Relationship 101 | Girls Chase

Relationship 101

Image: 
relationships
Weight: 
-3

Screening vs. Qualifying Women: Do You Always Want Her Qualifying?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

screening vs. qualifyingYou can use screens to get women to qualify themselves to you in order to boost rapport. That’s great for investment. But what if you actually care about whether she passes a screen?

I can hear you already:

"But Chase, I thought it was screening and qualifying women? Not screening versus qualifying!"

Ordinarily, yes. This article's about a slightly different tack, however.

In much of usual seduction practice, screening is a tool to get women to qualify. Or a tool to see whether women are invested enough to qualify.

For example, you tell a girl, "There's nothing like a good adventure. Going somewhere new, doing something novel, trying some unique food or experience for the first time. I love it, personally." That's an implied screen.

When you screen her like that, assuming you already have rapport with her, there's a fair bit of pressure on her to qualify herself and answer, "Yes, I like adventure too."

Even if she's the opposite of adventurous, she's going to feel pressure to tell you, "Yeah, that sounds nice," just to avoid breaking rapport.

As she qualifies herself to you like this, she complies with your frame.

If she doesn't qualify herself, it's an indication she may not be that compliant with you just yet.

Either way, this is helpful for your seduction.

But there are certain times you aren't going to want a woman trying to qualify herself to your screens.

Sometimes, you are using the screen to actually screen for whatever it is the screen's about.

And if she starts qualifying herself, instead of giving you the straight truth, she'll be investing, but you aren't going to be getting what information you're after.

Healthy Relationships Are Mutual Ones

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

healthy relationships are mutualAre your romantic relationships mutual… or adversarial? If you want a healthy relationship, you must seek to make yours as mutual (for both parties) as you can.

There has been this rise in what I'd term an 'adversarial approach' to romance.

In a way, the modern seduction community itself came from this. Women were out there, according to the seduction community, with their ' shields', seeking to resist men, to screen them, and test them, and men had to figure out ways to overcome these challenges and cause women to submit to them rather than brush them off.

(I never liked the terms 'bitch shield' or 'shit test', which is why we shortened them to 'shields' and 'tests' here. Even then these terms are still a bit too adversarial for my tastes, but when I began the site those terms were already established and I didn't want to totally reinvent the wheel, so we used them as-is)

It's not only the seduction community. Everything about Western romance has this touch of adversity to it.

Women advising other women say to 'never settle', as if love is this battle for the absolute best man and anything short of that is selling oneself up the river. Men talk about women not being 'worth learning all this', as if to enter a relationship one must learn a form of extreme combat that is no longer worth the reward one gets at the end of it. Women and men alike complain that the opposite sex is no good and not worth being with.

Modern relationship advice often talks about 'compromise', as if the two sides of a relationship are at war, and must come to an accord to move forward on things.

Yet a healthy relationship is not this way.

A healthy relationship is a mutual relationship.

It is one where partners do things together because it is mutually beneficial to do so, and because they enjoy being with and serving each other in their unique man and woman roles.

Ambitious Women as Mothers & Wives? Their Pros and Cons

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

ambitious women as mothers and wivesAmbitious women can be very attractive. They can also be a real handful. But: are they any good as wives and mothers – or are they too caught up in their ambitions to be?

Some time back, a reader commented that he, like me, found himself drawn to ambitious, highly educated, and/or high-achieving women.

Now, I know a lot of guys are really into submissive women and they don't care about education or the woman's career. If you're that way, you can safely pass over this article.

However, if you're the sort who prefers his women smart and driven, you're likely to face the question our reader had for me when he asked about this:

As attractive as these women can be, are they actually any good as wives and mothers?

That's the question we'll examine today.

On Unilateral Responses to Unilateral Actions

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

unilateral responsesWhen people make unilateral actions against you, you must respond unilaterally in turn. Yet there’s a big difference between desperate unilateral responses and strategic ones.

