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Relationship 101

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To Be a Fuckboy or Not to Be a Fuckboy

Hector Castillo's picture

how to be a fuckboy
The fuckboy: a guy who offers little more to women than excitement and sex... Yet whom girls keep coming back to, even if they say the hate him.

“Am I fuckboy?” I ask.

She laughs hysterically over the phone. “Oh yeah, for sure!”

I laugh. I expected this answer, as I’ve heard it from pretty much every other girl I’ve asked.

“You know what, actually,” she interjects, “I would say you’re a fuckboy, but you’re a little bit different. You’re definitely an asshole, but I don’t think you’re a fuckboy. I think it’s because you’re honest. You don’t trick girls. You are pretty straightforward about what you want.”

She’s a smart girl and one of the most loyal and devoted lovers I’ve ever had, so her opinion is more nuanced and, frankly, more important than the other women’s.

Whether through extended social circles or very long and frank discussions about my hobbies, philosophies, and the kindness that I show to friends, family, strangers, and lovers, it seems only those who spend a good amount of time with me have seen the lover beneath the fuckboy.

Yet, most won’t see that. To the majority of those I meet in life, I will be labeled a fuckboy and described as sexist, misogynist, disrespectful to women, and all sorts of nasty things.

I accept these labels if only to spit on those people. Anger and hatred is usually a sign you’re doing something right.

To explore then whether the fuckboy life is right for you, I want you to ask yourself a very simple question after reading this article.

To be a fuckboy? Or not to be a fuckboy?

That is the question.

But first…

How to Get Her to Blow You like a Pornstar

Hector Castillo's picture

teach blow job
So you want to teach her how to give you an epic blow job. But where do you start? With the 18 techniques in this article.

You would think that after having over a hundred cocks in her mouth, she’d be better at this. Her enthusiasm is on point – she’s devouring my dick like a starving third world lady who’s only remaining sustenance is my semen. But her technique? Severely lacking.

I give her a few tips as she has her snack.

“More spit.”

“I want to hear you moan more.”

“You can go deeper.”

Then, I stop her. “Baby, has anyone actually taught you to suck dick?”

She laughs and tells me no.

“Seriously? You admitted to sleeping with over a hundred guys, and NO ONE has taught you?”

“No,” she laughs. “They all told me I was really good!”

“Well, they were probably all too happy to get their dicks sucked and didn’t want to risk rocking the boat.”

She smiles. “Okay, tell me what to do.”

It isn’t long before she’s gurgling, choking, and pumping my cock like a pornstar. In the midst of her grand performance, I ask her how she’s enjoying herself.

“This is so much more fun!” she says to me. “It’s getting me wet as hell.” Then she goes back to work.

How Much Should You Do for a Girlfriend? The Investment Scales

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

do for a girlfriend
What’s the right amount to do for a girl you date? How do you know if you invest too much or too little? Two measures: boredom and neglect.

Commenting on my article “Early Boyfriend Distinction – She Helps You vs. You Help Her”, a reader asks (emphasis added):

Thanks for another insight article especially about how “dynamics” really work and that as long as you can handle situations in the right dynamics, you can break the rules or at least not follow them strictly. Which brings back to a question I have in terms of giving help to a girl. So just a little background, I’m currently dating an au pair, who is considered a foreigner in this country. So I have helped her with a lot of things such as improving her English, help her with application for status extension/change, plus a number of non-fun items, even though after those items we have fun and sleep together as much as I want. So more of an early boyfriend status. So my question is am i doing too much to help her, have you done an article in terms of when offering help to your girlfriend, what is the right amount or how to gauge when to help and when not to help and just let her do it on her own?

Getting the right balance on how much to do for a girlfriend is an issue for more intermediate daters on up. When many men start out, they pay no attention to a girl’s investment in them, and instead throw as much investment as they can at her to try to woo her. Once they realize this hurts them with her instead of helps, they begin to scale it back. Except, here, they often go too far. How do you get the balance of your investment right, so you do not make her feel either over- or undervalued?

First off, if you’re unfamiliar with the concepts of investment/compliance, or you need a refresher, be sure you’ve read these articles:

Also read the article linked to at the start of this installment. It discusses the crucial questions of “who’s doing what for whom” in terms of the pre-sex courtship.

Having read those, though, you’re likely still left with one tangled up question: how do I know when I’ve invested too much or too little in her?

There’s not an easy answer to this question, but I’ll do my best to prune some of the vines off it for you here and give you a formula you can work with.

6 Major Signs Your Girlfriend or Wife Is Cheating

Denton Fisher's picture

signs a girl is cheating
How do you know if a girl is cheating on you? With the 6 signs: decline, blow-ups, changed plans, furtiveness, jealousy, and admission.

I was about to spend a weekend with my girlfriend up at her cabin. We had been together for three months, and I was stoked. The morning we were supposed to leave, I got an odd text: “Hey, I am going to have to change plans. My mentor is taking me to Colorado for a business trip for the weekend.”

At the time I did not think anything of it. This was a girl who could not possibly cheat. It was not until a couple days later when I saw her in a snap with some other guy traveling around in what did not look like a very platonic relationship. Even then I could not believe it.

