Relationship 101 | Girls Chase

Relationship 101

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Musings on How to Keep Your Wife (or Girlfriend)

how to keep your wife
A seduction doesn’t end at marriage. Let’s illustrate by tearing down a mediocre poem written by a man who’ll never keep his wife – a man who just doesn’t get it.

I was browsing a men’s forum and found this sad but educational letter penned by a heartbroken divorcé. It offers insight into how a man, lacking a foundation in female psychology, was able to destroy his marriage within seven years.

It’s not an easy read. It’s the lament of a victim on his ineptitude with women. It’s the poetry of a beta male, worshiping at the feet of a woman he sees as above him.

Considerate Ultimatums for Romantic Relationships

considerate ultimatums
At times you'll hit an impasse with a long-term partner. You could breakup. You could submit to her desires. Or… you could give her an ultimatum, in a considerate way.

In relationship advice world, there is little more poorly regarded than the ultimatum.

Ultimatums are alternately floated as tools of heartless controllers, and of desperate weaklings clutching at straws. They are both tools of the too-strong and of the too-weak.

No healthy relationship could ever include such things, the experts say.

What the experts really mean is no equal relationship could contain such things.

What they rarely ever tell you is no relationship is ever 'equal'. There is always a party in the lead role -- it might be you, or it might be your gal.

The ultimatum, frankly, gets a bad rap.

While I agree you should compromise on what you reasonably can, there are indeed deal breaker issues you will encounter in every relationship.

And regardless what the experts say about compromise, sometimes compromise can't cut it. There simply is no compromise on some issues -- either things go how you want them to or they go how she does.

Perhaps you ought to just split up when that happens. Many couples do -- it's why the breakup rate and divorce rate are so sky high. Those who divorce their first spouses have an even higher chance of divorcing their second; and those who divorce their second a still higher chance of divorcing their third.

Perhaps there's another way to deal with deal breaker situations.

One in which you present an ultimatum, that is not a heartless ultimatum, but instead one where you get what you want, while trying your best to help her also get as close as possible to what she does too -- which often isn't always what she insists upon at first.

A Little Vulnerability Is Okay, but How Much Should You Reveal?

how to show vulnerability
Insecurity and vulnerability are not the same thing. Women run from insecurity but find a little vulnerability endearing. So how much should you show her?

As I discussed in my last article, anxiety is very bad for your endeavors with women. End of story!

Unfortunately, women perceive anxiety as a weakness, and often revealing the anxiety to women can cause them to lose all attraction for you. Now the key here is in revealing anxiety. Everyone feels anxious once in a while, some more than others. Sometimes anxiety is genetic, and it’s within a person’s persona to feel anxious periodically.

However, just because you feel anxiety doesn’t mean you have to reveal it to anyone. More importantly, even when women see you’re feeling anxious, it doesn’t mean you have to reveal the true source of your anxiety to them!

Notice I said when. Women are naturally super sensitive to a guy’s vibe; by instinct, women are fully sensitive to human vibes. Think of the bond and senses women have to take care of and raise babies, even before the age of technology, farming, and civilization. It’s important to note that women can transmute another human’s emotions. You can transfer a sexual state from yourself to a woman if you let her feel allowed and if she actively follows your lead and dominance!

If you feel anxiety in the presence of a woman, she’s going to feel it. If you’re prone to frequent anxiety, you’ll inevitably feel anxiety at some point with a woman. For some guys, it’s feeling anxious on the approach, and this can mess up their approach vibe every time! Some get nervous about the first date. And for other guys, it can be about what to do with her when they get her home. For the longest time, I struggled with last-minute resistance and got anxious in the moment right before sex.

No matter what, if you feel anxiety, you can bet that she’ll feel it, too.

The good news is that you can change the source of anxiety over time. What makes you anxious can go away with concerted effort and practice by putting yourself in front of the anxiety-inducing situation and succeeding over and over. This is sure to change your body’s perception of what was previously a threat. And I can attest that it works. Unlike before, these days, I get super excited and horny when I have a girl at home.

In the meantime, you need to figure out how to be vulnerable in the right way when your anxiety comes up.

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 11: Chase Amante

In this podcast – the first of a two-parter – Varoon and I talk relationships: starting them, setting expectations properly, converting girls from new lays to regular partners, and the different relationship structures you can set up with women.

A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:

How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend

I've fielded a number of comments and questions from guys over the years on how to start a relationship off right with a new girl they've just started seeing. After all, you've used all the material on this site on how to turn yourself into a smooth, edgy, sexy man; and you've learned everything you need to know about how to get girls, you knew what to look for in a girlfriend, and you've found her, met her, and everything went perfectly. You took her to bed as your lover, and now she's yours.

Now what?

start a relationship

Most people treat dating and relationships as some big, mythical, emotionally-driven process these days, devoid of much logical forethought or planning. It's reached a point in Western thought where "giving in to your emotions" has become the ultimate ideal to be striven for and attained; you should seek to "just feel" and "go with your heart."

But while emotion is a very important piece of your actions and decision making as a human, it's only half the story, and, worse for relationships... it's the short term half of the story.

Emotions will have you shortchange your tomorrow for a better today.

What I'm going to tell you to do in THIS article, however, is to take command of yourself, and build a relationship designed to be strong, successful, and rewarding long after the fires of early emotion quit burning so brightly, or even quit burning at all.

