Relationship 101

Welcome back,

In the first article of this series we learned that all women are dirty little freaks.

In the second article we covered some ways you can spice up your sex life.

Now, we’re going to get even kinkier.

If you’re reading this, then you’re down to get weird with me.

Before we begin, let’s review what we know so far (see Part 1): all women are nasty little vixens deep down inside, even if they maintain a pure appearance (women are too complex for the binary thinking of the Madonna/Whore complex).

In this article, I’ll explain in excruciating detail how to get your lovers boasting about their sex with you to all of their friends.

It would only be fitting, then, if we start with precedent. And really, you want to...

A year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality: keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them, thirst for them unquenched.

It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with her, for a variety of reasons (most women greatly fear becoming unwanted or undesired).

Today I want to introduce you to back pocket mentality’s close cousin, the ‘holding pattern’. This is a more serious version of the phenomenon, where a woman strongly implies sex or a relationship is on the table and coming very soon, without delivering.

This is used when a man is on her shortlist, but she wants to experiment with others first. Just because you’re on her short list doesn’t mean you’ll get her – and all the time you devote to her while she enjoys other men and “makes up her mind”, you’re killing her attraction and respect for you.

“Any good dreams last night?”

“How was your day today?”

“You’ll never believe what happened to me.”

There are normal little communication bits and pieces you’ll encounter in relationships. They seem pretty small and trivial, and superficially they are.

However, these little questions or statements – called ‘bids for connection’ by Professor Emeritus John M. Gottman, Ph.D. – have big impacts on relationship health.

That’s because any time you make a bid for connection, or a gal you’re with makes one toward you, it goes one of two ways:

• You or she accept the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn towards’)
• Or you or she ignore the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn away’)
  

How often these little bids are turned toward or away from makes a world of difference, it turns out.

I came home in a blind rage. I had seen my ex-girlfriend out with one of my friends and was ready to end both of them. I walked into my house with my fists clenched and sweat dripping from my forehead. My dad noticed and immediately pulled me aside asking me what was wrong. I lied and said nothing was wrong. But after a few more pointed questions from my father, I finally caved and said why I was so upset.

“Son, you have a jealousy problem.”

“No I don’t Dad!”

There was no reasoning with me; the emotion had consumed the rational part of my brain. I wasn’t Will, I was Jealous Will. That night my dad imparted a great deal of wisdom to me. It took me years to fully understand it and another couple years to embody it. That’s not to say I never get jealous anymore. But my episodes are now nothing more than a passing inconvenience.

With the help of my dad and my life experience, I have figured out ways to discharge jealousy quickly. I have also adopted a philosophy that makes it very difficult to feel jealous in the first place.

Before I venture further, I want to establish what this post isn’t. This post is not a guide to “keeping your girl in check” or “when your jealousy is a clue that she’s cheating”, this is just about your internal state and how to have a life of less jealousy.

Hey fellas, just a quick recap before we begin here:

In Part 1 of the series we explored all of the reasons why men get married.

Then in Part 2 we discussed what most men’s expectations for marriage are like, and why they most of the time are not very feasible.

Part 3 brought to us a laundry list of things that ruin marriages.

We then discovered what happens when your expectations of marriage fall short, and when and if damage control is needed in Part 4.

Most recently, in Part 5, we examined the divorce process and how to navigate it properly. Now it is finally time to figure out what the heck to do after it all shakes out.

So, welcome to the Grand Finale.

It’s an unfortunate fact, but true nonetheless: an overwhelming majority of sexual partners lack substantial knowledge as to what actually turns the other one on.

For one reason or another, most people nowadays are either:

1. too ashamed,
2. too deluded,
3. too identified with being a spectator,
4. too obsessed with their self-image, or
5. simply too inexperienced

... to be particularly good in bed (the last issue is by far the easiest to remedy).

Yet if you want to be able to take on the role of the “lover” in a girl’s life, amazing sex and the opportunity to be around a man with such an exciting, stimulating presence is what you’re implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) offering the girl you’re seducing.

So in this post, I’d like to share with you some basic ways the lover looks at sex, as well as a handful of techniques that you can immediately start to use to take your sex life to the next level.

However, before we get into the tactical goodies, let’s start out with some clarification as to what good sex is... and is not.