Relationship 101

Getting the girl is a goal, but staying with her is a process that requires continued effort. To keep a relationship strong, you have to keep playing.

I was just talking with a group of friends about how clueless some guys are about relationships. Most men are bad at meeting women. And once they find a girl they like, they’re even worse at managing relationships, so they flounder, again and again.

Here’s how the topic came up. One of my friends was dating a girl he really liked, but he’s much younger than her, lives at home with his family, and can’t hold down a job.

On the other hand, she’s in her thirties, and even though she liked my friend a lot, she didn’t feel like he was up to par to date publicly. He wasn’t ideal boyfriend material, in other words, but she still liked him and devised an interesting solution to the problem.

She continued to date my friend as a lover, hidden away behind the scenes, while she picked up a public boyfriend she could go out and be social with, and maintain the public façade of not being single. It was a situation that confused her for a long time – until her public boyfriend made so many mistakes during the relationship that she decided to dump him once and for all.

He didn’t take it well – his first reaction was to get drunk and go to her home, blocking her car in with his so she couldn’t leave. When she showed zero desire to get back together with him, he locked himself in her bathroom for an entire night, only coming out occasionally to beg her to take him back. Eventually, he vomited in the bathroom and fell asleep in it.

The next day, my friend had great sex with her for several hours. She’d lost any modicum of attraction she had left for the other guy after how needy he had become.

We talked about why things sometimes happen this way, and we deduced that most men just don’t know how to manage relationships correctly. Thus, I’m here to share with you why this is an important skill to learn, and how to go about it.

How do you turn a girl you’ve slept with into a friend? There are a few rules to follow – but also some pitfalls you must avoid.

Just dug an old topic out of my ‘topic ideas’ grab bag. A member of the Girls Chase forums, some years back, asked another member:

“You mentioned keeping these girls around as friends. Would you recommend this for women I’ve already slept with and hung out with for a bit? If so, how would you make that transition?”

... and that member responded:

“This is beyond my level. Maybe chase can shine some light on this topic. How to turn girls you’ve slept with into friends. Article worthy?”

I went into details in my response on that thread, but I’d like to explore the topic more today. How do you turn a girl you’ve slept with into a friend?

I’ve done it several times (I’ll explain why not more than that below), and it is eminently doable. However, there are some nuances involved in it you will have to keep in mind... to not have it blow up in your face, one way or another.

This is my favorite video I’ve put out. It’s so beautifully empowering and inspirational if you can make it through. The journey of seduction and learning about women is, at its core, a journey of understanding what you can and cannot get from women. When you learn that romantic love, the everlasting kind that is perpetuated by not only our media and culture, but by our intrinsic desire to find lasting pleasure and lasting peace, is not real, your world will change.

Some might argue that romantic love is a new idea, and in some ways this is correct; most cultures up until a few hundred years ago saw sex and marriage as a transaction that kept resources flowing and bloodlines intact, but the game we play in public is very different from the game we play in our hearts and in our heads.
 
We have ALWAYS sought true love.

We are driven to find permanence, and the biggest trick we ever played on ourselves was convincing ourselves that we could find it in a romantic partner.

Not only is this a lie, it will SEVERELY hinder your romantic capabilities, both in casual and long-term relationships. You will be perpetually disappointed that a seduction or a relationship did not remain filled with bubbles and joy.

Watch the video and find out why true love is an illusion and why you should let it go.

Simultaneous orgasm is a major booster to sexual satisfaction and in-love feelings. An easy way to make her feel more in-love: cum in her at the same time she cums.

Know one of the easiest ways to make a woman fall completely in love with you?

Ejaculate in her right as she climaxes.

I had a girlfriend I hadn’t finished inside of for a while. She was paranoid about getting pregnant. Either I’d finish in her mouth or on her belly or (on rare occasions) in a condom inside her... which are always weaker orgasms for me because condoms just aren’t any fun. The sex through all this was still good; however, it was not phenomenal.

Then at one point I yielded to my passions and ejaculated in her as she climaxed (then had to reassure her for a few minutes after “Don’t worry, you’re not going to get pregnant, you’re not ovulating...”). She got super flirty, happy, and horny for me – much more visibly than usual. She came over again that night; more great sex, but she was still afraid of me finishing in her. So after I gave her a few orgasms from vaginal sex I switched her to anal. I had her bring her knees up into the anal sex orgasm position, and very soon she had a thunderous climax and I finished in her in the midst of her cumming.

She was even hornier and flirtier the next time I saw her, with those huge beaming smiles women only give you when they are thinking about really good sex. She told me “I don’t know why I am so horny all of a sudden!”

But I knew. Incidentally, that next time in bed, I did not match my ejaculation to her climax... and her extreme horniness disappeared.

Matching ejaculations to women’s orgasms has been something I’ve done pretty much forever. I’ve had girlfriends remark on it in wonder: “We always finish at the same time!” And when I’ve asked, they’ve claimed it hasn’t happened for them with any other guy.

I never understood why more men don’t do this. It’s the single greatest, easiest, and most fun way to make women obsessed with your cock and head-over-heels in-love with you.

Yet almost no guy (if the women I’ve talked to about it are to be believed) does it. (and yes, it does work with condoms... though of course going bareback always adds a dimension to sex that isn’t otherwise there)

A mature relationship (older than a few years) often requires a more cooperative approach to behavior problem solving than younger relationships do.

