Relationship 101

You can use screens to get women to qualify themselves to you in order to boost rapport. That’s great for investment. But what if you actually care about whether she passes a screen?

I can hear you already:

"But Chase, I thought it was screening and qualifying women? Not screening versus qualifying!"

Ordinarily, yes. This article's about a slightly different tack, however.

In much of usual seduction practice, screening is a tool to get women to qualify. Or a tool to see whether women are invested enough to qualify.

For example, you tell a girl, "There's nothing like a good adventure. Going somewhere new, doing something novel, trying some unique food or experience for the first time. I love it, personally." That's an implied screen.

When you screen her like that, assuming you already have rapport with her, there's a fair bit of pressure on her to qualify herself and answer, "Yes, I like adventure too."

Even if she's the opposite of adventurous, she's going to feel pressure to tell you, "Yeah, that sounds nice," just to avoid breaking rapport.

As she qualifies herself to you like this, she complies with your frame.

If she doesn't qualify herself, it's an indication she may not be that compliant with you just yet.

Either way, this is helpful for your seduction.

But there are certain times you aren't going to want a woman trying to qualify herself to your screens.

Sometimes, you are using the screen to actually screen for whatever it is the screen's about.

And if she starts qualifying herself, instead of giving you the straight truth, she'll be investing, but you aren't going to be getting what information you're after.

Are your romantic relationships mutual… or adversarial? If you want a healthy relationship, you must seek to make yours as mutual (for both parties) as you can.

There has been this rise in what I'd term an 'adversarial approach' to romance.

In a way, the modern seduction community itself came from this. Women were out there, according to the seduction community, with their ' shields', seeking to resist men, to screen them, and test them, and men had to figure out ways to overcome these challenges and cause women to submit to them rather than brush them off.

(I never liked the terms 'bitch shield' or 'shit test', which is why we shortened them to 'shields' and 'tests' here. Even then these terms are still a bit too adversarial for my tastes, but when I began the site those terms were already established and I didn't want to totally reinvent the wheel, so we used them as-is)

It's not only the seduction community. Everything about Western romance has this touch of adversity to it.

Women advising other women say to 'never settle', as if love is this battle for the absolute best man and anything short of that is selling oneself up the river. Men talk about women not being 'worth learning all this', as if to enter a relationship one must learn a form of extreme combat that is no longer worth the reward one gets at the end of it. Women and men alike complain that the opposite sex is no good and not worth being with.

Modern relationship advice often talks about 'compromise', as if the two sides of a relationship are at war, and must come to an accord to move forward on things.

Yet a healthy relationship is not this way.

A healthy relationship is a mutual relationship.

It is one where partners do things together because it is mutually beneficial to do so, and because they enjoy being with and serving each other in their unique man and woman roles.

Ambitious women can be very attractive. They can also be a real handful. But: are they any good as wives and mothers – or are they too caught up in their ambitions to be?

Some time back, a reader commented that he, like me, found himself drawn to ambitious, highly educated, and/or high-achieving women.

Now, I know a lot of guys are really into submissive women and they don't care about education or the woman's career. If you're that way, you can safely pass over this article.

However, if you're the sort who prefers his women smart and driven, you're likely to face the question our reader had for me when he asked about this:

As attractive as these women can be, are they actually any good as wives and mothers?

That's the question we'll examine today.

When people make unilateral actions against you, you must respond unilaterally in turn. Yet there’s a big difference between desperate unilateral responses and strategic ones.

I saw an article a month back about a father-of-three who set his wife on fire, killing her. It was, obviously, horrible. He did it right in front of their kids, too.

You look through the article and there are a bunch of pictures of the husband and wife, looking like two totally normal people, perfectly happy together. The husband looks like a bit of a nice guy, and the wife is always doing this weird shrug with her shoulders and kind of leaning away from the guy, but she's smiling, and it's a genuine smile. They look like a very typical, average, regular couple.

Then you read about the chain of events that led up to this guy going psycho on the wife.

His Australian wife kicked him out, presumably after they'd had a ton of fights. She then filed a restraining order against him, and started the divorce process. He, as an American citizen, believed he'd get deported from Australia, and presumably be cut out of his children's lives. His business was in Australia too (I don't know why he couldn't just get a business visa, but maybe he couldn't, or he was too upset to think of that).

The neighbors said they never heard the couple fighting, and the guy was always friendly, loved to talk, but was also "obviously distressed" when he was in the process of being kicked out.

If you read the article about this, it's clear the guy just went deeper and deeper into a depression spiral after his wife kicked him out. She began making accusations against him, too. Finally he snapped and went back and set her alight.

This article will be about a very important topic: that when people take unilateral action against you, as the wife was against the husband here, you also must respond in turn with unilateral action of your own.

However, you need to understand this, and approach it strategically, with appropriate moves and strategic timing -- well in advance of the point where you snap, and resort to desperate, destructive/self-destructive unilateral action, of the sort people turn to when they feel they have no way out.

Girlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run.

Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline personality disorder.

The story is always the same: the guy is crazy about this girl, he's never had a relationship this intense, the sex is off-the-charts good, but this girl is completely wrecking his life.

Usually guys know these girls are trouble and are trying to get themselves away. Sometimes they have already gotten themselves away, but they are struggling to keep themselves away. Occasionally they don't want to break up with these girls and just want to know how to fix them (spoiler: you can't).

Today's article is a public service announcement for the Girls Chase audience and the broader general Internet that if you have a girlfriend like this, you probably need to cut the cord sooner rather than later... if only to save your own soul.

Your girlfriend is hinting she wants to get more serious. But she won’t ask outright and you won’t go out on a limb yourself. How do you not chase – or ignore?

It's always a bit fraught dealing with the "how much does this person like me?" "how serious should this relationship be?" question.

You'll notice most people of both sexes will dance around this issue. There's a lot of tentative feeling out of the other partner. Both sexes hesitate a lot, miscommunicate, and make incorrect assumptions.

There's a reason for this: by being the first to put yourself out there and 'show all your cards' in a relationship you run the risk of all kinds of unpleasant things:

• Maybe the other person doesn't like you as much, and feels like you're coming on too strong when you do

• Maybe the other person likes you a lot more, and feels disappointed at how uninterested you seem to be

• Maybe you totally misread the other person and actually s/he was happy the way things were and didn't want the relationship to escalate

Any kind of escalation of commitment is in fact a minefield where it's all too easy for any misalignment between the parties to blow the whole thing up.

So it's no wonder this is a difficult step for your average relationship.

However... there is a little tactic you can use to navigate this step a lot more fluidly.

When your girlfriend (or wife) starts bringing up feminist talking points, you need to know how to respond. Here’s how to defuse these and get your relationship back on track.

This is going to be a somewhat in-depth article, with a deep look at the full (i.e., millennia- and civilization-spanning) history of feminism.

The purpose is to give you a broad, complete, and meta-view of what feminism is, how it arises, and what its function is in a civilization, so you can break out of male-female power struggles and get the women in your life to take a sweeping historical view of feminism as part of a natural cycle, rather than a more basic/low level "Fight the patriarchy! Permanent progress for the first time ever!" view.

Before we get to the real history of feminism though, first let's talk about why you'd need to talk a girlfriend or wife out of feminist leanings.

No matter your political beliefs, it is a self-evident fact that there is a certain branch of feminism that is toxic to male-female relations.

Some feminist views are fine, and not all of it is bad. However, there is a very vocal chunk of it that is acidic to happy relationships.