about dating and pickup after getting into this relationship. However, he was prevented from using his knowledge for self-benefit; his relationship wouldn’t allow for it. My friend felt trapped. He wanted to date other women (at least for sexual satisfaction), but he couldn’t.

As with every relationship, women want more investment over time, so the pressure increased with my friend, especially at the 4–5 year mark. His girlfriend wanted to take their relationship to the next level, to formal marriage (that's what her friends were doing). She talked to several friends in open relationships and proposed opening her relationship with my friend to help increase the spark they felt with each other. As I noted, my friend already felt trapped, so he was on board with this idea.

This opened up room for his girlfriend to “explore” as well. Women and men mostly desire different things, of course. Men (even very emotional ones) are more driven by physical appearance, and women (even very practical ones) by emotional connection and social dynamics. My friend was allowed to have extra sexual partners but no emotionally involved relationships. His girlfriend was allowed to go on dates with men but not have sex with them.

This setup only stalled the underlying issue: forward progress in their relationship. Girls always want more than they have, and a relationship either keeps progressing through growth (usually led by the woman’s paradigm), or one gets trapped with the other (leading them to support or resent each other), or it ends.

This is how relationships transpire.

The longer you’ve been together, the harder it is to cope with a breakup. The key is to distract yourself until your emotions settle, and do things that move you forward.

Have you ever had to cope with a breakup?

Unless you’re a virgin, or you’ve never had a girlfriend, then you know that no matter which side you’re on, breaking up is never pleasant. At the worst, it’s highly traumatic; at best, it's an uncomfortable chore.

Even if you don’t really like the person that much, you probably liked them enough to have sex at least once. This means there’s a certain degree of trust and a shared experience (sex). If you’ve slept together many times, then emotional bonds exist, like it or not.

Even when a breakup is a good thing for you in the long term, the process still sucks donkey balls. Humans are wired to have empathy. If you see someone bleed, you feel yourself bleed; if you see someone laughing or crying, you laugh or cry with them. We feel what other people feel. These are mirror neurons at work.

Breakups hurt no matter what.

Fights and resentment in a relationship can resolve... but not without the right communication. The Olive Rule gives you the ultimate tool to bust relationship roadblocks.

Jesus of Nazareth taught his followers one Golden Rule by which to live their lives, if they wanted to live harmonious, heavenly lives: do unto others as you'd have others do unto you.

It is a rule that appears in many of the world's great religions.

The dhama of Hinduism and Buddhism instructs not to do to others that which you would not want done to you.

Confucius instructs that what you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.

Among the Yoruba, a Nigerian tribe, there is a proverb that says, "One who is going to take a pointed stick to pinch a baby bird should first try it on himself to feel how it hurts."

While the Golden Rule governs actions toward another individual, there is a Rule like this that governs relationship communication, too.

This rule permits those who follow it to have happier, healthier, less stressful, more productive, closer, better relationships.

It removes the worst obstacles out of the way of relationship happiness between any two people.

And it makes both parties of a relationship view each other with a far more caring, understanding light.

It is a rule I've taken to calling the Olive Rule, and following it will change how you run your relationships.

A long-distance relationship can work if it’s well-managed. Heed these four requirements and it could turn out to be the best relationship of your life.

My first ever serious relationship had a pretty standard beginning. But, as I was soon to go off to college, this relatively new relationship became a long-distance relationship. Trying to maintain it was a monumentally stupid decision for many reasons.

I had only just begun my journey into the world of dating. I also had not done such a good job creating a good precedent for the relationship. Many good things came out of the relationship, but so did many bad things. Like I say, pretty standard.

But a large part of my suffering resulted because I did not know how to have a healthy long-distance relationship.

It was not something of beauty that would one day blossom into something even more beautiful. It was a leash that spanned several hundred miles. After this relationship ended, I swore off long-distance relationships. Of course, I've since entered into a few more. As a result, I finally learned how to do them properly.

Yes, long-distance relationships can work, but I would not recommend them for the vast majority of men. But sometimes they just happen. You are traveling and meet a woman who absolutely blows your mind. She is a gem. An angel. And also your sexy little minx.

