We’re social beings, therefore we thrive when our relationships thrive. The secret to making every relationship better is to start with oneself, then radiate outward.
- That Loving Feeling
- Love Others
- Keep Your Word
- Express Yourself
- Expression and Absorption
- Learn How to Really Listen
- Give More than You Take
- Show Gratitude
- Tell the Truth
Would you like to know how to improve every relationship you have with women, from your existing relationships to every new one you create, until you fart your last fart into your starched hospital bedsheets? (Personally, I plan to die in battle).
Maybe you’re struggling with your girlfriend, your boss, your parents or peers, or just everyone in the darn world? Maybe you can’t get laid never mind find a girlfriend. Maybe you’re a hardcore introvert and don’t have any friends or feel like you need them.
Don’t worry. Uncle Tony is going to teach you how to make a relationship better. This knowledge won’t just show you how to make every relationship better – it may give you more personal power than you know what to do with.
I’m dramatic here for literary effect.
Most of you just want to get laid. I know. But let’s go a little deeper to see how to make a relationship better.
Sure, you can have a relationship with your toaster – it makes toast. Human relationships are more complex than those with toasters, because they rely on the reciprocal exchange of ideas and actions, whereas your toaster only provides toast.
Relationships are connections – between individuals, groups, species, objects, and even nations.
For this article, we’ll stick to human relationships and discuss how to improve the most important and powerful relationships you can develop in your entire little life.
If you want to discover how to make a relationship better, the best way is to improve your relationship with (drum roll)...
Unless you have a great relationship with yourself, you’ll never have fully meaningful, deep relationships with others.
Before you can love others – you must love yourself, truly, deeply.
You know you’re the bomb.
I don’t mean romantic love. Take the word “love” to mean “deep connection.”
So you must first love yourself.
Otherwise, you won’t know love – you’ll only know utility. You’ll know lust, desire, and a subtle emptiness that just feels temporarily filled by attention from others. People will exist in your life only to serve a purpose, as a utility.
If you can’t give yourself a hug – and really, really mean it – your hugs with others may fall flat.
It seems like everything goes against loving ourselves and that it’s a special feeling reserved for the genetically perfect, the incredibly popular and wealthy, or Indian yoga gurus.
I don’t think anybody can love themselves all the time. It’s one of the most challenging relationships to maintain and takes a lifetime of practice.
How do you make a relationship better? Love others.
Once you learn to love yourself, you can love others.
Should you love your enemy?
You can love your enemies even while shooting across a battlefield. You can love a man who steals your wife, even as you beat his face. You can love a dog that bites you because you understand it’s just a dog. In that sense, people are just people.
Know your ego to make relationships better. The ego is a little voice inside that constantly chirps. It’s the endless chatter within, eternally criticizing, complaining, condemning. It tries to separate you from everyone else, to find your place in your society. Who are you? What do you do? Who wronged you? Who challenged your identity? Who votes differently? Who follows a different religion?
Silence the tongue. Learn about your ego, why it exists, and how to shut it up – for at least a little while – long enough to realize what it’s like to not be a self-absorbed prick. This will show you how to improve every relationship.
Meditation works. Also, read books like The Power of Now or A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Study Buddhism or practice yoga, as those things tend to focus on the ego. Doing that will help you understand your ego, so you can use it to work for instead of against you.
Once you learn to silence your ego, you’ll know how to improve every relationship. It’s another key way of how to make any relationship better.
With great relationships, comes great power. The more relationships you have, the bigger your network, the larger your influence, the more value you give, and the more you’ll get from the world.
However, if you have a large network, you’ll have more responsibility. When you give your word, you’ll be expected to keep it.
That’s how you gain people’s respect.
Girl: “Baby. You forgot to flush the toilet again.”
You: “I promise, girl, I will never forget to flush the toilet ever again!”
The next day you forget to flush the toilet, and your girl loses 13% of her respect for you.
If you want to know how to make a relationship better – keep your word.
If you say you’re going to make an appointment on time, keep it.
If you say you’re going to the gym, go to the gym.
Like loving yourself, you must keep your word to yourself, and thus respect yourself.