I saw an article a month back about a father-of-three who set his wife on fire, killing her. It was, obviously, horrible. He did it right in front of their kids, too.

You look through the article and there are a bunch of pictures of the husband and wife, looking like two totally normal people, perfectly happy together. The husband looks like a bit of a nice guy, and the wife is always doing this weird shrug with her shoulders and kind of leaning away from the guy, but she's smiling, and it's a genuine smile. They look like a very typical, average, regular couple.

Then you read about the chain of events that led up to this guy going psycho on the wife.

His Australian wife kicked him out, presumably after they'd had a ton of fights. She then filed a restraining order against him, and started the divorce process. He, as an American citizen, believed he'd get deported from Australia, and presumably be cut out of his children's lives. His business was in Australia too (I don't know why he couldn't just get a business visa, but maybe he couldn't, or he was too upset to think of that).

The neighbors said they never heard the couple fighting, and the guy was always friendly, loved to talk, but was also "obviously distressed" when he was in the process of being kicked out.

If you read the article about this, it's clear the guy just went deeper and deeper into a depression spiral after his wife kicked him out. She began making accusations against him, too. Finally he snapped and went back and set her alight.

This article will be about a very important topic: that when people take unilateral action against you, as the wife was against the husband here, you also must respond in turn with unilateral action of your own.

However, you need to understand this, and approach it strategically, with appropriate moves and strategic timing -- well in advance of the point where you snap, and resort to desperate, destructive/self-destructive unilateral action, of the sort people turn to when they feel they have no way out.

Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend with borderline personality disorderGirlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run.

Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline personality disorder.

The story is always the same: the guy is crazy about this girl, he's never had a relationship this intense, the sex is off-the-charts good, but this girl is completely wrecking his life.

Usually guys know these girls are trouble and are trying to get themselves away. Sometimes they have already gotten themselves away, but they are struggling to keep themselves away. Occasionally they don't want to break up with these girls and just want to know how to fix them (spoiler: you can't).

Today's article is a public service announcement for the Girls Chase audience and the broader general Internet that if you have a girlfriend like this, you probably need to cut the cord sooner rather than later... if only to save your own soul.

Tactics Tuesdays: Strategic Commitment Escalation

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

strategic commitment escalationYour girlfriend is hinting she wants to get more serious. But she won’t ask outright and you won’t go out on a limb yourself. How do you not chase – or ignore?

It's always a bit fraught dealing with the "how much does this person like me?" "how serious should this relationship be?" question.

You'll notice most people of both sexes will dance around this issue. There's a lot of tentative feeling out of the other partner. Both sexes hesitate a lot, miscommunicate, and make incorrect assumptions.

There's a reason for this: by being the first to put yourself out there and 'show all your cards' in a relationship you run the risk of all kinds of unpleasant things:

  • Maybe the other person doesn't like you as much, and feels like you're coming on too strong when you do

  • Maybe the other person likes you a lot more, and feels disappointed at how uninterested you seem to be

  • Maybe you totally misread the other person and actually s/he was happy the way things were and didn't want the relationship to escalate

Any kind of escalation of commitment is in fact a minefield where it's all too easy for any misalignment between the parties to blow the whole thing up.

So it's no wonder this is a difficult step for your average relationship.

However... there is a little tactic you can use to navigate this step a lot more fluidly.

How to Disarm Feminism in Your Girlfriend or Wife

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend feministWhen your girlfriend (or wife) starts bringing up feminist talking points, you need to know how to respond. Here’s how to defuse these and get your relationship back on track.

This is going to be a somewhat in-depth article, with a deep look at the full (i.e., millennia- and civilization-spanning) history of feminism.

The purpose is to give you a broad, complete, and meta-view of what feminism is, how it arises, and what its function is in a civilization, so you can break out of male-female power struggles and get the women in your life to take a sweeping historical view of feminism as part of a natural cycle, rather than a more basic/low level "Fight the patriarchy! Permanent progress for the first time ever!" view.

Before we get to the real history of feminism though, first let's talk about why you'd need to talk a girlfriend or wife out of feminist leanings.

