(1) Beginner

Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics! For this podcast, I have something different and special for you. A few of us Girls Chase authors met up in Stockholm, Sweden this past summer for a few days and nights. We met up with each other (some for the first time), met plenty of women, both during the day and

Want a fun way to ask girls out? Try the time bridge. The time bridge lets you take anything a girl likes, and turn it into a date.

In old pickup community parlance, a ‘time bridge’ was any excuse you used to seed a future meet-up. For example, if you discover a girl likes arcades, your time bridge could be, “Okay, you and I need to get together and play Skee-Ball and air hockey. Let me get your contact details.”

A good time bridge allows you to seed a fun meet-up a girl is inclined to agree with because it matches what she’s told you she’s interested in. It works fine for girls who like you, of course (they’ll be inclined to say yes to anything reasonable you propose), but it works even better for girls who are on the fence. If she isn’t so sure she’d like to meet you for you, she may still be open to a meet-up with you plus some activity she likes.

There is an art to time bridging. Part of the art is that there are many things a girl might tell you you could use for a time bridge... yet not every item she gives you will equally well. Another part of the art is your enthusiasm during the ask plays a big part of how readily she gives you her contact info – but not necessarily how readily she actually comes on the date.

We’ll talk about both nuances, and a bit more advanced time bridge tech, below.

If you approach girls but they rarely or never hook, what’s the cause? There are 7 technical reasons why women may not hook.

Whether by day or at night, sometimes you’ll approach a girl yet it just doesn’t hook. Sure, there are the girls who aren’t into you. But what about the ones who open well, and feel like it should work... yet for whatever reason you cannot make things connect?

My usual suggestion for men who have trouble getting their approaches to hook it to improve your fundamentals... things like walk, posture, fashion, eye contact, and voice. The stronger each of these are, the faster and more reliably women hook.

Nevertheless, even men with strong fundamentals can run into this “girls I approach just don’t hook” phenomenon. They approach plenty of girls. But those approaches go nowhere.

So if you feel like your approaches connect a lot less than they should, this troubleshooting article’s for you: things to tweak to make those conversations hook a whole lot better.

Below, you’ll find seven (7) technical reasons why men’s approaches often don’t work.

If you’re doing any of these wrong, you’ll want to switch it up. Fix all the issues, and you can expect a noticeable boost in the number of women you hook.

Here’s the list.

Why do guys get needy for girls? Neediness stems from approval seeking and/or expectation… Yet it’s not an emotion you want.

Neediness happens when you feel under threat.

It’s a sign one lacks something... but wants it – desperately.

Yet desperation is a big neon sign to vultures, and a repellant to attractive, good-hearted folks.

The most successful men in the world have a different air about them, and they also tend to do extremely well with women. Some think these men drink a special potion. Or maybe they were born gifted with women. Right?

But what if they just aren’t needy with women and don’t need women around to feel happy with their lives? Think of gay men, for instance, and why girls absolutely adore them. Girls tell them all kinds of stories, touch them in all kinds of ways. Part of this is because gay men are freer with their sexualities around women, and they naturally have strong fundamentals; they also do not desire women at all! They freely express themselves in attractive and honest ways around women, but they have zero desire to acquire anything from them.

Most men, when around women and in the pursuit of women, want something from them. They do not wish to be with women for the sake of being with women (and by this, I am also talking about sex, because sex is something women want, too). However, most men have a goal in their minds whether it be sex with her, to date her, or to add her on as a girlfriend, but they frequently do this without creating the framework for her to desire the same thing.

It is thus our task as men to not want anything from women. Instead, we must present frames and an attitude toward women that gets the women we desire on the same page as us. When a woman wants the same things as a man, then both parties are in alignment and can move forward together.

I read an amazing book recently: Pitch Anything by Oren Klaff. I plan to write a full book review on it. One of the key concepts Oren discusses in his book is the idea of neediness versus non-neediness. Here’s a quick description of what neediness is and why it’s so terrible:

““Classic validation-seeking behavior. Signals of desperation... giving any hint of neediness or any signs of desperation, plainly put, is like saying, ‘I’m holding a bomb that could go off at any minute.’ Everyone will respond by going on the defensive. Their first reaction is – Run!

Self-protection is an unconscious reaction that comes from the crocodile brain.... Neediness triggers fear and uncertainty, causing the target’s croc brain to take over – but not in a good way. It’s goal is to prevent further threat by effectively blocking out the higher-level brain, which likes to debate and consider and analyze. No time for that. Threat requires immediate action.

Neediness is a signal of a threat.... Neediness results in avoidance.”

