In a recent article of mine, I mentioned scenarios where the lover may not get the girl.
Instead, she might spurn the lover, finding him unattainable despite whatever attractive qualities he may have, and instead pair up with a much safer man, better known to her and better trusted, albeit less exciting.
This triggered some confusion in a reader, who asked whether the lover didn’t always get the girl, and whether it was actually better to be the lover.
In case you’re new, a few quick definitions are in order:
‘Lover’, in our parlance, refers to the sexually desirable mate choice with uncertain future prospects. The sexy, flirtatious bad boy who seems quite attractive but also seems like he’s not exactly boyfriend material being a prime example of such a man. When she’s not interested in such men, a woman won’t usually try to friend zone them (since she won’t be able to); instead, she’ll just reject them
‘Provider’, in our parlance, is a man who courts her by going the ‘safe route’: he advertises his dependability, reliability, and consistency; his motto might well be “You can count on me.” He isn’t sexy, the way the dangerous, inconstant bad boy is… but for a girl in need of a safe, stable place to take shelter, he may be just the refuge she seeks. The rest of the time, however, the friend zone will tend to be his home
Anyway, the short answer to our commenter is that no, the lover does not always win the game of love. Sometimes the nice guy provider who’s hung so reliably by her side, and courted her with such ongoing dedication, finally does get the girl… leaving any lovers who may have pursued her out in the cold.
Yet, the lover angle is still the savvier angle to pursue for any man who possesses the energy to pursue it, for numerous key reasons – reasons any man who’s serious about romantic success does well to understand.
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