That night I texted her something mild asking her how she was doing. She blew up at me as if from out of nowhere – I was confused. Suspicions rising, I sat down and made myself a chart of all the possibilities of what could be happening, and what the chances were she could be cheating. It quickly became clear she was fooling around. I broke it off with her. It was very painful.

As it turned out, an old lover she broke it off with to be with me was in town and wanted to whisk her away to Colorado. I personally was having severe financial issues, and I let it affect my game in terms of masculinity; it was my fault as much as hers.

Why I Quit Doing Friends with Benefits

Chase Amante's picture

quit fwb
Friends with benefits (FWB) is a fun, no-strings way to have sex. So why give it up? There are 6 good reasons to, including laziness, distraction, and getting stuck with the wrong girl.

A little while back, I wrote a couple of posts on friends with benefits (FWB):

I noted here that I don’t do friends with benefits anymore. Guys have asked why over the years and I’ve talked about it a bit, but haven’t really sat down to give it a full-on article on the subject.

This article will be similar in spirit to “Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink.” It’s about why I opted to quit doing something that sounds like a fun time (wild party girls; no-strings casual sex). And it’s about the pros and cons.

But let’s start with the basics. What’s not to love about friends with benefits?

5 Things that Make Rebound Sex so Good (Plus How to Get It)

Chase Amante's picture

rebound sex
Rebound sex is a surprisingly healthy way to get over breakups and exes. But what makes it work so well? And how do you get it? Here are 5 things that make it good.

I used to have a poor opinion of rebound sex.

That’s a hookup someone has soon after he exits an old relationship.

I’d see girls hook up with someone on the rebound... Or have a girl hook up with me on it. And in the back of my head I’d say, “Ugh. She completely lacks emotion control.”

After all, if you have good control of your own emotions, what need is there for you to go and have rebound sex with someone fresh just to get over an ex?

Yet as time’s worn on, my opinion’s changed. The science has come in on rebounds too. And the verdict is that not only is a rebound not a bad thing... It is in fact useful to help you move on sooner.

Also, as I found once I’d used it myself a few times, finding someone to sleep with you after you’ve just left a relationship is perhaps one of the easiest ways to get laid this world has to offer. And that’s certainly nothing to sneeze at.

Why Did She Pick YOU as a Boyfriend?

Chase Amante's picture

what she wants in a boyfriend
What do girls look for in a boyfriend? Lots: relationship goal fit, value fit, relationship promise, even the first kiss, all matter.

A reader writes in:

Chase,

You are phenomenal. You and Corey Wayne... Do you know of him? Anyways, I want to look at things from a different perspective. I am dating literally a ten out of ten the most beautiful of all women. Let’s get down to brass tacks. What is it that makes a woman choose a man to be BOYFRIEND material? Especially when she is the best of the best. She must see him as an alpha male the one who sets the current of his own world. I am very curious. Because honestly... Yes she is the best but if she is going to be lame and want to move on(dump me, being I do not make her feel special.and slack on my part.. Or just in general) I am ready to move on and find the next sexiest woman. Let me know. I am interested. I want to know what separates us strong men from the rest. Btw, Thank you for your insights. I accredit you and your team to my success. Best!

It’s a deep and interesting question. And one that’s well worth thinking about.

I’ve recently had the chance to watch a great girl who’s hard on the boyfriend hunt cycle through a number of different options. She’s advertising her desire for a boyfriend like crazy, all while stressing that it’s a quality boyfriend she wants (and lamenting that she may well be alone forever... which usually in my experience means she’ll have a new boyfriend within another week or two).

So I think this is a fun one to tackle. Why does a girl pick the guy she picks to eventually be her man?

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 12: Chase Amante

Chase Amante's picture

Part II of Varoon’s and my two-parter on relationships sees us discuss, in a 90+ minute podcast, a huge range of different subjects on running long-term relationships and monogamy.

A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:

Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?

Chase Amante's picture

relationship skillsOne of the more interesting questions in relationship management is this one:

The raw material of the person you’re working with, or your relationship management abilities: which matters more?

Stated differently, are you better off dating girls you know make excellent relationship candidates, or are you better off practicing excellent relationship management yourself?

Of course, you know my advice to you will be: “Do both!”

In my opinion, both these two guys:

  1. The guy who picks a girl who’s a terrible fit for a relationship, yet reasons he’ll be able to ‘change’ her or ‘handle’ her; and

  2. The guy who picks a girl who’s an incredible fit for a relationship, then proceeds to do everything wrong from a relationship management standpoint

... are equally screwed.

However, there are some wrinkles to this that are worth understanding.

If She Does Not Meet Your Needs, Fix It, Tell Her, or Cut Bait

Chase Amante's picture

I see a lot of guys in relationships where they just aren’t getting their needs met:

she doesn't meet your needs

... and I always say to myself, “That seems silly, why don’t they just either fix the situation or get out?”

It seems straightforward enough: if she does not meet your needs, then you either

  • Fix the situation,
  • Make HER fix the situation, or
  • Replace her

Yet, human emotion is not so simple, and once a guy’s is invested in a girl, it’s often hard to pull himself away, even if the situation is not ideal.

So, that in mind, I want to take a look at how men end up in these unsatisfactory positions... and I want to give you some advice on what to do, should you find yourself stuck in a similar pit of tar, unable to get free and sinking ever downward.