(1) Beginner

If you jerk off too much, what happens to your sex drive and motivation? Nothing good – but the problem is not masturbation; it’s masturbation to excess.

On an article of mine from earlier this month, a reader asked about masturbation:

“Hi Chase,

Do you think masturbating destroys your drive for taking control of your life and motivation, even if you don’t watch porn?

Growing up I used to do it a lot and I was very timid, low self beleif, and hated sports, I’m wondering if that’s why? I use to do it like 3 times a day.

I do it now, but it’s more here and there. Sometimes I have days where I do it 3x, but I was wondering if I did it once a week or every other week, would that be good for my motivation and for me to start doing better in life and to be more aggressive?”

A later comment on the same topic:

“Chase, i watched porn and masturbated very compulsively throughout all my teenage years, as an escape from life. I was very depressed back then: there was a period that i would watch porn literally all day (i’m a high school dropout)! I’m 24 now and nowadays, the best i can go without fapping to porn is 10-11 days... and that requires A LOT of effort – i get crazy cravings, mood swings, even insomnia...and i don’t feel lust for women in real life at all, even if i find them hotter than the ones i’m seeing on my computer.

This affects not only my love life, but also my potential professional life, because my memory and concentration are terrible when i’m watching porn frequently. There was this time that i went a little over a month without fapping/watching porn and i was literally another person – no more acne, strong attraction for real women, much more sociable, fat loss, muscle gains, etc.

After that, i tried to reintroduce masturbation to porn once a week, i thought – “eh, i can manage that...”

Hah, i couldn’t! After a couple of weeks i started increasing the frequency, and after a while i was back where i was before. It has been about 2 years since then, and i didn’t manage to go over ~20 days without porn/fapping since then.

I find it very difficult to let go of porn, mainly for one thing – fetishes. I have a couple of fetishes (not porn-induced) that without porn would be very hard to fulfill. I could easily leave behind vanilla porn and any other subgenre (i rarely watch them).

I respect you and would love to hear your thoughts, even if you don’t have any advices. Cheers :)”

So let’s talk about jerking your own chain. Can you do it? How much can you do it?

And what happens if you do it a little... an ordinary amount... or a lot?

Your life can be whatever you want it to be. But it takes consciousness, consistency, and action to get there. 5 steps set the foundation for this.

Follow the journey of a young man from shy and dateless, to improving with women, to living the dream… and what happens after.

Dan trudges off to his Thursday morning class, another long day in an endless sea of them ahead. The sole bright spot for him is the girl with brown hair and glasses. She will be there. She’s always in his Thursday morning class.

When he gets there, he grabs a seat, then looks around, waiting for her to show up. She hasn’t shown up yet. The class slowly fills. Some kid takes the empty seat to his left. Damn, he thinks. I hoped it’d stay empty until she gets here. Close to class start time, he sees the girl with brown hair and glasses walk in. He stares at her; her eyes search the room, looking for seats, then briefly meet his. He thinks he sees her smile, but she quickly looks down. She hurries off to a far corner of the room to take one of the few remaining empty seats.

All class, Dan thinks about her. He waits at the end of class, packing his books up slowly. He glances over toward her – it seems like she’s packing up slowly too. At last, after most of the class has filtered out, Dan makes for the exit, and so does the girl with brown hair and glasses. He lets her get right in front of him. She doesn’t look at him, but she glances down and wipes her hair back over one ear. He can’t tell, but he thinks she might be smiling. He feels like he should say something – this is his chance! – but he doesn’t know what to say. The both file out of the classroom; she heads off in one direction. Dan’s headed the other. He slowly walks away from her.

He doesn’t feel bad though. He feels even more certain she might like him now. And next class – he knows – will be the one he makes it happen in.

The semester passes this way. Many days the girl with brown hair and glasses doesn’t notice him or give him any signs, and he thinks she’s lost interest. Sometimes she gives him some little look, or plays with her hair while almost glancing in his direction, and he thinks she must like him still.

Once she sits two seats over from him, and he almost says something to her. He spends the entire class full of nerves, pushing himself to say something. In the end, he tells himself it’d be too awkward trying to talk over two seats – he’ll wait for a better opportunity. Next class, he’ll get a better opportunity.

As summer turns to autumn, then autumn to winter, the semester draws to a close. The fallen leaves on the ground are covered by a light dusting of snow. Finals are over, and it’s time for the students to head home for the holidays.

“Maybe the girl with brown hair and glasses will be in one of my classes next semester,” Dan tells himself.

