Relationship 101

Hey, guys. A quick recap of the series thus far, in case you missed any of the articles and would like to go back and read them to catch up with us:

• Part 1: Why Men Get Married
• Part 2: What Men Hope Marriage is Like
• Part 3: Things that Ruin Marriages
• Part 4: What to Do When Marriage Doesn’t Match Expectations

In Part 5, we’re going to talk about what to do when your efforts to repair your marriage fail and a mutual decision is made to part ways for good.

Before we begin, I do want to note that family and divorce law varies significantly across not only continents and countries, but can even deviate a great deal within those (the degree of autonomy differs from country to country, but you get my point here).

Getting a divorce is extremely challenging in many ways, but probably the biggest hurdle of all is trying to work through all of the legal processes. Trying to accomplish all of it by yourself is overwhelming, and there will be many a decision that requires knowledge of the legal procedures and family law that is in place in your jurisdiction.

If you need legal advice, I strongly suggest you consult with a good family attorney with roots in your county/township/municipality who is highly familiar with the laws and processes of your local government.

So, you’re getting a divorce. It’s all utterly horrifying and you don’t know where to start! How do you manage all of this?

Gentlemen, welcome back.

Today in Part 4 we are going to take a look at:

1. What can happen when marriage doesn’t meet your expectations,

2. What (if anything) you can and should do about it when this happens, and,

3. A couple of things you should never do.

Because, as we found out in Part 2, let’s face it: no marriages meet all of the expectations that are set for them.

The percentage of Americans who divorce has been above 40 percent even since 1970s. There are a lot of reasons that that number is what it is. Unarguably though, is the notion that the inability to reconcile differences is what eventually makes things come to a head and is why we divorce.

Is infidelity the reason you got divorced? Roundabout, perhaps, yes. But it was really more because a reconciliation couldn’t be reached.

How about a financial crisis? Can two people just become so poor that some crazy law says they have to get a divorce? No, it’s because they can’t agree on how to repair the problem (or they just don’t).

Your marriage is never going to be as fruitful and perfect as you think it will be, and you’re going to deal with a whole slew of life problems that affect one or the both of you. It’s not the problems themselves that cause divorce to happen, it’s the people not being able to deal with them that is the biggest issue.

So what exactly happens when you end up in an unfulfilling, dead-as-nails marriage that suffers from one (or a multitude!) of the more serious relationship-downers that we discovered in Part 3?

I found that when my marriage was getting to the point where it had seen better days that the toughest thing I had to deal with by far was the shift in the balance of power that occurred when I actually started to sense things beginning to go haywire in the first place, and started scrambling to make things “right” again.

I feel as though the perfect follow-up to our last entry in this series, Part 2: What Men Think Marriage Will Be Like, is an article exploring all the bad things that happen when your relationship doesn't turn out quite as perfect as you thought it would and the whole thing starts to go haywire.

Also, if you're just jumping in here, see Part 1, where we explain in detail reasons why guys get married in the first place.

Usually it's not any one little thing that will sour the grapes, but rather a combination of a handful of different problems that really does a relationship in.

As a married couple, you are going to constantly face life situations head-on together, and while many of these can be avoided completely and others just come with the territory, all of these that we'll talk about in this article can end up being cause for divorce and should have the kibosh put on them as soon as you observe them.

In Chase's recent article The Key to Nipping Girlfriend Drama in the Bud in LTRs, we found that you can't be non-reactive and turn a blind eye to certain issues like you would early on in relationships. As explained in the article, the landscape changes significantly in a long-term relationship, and at times you actually need to be quite dogged in going about actually getting her to tell you about her concerns or problems in the first place.

Conflict resolution is important. However, conflict prevention is preferred, right? Though at some point there will be situations that either can't or just don't get prevented, so you end up having to deal with them.

As a final note before we get started: There's one really ginormous, obvious problem that I'm not even going to tear into here - and only because it is fairly cut and dry and I think most guys get this - and that is physical abuse. I just do not feel that it is a subject that warrants a copious amount of commentary. It is basically the lowest possible low that can happen in a relationship, far worse even than anything that follows.

In Part 1 of this series, we took an in-depth look into the reasons why guys get married.

