Relationship 101

In a recent article of mine I discussed “sexual freedom”, and there we covered not only what sexual freedom was but also discussed different argument for and against it. However, it is very obvious that my post was very pro sexual liberalism.

To recap quickly, in that post we described sexual liberalism as a position that allows individuals to engage in, without any judgement from others, their desired sexual practices. Most Western countries for instance do not legally restrict all that many sexual practices between two consenting adults.

Yet we agreed that sexual freedom should have some limits. For example, we would all agree here that we should not be allowed to rape anyone (I really hope you all agree!) nor cause any severe long-lasting harm to our sexual partners – like most of us would find it noxious that someone went around spreading HIV on purpose.

In other words, we want consensual sex and to minimize the possible harms of certain sexual practices. But pretty much these limitations of sexual freedom serve one and only one purpose: maximize and protect the sexual freedom of each individual. Think about it: how much sexual freedom does a rape victim have when she is being raped?

But what about other restrictions? What about sleeping with other people’s partners? What about women “slutting around” or men “perving around”? And finally, what about monogamy and the conservative family?

I was doing some reading the other day when I came across the term “trivializing.”

It gets thrown about in popular media, and often is something you learn to somewhat ignore, just because of how often people lament others “trivializing” some XYZ “really big deal” to them, that seems trite or overblown to others.

And yet...

Examine the classic debate between two opposites. Say someone who is pro-renewable energy because he wants to save the planet, and someone else who is pro-fossil fuels because he doesn’t want to be forced to pay top dollar for new, less effective technologies when cheaper alternatives are available.

The first guy accuses the second guy of killing the planet. The second guy feels like the first guy is trivializing his need to not burn a hole in his wallet, and becomes offended, and tells him off. The first guy then feels like the second guy is trivializing his desire to save the planet as an ignoble cause, and fiercely retorts.

This is a case of crossed wires communication-wise of the sort we discussed in “Dale Carnegie’s Most Life-Changing Piece of Advice”, but it goes broader than this, because trivializing comes in many shapes and forms, and it’s hard to detect and harder to combat in nearly all of them.

Who’s fault is it when a relationship fails?

Two words for you: the man’s.

Usually.

Note: a relationship failure is something different than letting a relationship decline and die, or just breaking up with a girl, because you’ve lost interest or other things in your life have taken precedence or she’s let herself go and is no longer meeting your requirements for someone you’ll keep around in a relationship capacity.

In that case, while a female observer would still consider it a “failed relationship”, from the standpoint of the male it probably isn’t (unless it’s a case of her letting herself go... then, maybe it is, if she was what you wanted before that but stopped being it after it). In that case, it’s just a relationship that didn’t work out.

When I say “failed relationship” here, what I’m talking about is a relationship that you really wanted to work out... but it went belly up anyway.

Is it ever the woman’s fault?

Yes, sometimes. Rarely. In the case where the relationship is a female dominated one because the man has yielded to her the role of captain aboard the good ship Relation... in that case, he is following her lead, and the direction the relationship goes is up to her.

Even then though, I’m torn... because most women who lead don’t want to do it, and resent men who make them do it as weak. If I’m the officer of a military unit and I hand over my command to one of my subordinates, who then goes on to lead us right smack into a disaster, am I absolved of all blame, or do I still take some too?

The large majority of the time, across most kinds of relationships, it’s the fault of you, the man – and nearly always, it’s a failure of leadership that causes the relationship to fold.

Infidelity can be one of the most difficult things that can happen to you as a man.

Sometimes you feel it coming but try not to admit it to yourself; other times, it seems to come completely out of left field.

Women are such largely emotional creatures, and if you don’t know how to manage those emotions, you could very well find yourself in a world of hurt.

But what causes infidelity in the first place?

Today I’m going to talk about the root causes of infidelity, share a painfully valuable story from my past, and talk about how to spot infidelity before it happens as well as how to handle it if it does happen to you.

I happened upon an article entitled “An Open Letter To My Future Wife: How I Plan To Make You Happy Every Day Of Your Life” earlier today, written without a doubt very sincerely to the author’s imagined future wife – here’s a short excerpt:

“I promise to do my best to make you beam daily, so count on many surprises. Your smile will be my priority. I get weak knees when anybody smiles, so just imagine the effort I will make to be the source of yours.

I promise I will always look at you with the same adoration as I did the moment I realized I loved you.

I promise to try to ignite the same sparkle in your eyes I see when you’re surprised, inspired, motivated or when you are about to lean in to kiss me.

I promise to hold your hand when we’re 80 years old with the same liveliness that I did when I crossed that line to hold yours for the first time. I vow never to let the excitement of dating me die down; I will surprise you with the location, the reason or the activity itself.

I promise to keep you guessing where we’re going next.  I promise to do my best always to interest you. I will keep reinventing myself, gaining new hobbies, new knowledge and new interests to keep you — and myself — entertained.”

... and it goes on like this for quite a bit.

At the bottom of the article are plenty of Facebook comments from girls praising (sort of) the article, of course, saying things like:

There’s even a female commenter saying (jokingly) “Marry me!”

But of course, no one’s actually lining up to marry this guy... despite all he’s promised.

A new relationship can be a time of great excitement, passion, butterflies, and anticipation of what’s to come. Or… it can be a disaster, and over just as quickly as it started.

I’m sure we’ve all been there. It’s a terrible feeling to get caught up in all of that excitement and emotion one day only to have it all taken away from you the next.

So how do you avoid this unfortunate scenario? I’m going to show you the 8 things you need to do to make sure that your new relationship starts off of on good footing and continues as smoothly as it can.

A reader asks:

“Hey Chase, any quick tips on performing oral sex on girls and stimulating the clit specifically? I checked out the other articles but I couldn't get anything specific on the subject.”

We seem to get asked this one a lot... and always on articles that have nothing to do with sex. So let's address it: how to give a girl oral sex.

This is one a lot of men seem to struggle with, but you may be relieved to know it's actually much simpler to learn how to give a girl orgasms through oral sex than it is to learn how to give her orgasms via penetration.

There's no rhythm you must learn to be good.

You needn't exhaust yourself heaving your body back and forth.

You won't even have to learn about the g-spot, the deep spot, the vaginal back wall, or Ricardus's “r-spot” from his article on how to be a good lover.

In fact, all you need to make a girl orgasm from oral is a little patience... and a willing tongue.

And, of course, my 4 simple steps.

WARNING: this one is not safe for work... there is one section below where words do not suffice, and graphics simply are needed. So make sure there's nobody around you can get in trouble with for looking at clitoris pictures before you proceed (and if there is... what are you doing reading an article about oral sex at work, anyway).