On my article on how to erase your jealousy, a reader comments:

“Chase,

I’ve noticed that in this article and in others, you appear to be open to breaking up with a girl fairly hastily (at least compared to most people) in favor of a higher mission and/or replacing her if things aren’t going well.

This totally makes sense to me in the context of shorter relationships. But what about longer ones? What if I’ve been dating someone for 5+ years and an undesirable behavior comes up. I feel as though just being ready to end it in favor of a higher purpose would be a bit more difficult and perhaps even unreasonable (i.e. given that I’ve spent so much time on it, it would be worth it to put a little more effort into making it work than just a few short talks, and if those don’t work, an ultimatum). Have you had experience in this situation before? What was it like?”

It’s a good question.

First, I should clarify (in case it isn’t already clear) that I am not from the hardcore “if she does anything you even slightly dislike, NEXT her immediately!” camp. These things aren’t always clear when you communicate them over text on the Internet.

In my case, when there’s a problem in a relationship, I make it very clear to a woman what she needs to change. If I like her and want to continue the relationship, and the bad behavior is not too egregious, I will work with her over time to change the behavior. We’ll talk about that in this article (changing behavior over a bit of time).

If on the other hand the behavior is simply deal breaker behavior, then yes, as soon as I see it, she’ll be headed toward the door. But that sort of behavior always manifests itself in the first few weeks or, at most, month. This assumes you run your early relationships as I suggest, and keep things to just the two of you without involving other people, and are somewhat tough to be with at first (so you get to see her true colors). If you’re accommodating and you let her lead things then yes, you’ll have no idea who she is until six months in or maybe after your first kid. Then you’ve got problems.

Assuming you handle the early relationship well though, and screen well, you will end up in long-term relationships with some pretty amazing women who fit you pretty well.

Yet, sooner or later, people change. She gets stressed out, and her stress causes her to become disrespectful or insulting toward you. Her diet goes to hell and she packs on some extra weight, or she bears you a few children and the weight is slow to come off after the latest kid. She gets extra busy at work and has less and less time for you. Her best friend becomes single again and wants her to go out a lot like they did when they were both single, and she’s begun to go with it.

You’re years into the relationship. You might live together, be married, and/or have children. Regardless, you’re hugely invested in her at this point and have made all sorts of changes and adjustments to your life to accommodate the relationship (i.e., you probably don’t party with your pals as much, travel so much to exotic locales on guys’ vacations, or hang out all weekend at the sports bar anymore, I’m guessing).

Now she’s suddenly not behaving well. But you don’t want to just ditch her and walk. So what do you do?

How do you know your girlfriend is losing interest and checking out? There are 7 signs of this, from makeovers to disagreeableness to new Sex in the City gal pals.

Picture this: you get into a relationship with a girl, and at first everything is pretty good. Not perfect, but good. Things coast along for a year or two, consistently pretty good: she’s fun to be with, she cooks you nice meals, you have nice sex. It’s good.

Then at some point, things start to feel ‘different’. It’s hard to put your finger on what. But it feels like your girlfriend is losing interest. Your gut tells you she is checking out... but when you confront her on it, she tells you not to be ridiculous. It’s not that she’s checking out, she says; she just wants to [whatever it is she’s doing]. You grumble a bit and try to ignore your misgivings. Maybe she’s right and it’s all in your head.

A few months go by and the relationship quality is now definitely not what it used to be. When you try to talk to her about it though, she dismisses the thought. More and more, she seems checked out of the relationship.

Eventually she tells you she wants to “take a break” for a while and maybe get back together again later. You knew it was coming; but you couldn’t put your finger on exactly why. And you knew of no way to stop it.

Today’s article looks at the 7 most common signs a girlfriend is ‘checking out’ of your relationship. These are the signs she isn’t out yet – but might be on her way there. Forewarned is forearmed; if you don’t want to be broadsided by a surprise breakup (or a surprise affair), these signs are your fair warning. Note that these signs serve equally well for wives as they do for girlfriends; any serious relationship is subject to the same potential signs.

Friend zones, friends with benefits, sexless marriages – many relationships are lopsided and unhappy. Why do these relationships exist (and how do you avoid them)?

In dating, there is one truth above all, and that is that men want a few things from women, and women want a few things from men, and not all those things overlap.

The result of this failure to overlap is sometimes you have a woman who is good at getting what she wants without giving the men she gets it from everything (or anything) they want. Likewise, you sometimes have a man who is good at getting what he wants without giving the women he gets it from everything (or anything) they want.

This mismatch is the root of all the most unhappy relationships with the most broken dynamics you see in dating. The friend zone, where a man who wants intimacy with a woman is exiled to her sexless borderlands without it. Friends with benefits, which some women are fine with for some time, but most women eventually go at least a little crazy in. Disrespectful and/or sexless long-term relationships or marriages, where the man is treated as a second-class partner. And neglectful and/or domineering long-term relationships or marriages, where the woman is treated as a second-class partner.

The Zen area of dating, of course, are setups where both partners get what they want: where the woman gets everything she desires, and the man gets everything he desires.

But not every coupling will be this way. Most won’t.

Instead, most fall somewhere into that overlap zone – for a very simple reason.