In Part 2, we will explore what these men think their marriages will be like, and also a few examples of (if they do not watch their P’s and Q’s) where and how things can go completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong.

I can’t help but find it a wee bit amusing how guys get so stoked to tie the knot to their special girl, and everything is all puppy dogs and rainbows, and then six months later she is carrying his nuts around in her purse.

What do men really want to get out of marriage?

• A nice house?
• A two-car garage?
• 3.2 kids?
• Endless blow jobs and sandwiches?

That’s not even close to the half of it. While men are naturally a little more laid back about things and do not have the crazy sky-high expectations of an endless fairy tale like women do, the problem persists that men usually end up not only getting less of what they actually want, but end up getting a whole lot of other things that they really do not want and really hadn’t bargained on either.

And the more careless and less socially savvy the man is, the less his expectations are actually met.

If you want to catch and keep a beautiful girl, you need to be at the top of your game. And no matter how much you love your family, sometimes it would help if they were buried deep underground. The thought of exposing a girl to the circus of your nearest and weirdest can be truly terrifying.

But there’s really no reason to be afraid. I’ll show you how to play this game like a pro, winning the affections of the girl and the admiration your family.

The key to success is realizing what you’re dealing with. Regardless of what you tell each other, every girl thinks meeting your family is getting to know “the real you”. Interactions with your family will make a deeper impression on her than almost anything else, including, in many cases, how you treat her when you’re alone.

This is a prime opportunity for you to attract her. When she meets your family, she’s ready to notice everything you’ve got going for you. Like how you’re manly and self-assured when you talk business with your dad, how you’re kind and sensitive when helping your mum with the dishes, how you’re hilarious when you tease your little sister, and how you’re boldly sexual when you put your hand on her under the dinner table.

Putting on this kind of show is going to take some serious preparation, not to mention skill. For a start, when is it okay for her to meet your folks?

There are two variables to consider:

1. Is the time right for the girl to meet your family?
2. Is the time right for your family to meet the girl?

Gentlemen, welcome to Part 1 of this 6-part series on modern marriage (and yes, divorce).

I want to come at this article series with a completely unbiased flavor... because I honest to god think that monogamy can work, even in our contemporary society where the divorce rate exceeds 50%.

While I am certainly a fair bit opinionated and will use a few choice words for things I feel strongly about, and will tell you exactly how I feel about each and every little thing marriage-related, you’re going to get nil of the ever-so-prevalent relationship hate that you find on most seduction blogs.

I’ve striven to leave this series as free of my own clutter or baggage as possible (we all have some), to bring you a straight-to-the-point look at the institution of matrimony in the 21st century.

Let’s go.

Let’s face it, the best part about seduction, and I would guess the main reason why we are all here, is not approaching countless women in bars and streets, nor is it spending hours texting women you haven’t met.

It’s not getting numbers, Facebook contacts, or even make-outs.

It’s about what happens next: sex; intimacy; connection.

And even if you’re a player-grandiose and take pride in the notches you are racking up every weekend, chances are, eventually you will find a woman (or women), whom you enjoy having sex with and spending time with so much that you would love to do so again and again with her – of course, without sacrificing the freedom and pleasure of sleeping with other women and sexual variety in general.

Having such women, such an unwritten arrangement in life, has always been the end goal for me and I’m happy to say that, with occasional slip-ups and ups and downs, this has been the case for a few years now.

Before we get into the details, I’d like to explain how I will be using the term “casual relationship”, because terms like friends-with-benefits (FwB), fuck buddies (FB), open relationships (OR), multi-long term relationships (mLTRs) have their own connotations. If you prefer to call what I’m about to describe any of the latter, that’s fine – no point in fussing over terminology.

But for me, when I talk about casual relationships, I mean a relationship where you are with someone you care deeply about (you could even say love, if you want to be a little dramatic) but with whom you’re not exclusive and there’s no expectation for that in the future. Your relationship revolves mostly around sex but is not restricted to it. You are able to talk about and share mostly anything without any drama whatsoever. Neither of you put any expectations on the other with a single exception – having a tremendous time every time you’re together. Please don’t get hung up on the word “casual”, it doesn’t make it any less important than “serious”, it’s instead mainly to convey the relaxed boundaries involved.

If that sounds like something you want in your life, please read on.