Relationship 101 | Girls Chase

Relationship 101

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When a Girl Wants to Stop Seeing You in the Early Relationship

girl wants to stop seeing youEarly on in a relationship, women may sometimes start to doubt things. If a girl you've been seeing decides to call it quits though, you've got some options.

A reader recently brought up a situation in which a girl he'd recently started dating and sleeping with pulled a 180 and announced she'd rather they just be platonic friends.

Commenting on my article on dealing with LJBFs ("let's just be friends"), he says:

Hi Chase,

Great article!

However, I'm having a difficult time identifying which type of LJBF rejection I received in the current situation I'm in. I recently had sex three times with a coworker. We've known each other for two years but only recently started hanging out because she switched projects and no longer worked closely with me.

I will try to describe the series of events as clearly as possible.

We've hung out 4 times over the span of three weeks. Three times were exclusively at my place (2 of the 3 times we had sex) and the final time we went on a hike. Since we've been hanging out, the girl has been giving me a few signs hinting that she wanted a relationship with me although I never brought it up. First, she told two of her old coworkers that we hooked up. Second, she told me she hadn't had sex all year until we finally hooked up—leading me to believe she's a serial dater. Third, she invited me over to her apartment for breakfast with her sister, her sister's best friend, and the best friend's husband. Since we've only been seeing each other in a sexual capacity for three weeks, I told her I was busy Saturday and could not make the breakfast; however, I suggested that we go on a hike together Sunday which she accepted.

The hike was a lot of fun, she has a cool personality and we were able to talk freely with each other. At one point, we sat at this little cove we discovered and made out. Everything seemed fine. However, on the car ride home, when I suggested that we pick a new show to binge watch together this week, the girl said she thinks it's best that we be platonic friends. I was taken by surprise a little and was driving so I didn't really react to this as well as I would have liked. But the conversation seemed off to me in the first place. I figured we were just having fun and keeping things super casual, so there was no need to have this type of conversation. Her response made me believe it was about the sex we had.

If I had to describe the sex, I would have to say it was mediocre at best. Mostly due to us getting to know each other. I also think this is compounded by the fact that she knew about the great sex I used to have with an ex-girlfriend of mine and probably had very high expectations. In the car she tried to assure me that this was not the case, that she enjoyed the sex but just didn't feel a spark between us—but at the same time I wasn't hanging out with her to date her so why would there be a spark.

Ultimately, this most recent interaction has me confused and left wondering if there is something I can learn from the situation. Any help would be appreciated!

At first this seems a bit puzzling, right?

Because we know that usually, once a girl's slept with you two to four times, she's 'converted'; that is, she now views you and her as being in a sexual relationship.

You aren't dealing with all these doubts and objections any longer.

Read more: How to Convert One-Time Sex into Regular Sex

convert a girlUsually it takes only 2-3 times.

Yet sometimes, even past the point of conversion, you'll continue to have to deal with women who are on the verge of ending this connection they have with you.

So... what gives?

Why do girls want to stop seeing you after they've already gotten together with you?

It's Okay to Sometimes Put a Woman in Her Place

put her in her placeYou should never put a woman in her place. That would be controlling or misogynistic. Right? Well actually, sometimes it's exactly what she wants.

Ever put a woman in her place, and have her love you for it?

A lot of guys are afraid to do this today. They don't want to be disrespectful. They don't want to come off as sexist. They certainly do not want to seem controlling.

Every woman tests.

This is a thing we simply deal with as men.

Sometimes though, a woman will go into testing overdrive.

She's got a bee in her bonnet (or a bug up her behind) for whatever reason. And now she's just going to nag and needle and critique you.

You'll see this most in relationships. But you'll encounter it occasionally in-field too.

And believe it or not, if you allow yourself to set aside your normally calm demeanor, and firmly put her in her place, much of the time, perhaps to your surprise, women will love you for it.

What Do Your Girlfriend's Friends Say About Her?

girlfriend's friendsIf your girlfriends' friends are wild, or slutty, or quiet, or toxic, what does that tell you about her? And what can you DO about 'bad influence' friends?

If you've read this site for any length of time, you know I'm a big proponent of stringent screening for women you accept as girlfriends. Most of the major problems men face with their relationships are avoidable with proper screening.

One topic we haven't touched on much however is a girlfriend's (or prospective girlfriend's) circle.

Namely, what do a woman's friends say about her?

And how do her friends affect her... or influence her?

Because, certainly, each of us is his own man. And she's her own woman.

Yet if she surrounds herself with a certain kind of person, you'd be wise to assume it's going to rub off on her (if it hasn't already), or have some other kind of effect on her and you.

Strong Men Get Cucked Too

strong men get cucked"Be strong" and no woman can whip or cuckold you, right? Well, the truth is, no matter how strong a man is, if he picks the wrong woman, she still may.

There's this myth in male corners of the Internet that to not end up whipped, walked on, and cuckolded by women you've just got to be 'strong'.

If you can be strong enough, women will respect your strength and not cuck you.

And while strength of frame is one of the most important elements in a man's character (and thus, his ability to retain his women), this alone is not nearly enough.

The unpleasant fact is this: every day, in every part of the world, women are cuckolding strong men.

Many a man, overconfident in his strength, walks into relationships where wily women gain the upper hand over him, whip him (also called 'betaizing' him), or cuckold him.

Hubris, the downfall of many a hero in the old Greek tragedies, causes the fall of these men too.

Yet the fate of these men is avoidable for you.

All it takes is a little humility... a little more self-awareness... and a healthy dose of self-control.