This is, you might say, the anti-guide to falling in love: it's the guide not to getting there, but to staying there, and like all good stories it starts at the beginning.

If Your Girl is Bored, Change These 6 Things

All right, I know I said no more relationship stuff for a while so we could recover from that big relationship series binge, but I'm sitting here after missing my flight (I should be somewhere over the Pacific right now), going through some of the past month or so's posts, and I see I also said I'd try to get some posts up regarding earlier comments, and... well...

Back in early August, Anonymous commented on the post on how to prevent cheating, saying:

Could you write about what you mentioned, the whole making a girl feel TOO secure?

Okay - here's one more on relationships for now. Just think of it as an expansion pack to the relationship series!

Having a girl start feeling too secure with you is a BIG problem in any kind of relationship. Big.

It's the reason why girls start treating guys disrespectfully 9 times out of 10.

And, it's the reason why a girl is bored in her relationship 10 times out of 10.

That's right - not just most of the time on that last. But, EVERY time!

girl is bored

But wait, you say - Walt Disney taught me to make women feel safe and secure! Isn't that what they want?

Actually... no. Everyone takes away the message of, "Protect her and make her feel safe!" from the movies most of the time... and they get it all wrong.

Because there's something else happening in those movies too - another reason why girls swoon for Prince Charming, and it isn't his trust fund.

But everybody misses that part... and everybody ends up with his own bored girl as a result.

Well, here's how to get yourself back in line with what women actually want.

Relationship Series: Recaps, Takeaways, and One Last Note

relationship seriesWell, that time has come - time to wrap up our relationship series.

This has been a long collection of articles about the topic of relationships we’ve put out over the last several weeks… and if you asked me to, I could easily write another one just as long. Relationships are simply an incredibly complex topic, with a million little counterintuitive nuances.

Every time you think you’ve got them down… you don’t.

On the one hand, many of the rules we learn for dating go out the window… the game changes completely once you get into a monogamous, committed relationship with a girl.

On the other hand, you still can’t suddenly be a pushover, so a lot of the inner game advice still applies… and where and how to apply everything and in the right context is certainly an art and a science unto itself.

A lot of readers had written in with questions about relationships… and in my experience, this is what a large portion of our students ultimately want to get out of this game… sure, it’s nice to have a lot of choice in beautiful women, and sure, it’s nice to at least have the ability to live a playboy lifestyle for a while.

But when it comes down to it, most guys don’t really want to live life as far out as Chase or myself. The two of us have taken dating to the extreme, which is why we’re now in a position to teach just about anybody about almost any situation – after a decade of obsessing over this skill the way an Agassi would obsess over the game of tennis, there aren’t many situations we haven’t experienced yet. You might not want to be this obsessive… most people don’t.

Get Over Your Ex: 13 Steps to (Emotional) Freedom

get over your exIn yesterday’s post on ways you can lose a girlfriend, we went over the 4 things that can and almost universally WILL lead to the demise of your relationship (when you’re guilty of them): being too weak, fighting too much, bad sex, and taking her for granted.

Those things happen. In fact, they happen so much, it’s my (relatively conservative, I think) estimation that they happen 90% of the time… because something close to 90% (or more) of relationships come to an end sometime before death does them part.

Because of that, breakups end up being an inevitable fact of romantic life. Unless you’re one of the vanishingly few people out there who marries his high school sweetheart without ever kissing another girl and the two of you go onto spend the next 60 or 70 years in blissful union (and if you are, hats off to you! But why are you reading this blog?), you’re going to experience a breakup at some point.

And then it’ll be time to move on.

But like I mentioned in yesterday’s post, nobody WANTS to move on.

Everybody wants to know how to get their ex back. At least, everybody searching for information on the topic, that is.

Yet I promised a post to the readers yesterday on putting the past behind them and gearing up for the future. So let’s say you’re one of those few individuals who HAS reached that point where he’s said, "You know what? It IS time to move on."

Once you’ve decided it’s what you want to do… how do you get over your ex?

4 Things That Will LOSE You Your Girlfriend

So let’s say you do a great job with everything we’ve covered so far in the relationship series. You romance a girl, make her fall in love with you, weed out relationship drama, and build yourself a happy, healthy, rewarding relationship. There’s no way for you to lose a girlfriend now… right?

Well… not quite.

As it were, there are exactly FOUR ways to lose your girl, and quickly.

And you don’t have to do all of them.

You just have to do ONE of them.

lose a girlfriend

Because in the case of relationships, just ONE of these is all it takes to break Humpty Dumpty to pieces and cause you to lose your girlfriend for good.

Below, I list out what exactly of these four ways are… and what the one exception is to this rule of four.

Student of the Game: 7 Long Distance Relationship Tips

long distance relationship tips I’ve been seeing more guys than usual engaged in long distance relationships lately. And it’s not an uncommon situation to end up in in our increasingly mobile world - one or both partners leaves to attend school in a different city, or even country; she leaves or you leave to take a job somewhere else in the world.

And often these scenarios are okay - at least at first. But long distance relationships have a tendency to get complicated in a hurry.

Nevertheless, you may find yourself in a situation where you either need to choose to say goodbye, or choose to be in a long distance relationship with that one special girl. Is long distance a good idea?

Today, I want to give you a number of long distance relationship tips, an overview of when a long distance relationship is okay - and when to stay away - and take a look at the dynamics of making this choice.