Relationship 101

You won’t always be a girl’s first choice. Yet there are distinct advantages to being her first choice guy – and drawbacks when you aren’t it.

Sometime back, in “Attraction is Either There, or It Isn’t”, we talked about two sorts of attraction. The first was what I called ‘fascination’, where a woman is attracted to you from the get-go; a kind of instinctive, unconscious attraction that is simply there. The second was excitement: a degree of liking, intrigue, attachment, or arousal you build up with time, even if fascination isn’t there at the outset.

Today’s article is related to this, though slightly different. We’ll talk about a girl’s first choice guy... versus her second choice guy or her third choice guy.

The first choice guy will usually be a guy she starts off with fascination-type attraction for. When you are her first choice, some aspect of you strikes her. You rocket to the top of her list of men she’d like something to happen with: could be a hookup, could be a fling, could be a long-term relationship. She knows she’d like something to occur.

Most of the time, with most women you encounter, you’ll be a second or third choice guy (or lower). This is just how it works – you won’t have insta-compatibility with most women, just like most women won’t have insta-compatibility with you. As your fundamentals get tighter and you get better at talking to women and making things happen with them, you’ll have more smoother interactions and will meet both more ‘first choice’ girls as well as do better with more ‘second choice’ and ‘third choice’ girls.

It’s less important to be her first choice when you’re on the prowl for flings. That said, if you have your pick of women, it’ll almost always go easier and be more fun with girls you’re a first choice for. It’s more important to be her first choice guy when it comes to choosing women for relationships... for a variety of respect, compatibility, and fidelity reasons.

Vulnerabilities can be powerful things to show the woman in your life. Yet you must show the right kind of vulnerabilities – and at the right times.

Men should be strong. They should develop a resilience to pain and suffering. This keeps your head up when facing resistance in any endeavor. It’s also very attractive to women. Women like strong men.

But women also like a man who is hard to figure out – a man who has layers.

Strength pulls her in, but what addicts a woman is vulnerability.

However, you need to show the right type of vulnerability, and at the right time. As a lover once told me, you can sometimes be the right guy at the wrong time. Choose the wrong time to be vulnerable or show the wrong type of vulnerability, and she will run for the hills, as you will have shown yourself to be a weak man rather than a strong man with flaws.

You may think you have to ask a girl to be your girlfriend. But there’s an easier way to get a girl to be your girlfriend than this. It centers on behavior over words.

You’ve got a girl you’re into, and you’d like to get her to be your girlfriend. The time you spend together is great. You think about her all the time when you’re not with her. And you know she likes you too. But... does she like you enough to be your girlfriend?

You’d like to know how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend in a way that minimizes the chance she rejects you. You don’t want her to say “no” or “let’s keep this casual for now.” So what do you do?

Most of the advice you’ll see out there will tell you to ask her outright at some point. “Just ask!” or “Just pop the question!” But this advice misunderstands a simple fact about the way girls work: the emotions and behavior must come first... the words come later.

This article works within that framework – one where you get the emotions and behavior right first, and add the words (and official boyfriend-girlfriend status) in after.

Follow the simple steps below, and you stand a very good chance to turn the girl you’d like to be your girlfriend into a girl who is your girlfriend.

Want your girl to shriek her lungs out in bed? Or have the most earth shattering orgasms of her life? Then learn how to fuck her like a beast.

Oh, I hope you knew I was making my way to this article. (here are parts 1, 2, and 3 if you’ve just tuned in)

Women love ferocious men, because we live in a ferocious world. And there are many steps you can take toward cultivating that ferocity and turning it into habit. When you have achieved that, you will become the man women love – the man who could kill his enemies and take what he wants without remorse. It is the most exciting thing a woman can perceive in a man. It reaches down and tugs somewhere on her animal spirit that only a fellow animal spirit could touch.

This desire culminates in the most sacred of all physical unions – that between cock and pussy.

But before we start, a few caveats.

One, we are assuming this woman is fully willing and interested in having sex with you. Do not turn this into something it’s not.