5 Good and 3 Bad Things About Dating a Married Woman

dating a married womanIf the morals aren't a problem for you, there are some serious upsides to dating a married woman. Yet it isn't all sunshine… there are things to be wary of, too…

Today I want to talk about the good and bad things about dating a married woman.

I’ve got a bit of experience with married women. I use the term “dating” lightly because the definition of “dating” is: a form of romantic courtship with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner, in an intimate relationship, or as a spouse.

I’ll assume that you’re not looking for a long-term relationship or marriage if you’re dating a married woman. If you are, then you’ve got one hell of a journey ahead.

Sex Drive Compatibility, Drive Collapses, & Relationship Sex Issues

sex drive compatibilityYou want to date someone long-term. But is she sexually compatible? Most people don't check… yet this is perhaps the #1 most important compatibility of all.

I spoke recently with an experienced seducer who was having some issues with a girlfriend of his. The relationship had begun normally, with the girl having a normal sex drive, but then at one point it changed.

After the change, his woman almost never wanted normal sex with him. This was well-traveled girl who'd experimented sexually with all kinds of men and had a history of stopping having sex with prior boyfriends of hers.

The seducer would notice flashes of desire come across his woman in inconvenient and novel situations (like say a crowded dinner with friends in the heart of downtown). She'd suddenly want some spontaneous, inconvenient sex.

He'd instead try to get her somewhere private. But a 20-minute drive to privacy later and her sex drive would be gone, never to wake up again that night, no matter what he did.

This was a guy who's been with many women and never had a problem turning most of his prior girlfriends on before. But with this girl he was in a sexual desert.

There's a problem with incompatible sex drives that most guys do not realize until they find themselves in a sex drive incompatibility scenario.

Often even when they're IN that scenario, they refuse to see it.

They tell themselves they can fix it.

That they must be doing something wrong themselves.

The fact is we tend to assume that others' sexual reactions to us are a result of us.

When in actuality a whole lot of the way someone reacts is in large part directed by that person's underlying sex drive.

And sex drives are a thing you really cannot change.

You can't train them. You can't 'wake them up' long-term (yes, there is sexual awakening. But it tends to be fleeting; the sex drive spike it brings last maybe 5-10 years).

You can only enjoy drives if they're compatible... or gnash your teeth endlessly if they're not.

Orgasms Satisfy Women; Lack of Orgasms Keeps Them Faithful

orgasm and infidelityThe more women orgasm from sex, the more satisfied with sex and their relationship they are. But the less of a protective effect sex has against other men…

It's actually a bit more nuanced than the title. But the title is not wrong either.

When I was a younger guy I was obsessed with making sure girlfriends had orgasms (as powerful as I could get them) every time with me. If I failed to make a woman I was seeing more than once or twice cum I felt like I'd dropped the ball.

I knew other guys I respected whose philosophies were "I don't really prioritize whether the girl cums or not, honestly. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't." These weren't guys who didn't care about the strength of their relationships; they cared too. But for them, having the woman's orgasm as a "sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not" effect of sex was a lot more acceptable.

Yet as I've aged I've come more inline with my buddies views than my original ones.

I realized a lot of my original focus on "always make her cum, hard!" was out of a fear that if I didn't, a woman would become dissatisfied with the relationship and start to withdraw.

It turns out though that that isn't really the case.

It's not really the case at all.

Why Men Lose Women: It's Not Hypergamy – It's Something Else

why men lose women
Many men think women leave them for a Bigger, Better Deal: a richer guy, a better-looking guy, a higher status guy. But hypergamy is not why men lose women. Instead, it's something else.

The other day, a friend shared a YouTube video with me from a guy on a channel called Entrepreneurs with Cars. The guy in the video (his name's Richard Cooper) seemed like an intelligent, thoughtful guy who genuinely wanted to help men, and I couldn't help liking him.

He made some points about women leaving men, and men's need to be aware this might happen, I thought were perfectly solid. He also has a bunch of nice little quippy phrases, like, "she's not yours, it's just your turn," and, "a woman should be a compliment to your life, not the focus." This is useful stuff for the ordinary clueless man to hear, although the advice is imperfect (I'll discuss why below); regardless, it's going to help wake a lot of guys up.

However, in this video, Cooper attributes the tendency of women to leave men to something you see strewn about the red pill / manosphere community: hypergamy.

That is to say, a very manospherian variety of hypergamy, better described as, "She's always looking for the Bigger, Better Deal."

It is when you stop chasing excellence, Cooper says, that women decide they're through with you.

You can watch the video here:

Women might not leave right away if you stop chasing excellence, he says.

Maybe it might take a while.

Nevertheless, once your pursuit of excellence ends, a countdown timer starts, during which you can either get back on track or get left in the dust.

Is this right?

Well, it's close... but it's no cigar.

Because it is not, in actuality, hypergamy -- nor even the end of chasing excellence -- that causes women to leave.

And there is indeed a cause, and it is indeed something you can control for.

However, the actual cause of why women leave is, in fact, something else.

Tactics Tuesdays: Resetting Early Expectations

expectation reset
What happens if you fail to set proper relationship expectations? Well, your partner can have the wrong idea. Here's how to do a reset when things have changed.

On the forum, we have a member who has eased into a relationship with a girl he picked up off of day game. He never set expectations with her, and has insensibly come to treat the relationship as a girlfriend-boyfriend one.

There's just one problem: he wants to keep picking up.

Yet he's conflicted on how to proceed: he doesn't want to cheat on this girl and hurt her, but he also never said he was going to be her boyfriend, either.

So what should he do?

The answer, of course, is expectations.

More specifically, he needs to set some better (and much clearer) ones.