(p. 161)

Short women vs. tall women – who’s better on your arm, on dates, and in the bedroom? Davi took a year to compare the differences.

Last year, I tried a personal experiment: I slept primarily with short girls for 6 months, then I switched to tall girls for the next 6 months.

Before I began this research, I heard – as everyone does – a lot of mainstream ideas about short girls vs. tall girls: tall girls are more confident, difficult to get, and they only crave taller guys; and with short girls, sex is better and simpler, and they are just easier to get.

Well, after one year of diversified pick-up, I realized that all those ideas are wrong, so I decided to share my discoveries and practical advice on having sex with taller and shorter girls in this article.

And for your information, you curious and sexy GC readers, I myself am 5’8” (173cm), living in Western Europe. When I talk about short girls, I mean around 5’ tall (152cm); by tall girls, I’m talking my height or a bit taller, like 5’10” (178cm). But this article deals with both a girl’s height relative to you and her height relative to the average population, as each measurement has its own implications.

Also, girls in your part of the world may be taller or shorter on average. And in some parts of the world, height probably has more or less social stigma attached to it. This article is focused on the typical height ranges, not super-tall or super-short girls, and I’m sure there are other nuances not covered in this article (and a lot of potential debate to be had, haha), so I look forward to reading your thoughts, experiences, and opinions in the comments section.

Fasten your seatbelts, and let’s go!

Hot girls are (usually) higher maintenance. The reason? Higher dating market value means she can demand more – and will.

I had a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious girlfriend in the room with me when I finally got through to the state’s Department of Revenue to ask about a somewhat large tax bill I’d gotten. It was a weird tax situation, where I thought I’d paid all the taxes I owed, and yet I received this letter saying I had back taxes and need to pay now or they were going to come and get me.

So I called the department, got a very nice, jovial guy on the phone, he looked through my record, and was as stumped as I was. He admitted several times my case was outside his usual depth and he suggested I get legal counsel to look at this issue. He was as unsure about whether I actually was legally obligated to pay this tax or not.

Anyway, I got off the phone and my girlfriend, who’d been lying on the bed, said, “Well?” And I said well, the guy at the tax department doesn’t know either. So I can get some legal counsel and see what they have to say. Or I can just pay it and be done with it. Or I could...

And then she flipped out. “You don’t owe that tax. And you would just pay it? I just lost a lot of respect for you,” she told me. And then she stormed out of the room.

I didn’t have a chance to say well wait a second, I think there’s a pretty good chance I actually DO owe this tax. I didn’t get to mention that I just got new information and was in the process of processing my options, and since she asked me immediately she heard Chase thinking out loud.

She simply immediately sprung to, “He shouldn’t have to pay this. I think he is just going to roll over and pay it anyway. Therefore, he is weak. Thus, I am disgusted with him. Why am I with a weak man?”

(for the record, the odds I would actually pay something, no matter how large or small, without making sure I absolutely owed it first are near-zero. But I will not rule out an option until I’ve examined all my options)

I eventually explained the situation, and this girlfriend chilled back out. But not before she’d locked herself in a room to make it impossible for me to resolve the situation with her, leaving me to stew with the negative emotions she’d just dumped on me. Thanks, babe.

You might be thinking Man, that girlfriend sounds like a bitch! Well, every girlfriend I take has a low tolerance for perceived weakness. Yet it’s not just me either... every man I know with a genuinely hot girlfriend deals with stuff like this too. It is not a fluke; it’s a pattern: hotter girls are higher maintenance.

Girls have guys read too much into things sometimes. Or even chase them around. The result? Women can become oversensitive to “creepy” behavior.

In my first post regarding the lessons I have learned from gaming in the gay environment, a user named Agent asked the following question:

“Hey Alek,

Could you elaborate more on the creepy approaches vs. the good ones? It’s actually very interesting you were in a situation where you could examine the scene from a woman’s point of view. By the way, thank you for your reply in your previous post about approaching in day game! You mentioned very subtle approach signals from girls. I don’t seem to notice any except the very obvious ones. Could you expand here, on the subtle signs? ... Generally, I feel confident to approach when the girl is giving me strong eye contact and/or smiling. This does not happen that much often though.”

To give you some context, this question was posted in a thread in which I covered some dating and seduction lessons I learned from spending time picking up women in LGBT venues. In that post, I briefly mentioned how being approached by gay men in those venues gave me some perspective on how to better calibrate my own approaches to women.

I will start this post by sharing a story of mine, then I’ll discuss a number of things that make an approach good or bad. At the end of this post, I will sum up what makes a good approach.