Two, if you are too rough and she seems to not be enjoying herself, stop.

Three, if you are too rough, she might love it on one hand but feel like a meat sleeve on the other. You can lose girls even after amazing, animalistic sex because they realize you are too crazy and primal for a relationship.

Finally, this is not the only way you can have sex. There is room for romantic sex and fun, goofy sex; but for the most part, you should be having hard, rough, animalistic sex.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s proceed.

After sex with a new girl, the real exploration begins. How easy is this girl, anyway? But you’re not the only one with an agenda.

Women are like little detectives. They’re always sleuthing around, poking, prodding, testing, to find out the truth. What is the truth with this man? Who is he really? Is he actually the man he says he is? How does he actually feel about her? Has he changed? Have his feelings toward her changed?

Men, you may have noticed, are far less inquisitive. They figure they’ve got a bead on you, and from that point on they pretty much lose all interest in any further investigations. “Okay, I’ve got her figured out,” a guy says. And then it’s settled; he knows who this chick is. Men do this about women they date and sleep with, but they also do it with their male friends, with their bosses and colleagues, with their business partners, and the like. Once they have somebody figured out, he’s figured out. Any other details they might turn up are likely to be irrelevant.

Today we’re going to talk about a male-female interaction pattern that springs from this dichotomy: the “how easy is she?” post-sex dance.

This is a dance that takes place from immediately after the first time a guy and girl have sex, up to about the point where a woman converts to a regular sex partner of the guy’s. During this dance, the male tries to find out how easy to sleep with a female is, and the female tries to convince the male she’s not that easy.

It’s a fun little game, and a lot more cooperative than you might think, because the two often have similar agendas: the man wants to believe his woman is not that easy, and his woman is happy to help him conclude exactly this.

Everything in a woman’s life wields some degree of control over her. The big question is, do you control your woman – or yield control to others?

College tells her feminism
Is what she must embrace.
Her boss says that it is “career”
What wins in the workplace.
Nightlife tells her status
While friends tell her “fun” too.
So who controls your woman
The environment, or you?

At some point, you will find yourself with a girl you like, and decide you want to hang onto her a while. You may not want to keep her forever. You might want a short relationship. Or perhaps you do want her forever.

The man sets the pace and trajectory of the relationship. The woman agrees with his direction and submits to it, or she will disagrees and rebels. If she rebels, she does so to force change to the pace and trajectory of the relationship, not to destroy the relationship or take control herself.

You won’t have women tell you, “We’re doing it my way now.” Well, not usually. Instead, she acts up, pressures you, whines, pouts, complains, and does everything she can to get you to change. She does not want to lead. She wants to influence the leader. Influencing, rather than directly leading, is how women control.

We talk about control in this article. Not control in the sense of unwilling control. Nothing here we’ll discuss will be anything against anyone’s will. The kind of control we will discuss here is leadership, influence, attraction, seduction, security, comfort, and power. It is about who wields the greater control over the mind of an individual. Will it be you, her partner? Or will it be the many other forces in the environment that wish her to do as they will – and not as you do?

You have a girlfriend, and she’s great. But she still is not enough. What do you when the relationship is comfortable but unsatisfactory?

Over the years, I’ve discussed with you the danger of ‘falling into relationships’. That is, you’re not ready for a relationship, you don’t want a relationship... yet you settle into one with her anyway.

It could be this girl you date is less than your ideal. Or it might’ve been you weren’t ready for something settled with anyone yet. You needed to explore more; to get laid more, date more, and build up that inner book of mate comparisons people use before they decide to satisfice with a mate.

If your mate is not quality at all, the matter is straightforward: just break up with her. Go be single again. Get your freedom back. And next time, make a wiser choice.

But what do you do if your mate is okay, the relationship is comfortable, and you aren’t sure how able you’ll be to find replacement mates once single... or even whether you’ll be able to find anyone as good as your current gal is?

Then you, my friend, are in a pickle.