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Relationship 101

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Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend with borderline personality disorderGirlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run.

Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline personality disorder.

The story is always the same: the guy is crazy about this girl, he's never had a relationship this intense, the sex is off-the-charts good, but this girl is completely wrecking his life.

Usually guys know these girls are trouble and are trying to get themselves away. Sometimes they have already gotten themselves away, but they are struggling to keep themselves away. Occasionally they don't want to break up with these girls and just want to know how to fix them (spoiler: you can't).

Today's article is a public service announcement for the Girls Chase audience and the broader general Internet that if you have a girlfriend like this, you probably need to cut the cord sooner rather than later... if only to save your own soul.

Tactics Tuesdays: Strategic Commitment Escalation

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

strategic commitment escalationYour girlfriend is hinting she wants to get more serious. But she won’t ask outright and you won’t go out on a limb yourself. How do you not chase – or ignore?

It's always a bit fraught dealing with the "how much does this person like me?" "how serious should this relationship be?" question.

You'll notice most people of both sexes will dance around this issue. There's a lot of tentative feeling out of the other partner. Both sexes hesitate a lot, miscommunicate, and make incorrect assumptions.

There's a reason for this: by being the first to put yourself out there and 'show all your cards' in a relationship you run the risk of all kinds of unpleasant things:

  • Maybe the other person doesn't like you as much, and feels like you're coming on too strong when you do

  • Maybe the other person likes you a lot more, and feels disappointed at how uninterested you seem to be

  • Maybe you totally misread the other person and actually s/he was happy the way things were and didn't want the relationship to escalate

Any kind of escalation of commitment is in fact a minefield where it's all too easy for any misalignment between the parties to blow the whole thing up.

So it's no wonder this is a difficult step for your average relationship.

However... there is a little tactic you can use to navigate this step a lot more fluidly.

How to Disarm Feminism in Your Girlfriend or Wife

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend feministWhen your girlfriend (or wife) starts bringing up feminist talking points, you need to know how to respond. Here’s how to defuse these and get your relationship back on track.

This is going to be a somewhat in-depth article, with a deep look at the full (i.e., millennia- and civilization-spanning) history of feminism.

The purpose is to give you a broad, complete, and meta-view of what feminism is, how it arises, and what its function is in a civilization, so you can break out of male-female power struggles and get the women in your life to take a sweeping historical view of feminism as part of a natural cycle, rather than a more basic/low level "Fight the patriarchy! Permanent progress for the first time ever!" view.

Before we get to the real history of feminism though, first let's talk about why you'd need to talk a girlfriend or wife out of feminist leanings.

No matter your political beliefs, it is a self-evident fact that there is a certain branch of feminism that is toxic to male-female relations.

Some feminist views are fine, and not all of it is bad. However, there is a very vocal chunk of it that is acidic to happy relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: Post-Sex Behavior After Mediocre Sex

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

mediocre sexYour first time in bed goes a long way toward determining whether a woman sees you again. But it’s not about your technical performance. It’s about how you make her feel.

I'm seeing a lot of cases recently where guys are laying girls, giving mediocre performances in bed, then not being able to get those girls out again.

They message them for a while, and the girls message back less and less enthusiastically, less and less frequently.

Eventually these girls drop off their radars altogether.

There are some common themes I'm seeing in both why these girls drop off and why the guys in question can't get them back.

I started this article wanting to talk about follow-up strategies, and I may get around to that.

But as I got into it, it occurred to me that really the core problem is how guys are behaving with women in the bedroom.

So instead, in today's article, I want to give the reader some tactics he can use to reverse this trend in his own seductions, in the bedroom, and retain more of the women he takes to bed.

Influence Half-Life: While Away, You're Losing Influence

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

influence half-lifeInfluence has a half-life... and every moment you're not with someone, your influence over that person decays.

Riddle me this: why is it that some women, while with you, can be utterly captivated by you... then they leave your side and you never hear from them again?

Why is it that some women can be in a relationship and totally compliant with you, yet you send them off for a few days into the hands of their workmates or their wild party friends, and by the time they get back to you you're dealing with full-on rebellion?

Why is it that a girl will agree with you completely and tell you you are right about something, yet after a few days away she comes back and says "Actually you're wrong" and you have to have the same argument all over again?

It's because influence has a half-life, and every time you're away from her, your interest decays.

Your ability to influence another person is in direct proportion to that person's level of sustained exposure to you.

The less sustained that exposure is, the less strong the influence, and the more quickly it falls apart.

Should You Date Girls Who DON'T Excite You?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

girls who don't excite youDating girls who only mildly excite you can help you get out of a dry spell with a short-term fling.

Hey guys. I hope you’re all doing great despite the circumstances.

Today I want to answer the question: Should you date girls you don’t feel too excited about?

FunkMaster69 raised this point:

I've found myself meeting women that I just think are meh. I usually pass on them because I wanna date someone that I like and who excites me. But I've noticed that, as I've been getting older, there have been less and less women around me. Many of them are getting cuffed, and, of the ones left, the quality seems to be getting lower and lower...a lot of single moms too.

The thing is that I think my standards are too high...looking back now, I could have banged or married like 100 different ladies. Seriously, I could have gotten married back in high school to one of the ladies in my honor classes if I wasn't so obsessed with cheerleaders who didn’t think I was their type (skinny little virgin). There aren’t that many women who impress me or blow me away...especially nowadays that I'm not in college anymore. The last one that I met stopped talking to me.

The one in college never even began talking to me. And the one in high school broke up with me. So should I keep waiting until I meet another one, which could take a long time and whom I might not land considering history, or just say screw it and date an average woman who would be delighted to have me? I've always wanted to be with someone that I'm excited to date and brag about...but the thought of dating one of these women who are very excited to date me sounds nice. I figure the relationship would be easy, and it would be a lot easier to get the date in the first place. But deep down, I would know for sure that I settled...idk, both choices seem wrong for some reason.