You must return home to real life (or she to hers), but she is worth the effort to keep. You see a future with her. If only a long-distance relationship could work!

Well, it can... IF these four necessities are met. Without them, a long-distance relationship will surely fail. But with them, you've got a fighting chance.

We all know that trying too hard turns women off, but you still need to show her you care, right? How do you be romantic without going overboard?

It’s a hilarious irony that although romance is the most talked about subject in human history, how to be romantic is a largely misunderstood subject, by both men and women. Keeping a woman happy is a lot easier than the literature would have you believe.

This simplicity is your liberation from the idea of sacrifice as love.

Romance is a simple combination of:

1. Her being appreciated and noticed

2. Her being well sexed

She wants to be noticed for both her physical qualities and her personality. She wants to feel sexy and beautiful but also smart, courageous, funny, etc. If you show her and tell her, with earnest sincerity, she will feel these ways because of you.

That’s one half of romance.

She also wants to be desired sexually and ravished. There is no higher compliment to a woman than your hard dick enjoying itself inside of her. But men complicate this, usually in an attempt to not treat her like a sexual being, out of fear or “respect,” which is another cute irony.

The truth is, women want to be objectified sexually, even sometimes without romance. Or, in a serious relationship with romance, or at least moving in that direction, you then add appreciation for her personality to the base of your sexual desire. However, sexual desire is still the foundation and the way of expressing your love.

This is what separates the creepy guy at the bar objectifying her and her adoring, masculine lover, boyfriend, or husband. The creepy guy, or any guy she doesn’t see as dominant, is insulting her by desiring her sexually.

“How could this guy think he has a shot with me?”

Sure, a hundred loser guys liking her photo on Instagram will make her smile and feel validated, but it’s worth one-sixteenth of a sixteenth of a second of her lover’s appreciation for her.

And she has no problem with the sexual objectification, as I said, even if he’s a random HOT stranger. That’s because, for X or Y hot characteristic he has (fashion, charisma, tall, handsome, status, money, devil-may-care attitude, etc.), his sexual attraction is welcomed.

He’s “allowed” to objectify her because she ALSO positively objectifies him (I want to have sex with him, or “I want his babies”).

And this is romance.

It's a combination of appreciation and lust. The question that inevitably follows from any man who knows the nature of women is how to achieve a balance.

Women orgasm more easily when they lose control and feel dominated in bed. If done right, choking during sex is a surefire way to send her into the climax zone.

Choking during sex has become more prominent lately, and dare I say, mainstream.

Girls have always liked it, but it has seldom been as out in the open as it is today. That’s partly due to the effect of 50 Shades of Grey, the book-turned-film in which the character Christian Grey opens up his girl to the pleasures of rough sex.

Now, I don’t think choking is a necessary component of sex, especially for newbies. Most women experience vanilla sex with their partners, although sometimes alphas (and the women with them) usually have more exciting sex lives. The issue there is twofold:

1. Men don’t realize how much women enjoy being choked (and so they don’t try it)

2. It’s an advanced skill because the goal isn’t to literally choke or hurt the girl; it’s merely to create the sensation of being choked and under the man's control (which women find very hot)

Many women fantasize about choking. Perhaps they’ve experienced it with a former partner and know how pleasurable it can be when it’s done correctly. It falls in with how women get super aroused by being dominated in bed.

Overall I’ve found about 80% of women to be into choking in some form. That’s roughly four out of five women I’ve had sex with. Out of those, maybe one-third (or 20%) are REALLY into choking. When you think about it, that’s not a small number. The majority of women have either tried or are open to trying being choked during sex, and most of them will enjoy it. But not all.

As mentioned, choking isn’t necessarily for the newbie. It isn’t really about choking a girl, as in restraining her breathing. Choking during sex is your complete dominance and her total submission and loss of control in many forms. We’re creating the impression of choking her, so she lets herself go deeper into her orgasm state.

It starts with the role of the throat.