This is the most critical component of having a great personal relationship. You keep your word to yourself. You respect yourself. Only then, will others respect you.
Without respect, your relationships will be weak. You won’t trust friends and family, and they won’t trust you. If you never keep your word, why would they?
People love to communicate. We communicate with words, with music, dance, art, and cinema.
The greatest torture you can inflict on prisoners is to place them in solitary confinement. Cut off all access to human connections and communication, and watch them lose their mind.
In the modern world, we tend to place ourselves in self-imposed solitary confinement. We stare into machines and watch colors and sounds bounce back and forth. We can delay the inevitable madness with books, video games, and push-ups, but we need to relate to real, living people.
If you want to know how to make a relationship better, learn to communicate.
Go out and practice. Go to a bar and talk to beautiful girls. Go to a class and talk to your teacher. Talk to everyone. Talk to the mail person. Talk to your bartender. Talk to a librarian or a bus driver.
Bartenders are usually down for a good chat. If they’re ever pissy, it’s probably because they’re understaffed... or you forgot to tip last time. Yes, they remember.
The more you practice communicating, the better your social skills and influence will become. Practice expressing your personality. Take every opportunity to be the center of attention. Gather an audience and share your story. Perform for them. The more you practice, the more skilled at communication you’ll become. Learn how to make every relationship better through communication.
Great communicators know how to improve every relationship; they become rich, famous, and powerful. What are actors, rock stars, politicians, and comedians other than expert communicators?
Though many are terrible at it on a personal level, they’re experts at communication on a mass level. How many famous people have killed themselves, despite their wealth and fame because they didn’t love themselves? They could communicate with millions of people but not with their own friends and family.
My father killed himself when I was 21. He was a drug addict. He was trapped by his eternally chattering ego, forever angry at everyone who wronged him. But his biggest problem was that he was unwilling to communicate his pain to his family. Because of his inability to communicate, he had no close friends.
Learn to communicate, and you’ll learn how to improve every relationship.
Learn how to talk and listen.
Ask the right questions and let go of the need always to be right. You don’t have to be right. Sometimes you just need to ask a question and listen. Listening is one of the most potent tools of seduction. What is more seductive than someone who listens deeply? Who cares intensely about what you have to say? Who hears you and understands you?
If you want to know how to make a relationship better, learn to listen.
When you listen to someone, imagine a beam of light going from you to them. This visualization helps to block out all exterior noise and interference. It will also help you to focus exclusively on that person, and they’ll feel this and reciprocate.
Women have a natural gift for this. Men are more focused on the external world. Maybe we’re looking for threats, as if a cave bear might jump up and murder us. Let down your guard and focus completely on the person you’re communicating with.
Try to remember the last time someone really listened to you. Did it feel really good and bring you closer? Well, it works both ways.
Who doesn’t love the gift bearer?
In many countries, it’s considered rude, or at least strange, to show up at someone’s house without gifts.
When’s the last time you gave someone a gift on any other day besides Christmas or a birthday?
Giving a gift shows someone that you care, that you think about them when they’re not around.
Because of the law of reciprocity, those you give gifts to will want to give back.
If you want to know how to make a relationship better, give gifts often.
Let the people in your life know you admire, trust, or care for them.
Be liberal in your compliments.
Can you remember the last time someone gave you a genuine compliment? How did it make you feel about that person? Women often give each other compliments. Men seldom do.
Sometimes it’s easier to lie to someone. “Oh no, you don’t look fat in that.”
But if you want to know how to make a relationship better, sometimes you need to cut out the weakest ones. Some people need to be told the truth.
They could have self-destructive behaviors or bad habits. Maybe they’re drug addicts or psychological abusers. Perhaps they’re depressive, apathetic, perpetually angry or lazy.
It might seem easier to lie to them, but it’s not always going to improve your relationship. Sometimes losing a bad friend is better than keeping them in the vain hope they’ll suddenly become self-aware.
You’ll never know how to improve every relationship. The world is full of billions of random people with their own prejudices, biases, interests, and desires. But if you can improve even one, especially your relationship with yourself – that’s a great start.
And here’s a pro tip – give someone an honest compliment today and see what happens.