First things first: I wouldn’t commit to anything long-term with a girl who doesn’t excite me. That would be selling myself short and eventually lead to a bad relationship.

However, for:

Why not?

Over the long-term, you want to move toward finding and getting the women who truly excite you. This is the ultimate goal.

I keep in touch with issues men deal with by answering questions raised in our online discussion forum. Having been around for nearly 15 years, I may have distanced myself a bit from regular guys. Forum posts allow me to catch up.

Were it not for this post, I wouldn’t have reflected on this topic.

Breaking Up with a Girl: What You'll Experience (and How to Manage)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

breaking up experienceBreaking up can pull you through a wringer. How you handle a breakup, and how you manage your emotions and recovery, will determine where you go from there.

When you break up with a girl, it won’t always be an easy process.

Some breakups go down easy. The ones where you weren’t overly attached to the girl, and you part as friends. Or the ones where for whatever reason you never got all that into her.

Those breakups, a lot of the time, can be smooth breakups.

Yet even those can sometimes have hiccups.

The tough breakups (whether it’s expected or not) are the ones where your emotions play games with you post-breakup.

They stretch you around like Silly Putty and break you to pieces like a ceramic pot.

How you handle yourself in the weeks and months after a breakup determine the life you’ll lead following it.

Committing to a Girl During Lockdown

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

man woman bed watching TVCommitment under lockdown is tricky. How do you know that commitment will hold if/when lockdown finally lifts?

Hey guys. Welcome back.

As the lockdown continues, many of you are finding refuge in relationships. You meet a girl, sleep with her, and, since there is nothing to do, sleep with her again. Then, when you need some female affection, you call her, and... voilá! You've got yourself a regular thing.

Knowing that, due to the current circumstances, some of you may not even be allowed to go outside (or only for a set amount of time each day) you may start finding the idea of having a “fuck buddy” appealing, or even consider going for a full-on girlfriend.

But, if we're completely honest, that f-buddy of yours has probably turned more girlfriend-like lately, hasn’t she? You see her more often, and you do more boyfriend-girlfriend things with her, so that you end up with a “couple” vibe between the two of you.

You eventually start getting a bit more emotionally attached to her than you usually would. Perhaps she is starting to get a bit more emotionally attached to you than she otherwise would.

Maybe you thought: "Now is the time to get a girlfriend."

I don't blame you! Let's see:

  • Clubs aren't open

  • Bars are closed

  • There are restrictions on house parties

The field is DEAD basically.

You know it's going to be much harder than usual to meet a new girl. And here you have this sweet chick bedding you well. It's got all the trappings of a sweet deal, doesn’t it?

Also, let’s face it – we're going through insecure, lonely, and emotionally draining times. We may all experience this differently, and live in distinct places with dissimilar lockdown variants.

But we all feel a bit more emotionally vulnerable; so, naturally, we seek more closeness and companionship.

Where I live you can’t go on dates, as there is a curfew at 6:00pm! What is more, the new restrictions seem to negatively affect women’s sex drives and overall state.

Women also seem to favor relationships and closeness over random hook-ups during times like these.

Let’s all cuddle up and roll in the hay non-stop until this is over!

But, is that a good idea? I'm going to discuss why I think it isn’t.

What It Means When She Says She Wants an Open Relationship

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

says she wants an open relationshipWhen she says she wants an open relationship, does she mean it? Well, with women, things often have double meanings.

We had a forum thread recently where a member revealed his girlfriend of four years requested an open relationship.

He wasn't sure about it, figuring it might not go his way. But he said yes to it, and some misadventures followed: his gal started getting boinked by other guys, but then our forum member ended up shagging a few girls, then meeting a girl he started to fall for.

The 4-year-girlfriend, previously feeling liberated over her newfound sexual freedom, changed her tune once her beau fell for a woman of his own, and decided she wanted to close the relationship back up again.

Our hero argued with his woman, drama ensued, and ultimately he broke up with her.

I've seen a lot of relationships switch from closed to open over the years, and it is always a drama-filled process, not for the faint of heart (or those who don't like having their hearts torn up and dashed around a bit).

A lot of guys think they can handle it. Some can... for a while.

This article's about what it means when your girlfriend or wife asks for an open relationship.

We'll talk a little bit about whether you ought to give her that, first, too.

How to Handle a Woman's Relationship Demands (Case Study)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

relationship demandsWhen a woman makes relationship demands, you're in a bind. Concede and keep the girl, but lose your power. Or decline and keep your power, yet lose the girl. How do you break the bind?

If you've ever hit a relationship stumbling block, you've likely fielded relationship demands from a woman.

A 'relationship demand' is what we call it when a woman tells you, "Here's how it's got to be," or, "This is what you must do to be with me."

She sets out a mandatory term for the continuation of the relationship... which puts you in a bit of a pickle (assuming you'd like that relationship to continue).

In the Western world, everyone likes to talk about equality and the unalloyed goodness of female empowerment and all that. Yet the reality is relationships are hierarchies. One person or other will be on top.

When a woman makes demands, and you concede to them, what happens to your position relative hers inside the hierarchy?

Well, your position goes down, while hers goes up.

She accrues more relational power, while you have less relational power.

For reasons we won't get into here, this is not a desirable outcome. (if you need to understand why letting a woman be the man in a relationship is bad, read this article)

However, when she hits you with a demand, it puts you in a tight spot:

  • Give into the demand, and yield relational power to her, or

  • Refuse the demand, and make her feel the relationship is hopeless

Today I'll share with you an incident of how I handled relationship demands from a woman, and detail for you why and how I handled them the way I did.