You won’t always be a girl’s first choice. Yet there are distinct advantages to being her first choice guy – and drawbacks when you aren’t it.

Sometime back, in “Attraction is Either There, or It Isn’t”, we talked about two sorts of attraction. The first was what I called ‘fascination’, where a woman is attracted to you from the get-go; a kind of instinctive, unconscious attraction that is simply there. The second was excitement: a degree of liking, intrigue, attachment, or arousal you build up with time, even if fascination isn’t there at the outset.

Today’s article is related to this, though slightly different. We’ll talk about a girl’s first choice guy... versus her second choice guy or her third choice guy.

The first choice guy will usually be a guy she starts off with fascination-type attraction for. When you are her first choice, some aspect of you strikes her. You rocket to the top of her list of men she’d like something to happen with: could be a hookup, could be a fling, could be a long-term relationship. She knows she’d like something to occur.

Most of the time, with most women you encounter, you’ll be a second or third choice guy (or lower). This is just how it works – you won’t have insta-compatibility with most women, just like most women won’t have insta-compatibility with you. As your fundamentals get tighter and you get better at talking to women and making things happen with them, you’ll have more smoother interactions and will meet both more ‘first choice’ girls as well as do better with more ‘second choice’ and ‘third choice’ girls.

It’s less important to be her first choice when you’re on the prowl for flings. That said, if you have your pick of women, it’ll almost always go easier and be more fun with girls you’re a first choice for. It’s more important to be her first choice guy when it comes to choosing women for relationships... for a variety of respect, compatibility, and fidelity reasons.

Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics, everyone!

I’m pleased to announce the return of Franco Lombardi, our fearless moderator of the Girls Chase boards, for an interview on how discipline affects your success in dating. This is one of the most important concepts that anyone should make an effort to learn and understand regardless of skill level.

This guide lays out the major stages and steps to focus on for anyone new to picking up girls and dating women. Use it to get up and running fast.

Most of the boot camps I’ve held in my career as a dating coach have been with guys who were fairly weathered in their journey to success with women. But last week I found myself coaching a fresh-to-the-game kind of guy. Going out with me was among the first times he had ever gone out to approach women. But I was so used to dealing with guys who had at least some inkling of what success with women meant that I found myself utterly at a loss for words when it came to coaching someone this new.

That experience inspired me to write this article, in which I seek to not only give better advice to my student, but to provide something for anyone who is looking to make seduction a part of their lives. It’s something to help you avoid some of the pitfalls that made people like myself stumble back when we were new to learned success with women.

Social texting, text message negs, and asking her to answer quicker are a few common texting mistakes you’d do well to avoid.

These days, texting – or the various flavors of instant messaging – has clearly taken over as the preferred form of communication to get newly-met girls on dates and into bed. So much so that many seek out articles, books, and coaches to help them master the art.

Ten years ago, it was perfectly legit to call a girl you just met and set up a meet over the phone. The phone used to be a great tool, because you could show her how cool of a guy you are through voice tonality, which is still a fundamental art for in-person interactions (which is why setting up a meet should be your primary goal when texting). It used to be that I’d turn cold numbers warm through good phone calls – but those days are gone for the most part.

You’d think showcasing good voice tonality over the phone would go a long way when meeting someone new, but if you call a new girl nowadays, she most likely won’t even answer, because she’s not comfortable talking to strangers. The only person who actually calls her on the phone and gets picked up is probably her mom. In other words, you could have a very sexy voice, but if she doesn’t answer the phone, well, I guess you could leave a voicemail and hope for the best. But she’ll probably still think you’re weird for calling. “Dude, voicemail? Who does that? Why doesn’t he just text? Weirdo.”

Like it or not, people now prefer text communication for contacting new people, even when a two-minute call could accomplish the same thing as several texts over the course of hours. Whether or not people realize texting is most often less efficient, it’s always more comfortable, non-confrontational, and safe. So that’s what we do now.

The problem is that a lot of communication cues are lost in written text, even with the use of emojis. And it is more important now to convey your coolness through text than it ever was. Even if you’re just trying to get a date with a hot girl you met during night game or day game, the tool required to get to meet her again face to face is called “text game.”

Many dudes have not connected the dots between having a horrible text game and having very few dates. Ask any guy who is decently good with girls, and they’ll tell you there is a clear correlation between text game and actually getting girls close enough to you for sex to happen. But what is good text game? We have several articles that deal with that. In this post, I want to give you guys some additional pointers on how to avoid bad text game.

Okay, guys. Take notes, and don’t do this stuff.