No matter your political beliefs, it is a self-evident fact that there is a certain branch of feminism that is toxic to male-female relations.

Some feminist views are fine, and not all of it is bad. However, there is a very vocal chunk of it that is acidic to happy relationships.

Tactics Tuesdays: Post-Sex Behavior After Mediocre Sex

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

mediocre sexYour first time in bed goes a long way toward determining whether a woman sees you again. But it’s not about your technical performance. It’s about how you make her feel.

I'm seeing a lot of cases recently where guys are laying girls, giving mediocre performances in bed, then not being able to get those girls out again.

They message them for a while, and the girls message back less and less enthusiastically, less and less frequently.

Eventually these girls drop off their radars altogether.

There are some common themes I'm seeing in both why these girls drop off and why the guys in question can't get them back.

I started this article wanting to talk about follow-up strategies, and I may get around to that.

But as I got into it, it occurred to me that really the core problem is how guys are behaving with women in the bedroom.

So instead, in today's article, I want to give the reader some tactics he can use to reverse this trend in his own seductions, in the bedroom, and retain more of the women he takes to bed.

Influence Half-Life: While Away, You're Losing Influence

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

influence half-lifeInfluence has a half-life... and every moment you're not with someone, your influence over that person decays.

Riddle me this: why is it that some women, while with you, can be utterly captivated by you... then they leave your side and you never hear from them again?

Why is it that some women can be in a relationship and totally compliant with you, yet you send them off for a few days into the hands of their workmates or their wild party friends, and by the time they get back to you you're dealing with full-on rebellion?

Why is it that a girl will agree with you completely and tell you you are right about something, yet after a few days away she comes back and says "Actually you're wrong" and you have to have the same argument all over again?

It's because influence has a half-life, and every time you're away from her, your interest decays.

Your ability to influence another person is in direct proportion to that person's level of sustained exposure to you.

The less sustained that exposure is, the less strong the influence, and the more quickly it falls apart.

Should You Date Girls Who DON'T Excite You?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

girls who don't excite youDating girls who only mildly excite you can help you get out of a dry spell with a short-term fling.

Hey guys. I hope you’re all doing great despite the circumstances.

Today I want to answer the question: Should you date girls you don’t feel too excited about?

FunkMaster69 raised this point:

I've found myself meeting women that I just think are meh. I usually pass on them because I wanna date someone that I like and who excites me. But I've noticed that, as I've been getting older, there have been less and less women around me. Many of them are getting cuffed, and, of the ones left, the quality seems to be getting lower and lower...a lot of single moms too.

The thing is that I think my standards are too high...looking back now, I could have banged or married like 100 different ladies. Seriously, I could have gotten married back in high school to one of the ladies in my honor classes if I wasn't so obsessed with cheerleaders who didn’t think I was their type (skinny little virgin). There aren’t that many women who impress me or blow me away...especially nowadays that I'm not in college anymore. The last one that I met stopped talking to me.

The one in college never even began talking to me. And the one in high school broke up with me. So should I keep waiting until I meet another one, which could take a long time and whom I might not land considering history, or just say screw it and date an average woman who would be delighted to have me? I've always wanted to be with someone that I'm excited to date and brag about...but the thought of dating one of these women who are very excited to date me sounds nice. I figure the relationship would be easy, and it would be a lot easier to get the date in the first place. But deep down, I would know for sure that I settled...idk, both choices seem wrong for some reason.

First things first: I wouldn’t commit to anything long-term with a girl who doesn’t excite me. That would be selling myself short and eventually lead to a bad relationship.

However, for:

Why not?

Over the long-term, you want to move toward finding and getting the women who truly excite you. This is the ultimate goal.

I keep in touch with issues men deal with by answering questions raised in our online discussion forum. Having been around for nearly 15 years, I may have distanced myself a bit from regular guys. Forum posts allow me to catch up.

Were it not for this post, I wouldn’t have reflected on this topic.